


Exceptions to the Rules

by cheers_mrhiddleston



Series: The Hiddleston Twins [3]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor AU, British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Drug Abuse, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Kidnapping, Multi, Polyamory, Threesome - F/M/M, Twin AU, Violence, the Hiddleston twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-07 12:52:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 103,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16854313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheers_mrhiddleston/pseuds/cheers_mrhiddleston
Summary: A year after the events of What’s Yours is Mine, identical twins Thomas and William Hiddleston have fully acclimated to each other’s lives; William becoming a larger part in Thomas’s cartel, Thomas lending a hand in the family Hiddleston Corporations. Another important, albeit unexpected part of their shared livelihood is the inclusion of a bit of happiness in the shape of a woman: their employee, Amanda Tremaine. Running out of hope that Thomas could ever be fully invested in a relationship with her, Amanda turns elsewhere, leaving Thomas with feelings that he cannot fully describe. But her new relationship brings out unforeseen circumstances that Thomas and William can’t ignore, leading all three of them down a path that will test each of them in their own way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on Tumblr, check out the fic and more about the twins at the-hiddleston-twins.tumblr.com  
> By Madison (cheers-mrhiddleston.tumblr.com) and Christine (teacuphiddlesfics.tumblr.com)

## Chapter One

“It’s all there, as you can see.”

Thomas stepped forward, eying the crates as he checked each shipment. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d been shortchanged. He nodded at William and they both went from crate to crate, ensuring it was the expected amount. When he was satisfied, Thomas offered a hand to the other man.

“You can report back that I’ll be happy to continue business with you as long as the quality holds up.”

“Of course.”

Waving a hand, a group of his men stepped forward and started work on packing the crates back up to be moved to Thomas’ warehouses.

With business wrapping up, Thomas clapped his brother on the back as they walked back towards the car. “It was a good night, we should celebrate.”

“Celebrate not having to shoot someone?” William raised an eyebrow.

“Oh you’re just upset that you  _didn’t_  get to shoot someone,” Thomas snorted.

William just shrugged, his hand going to the gun settled in its holster. It had been too long since he held it, felt that rush of adrenaline as his finger pressed against the trigger. He made a note to make room in his schedule that week to sneak off to the shooting range.

“So, drinks?” Thomas pulled open the door of his car. “A few girls? It’s been a few nights.”

“It’s been one night,” William snickered.

“Well I’m insatiable.”

“Oh you’re something all right.”

“Careful or I’ll leave you here.”

“Perfect, then I won’t see that ugly mug all the way back.”

Thomas huffed as they slid into the Jaguar. “That hurts, brother dearest.”

“Oh just start the damn car.”

“I’m going to use your gun to shoot you soon.”

“Don’t touch my guns.”

“I’ve created a monster, I swear.”

William shrugged. “It’s not like I’ve gone crazy.”

Thomas smirked as the car roared to life. “You have a case full of them.”

“Well they need to be displayed.”

“Like I said, I created a monster.”

“Are we going to chit chat all night, or are we going to find a good fuck?” William raised an eyebrow.

“Touche, little brother. Touche.”

* * *

The twins leaned back on the leather couches, surveying the lighter crowd that evening. It was the middle of the week, and while Thomas had some of the hottest clubs in London under his belt, Wednesday nights were never busy.

“Well we have a drink at least.” William sipped the amber liquid swirling in his glass. He frowned as he searched the crowd for any prospective women. But most were already taken or too young for their liking.

“What about them?” Thomas nodded at a small group heading off the dance floor.

“They barely look legal.”

“But they are legal.”

William rolled his eyes. “Try again, old man.”

“Really, that’s no way to treat your older brother,” Thomas sighed dramatically. “Who do you propose then?”

But William didn’t have any suggestions. It didn’t appear as if they would be partaking in any excitement that night. “Might as well call it a night,” he sighed. “I don’t think it’s going to get any better.”

“Unfortunately, I think you’re right.” Thomas tipped his glass back. “Remind me Wednesday nights are out.”

“Are any nights out for you?”

“Not usually,” Thomas was already considering an alternative. He hadn’t seen her yet this week, not even at the office. He hadn’t been able to enjoy her on his chair. Or with her splayed out on his desk. Or bent over it. Oh yes, he was thinking it was due time to give sweet Amanda a call. “Heading back to the house?”

William glanced at him in surprise. “Aren’t you?”

“I’ll be along eventually.”

William snorted. “Still holding out hope?”

“Something like that.”

Shaking his head, William finished his drink before standing. “In that case, I’ll see you at home. And try not to be loud this time, the walls aren’t soundproof.”

“We probably should have thought of that.”

“I’m surprised you weren’t anal enough to,” William snickered.

“I don’t remember you bringing it up. You were too preoccupied with your precious windows.”

William grinned. “Completely worth it.”

Thomas shook his head as he waved his brother off. “Get out of here, little brother.”

He watched as William made his way easily through the crowd and towards the exit. He waited until he was completely out of sight before he pulled out his phone and searched for Amanda’s contact. His finger hovered over her name for only a moment before he pressed her number and brought the phone up to his ear.

“Hello, darling girl, are you busy tonight? No? Excellent.”

* * *

There was always a moment of brief panic and confusion when he woke up with the feeling of another body pressed so tightly against him. He wasn’t used to it. It wasn’t what he did. If he and William shared, William happily would cuddle the girl so he wouldn’t have to. He could deal with a few entwined legs. But arms wrapped around him, the intimacy of the act, he just couldn’t.

He didn’t really understand why he allowed it with  _her_.

Thomas peeked down at Amanda, her body completely curled around his. Her head rest on his chest, her arms wrapped around him. Her leg was flopped over his, and if he wanted to - and he always did - he could reach down and cup her mound so easily in this position. If nothing else, he always had such easy access to her when she lay like this.

When Amanda started shifting in her sleep, his hand came up, his thumb caressing her shoulder in slow circles. Within moments, she had settled back down against him. But his thumb never stopped, comforting her without even realizing it. He just lay there, staring up at the ceiling in his best attempt not to look at her. But little moans or murmured words would bring his attention back down to her and he’d feel the odd stirring again. And more than just his cock.

Shaking it off, Thomas attempted to pull his arm from under her. He needed to get away, that familiar prickling of discomfort dancing across his skin. Looking at the time and finding it a decent enough time, he slipped slowly out of bed and away from Amanda as he tip toed out of his room and towards the stairs.

“You’re up early,” William commented when Thomas entered the kitchen.

He shouldn’t have been surprised William was up. He was always an early riser, a cup of tea already in his hands.

William nodded at the kettle. “It just boiled not too long ago.”

“Thanks.” He made his tea, leaning against the counter as he tried not to think of the woman still lying in his bed.

“When did you get in last night?” His brother glanced up from his paper, adjusting his glasses as he did so.

“Not too late.”

“Alone?” William raised an eyebrow.

Thomas merely shrugged. Unless William had an early morning, he’d know soon enough who he came home with last night. The two sat at the island in silence, sipping their tea, William handing over the financial section of the paper for him to read. He automatically took the entertainment and lifestyle sections and set them aside, knowing Amanda would take a glance at them once she woke. The act made him pause as he realized what he had done. Shaking his head, he focused on the paper.

“Morning.”

William’s head jolted upwards in surprise as he eyed Amanda shyly stepping into the kitchen. “Well hello, doll. I didn’t realize you were here.”

Amanda glanced over at Thomas quickly before looking back at his twin. “It was a last minute thing.”

William nodded, setting down his paper as he gazed over at his brother. “Tea, love?”

“Oh no, I can get it.”

Shaking his head, he stood and ushered her onto his stool. “Sit, I’ll get it. I know how you like it.” he winked and fixed her her usual.

Setting down his empty mug, Thomas stood and bent down to kiss amanda. “I’ll just go get changed. Take your time then I’ll drive you to your apartment to change.”

Amanda nodded, watching as he walked out of the room. William eyed her the entire time, her cheeks warming as she bought her glance back onto him.

“Here you go, doll.” He slid the mug towards her.

She smiled in thanks and immediately reached for the lifestyle section. The section, William had noted, Thomas had specifically put aside for her. Things were changing. He had felt it for awhile now, though neither of the two seemed to realize it. Things were progressing between Thomas and Amanda, even if they both insisted they weren’t. Thomas didn’t exactly see women more than once or twice. And he certainly didn’t put aside their favourite section of the paper in the mornings.

“You’ve been over here a lot more lately,” William commented, bracing his hip against the counter.

She looked up, her forehead wrinkling. “If I’m in the way -”

“No no.” He quickly shook his head, leaning down and cupping her chin. “Never think you’re in the way, darling.”

Her shoulders relaxed. “I don’t want to make things awkward or change your routine.”

“You’re always welcome here, sweet girl. Always.” His words caused that brilliant smile of hers to spread. “This place feels a lot more full of life when you’re around.”

Her head tilted to the side. “But?”

“Hm?”

“I know you well enough to know there’s a ‘but’ coming.”

Of course she did. It had been some time since they had been involved more than just employer and secretary. Even longer with Thomas in some way. She knew them better than most.

Nodding with a sigh, he caressed her cheek, his thumb trailing down over her jaw and to her neck. “I’m just worried.”

“About what?”

His glance fell to what she was wearing. “Amanda, you’re wearing his sweats.”

“What?” She looked down at herself with a shrug. “They’re just sweats.”

But they weren’t. “He’s had those since Uni, you know. Absolutely loves them, even if they do get holes and tear. He wears them just lounging around. He’ll work out with them. I tried sneaking them one day when I forgot to do laundry. Do you know what he did?”

She gave him an odd look.

“Lets just say, he’s not exactly a fan of sharing outside of women.”

“But they’re just sweats.”

“No, Amanda, they’re not. He doesn’t let anyone wear them. Not a single woman. Not even me.” he tugged on the sleeve of the shirt. “And yet here you are wearing them.”

Amanda didn’t say anything at first, just staring down into her tea. She didn’t know what to say, how not to lie but protect her heart at the same time.

“I worry that you’re going to get hurt.”

“I won’t,” she insisted hurriedly. “I know what this is. We’re just having fun.”

“Are you really?”

“He sleeps with other women. I know that. And I doubt he’d stop. He doesn’t want commitment and I’m fine with that.”

Except he wasn’t sure that she was. “Have the two of you talked about what this is?”

Amanda shrugged, not looking him in the eye. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I’m just worried, Amanda. I’m worried that you’ll get hurt. I care about you, that’s the last thing I want to happen.” He tilted her chin up. “You know I just want you to be happy.”

Her voice was so small. “I can’t get hurt if I’m not attached.”

Oh sweet Amanda. He gently tugged her off the stool and into his arms, folding them tightly around her. “Sweet girl, you’re far more attached than you let on.”

“I’m -” she starts to insist.

“It’s just me, doll. You don’t have to hide it from me.” He stroked her hair. “You care about him. There’s nothing wrong with that. Thomas is so insistent that he’s not lovable, he doesn’t realize he already has your love.”

She tried to pull away. “I’m not in love with him.”

He gave her a knowing look. “I see the hope in your eyes when he takes you, or just kisses you good morning. The way you watch him when he’s in your mouth. I know, Amanda, and I know my brother well enough to know he can’t ever understand any of those things.”

“I, I know that.”

“Amanda, I say this with as much compassion and love as I can. He won’t change for you.”

She inhaled sharply. “I don’t, I don’t expect him to.”

“Sweetheart.”

“I know. I know he won’t. I do, William.” But there were tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “I know that this is all I’ll ever have with him.

When the first tear slid down her cheek, William sighed and wiped it away with his thumb. “I’d rather I be the one to break your heart than him, doll. But I don’t know what else to do.”

“I knew from the start what I had gotten myself into.”

“I just don’t think you expected to fall for him like you did.”

“I…” But she couldn’t finish, ducking her head and biting her bottom lip hard. “I don’t know what to do. What do I do, William?”

“I hate to say it, I do. But you need to to think about moving on.”

“B-but.”

“Baby, listen. I’d take you for myself if I could, but I can’t. And I hate seeing you like this, so confused by what you’re feeling and by what he’s feeling. You don’t deserve this complication.”

They were silent for awhile, the only sound coming from Thomas’ soft footsteps above them. William hated this. He hated hurting her. But he knew she’d only feel worse the longer this kept on. The last thing he wanted was either of them to be in pain. He knew eventually, however, that’s the only way it would end. And Thomas would act his usual way, sweeping everything under a rug, get drunk or high for a bit, and fuck away whatever he’s feeling. He’s done it before, and William knew he’d do it again. It might be worse, it might be harder, but he’d do whatever he could to forget. It wouldn’t be the same for her, though.

“Can I…” she took in a long breath before looking up at him. “Can I go to work with you the rest of the week?”

William titled his head. “You’re supposed to be with Thomas.”

“I know but.” Her hands curled around the front of his shirt. “I need to think for a bit. And I can’t do that when he’s surrounding me.”

He nodded in understanding. “He’s going to be disappointed, but I’ll think something up.”

She let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry we had to talk about this. I’m sorry if it seems I’m trying to push you away from him. I just…fuck, I only see one way for this to end and I don’t want either of you to have to go through that. I love him and I care for you just as much, Amanda. I know you’re falling for him, and I wish to god he’d get his act together and let you. But he won’t.”

Amanda sniffed and started to release his shirt when they heard footsteps on the stairs. “I know.”

She didn’t have time to do much more than wipe her hand across her eyes, hoping Thomas wouldn’t notice anything was wrong, before he returned to the room.

“Ready to go?”

“Oh, um.” She shot William a pleading look.

“Actually, I was hoping to talk to you about that.” William already had his phone in his hand, as if it had been there the entire time. “I just got word some stuff is going down and I could really use Amanda’s help these next few days. Mind if I take her and you can have her all next week?”

Thomas glanced between the two, his eyes narrowing slightly before nodding. “Of course. Anything I can help with?”

“You mean, anyone you can intimidate and threaten for me?” William snickered, trying to ease the tension in the room left from his conversation with Amanda. “I’ll let you know.”

Thomas smirked. “I’ll keep my schedule open then.” He waltzed over to Amanda, grasping her chin and pressing his lips to hers. “I’ll miss you, my darling girl. Who will make sure I eat lunch now?”

“Set an alarm.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, and his furrowed brows told her he hadn’t bought her act.

“I’ll force Bishop to get me something.” He pecked her lips one last time before looking down at his watch. “Do you want me to still drop you off at your apartment?”

“I can do that. I know you have an early meeting,” William waved him off. “Go, I’ll take care of our girl.”

He looked between them again, noting  _something_  was off. But he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Shaking his head, Thomas caressed Amanda’s cheek before stepping back.

“Dinner tonight?”

“I’ll bring some home,” WIlliam agreed.

“I’ll see you next week then, darling.” Thomas winked at Amanda.

A forced smile was on her lips. “Next week.”

But a part of her was dreading it for the first time since she started working for him. She didn’t know how she’d survive seeing him constantly when she knew now more than ever that he’d never be hers.


	2. Chapter Two

## Chapter Two

Amanda couldn’t get Thomas out of her thoughts. Three days without him, really trying not to focus on him, had been to no avail; in anything, it had made it hurt her heart more.

She had hoped too much, had too much faith that maybe, just maybe, Thomas would realize his feelings for her were identical to the ones she had for him, or even just realize he felt something for her at all. There had been times when she really did think it possible: when he had brought her over for a movie night when she got her period, the necklace he had gotten her for her birthday, when they had tried something new and her climax was so intense she burst into tears, and he had cut her bindings in a fraction of a second to make sure she was okay.

She had gone into the office today, a Saturday, which were usually devoted to her Pinterest hunts and some wine or, more frequently, a call from the twins, but she had needed to be away from all that, if only for a bit. The work distracted her as much as it could, but when William had appeared suddenly at the near empty offices, she thought at first glance it was Thomas. Before William had reached her, her eyes had watered with tears.

He pulled her into his office, holding her, stroking her hair, calming her with kisses as much as he could. William was so good to her, so caring; together with Thomas, the twins were a woman’s ideal pair. More than once she had prayed she could feel for William the same passion – she couldn’t bring herself to admit it was more than that – that she did for Thomas. She told herself that William would have been able to convince Thomas they could all be together had that been the case, so she had hoped, but while there was no denying what she felt for William, it couldn’t match that for his twin.

“I know doll, I know,” William had whispered softly into her hair when she grabbed at his sweater. “God baby, I hate that I did this to you.”

“No,” she mumbled into his chest. “Y-you’re right. I just, I didn’t want to admit it. He w-won’t change.”

She’d left not long after, thinking about turning her phone off so Thomas’s call asking if she was free wouldn’t inevitably ruin the tranquility she planned to set up for herself. Binge watching American Horror Story with a bottle of red sounded like exactly what she needed.

The tube station felt too cold as she walked to her platform, and she shivered before rubbing her face with a yawn. With her eyes closed, she didn’t notice she was walking directly into someone else’s path.

The man rammed into her as if he hadn’t noticed her either, and they both clammered back on the tile floor, Amanda dropping her tote and the contents rolling away.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!” she groaned as she looked up and covered her mouth in embarrassment. “I didn’t see you!”

The man bent down to collect items that were trying to escape: a lipstick, a few pens, a cell phone cord that was half sticking out of the fallen bag. “It’s alright, I wasn’t paying attention either.”

“I’m, god, I’m just so sorry,” Amanda mumbled again as he rose up to his full height, and she fought to keep her eyes from going wide.

He was beautiful, with warm, deep brown eyes that made the embarrassed flush in her cheeks turn to one of surprise. His smile, set in a dark patch of stubble, was kind, and made her feel safe for some reason she couldn’t place. His scarf that was wrapped tightly around his neck made no effort to hide the sharp jawline that Amanda caught herself staring at for a moment too long.

“It’s alright, love,” he said with a reassuring smile, holding out her bag to her. “We all get too into our heads sometimes.”

She tried to smile back as she went to grab for her tote. “I guess you’re right.” She slung the bag over her shoulder but made no move to leave just yet.

The man licked his lips, and Amanda found herself biting her bottom lip. “I’m, um, sorry, I’m Jacob.” He held out the hand that had just moments ago held her bag.

She swallowed and shook his hand. “I’m Amanda.”

“It’s a pleasure, Amanda.” He didn’t let go of her grasp. “This sounds… sudden, I know but…” He chuckled, and took his hand back to stuff it in his jacket pocket. “It’s a Saturday night, and I’ve got no plans. Would you want to get a drink?”

Her mouth fell open and her brows flew up on her forehead, his candor catching her off guard. “Oh, I -” She giggled and shrugged her shoulders. “I, um, appreciate, but, just, not… no thank you?” She hated that she accidentally phrased it as a question, but her nervousness was beginning to show through.

Jacob nodded though he kept his smile. “I thought not. Had to try though, right? It’s not every night I literally run into, and I’m sorry about that, a woman as beautiful as you.”

It was cheesy and cliche and she knew it, but William’s advice was still fresh in her mind. Maybe she did need to move on. Maybe she needed to try actually seeing other people like Thomas had been doing during the months of their… fling? Arrangement? Affair?

“Well, that’s flattering,” she said, tucking back a strand of hair that had fallen out of her beanie. “Um, how about, could I grab your number?” Her own boldness surprised her, but she didn’t want to take it back.

“Absolutely,” Jacob answered and took the phone from her grasp.

When they parted and Amanda finally sat on her train, an overwhelming sense of guilt overtook the adrenaline and impulsiveness that had previously been in her mind. She felt as if she had cheated, and she was betraying Thomas and even William in some way. But she forced herself to remember that there was no cheating; there was no relationship. There was nothing to feel guilty for. There was nothing to hold her back from pursuing anything, whether it was a one night stand or a full blown relationship.

As much as it pained her to admit to herself, there was nothing that could truly happen with Thomas. There was nothing between them except for the fantasy she had concocted in her head.

A fantasy she now needed to throw away, before she allowed it to get further than it already had.

* * *

Thomas’s eyes were blurry with sleep when he woke up in the morning, the feeling of a warm body nudging against his back.

He groaned and rubbed at his face, quietly slipping out of the sheets so as not to wake the girl – no, girls, he remembered – that lay between he and his twin on opposite ends of the mattress. His sweats were back in his room, but knowing there wouldn’t be any interruptions, he waltzed naked across the hall to his bedroom before slipping on the old garment.

He needed some coffee, or hair of the dog, he thought when the walk down the stairs to the kitchen made his head pound. He’d had a little too much of his stash last night, snorting a few lines of his cocaine off one of the girl’s chests while William had his way with the other. Amanda hadn’t answered her phone at his texts or his call, so he had resigned to join William at his favorite club instead.

Amanda. He couldn’t get her out of his head. The feel of another woman’s body on his when he woke had been starting to feel… wrong. No, that wasn’t it; it was just that he wasn’t used to them like he was with her. But that had never bothered him before, so why now?

Fishing out a bag of coffee from the back of a cabinet, he tried to quell the thoughts of her that wouldn’t leave him alone. But she had acted so strangely the other morning with William. Had he done something wrong, said something he shouldn’t have? He wasn’t sure, nor was he sure why he kept dwelling on it.

The coffee was fucking bitter, but he did always hate coffee, but the pounding in his head made him buckle down and drink it. His stomach grumbled and he picked up an apple from the fruit bowl before grabbing his phone off the counter. She still hadn’t acknowledged him. She didn’t have to ignore him, and the idea that she maybe was set Thomas’s teeth on edge. She could always just tell him no, she knew that, and even had done so on more than one occasion. He didn’t mind, he never did; it was her comfort that ultimately won out.

He texted again, a simple “Good morning” and put the phone in the deep pocket of his sweats at the same moment he heard a giggle and a moan from upstairs, and he knew that William had woken up the girls in his own way.

He finished the apple when the phone vibrated against his thigh, but his heart fell when the notification turned out to be an email from Moira.

What the  _fuck_  was he feeling? Disappointment? At a… friend with benefits not responding to his prompts? She was more than that, though… wasn’t she?

No, she couldn’t be. Didn’t matter the circumstances, or what Thomas thought he felt. He didn’t do relationships. He didn’t do attachment. That was William; he was the caring one, the one who wanted the domestic life. That was never meant for Thomas. Never.

* * *

Amanda tried to avoid him at work, she really did. But it didn’t pan out too well when a secretary was trying to avoid her boss. She was bringing in a new file when she saw him at the end of the hall, and in a moment of panic, opened the first door next to her.

Bishop sat at his desk with single eyebrow raised, the only clue that something was out of the ordinary. “Amanda.”

She exhaled, clutching the file to her chest. “Elliot, I’m sorry -”

“I really don’t like most people calling me that, dove.” Bishop cocked his head to the side.

Her frustration and confusion had put her on a slightly shorter fuse. “Maybe I don’t really like most people calling me dove.”

The other brow raised.

She sighed again, deflated and certainly not looking for a fight. “Sorry, I’m just… a bit out of it.”

“That’s fine, Amanda. Can I get you anything?”

Maybe the path that she needed to take? “No, I’m fine. Just, tired is all.”

“Alright. If you say so.” She turned to walk back out when he called, “Amanda, I said most people. Just as long as it’s not in public, I don’t mind it.”

She looked back, apologetic smile on her face. “If you say so.”

As soon as she opened the door, the exact person she’d been hoping to keep away from appeared at her side.

Thomas grinned at the sight of her, the smile coming so naturally when she was around. “There you are, my sweet girl. I’ve been wondering where you’d gotten off to.” He kissed the top of her head, and her heart leapt into her throat.

His hands tugged on the ends of her hair, and she responded to the silent command like it was second nature, exposing her neck to him. His thumb ran down the side of it before he ducked down to press his lips to her neck, and god, his kiss felt so nice, so familiar, and she had missed the sparks he made her feel…

The door next to them opened and Bishop cleared his throat. “Hate to interrupt boss, but I’ve got to run to the copier.”

Bishop’s voice broke whatever spell was keeping Amanda there, and the second Thomas released her hair, she marched back to her desk without waiting for him.

Thomas stared after her, still confused at her behavior. It was nearly lunch, and he hadn’t seen but a glimpse or two of her all morning. He wanted to ask about the weekend, why she hadn’t answered, but she wasn’t giving him much of a chance.

“Bishop, does Amanda seem off to you?”

His right hand man shrugged. “Maybe. Bit jumpy. But isn’t that how she always is?”

Thomas shook his head, narrowing his eyes at the corner that Amanda had turned down. “Not around me, not anymore.”

“Just talk to her then. Women, you know.”

Luckily, she was at her desk when Thomas made his way back to his office, and he stood in front of it to offer her no chance to escape. Still, she wouldn’t look at him.

“Manda, are you alright?”

“Of course.” She stapled some papers, her voice not betraying much.

He studied her, immaculately dressed as always, hair curled, nails pristine. Nothing physically seemed out of the ordinary, but he knew. Something wasn’t right.

“How does lunch sound? What about that new Thai place by your apartment you wanted to try?”

She looked up, her brown eyes wide with some sort of emotion Thomas couldn’t quite place. “You want to go to lunch?”

“Well yes, you’ve gotten me so used to eating it.” He smiled.

“And you remembered that I said that? About the Thai place?”

What sort of question was that? Of course he did, he always listened to her. “Absolutely, darling. I can get Joseph to drive us so you won’t have to take the tube. We don’t even have to come back for the rest of the day if you’re not feeling up to it.”

She shrank back in her chair and she bit her lip. “Why wouldn’t I feel up to it?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. Just a thought. But if you’re not, you can tell me, Manda. You can tell me anything.”

Amanda swallowed and bit her tongue. Not anything. “You really want to go?”

He blinked in confusion. “Of course baby, anything you’d like.”

She nodded and stood, grabbing her tote and trying to fight the lump forming in her throat when he held his hand out for her to take.  _Not anything_. But maybe she could hold on to her hope for just a little longer.


	3. Chapter Three

## Chapter Three

“Have you noticed anything off with Amanda lately?”

William looked up in surprise, trying to hide his alarm. “What do you mean?”

Thomas shrugged as he picked at his sandwich. “She’s seemed different lately. More jumpy around me. I took her to lunch the other day and I thought things would be fine afterwards, but she seemed…off, I guess.”

He didn’t know what to say to his brother. Thomas looked so out of sorts, just by the tiniest change in Amanda. He wanted to tell him the truth, explain the difficulty Amanda was facing with her feelings for him. But William knew it wouldn’t help anything, and she deserved, in her own time, to talk with him.

“I’m sure she’s fine. Something just in her personal life, maybe,” William offered.

Thomas frowned. “I’m worried I’ve finally gone too far with her.”

“Gone too far?” William’s eyes widened. Did Thomas realize the extent of Amanda’s feelings?

“Pushed her too hard sexually.”

William sighed, shaking his head. Of course that wasn’t the case. Thomas was blind to those that cared about him. He was worried their own mum had hated him all these years.

“She would have said something,” he pointed out. “You’ve always made sure she’s had a safe place to vocalize those things.”

“But then why else is she acting so strangely?”

“That time of the month?” William cringed even saying the words.

Thomas rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen her at her time of the month, and she’s more cuddly than normal, not aloof.”

That surprised him. “You’ve seen her while she was on her period?”

Thomas shrugged like it was no big deal. “She just came over and we watched a movie or two and had some wine. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“You said she was more cuddly.” William raised an eyebrow.

“I might have let her cuddled. That’s not the point here.” Thomas rolled his shoulders uncomfortably. “Do you think she’s okay? Moira acted differently right before she took off because of her ex. Do you think Manda is hiding from someone?”

“I really don’t think so. I’m sure if it’s anything serious, she’ll tell you.”

But William knew it wouldn’t be something Thomas would want to hear, one way or another.

* * *

She had finally mustered up enough courage to call the man from the tube. She held his number in one hand, her phone in the other, for nearly half an hour before she dialed it the first time. But she never pressed the call button, just staring down at her phone and chewing on her lip. Was she ready to do this? To move on? But what other choice did she have? She couldn’t hope and wait around for something that might not happen with Thomas.

So she called.

After a handful of dates, however, Amanda found herself easily comparing Jacob to Thomas. There was nothing wrong with the man. He was handsome and attentive. He listened when she spoke, pulled out her chair like a gentleman. His laugh was contagious and his eyes were beautiful. Everything about him seemed like the ideal man for her.

But he wasn’t Thomas. And she just couldn’t get over that fact, not yet. She tried, she really did. She put all of herself into those dates, opened herself up to him as he cupped her cheek and kissed her. And there was a spark. A little one, but it was there. So why did she compare everything he said or did to Thomas? Why couldn’t she forget the twin that just didn’t want her. At least not in the way she wished for. She needed to move on. Amanda knew that. William was right. But there was that little flutter of hope every time Thomas smiled at her, every time he coaxed a kiss out of her.

So when Thomas called, inviting her over one evening, she went. She cancelled her date with Jacob and she hailed the first cab she saw. Amanda wasn’t proud of herself. Jacob was sweet, a good man. She should be lucky to have his attention completely on her. But finding the strength to cut those ties with Thomas felt almost impossible.

They sat on his couch, his touch coaxing her closer. Her eyes closed as his hand settled on her thigh, slowly pushing beneath the material and to her sex. When he cupped her, however, she flinched. She was surprised in herself as she immediately tried to pull away from him. Amanda wanted more than anything to be close to him, to have his hands on her, to bring her to pleasurable heights she had never imagined she could reach.

But the pain was there, weighing heavily on her heart. She knew the longer she let this go on, the worst it would become. The more she saw Thomas, the more she’d want to stay, to accept whatever they had now. To force herself to believe she’d be fine without more. But she wouldn’t be. Not in the long run. And was that fair to either of them? Would her heart fare better if she took a chance on Jacob instead?

“Darling?”

“S-stop. Stop please.”

Thomas backed away, his eyebrows furrowing in worry. “Manda? Tell me what’s wrong. What did I do?”

“You, you didn’t do anything.”

“Then what’s wrong? Baby, let me fix it.”

“I-it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You’re crying, Manda. You’re not fine.”

Amanda wiped her eyes, trying to scoot away from him. “I’m fine.”

“Amanda.” He searched her face. Had he hurt her? “Did I do something you didn’t want?”

“N-no it’s not that.”

He reached out to her, to cup her cheek and brush away her tears. But she flinched, scooting even farther away. She’s never pulled away from him before. “Then what, baby?”

“I-I can’t.”

Thomas nodded. “Okay, that’s all you had to say. Do you, um, want  drink?” He tried reaching for her again. “Darling, you know I never expect anything from you.”

“I know, Thomas,” She choked out his name and started to cry again.

He tried to pull her to him, but she couldn’t be in his arms again and she quickly pushed herself to her feet.

“I should go.”

Thomas stood and grabbed her hand, but she wouldn’t look at him. “Amanda, don’t. Talk to me.”

“No I just, I need to go.”

“Manda please. I can’t let you just leave like this.”

“You have to.”

“I do not.” He grabbed her waist, but still she wouldn’t look at him. “I have to know you’re okay.”

Amanda shook her head. “I’m fine, I promise.”

He clasped her chin. “I don’t think you are. I just want to help, sweet girl. Whatever it is, I can help.”

She finally lifted her head and when she met his eyes, she could barely breathe. “Thomas…”

“I’m here.” He stroked her cheek. “I’m here Amanda.”

And the thought crossed her mind to stop seeing Jacob.

But it was only a momentary slip. Even as Thomas looked down at her with those worry filled eyes, she knew it’d never be more. He’ll never love her. He’ll never say those words to her. William was right, he just wasn’t able to. And Amanda didn’t blame him. That wasn’t what he set out for when he seduced her. This was just fun to him, just sex and a good time. It wasn’t his fault she had fallen for him. She couldn’t expect him to change for her.

As Thomas tried to peck her forehead, Amanda backed up. As much as she wished things could be different. That she could stop seeing Jacob and hope that what she had with Thomas would be enough. But she wanted to be happy, to fall in love and be loved. And while she wasn’t entirely ready to face the truth just yet, a part of her already knew it wouldn’t be with him.

“Amanda?”

“I’m…I’m seeing someone.”

Thomas’ breathing hitched for only a moment as he stared at her, not sure he had heard her right. “You’re seeing someone.”

Amanda could only nod, not trusting her voice.

He slowly started to take a step back. “Oh. I see.”

“I should have, I should have told you -”

“No it’s…” He took a deep breath. “That explains it then.” He looked her over and tried to keep his voice even. “How long have you -”

“It’s only b-been a couple of dates.”

“And is he good to you?”

“It’s still early, but yes, I think so.”

Thomas nodded slowly but he doesn’t let go of her hand just yet. “What’s his name.”

“J-Jacob Groves.”

“Groves,” he tried to keep an even tone. “Amanda, do you trust me?”

Amanda frowned. “Yes.”

“Will you tell me if he ever hurts you?”

“He won’t -”

He shook his head and cut her off. “Just promise me, please.”

She nodded and gripped his hand. “I…I promise.”

“Good. You deserve to be happy, Manda. But I’ll kill any bastard that hurts you.”

It felt like a sharp knife piercing her heart every time he talked like that. There were times, rare but there were a few, when she swore he cared about her more than just a good fuck. But they were always quick, and she knew it would just never be enough. Amanda tries to swallow the lump in her throat and nodded. Thomas narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing every inch of her face until he was satisfied.

“Let me drive you home, Manda.”

“It’s okay, I’ll take a cab.” Her voice was shaky and she was too afraid she’d start crying if she was with him for much longer.

“I can -”

“I know, but I need to take a cab.” She squeezed his hand before tugging her hand away. “I’m sorry about tonight.”

“Never be sorry with me, my darling girl. Never. Just, let me know when you get home, okay? I want to make sure you’re safe.”

Taking a few steps back, she promised she’d text him before she turned and hurried towards the front door. Thomas was already on the phone, calling a cab for her, when he heard the front door close softly. His eyes closed as he tossed his phone onto the couch, his hands curling into tight fists. He was reaching for his phone again within only moments as he paced towards the bar, dialing his brother by the time the glass of amber was being lifted to his lips.

“Thomas?”

“Late night?”

“Long ass night,” William sighed, shifting papers around on his desk. “What’s up?

“Let’s go out, I need a fucking drink.”

“Now?”

“Now.”

They agreed on one of Thomas’ clubs before they hung up, Thomas tossing the rest of his drink back before pouring himself another. If he timed it right, he’d be nice a drunk by the time he met his brother. After tonight, he needed it.


	4. Chapter Four

## Chapter Four

Thomas was finding his stash running low everywhere he looked.

The safe in his desk drawer was empty when he reached his hand into it at work, and when he returned home that night, the one in his closet only had enough for one fix. He could have sworn he had just refilled them.

His days had been blurring together lately, a bunch of meetings and run of the mill pick ups not doing much to excite him. He had taken to pick up a girl each night, sharing with her William if he showed an interest. But like work, it had almost grown boring, routine. Thomas hated routine.

He watched Amanda retreat back into herself, returning to the role of shy, diligent secretary from when he first met her, as she came into Browning’s office now that she had entered her new relationship. Though Thomas didn’t like admitting it to himself, it felt strange to not be driving her to work, or to kiss her when he walked out go his office, or call her into it when he needed a release.

“Sir?”

Bishop’s voice made Thomas nearly fall from his chair, pulling him out of his thoughts. “What?”

“Did you hear anything I said?”

“I never hear anything you say, Bishop.”

He rolled his eyes, swiping on his iPad. “Don says the Russians tried to hack the system again. Says they got a bit further this time.”

Thomas pinched the bridge of his nose to try and combat a sudden headache. “I’ve never taken the Russians seriously and neither should Don. They want to call themselves a mafia they need to stop being such children.”

“Uh huh,” Bishop mumbled nonchalantly. “Should we send in Preston? O’Malley?”

“Neither,” Thomas sighed, fixing his jacket. “When they become actually threatening, we’ll consider it. Lucy might like to have a go at them.”

There was a fit of loud laughter outside his office door, and Thomas’s brow furrowed when he recognized Amanda’s voice. A moment later came a shy knock on his door.

“Yes?”

Amanda poked her head in, her cheeks flushed and smile wide on her face. “Sir, um, Mr. Hiddleston, could -“ she broke off and glanced back out the door, caught in another fit. “Could I break for lunch early?”

“What’s got you so bubbly, dove?”

“Oh um.” She bit her lip. “I just—”

“Sorry gentlemen, I’m guilty of trying to steal her away for a bit,” an unfamiliar voice cooed from behind the wood of the door before the owner’s face came into view next to Amanda’s.

“I’m sorry, Bishop, Thomas, this is my, um, my boyfriend.” Her smile fell as she said the last word, catching Thomas’s eye for a fraction of a second.

Thomas felt his skin prickle, the hairs on the back of his neck standing at attention. This must be him. Groves. Her boyfriend. Amanda’s boyfriend. His face felt hot — fuck, what was going on?

She cleared her throat and continued, “Jacob, this is Thomas, my boss, and Bishop, his… Um…”

“Right hand man is a decent label,” Bishop finished for her and stood, extending his hand for Groves to shake. “Bishop.”

“Groves.” The man’s warm, deep eyes seemed to sparkle off the lights in the office, and Thomas found himself clenching his fist when he turned to him. “You’re part of the famous Hiddleston twins Amanda talks about with such admiration, I reckon.” He smiled, showing off astounding white teeth and almost hidden dimples. “Thomas, then? And the other is…” He looked back to Amanda for help before exclaiming, “William! Almost forgot there.” He laughed at himself, making Amanda giggle.

Thomas stood, swallowing down whatever emotion was threatening to make itself known, and held out his hand. “Thomas is correct. I hope she’s said good things about me. I can only say the best about her.”

Groves’s grip was firm, nearly catching Thomas off guard. “All wonderful, I assure you. About you and your brother both. You two seem to treat her well.”

Thomas saw Amanda hide her face with her hand out of the corner of his eye. “We always try to.”

Groves glanced around the room, finding Thomas’s meticulous bookshelves. “Quite a collection here, Hiddleston. May I?”

“Please,” Thomas said and caught Bishop’s questioning gaze. He dared not look at Amanda, but he knew without seeing that she was biting her lip from nerves.

“Wouldn’t have pegged you for a lover of classics.” Groves picked at the spine of one of the Shakespeare collections that had been in Thomas’s backpack when he ran from uni, a relic from a class he himself had never taken. “Oh, Bond, that’s more my style.” He pulled the hardcover from the shelf and flipped it open.

“Jacob, shouldn’t we -” Amanda started but trailed off.

“Oh, yes, Amanda, you can take off for lunch if you’d like. Would you mind just running this down to the file room before you go?”

Amanda took the file from the edge of Thomas’s desk with a small smile, but their eyes still didn’t meet. As she took off, he heard the slam of the book as Groves moved to put it back in its place on the shelf.

Thomas cleared his throat. “Hell of a girl.”

A smile. “You’re telling me. She tell you how we met? Bloody ran into each other, literally. Just my luck.” He shoved his hands in his trouser pockets, gaze shifting between the two men. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you two how lovely she is.”

Bishop flicked his eyes over to Thomas for a fraction of a second before responding, “I know we couldn’t hope to manage without her.”

“Manda’s a gem,” Thomas piped in, running a hand through his hair. “Sweet girl, hard worker.”

Groves stepped up to the edge of the desk and cocked his head, a curious smile on his face. “Manda?”

The woman in question entered the doorway at that moment, coat draped over her arm. “Anything else, sir?”

Thomas didn’t break eye contact with Groves, knowing the unspoken question still hung in the air. “No, you’re free to go, darling.” As an afterthought, he added, “have fun.”

The other man gave a slight nod as he backed away towards the door. “We will.”

His stomach churned. He had wanted Amanda to be happy, to have whatever relationship she wanted with whoever she wanted. He had known that whatever that entailed was better for her in the long run.

Then why did it feel like his heart was fighting all that?

* * *

Everyday for weeks, there was a fresh batch of flowers delivered to Amanda’s desk. Each time Thomas watched her surprised smile, her fascination when she brought them to her nose to test their scent, and each time he felt himself growing further from her. With each flower, or each lunch date, less of Amanda belonged to him, and more to Jacob Groves.

That was how it should be, though. She had never really been his, anyway.

When she came to work with a brilliant necklace around her neck, one far too outrageous for her to have gotten for herself, Thomas gave into temptation and delved into research.

He had no idea what he was searching for: an arrest warrant, academic probation in uni, something that could ease whatever feeling Thomas had inside. Groves couldn’t have been as perfect as he seemed, no one ever was.

Yet seemingly, he was. There was nothing at all.

Somehow, that only made him feel worse.

Angrily Thomas shoved the keyboard off the desk, letting it clatter on the hardwood floors of his office. It took three tries to open the safe in his desk and throw down two bags of cocaine where the keyboard had been.

Bishop walked in as he finished the contents of the second bag, and he felt a slight tremor start in his left hand. That hadn’t happened in a while.

Bishop closed the door slowly and stood in front of the desk. “Sir?”

“Bishop.”

“You alright?”

“Perfectly fine.”

Bishop surveyed the scene on the desk, the messy remains of the lines and the rolled up note next to the razor. “You’re sure?”

Thomas stood, his heart rate fast and his head feeling a little light. “I said I’m bloody fine, Bishop.”

He sighed, moving his iPad to his other hand. “Should I tell you that William’s on his way over?”

Thomas’s head shot up. “He’s what?”

“You didn’t answer your phone, he called me. Said something about your mum’s Christmas present.”

“He rang, but - where the fuck is, is Amanda?”

“Lunch,” Bishop said calmly, gaging boss’s reaction. “I can call him back, tell him we’re swamped…”

“No! No, just -” Thomas ran a hand through his hair, suddenly aware of his own breathing. “I’m fine, alright? He can come, he’s fine. I’ll be fucking fine in a minute.”

Bishop nodded solemnly. “Course, boss.”

Thomas sat back down in his chair, leaning his back back and rubbing his eyes. Why didn’t that help? Why didn’t that clear his head, help him figure things out? Like what the fuck was bothering him?

“Bishop,” he said before his right hand man could make it to the door. “Ask Preston to pick up a bit more when he gets the shipment tonight.”

Though his eyes were close, he could practically feel Bishop’s icy glare, the judgment rolling off him, but he didn’t particularly care. He knew his limits, he had it under control, he could take care of himself. He knew Bishop didn’t trust himself to fall back into his old habits, but that wasn’t Thomas’s problem. He just needed another hit.

“Course, boss.”

* * *

“You get your hands off me, you don’t tell me what to do!”

William didn’t let go of his brother’s suit lapels, instead holding them tighter as the music of the club pulsed around them, the lights changing hues across their identical faces.

“When it comes to this I do,” he growled at Thomas, but he knew he was too drunk for the words to be absorbed. “You’re not going to her flat, I won’t let you.”

“I am!” Thomas nearly yelled though William was less than a foot from his face. “There’s, there’s something wrong with, with that Jagroves, William, there is!”

He shook his head at Thomas’s slurred speech. “There isn’t, there isn’t and you know it.”

“So what?” Thomas tried to wriggle free from the grip on his suit. “She’ll listen to me. She will-illiam. Now let go of me.”

“Listen to me!” He shook his twin, raising him off the stool so they faced each other on their feet. “You’re drunk, and probably high, you idiot. You can’t go to her now. You want her to see you like this? Barely able to hold yourself up, slurring your fucking words? Pitiful on her doorstep?” He said nothing, just stared with glazed eyes, so William repeated, “You want her to see that?”

“No! No, I bloody don’t but, William he’s not -”

“Shut up about something being wrong with him, Thomas. You know perfectly well that’s not what this is about.”

That seemed to peak his attention, and he shrugged off William’s hands as his eyes narrowed. “What is it ‘bout, then?”

“Don’t make me say it. You know.”

“Maybe I don’t.”

William clenched his jaw, watching his brother sway on his feet. “You’re jealous, big brother.”

It was lucky Thomas was so drunk, because it made him slow enough for William to dodge the hook coming straight at his jaw.

“I told you not to make me say it,” he said and grabbed Thomas’s sleeve, dragging him towards the back offices away from the bar.

“I’m not jealous!!” Thomas screamed, but the music drowned him enough for only a few heads to turn as they walked. “I’m not!”

“Thomas, Thomas, calm down.” The music turned to a dull vibration in the secluded hall. “Jesus, I don’t even know what to say to you. You don’t listen.”

“Cause it’s not true!”

“Doesn’t matter, you can’t go to her flat and accuse her of dating a man you don’t like for no reason.”

“I have reasons.”

“And what are they? Please, for the love of god, enlighten me!” William searched Thomas’s face for a sign he may answer him, prove him wrong, or admit to him what Thomas was struggling to admit to himself. “What are you planning to say to her, Thomas? ‘There may be something wrong with your new boyfriend but I can’t prove it’?”

Silence, nothing more than a confused and hurt look.

“Alright, alright, just,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He knew Hiddleston stubbornness would ultimately win out above all, and even under multiple influences, that wouldn’t stop Thomas. Whatever closure or push he needed, he would find it one way or another.

William nodded as he came to his conclusion. “Fine, then this is your decision. You want to go to her, then go.” He gestured to the back exit. “Fuck knows I can’t stop you.”

Thomas cocked his head, the drink, the drugs, and his brother’s words all making a jumbled mess in his head. “What?”

“This is… obviously something I can’t stop you from doing.”

“Seeing Manda?”

“To tell her there’s something wrong with Groves or whatever? That’s what you said.”

Thomas nodded, fighting through the fuzz. “Right, I should, I should tell her.”

William watched Thomas struggle with his phone, and he contemplated putting him in a car and paying it to take him back to the house. But he swallowed the lump in his throat and carefully took the device from him. “I’ll call a car, brother. I’ll call one.”

* * *

It was easy to slip into Amanda’s building by slipping in behind another man going inside, but the solo ride up to her floor in the lift made him realize exactly what he was about to do.

Even through the haze of his high and the weight of his drunkenness, he knew he had to talk to Amanda. Had to see her. Make her listen, to understand… what, he wasn’t quite sure. But she would. He knew she would.

He knew the way to her door like second nature; he wasn’t likely to forget the location of the flat of the only woman whose home he had gone back to. With a deep breath, he steeled himself as he rapped on the door.

She opened the door not a minute later, and god Thomas knew he was drunk but he swore she looked more beautiful than ever. Bare faced, a sleek bun on top of her head, giant pink sweater hugging her over a camisole and pair of leggings. He had to brace himself on the doorframe to keep from falling as he stared, vaguely aware of his mouth hanging open.

“Thomas?” She asked, automatically confused at her employer and ex-lover’s presence, and her brown eyes grew wide with concern.

“Amanda,” he licked his lips as his eyes found her face, and those lips he knew like the back of his hand. So perfect. “You’re so gorgeous.”

Despite herself, she blushed, though she could obviously tell Thomas wasn’t quite himself. “Thomas,” she dropped her voice to a whisper and looked around. “Are you pissed? Just, tell me, I can call William -”

“No. No I, I have to talk to you, Manda.”

She bite her lip, eyebrows meeting in the middle of her face. He had to be more quiet. “We will, okay, let’s -”

“You’re too good for him, Amanda Tremaine.”

His words made her grip the door until her knuckles turned white, and she watched him try to find the words he searched for. She saw how much he was struggling to get it right, to let her know how serious he felt what he had to say was, and her heart was listening raptly in a way it hadn’t in months.

“You’re, you’re too… pure, baby. Too sweet and, and… and I swear, he’s not good enough for you. He’s, he’s not…”

He trailed off and she looked back inside. “Thomas, you’re drunk –”

“That doesn’t mean he’s not an asshole!” he yelled, banging his fist on the frame.

Shit. Amanda heard the footsteps on her floors approach the door, and a second later an arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush.

“Something the matter, Hiddleston?” Jacob asked Thomas, the two men staring eye to eye only because of Thomas’s slouch from the drinks. Amanda swore daggers were shooting from his eyes, boring into her new boyfriend.

She hadn’t told Jacob about Thomas. She wasn’t even sure she was going to, but now she didn’t have much of a choice. She didn’t want him to judge her, for sleeping with her employer, or god forbid discover it was both her employers. When she’d been with the twins, she felt nothing mattered, and no judgement could get to her. But now, in what seemed like a normal relationship… anytime felt like a bad time to bring up the fragile topic of things like having threesomes with your twin employers. Already she dreaded the conversation she would have to have with Jacob once she got Thomas under control.

Thomas’s jaw ticked and he tried to bring himself to his full height. “You’re what’s the matter, Groves. She isn’t your possession.” He slurred the last word with a few too many “s”s.

Amanda’s lip quivered as she reached out to touch his arm. “Thomas, come on, let me drive you home or, or anything, just…”

“I don’t need to go home,” he insisted, eyes not leaving Jacob. “Not like  _he_  does.”

Jacob took a deep breath, not moving his gaze either. “Maybe we ought to call his brother, dear.”

“Yeah, that’s, that’s a good idea, let me just get –”

“I said, I don’t need to go home.” Thomas raised his voice at them. “I’m fine, dammit.” His eyes met Amanda’s, and she had to bite back a gasp at the vulnerability they showed. “He’s not okay, baby, he’s not. There’s something off about him, Manda.”

“Oh, Thomas.” She broke from Jacob’s hold on her waist and stepped up to Thomas, putting a hand on his chest. She took a heavy breath before saying, “I’ll, I’ll call William, okay? We’ll sit downstairs while we wait, just you and me.” When he made no move to answer, she swallowed. “For me, Thomas.”

He took the hand off the doorframe to cup her cheek, and for a moment she almost leaned into it like she always had. “You have to believe me, my sweet girl. You know I want the best for you, that’s all I want. But he’s not it. You have to know that.”

Amanda could feel the tears start to form on the brim on her eyes. “Jacob, could you hand me my phone off the counter?” Without a word he left the doorway and returned only a half a second later to place the phone in her waiting grip. “Come on, Thomas, come with me.”

She moved to leave but he put his other hand on her cheek, effectively holding her in place. “I know I’m not what you need, but neither is he.”

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Jacob’s fists clench at his sides.

“C-come downstairs, Thomas, p-please.” With shaky hands she took away his hands from her cheeks and held them. She took a tentative step towards the lift, and thank god he started to follow.

“I miss you, baby,” he said as he stumbled alongside her. “God I miss you.”

She couldn’t look at him, just bit her lip and pressed the button for the doors to open.

Pulling him inside, she heard him mumble to himself, “I want you back sometimes, you know.”

No. Not those words. Anything but those words. She tried to will back the tears, remind herself how out of it he was. He didn’t know what he was saying, he didn’t mean it.

“I don’t deserve you,” Thomas continued, more sure of what he was saying. “But… I still want you.”

A tear slipped down her cheek before she could stop it.

He didn’t miss it, even drunk. “Oh fuck, oh baby, no,” he whispered and pulled her to his chest, and she buried her face into his chest, forgetting herself, needing to be close to him for only a second.

“Thomas,” she choked out, her tears getting absorbed by his shirt. “Thomas, I d-don’t know what to d-do with you. God I don’t.”

“I’m sorry, fuck I’m sorry, Amanda.” His hand found her hair and he stroked the top of her head. “I just want you happy.”

She inhaled a deep breath and took her face away from him, trying to collect her thoughts. “But…” she forced herself to say the words. “I think… I think I am happy.”

He stumbled back at the look in her eyes, the sincerity, the earnestness, the raw pleading with him to understand. She was so beautiful, so perfect, and all he wanted to do was kiss her to see if she would smile. He missed when she smiled for him.

“Then…” he struggled to gather words. “Then that’s what matters.”

“He’s a good man, Thomas, he is,” her voice was quiet as the lift doors opened to the lobby. She wrapped his hand around his and pulled him out. “You have to trust me, please.”

“But -”

“Please.” She set him down on a loveseat, watching his face.

She hurt so much, he couldn’t bring himself to disagree. “I trust you.”

Now that he was quiet and calm, she texted William, asking him to get there as fast as he could. God, William had been her rock through this full ordeal, making sure she was okay and happy each time she went into work, promising he’d keep an eye on Thomas. But sometimes, his stubborn nature couldn’t let his twin hold him back.

She’d barely sent the text before she looked over to find Thomas’s eyes closed, his breathing slow. He was still so beautiful, and she would have been lying if his sentiments didn’t echo with her too. She did miss him, missed his touched, missed the way she felt inside when he would bite her neck a little too hard, or stay inside her even after they’d both climaxed, just whispering in her ears and pinching her nipple. She missed the ways he treated her that he didn’t realize he was doing, like remembering how she took her tea, or stroking up and down her arm when they laid in bed in the mornings.

Yes, she missed him. But she couldn’t do it anymore. She knew that now.

Amanda sat there next to him, confusion and loss running through her mind, until William texted that he was outside.

“Thomas, wake up,” she nudged him and he groaned before opening his eyes.

He was still drunk, enough not to question where he was or why, and she wordlessly led him to the door to his brother.

William only had to take one look at the pair to know something had happened, something he had worried was brewing for weeks now.

“Little brother, what’s going on?” Thomas asked and reached out to William.

“Nothing, Thomas, go hop in the car, alright? I’ll be there in a minute.” His brother grumbled away without argument, and he turned to Amanda with concern. “What did he do, sweetheart?”

“It’s okay,” she assured, wrapped her arms around herself in the chill of the night. “Just take care of him.”

“Always, Amanda. Just tell me you’re going to be okay.”

She shrugged, seeing Thomas plop himself into the car on the street. “Yeah. I have to be.”

“God, I’m sorry.”

He was so caring, so scared of upsetting people. She smiled and took his hand. “I’ll be okay, William. Thank you for getting him. I’ve just,” she nodded back inside, “got to get back up. Jacob’s…”

“Right.” He smiled back at her, but sadly. “Call me if you need anything.” He kissed her hand, his lips cold on her skin.

She watched the twins leave until William’s car had vanished from sight. She had to let him go. She couldn’t keep doing this to her heart. Much as she hated it, they couldn’t go back to what they had. Ever.

So as she shut the door and headed back into the lift, she tried to ready herself for the confrontation with Jacob, and hopefully, after, a deeper trust. Deeper relationship. That was what she needed, both to heal and move on.

It was going to be a long night.


	5. Chapter Five

## Chapter Five

“I’ve been waiting 20 minutes for your ass to show up at the restaurant.” Thomas waltzed into William’s office, not even bothering to knock. “Get your ass up, I’m starving.”

William’s head popped up, blinking in surprise as he looked between his twin and the twin. “Shit.”

“Yeah, shit. Come on, little brother. Enough work, I’m hungry.” He waved impatiently before he stopped, realizing they weren’t alone.

He hadn’t seen her much in the last month. Even when she worked with him, she kept herself busy at her desk and talking with him through emails more than face to face. He wouldn’t have been surprised if she insisted on just working for William, but she still came into work with him anyways. He didn’t understand the disappointment he felt when he hardly caught a glimpse of her when she was just outside the office door. She didn’t even bring him his lunch, instead ordering it and having the receptionist bring it to him.

He had royally fucked up. Only, he couldn’t exactly remember what he had done.

“Manda.” He willed her to turn around in her seat.

She hesitated before responding. “Hi, Thomas,” her voice was so soft, barely much more than a whisper. It reminded him too much of when he first met her, the timid beauty he had quite enjoyed seducing.  

William looked between them, raising an eyebrow when Amanda ducked her head and bit her lip. She shifted uncomfortably and he sighed. Things were far from getting back to normal. “So, lunch?”

Thomas never pulled his attention away from the back of Amanda’s head. “Lunch. Did you want to join us, sweet girl?”

Her shoulders tensed, her eyes growing wide. She sent William a panicked look before shaking her head quickly. “N-No thanks. I already have plans.”

“It’s alright, doll,” William tried to assure, easing the tension with a smile. “Thanks for your help this morning.”

“Of course.” She hurriedly stood. “I should, er, get going.”

She never looked at Thomas as she darted as calmly as she could out of the room and to her desk. Thomas’ jaw locked as he turned his head, watching her over his shoulder as she collected her things and disappeared down the hallway.

“Have you noticed anything different with her lately?” he asked in concern.

William shuffled around the papers on his desk. “Well can you blame her?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Thomas’ head snapped towards his brother.

His twin gave him a pointed look. “Come on, Thomas, you couldn’t expect things to just be fine after you went over to her apartment that night. While drunk.”

Thomas’ hands curled into tight fists. “You said I didn’t start anything.”

“You were drunk and you went over to your ex-lover’s apartment while her current lover was there.” William stood and shook his head. “She told me it was fine, and I might not know her as well as you, but I know Amanda well enough to know when something isn’t fine.”

“I was drunk,” Thomas tried to insist.

“And you were adamant that something was wrong with Groves that entire night. I’m assuming you weren’t quiet about that with her.”

“Yeah well, I still think something -”

“Enough, Thomas!” William slammed his fist down on the table. “I understand this isn’t something you know how to deal with, but damn it, Thomas, enough. I want more than anything for you to get your head out of your ass and see what everyone else does, but I can’t force you to feel things you aren’t sure how to. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be happy.”

“And I don’t want that? That’s why I wanted to dig, to make sure he was good enough for her. So she could be happy.”

“But there’s nothing there. We dug, Thomas. We both used our connections and we looked. But there’s nothing. He’s squeaky clean and makes her happy. You need to let it go, for her sake.”

Thomas’ eyes narrowed. “There’s just something about him I can’t shake.”

“Probably because you’re jealous, big brother.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Sure.”

“I’m not fucking jealous.” Thomas growled.

William grabbed his phone and came around the desk. “You are. I don’t think you fully understand why or how, but you are. And you’re not only hurting her, but you’re hurting yourself. You need to either grow a pair or let her go.”

“There’s nothing to let go. I never had her in the first place. I never wanted that. That’s not how I work.”

“You also never slept with the same woman past a weekend, and look where we are,” William pointed out. “She was different. She meant something more to you.”

“She -”

“Lie to yourself all you want. You feel something. I know you better than anyone, Thomas, and I  _know_  that you do. Figure it out. Or let her move on and be happy.”

Thomas clenched his jaw. “There’s nothing to figure out so drop it. If she’s happy, then great. She’s happy. That’s all I want for her. She deserves more than just being fucked around.”

But William didn’t believe him. Maybe Thomas believed himself. Maybe he really truly did. But William saw the pain Thomas was going to be in down the road when he realized he let the best damn thing in his life go.

“Lets just go get some lunch, yeah?”

Thomas shook his head, already taking a step back. “I don’t have time, I have things to do.”

“Thomas.” William lay his hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll see you tonight.” He was already starting to turn.

“I just want you to be happy too.”

“I am happy. I’m just fine. Leave it alone, William. I have everything I need.” Thomas brushed him off and started out the door.

William sighed to himself, watching his brother’s retreating back. “Everything except her.”

* * *

William braced himself as the eased open the door to the large bedroom. He had heard enough throughout the night to know Thomas had thoroughly enjoyed himself, just as he did most nights these days, but William never knew the state he’d find his brother in. And today was no exception.

Sighing, William shifted the cup of coffee to his other hand as he took in the sight before him. He couldn’t even count the number of limbs that took up the bed, all tangled together, covering each other as they fanned around his brother lying face down on the bed. Shaking his head, he thought about just leaving Thomas to deal with his own mess, but they had a meeting with a client that his brother insisted he come to. If they didn’t get their ass in gear soon, they’d be late. And then Bishop would ream him a new one, and he just didn’t need to deal with the grumpy ass.

“Thomas,” his tone was clipped as he called for his brother.

Not a single limb moved.

Rolling his eyes, William carefully reached over the bed and tugged a pillow free from beneath a mass of blonde hair, before slapping it down on his brother’s backside.

“Get your naked ass up.” He hit him with the pillow again until he heard the annoyed groan of his brother waking up.

“Go the fuck away.” Thomas flashed him the finger.

“Sorry, can’t do that, we have a job to do this morning.” William looked around at the women spread across the bed. It was shy of the amount they’d enjoy for an orgy, but not by much. What the hell had Thomas gotten into last night? “Get your ass out of bed so I can stop staring at it. I’d like to enjoy my breakfast this morning.”

Thomas shot a glare in his direction. “We have the same ass, you bastard.”

“Well mine is clothed right now, isn’t it?” William shoved the mug towards him. “What the hell are you doing, Thomas?”

Thomas rolled his eyes as he turned onto his side, pushing himself up as he accepted the coffee. “What? I’m just enjoying myself.”

“And you have. Every night this week.” And William suspected he was high most of those days, though Thomas tried to hide it from him. He always tried to hide it from him, but William wasn’t an idiot. He had lived through university seeing the glassy look in his eyes, after all. “I get that you’re hurt -”

“I’m doing exactly what you told me to do,” Thomas hissed, shoving myself off the bed, doing his best to avoid the other bodies so not to wake anyone up. “I’m moving on, as you insisted I do. Not that I need to move on. Why the fuck would I be upset about losing one woman to fuck when I can have all this,” he waved at the bed. “I’m perfectly content, little brother. You’re the one who’s having the fucking issue.”

William sighed, knowing it was no use arguing with him about this  _again_. His twin was too stubborn to listen to reason, to try and figure out what he was feeling. And William was sure his brother was feeling  _something_. He just didn’t know how to get through to him.

“Shit, this tastes disgusting.” Thomas nearly spat out a sip of coffee. “You make terrible coffee.”

“Of course I do,” William snickered.

“Why did you give it to me then?” Thomas’ face scrunched up, still continuing to drink the coffee.

“Because you’re hungover and we need to go.” Tapping his watch, William sent him a pointed look. “Hurry the hell up.”

Thomas flipped him off as he grumbled and took the mug with him into the bathroom. Shaking his head, William looked down at the mess of bodies. A head popped up, a lazy smile on her face as she spotted him.

“There’s two of you?” she blinked in surprise.

William shrugged. “I’m the better one.”

“No you fucking aren’t!”

The girl ignored Thomas’ yell as she looked him over. “Prove it.”

A slow smirk slid across his lips and glanced down at the time again. Thomas would be awhile yet, he might as well use his time wisely.

“Turn over for me, baby, and spread your legs.”

* * *

Amanda was late coming into work. She was never late. She always arrived promptly an hour early, whether she was with Thomas or William that day. Why wouldn’t she? She loved what she did and she was damn good at it. Neither of the twins worked her to the point of exhaustion, and both took care of her if they thought that they were. Even when things had become a nightmare for William, and the company had almost gone bankrupt, she had never hated her job. She helped put things back together, and she felt good about that. William needed her. Just as Thomas eventually did to. It was why he had practically begged her to come work for him too.

But she was late, and she felt awful about it.

“I’m so sorry.” Amanda hurried into William’s office, pausing for only a moment to grab her iPad off her desk to take any notes.

“Hm?” William looked up, adjusting his glasses as he gave her a once over. “Sorry for what, love?”

“For being late. I’ve never been late before, and I -” She frowned when he started chuckling.

“Doll, you’ve never been late, like you’ve said. The only time you never came in was when that bastard tried to steal away my secretary,” William scowled playfully. “You don’t have to come in as early as you do, you know that.”

“I know, but I like getting everything organized for the day.”

“And I appreciate that, Amanda, but you never have to worry about being,” he looked at the time and had to stifle a laugh. “Five minutes late.”

Her shoulders relaxed as William shot her a grin. She was glad for the glasses he wore, softening any sharp edges that reminded her too much of his brother. “Well I’m still sorry.”

William rolled his eyes but nodded, just accepting her apology even if he didn’t need it. He dipped his head back down as he looked over the spreadsheet before him, pleased with the numbers he was seeing. He was rarely getting any of the handouts from his brother any longer, and the company was still thriving. None of the accounts had been stolen from, thank god. The security measures he took kept his greedy bastard of a father away from the company’s finances. He felt like he could finally breathe, things looking far better than they had a year ago.

“I was thinking of taking the…” William trailed off as he glanced back up and raised an eyebrow as Amanda shifted nervously. She was still standing instead of taking a seat as she usually did, her bottom lip being attacked by her teeth in worry. “Amanda? Darling, what’s wrong?”

Realizing he was talking to her, she shook her head and forced a smile, assuring him she was just fine.

“Amanda, I know you a bit better than that.” He leaned back in his seat with a frown. “Did something happen? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she promised. “I’m very good, actually.”

“Then why are you acting so nervously?”

“I, um, I have something I need to tell you. Because I care a lot about you, and you’ve done so much for me that I want to tell you this.” Amanda could feel her heart racing as she braced herself for what she was about to do. She could put it off. But William was a large part of her life for her to try and keep this from. She wanted him to know. Needed him to know, even.

William stood in concern. “Has someone stolen you away from me? Are you quitting? Because I’ll have to kill them, whoever they are. Even my brother. I’ll miss him, but my secretary comes first, of course.” When she didn’t smile, didn’t even make a reaction like she heard him, he rounded the desk and motioned for her to come closer. But she didn’t. “Amanda? What is it?”

She inhaled sharply as she raised her hand to push her hair back behind her ear. She knew he saw the ring the moment it caught the light, his intake of breathe nearly knocking the air out of her own lungs.

“Jacob proposed.”


	6. Chapter Six

## Chapter Six

“Proposed?”

“Yes.”

“For… Marriage?”

Amanda twisted the ring on her finger. “Yes. Marriage. And… and I said yes.”

William couldn’t bring himself to close his mouth as he stared at the giant rock set on Amanda’s finger. Engaged. Amanda was engaged.

“Amanda,” he muttered, finding her eyes. “I’m not, I’m not going to dissuade you. But, tell me you’re sure. You have to be sure about this.” He took her hand to stop her itching fingers. “You can talk to me, sweetheart.”

Her lip quivered for a fraction of a second before she replied, “There’s nothing to talk about, William. I’m going to marry him.” She shifted her weight on her feet. “I am.”

“I know, and I’m happy for you, sweetheart. But, is this what you want?” He cupped her chin with his free hand. “You’ve only been seeing him, what, three months? And he’s already proposed. Have you even met his family? Has he met your father?”

She faltered, considering him. “He’s not close to his parents. I don’t even think they live in London. And, my dad knows of him. Hasn’t met him… yet.”

“Are you comfortable with him? Does he listen to you? Respect you?”

“Yes.”

“Understand you? Comfort you?”

“…Yes.”

“Take care of you?”

She stepped back, removing her face from his hand. “Like you could have?” Her voice was quiet, curious, but not accusing.

William blanched, his hand falling to his side and he looked her over. “Like I still do. There is not an ounce of me that doesn’t care about you, sweetheart. And…” He sighed. “And not an ounce of Thomas, either.”

“Don’t do that.”

“I don’t mean to. We all knew what the three of us together would mean, especially when it wasn’t… official.” William struggled to find the correct words to ease her struggling mind. “But we will always, always be there for you, I swear it. Even when my brother is an idiotic arse. “Do not forget that, Amanda. So tell me.” He took her face in hand again. “Do you love him?”

Her eyes flicked over his face, searching for something he couldn’t quite place. He saw her struggle, the confusion rampant behind her warm brown eyes. “I do.”

“Do you. Love him?” he repeated, needing more than anything for her to be sure.

“I do!” The force of her voice surprised him, but not as much as the tears welling in her eyes. “I do, William. He’s what I need.”

He stroked his thumb across her cheek. “I trust you to know your own heart, Amanda.” He steeled himself before continuing, “I promise to support everything you want. As long as this is, truly what you want.”

She touched his hand on his face gently. “It is.” Her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

“Then congratulations, sweetheart,” he said as a smile grew on his face. “I’m happy for you, my doll, I really am.”

Amanda let out a breath as her shoulders relaxed, her rouged lips turning up into a small smile. “Really?”

“Of course I am, silly girl.” They laughed together as he pulled her into a hug. “I’m so, so happy for you.”

He held her, for more moments than he could count, feeling her back rise and fall with deep breaths under his hands. She was so small, so trusting. So perfect.

But he knew there was something more she was fretting over. “I’ll tell him.”

She pulled away, eyes filled with dread. “Are… are you sure?”

He nodded as he stroked her smooth back. “I am. I promise, Amanda. I’ll take care of you.”

* * *

William roused the next morning to a soft hand twitching at his side. Through the sleep in his eyes he realized it belonged to the twins’ latest conquest half covering both of them, legs draped over Thomas’s and hands and arms over William’s chest. He groaned and pulled himself out of bed, looking around the scraps of clothing on the floor for something to wear, eventually finding his undershirt and boxers before heading downstairs.

William still hadn’t told his twin about the engagement. It had been late when the twins had met up at the club the night before, and that was no place to break that kind of news to Thomas. Too many temptations and things that could have led to more harm than good.

He started both the kettle and the coffeemaker before finding something to make for breakfast. A few eggs were scrambled as some bacon broiled before William heard footsteps trek down the stairs.

“Christ my head hurts,” Thomas grumbled as he took a seat at the bar. “Girl certainly had a mouth on her.”

“I won’t deny that,” William smiled and poured the black coffee for his brother.

“No,” Thomas denied the cup. “I need a vodka rocks.”

William sighed and slammed the mug down, hot liquid splashing onto his hand. “Thomas, it’s breakfast.”

Thomas met his twin’s eye just as the toaster dinged, bread popping up. “And a piece of toast.”

“Like hell.” He knew Thomas wasn’t joking. He’d been starting to drink earlier and earlier the last few weeks, barely functioning by the time they got back home late at night. “You get the toast, no alcohol. No -” He glanced up the stairs. “No drugs. I’m fucking worried about you.”

“I’m handling it.”

“I heard that for a fucking year, you sap. And then didn’t hear from you, at all, for six years.”

Thomas set his jaw. “We were barely twenty. I couldn’t handle it well back then.”

William gripped the counters so hard his knuckles went white. “You can’t handle it now.”

“Fuck off.”

“No, I won’t. You’ve got to get your act together, brother.” He swallowed and looked over Thomas, dark circles under his eyes more prominent than they had been a week ago. “And I need you to listen to me.”

He looked down at the counter. “Why should I?”

“Thomas, look at me.” Thomas rolled his eyes before two pairs of blue eyes found each other. “Listen carefully, understand?”

His brows rose. “Is mum -”

“Mum is fine.” William steeled himself before pressing on. “Thomas, I’m going to tell you something and maybe it’ll set you straight. And I want you to maybe think about why it’s coming from me and not the source.”

“William -”

“Listen.” He leaned forward to make sure Thomas caught each word. “Jacob proposed to Amanda. And she said yes.”

Thomas’s eyes glazed over as he processed the words, not sure he’d heard them all correct. “Ja-Jacob Groves.”

“Yes. Proposed to Amanda.”

Thomas gave a noticeable shake of the head. “Not - not my Amanda.”

“She is not yours,” William said as gently as he could. “He proposed to her, and she said yes. She’s his. She’s going to marry him. And… and she’s happy about it.”

“No.”

“Thomas, don’t -”

“She can’t.” Thomas’s voice had dropped to a whisper.

“She can,” William whispered back. “And she’s going to. It’s her decision.”

“But Groves, there’s… there’s -” He backed away from the counter of the island and stood, pulling at the hair by his neck.

“There’s nothing.” William watched his carefully, unsure whether to try and hide the Jag keys before he thought of bolting. “There’s nothing except your jealousy.”

Thomas’s eyes narrowed at his twin. “I am not jealous.”

“You’re lying!” William yelled, his frustration that had been building for the last three months coming to a boil. “You’re lying to me, your own brother. You’re lying to Amanda. And you’re lying to yourself. And for what! For some, disbelief that someone would want to hold you closer than you’re comfortable with? That, despite all those layers of self-hatred and inner disgust, there would be some woman out there who could see past all that and love you?!”

Thomas pushed the bar stool aside and it clattered to the ground. “She didn’t love me. I don’t let people do that, you fucking know that.” His voice was almost too detached for William’s liking.

“But I love you. You’re my brother, my twin, and I love you. Mum loves you, I shouldn’t even have to explain that. And guess what? Amanda did, and does, love you. She cares for you, just like I do, and wants you happy.”

It was Thomas’s turn to scream. “Then why is she marrying him!”

“Because you’re a blind idiot!” William rounded the island to stand face to face with Thomas. “Because you could never see how she looked at you, the gestures she made to get you to notice. The way she opened to you, big brother. In more ways than one. I don’t think you’ll ever be able to understand the effect you had on her, the hope she carried to a nearly visible amount. The more it grew, the blinder you became.”

Thomas clenched his fists at his sides. “What are you saying.”

“I’m saying, your blindness was killing her. Not even I could have given her what she wanted. I told her what I thought was the truth,” he said and squared his shoulders. “That you couldn’t have fulfilled whatever fantasy she’d concocted in her mind. That you couldn’t have given her the happiness I saw her craving.” He chuckled sadly and shook his head. “But, Jesus. Maybe I was the blind one.”

“And why’s that?” Thomas asked, rage creeping into his tone.

“Because I didn’t see you had already fallen in love with her.”

Two hands grabbed at William’s undershirt and yanked with a force that momentarily startled him, and when his back hit the wall he felt the air get knocked out of his lungs.

Thomas’s vein in his forehead was bulging out, eyes seething with a frustration Willian hadn’t seen directed at anyone other than their father before. William thought he had realized how much Thomas was struggling with placing his emotions, but it had only been recently when the extent of it made sense to him. Thomas had been reacting to Amanda’s relationship with Groves the exact same way William had reacted to Jocelyn’s affair: the betrayal that only came when someone you loved was no longer yours to adore. But he knew his brother had no name, no context, for what he had been feeling.

But maybe embracing those feelings would be better for him in the long run.

“Take it fucking back,” Thomas spat.

“You know it’s true.” William grabbed at his brother’s wrists by his shoulders. “You’re in love with her, Thomas. You are. She’s never doubted you. She sought you out, time after. She believed in you when you never did. The fact you’re a drug lord didn’t even matter to her!”

“It should have!”

“But it didn’t!” he screamed back. “I’ve never seen you look at a girl like you looked at her. I’ve never seen you open yourself to someone other than me. I’ve never seen you so much as fucking cuddle a girl before! You did everything a boyfriend should do, save giving her an emotional attachment. You left that to me.”

Thomas’s lip quivered as he said, “Because I can’t!”

“A relationship can’t work when all parties aren’t giving it their all. You didn’t. She wanted to be with both of us but most of all she just wanted you. To reciprocate. To admit that it could have worked.” William’s eyebrows rose, voice pleading with Thomas. “To just try. We could have made it work if you had just tried.”

One of Thomas’s hands fell. “You could have had her. You wanted her too.”

“It wouldn’t have been the same. It was both of us or you.”

“No,” he choked out.

“Yes. You know that too, big brother.”

They stared at each other, more words unspoken, before Thomas’s other hand let go of the fabric of William’s shirt.

He sighed, taking a step back from William. “It doesn’t matter now, though, does it?”

“That’s up to you.” William knew Amanda would have halted the engagement if Thomas came to his senses. But that was expecting far, far too much from his twin.

Thomas smiled sadly and chuckled. “No, it’s not. She’s made her decision. I,” he let out a shaky breath, “I guess I need to support it.”

William furrowed his brows. “Thomas -”

Footfalls on the other side of the room brought them both to attention, whipping their heads around to find the forgotten conquest from the night before rubbing her eyes on the stairs.

“Everything alright?” She asked timidly, leaning against the doorframe. “I heard shouting, I just wanted to make sure…”

William cleared his throat and spoke up. “All good, doll. Just a brotherly spat is all.” Thomas shot him a glance as he adjusted his shirt. “I’ve, um, made some food, if you’d like it. Then we can get you a car when you’re ready.”

Thomas cracked his neck. “Bring the food upstairs, won’t you, brother?” He turned his attention to the girl. “We’ll find a bit of entertainment while you finish up.”

The girl giggled when Thomas pulled her back up the stairs, with a sort of urgency that almost worried William. He was going to have to watch him, make sure he didn’t lose himself completely. If only twins had the same fucking fingerprints, he could break into Thomas’s safes and take whatever was left of his stash before something unimaginable happened.

God, his twin was a blind idiot.

* * *

Thomas came into work much later than usual that week. Amanda almost called William more times than she could keep track, scared he wouldn’t be able to face her. In all honestly, she wasn’t quite sure she would have been able to face him.

When he still hadn’t arrived by lunch, she took to Pinterest to kill the boredom. Planning her wedding had been her dream since childhood, when she would plan for a whole weekend little “ceremonies” that she and her dad would partake in. He always indulged her, and even made cupcakes for the “reception” after they had their dance.

She missed her dad. She still needed to tell him about Jacob.

But she hadn’t imagined she would only have a few weeks to plan an entire event. To get everything perfect, to book a venue, a caterer -

Oh, shit. She needed a dress.

Jacob was insisting on a Valentine’s Day wedding. Cheesy but romantic, they both agreed, but Amanda would have been warmer to the idea had it been maybe June instead of almost Christmas. She didn’t really understand the rush, or why it mattered. But she couldn’t find it in her to argue, not when he looked at her with those amazingly warm eyes, and he smiled wide enough for her to see his dimples.

She glanced up around one to find Bishop looking down at her, a curious look on his features. “I heard some news about you, dove. Is it true?”

Despite herself, she smiled and held up her hand. “I’d say so.”

“Well, goddamn,” Bishop whistled and observed the ring. “What’s the boy do for a living? I could barely afford this, and I’m a fucking criminal.”

His candor made her genuinely laugh. “He makes do.”

“Jesus,” He set her hand back down. “Well, congratulations on your advancement to trophy wife.”

“Elliot,” she said admonishingly.

“No, I know. Congrats, Amanda.” His brown eyes seemed to be a mixture of both pride and concern.

“Yes, congratulations,” another voice added behind Bishop. Amanda’s breath caught in her throat at the familiar tone, laced with barely-hidden sarcasm.

Thomas clapped Bishop on the back as he neared the desk. “A round of congratulations to our darling girl.” His blue eyes met Amanda’s, and she was shocked at how red they were. “May she know nothing but blissful happiness.” He smiled as he said it, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His worried eyes.

“Thank you,” she murmured softly.

“I ought to get off,” Bishop said suddenly before disappearing down the hall, leaving Thomas and Amanda together for the first time in days, tension palpable in the air surrounding the desk.

“Did William tell you?” she brought herself to ask, eyes focused on his fingers tapping the wood of her desk.

“He did.”

“Okay.”

“Are you happy?”

Her head flew up, her ponytail flipping around. He was staring so intently at her, studying her. “Yes, Thomas. I’m happy.”

He nodded, slowly, eyes still on her face. “Good. That’s what matters.”

She saw he meant it. She may not be able to tell exactly what he was thinking, but she knew he cared. She had always seen that, even when he hadn’t.

“Thomas?”

“Hm?”

She bit her lip, considering her next words. “Could, I mean, um… I don’t, have, um, a lot of girlfriends and I… I trust you, so.” She sat straighter and tucked a hair behind her ears. “Would you like to - I mean would you mind… coming to help me get a dress?”

His silence made her instantly regret asking. Thomas’s mouth dropped open in disbelief, still studying his secretary. “Me?”

“Y-Yes b-but you don’t, have to.”

“Um, shit.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I, I guess… I don’t see why not.”

She gasped. “What?”

“Yeah, let’s go. I’ll call Joseph. We can go right now.”

“You don’t -”

“But I want to,” he stopped her with a definitive raise of his brow. “As… as your friend, Manda.”

Friends. They had never really been friends before. They seemed to have skipped that step when they first met. Maybe now was a good a time as any to start over, this time from square one.


	7. Chapter Seven

## Chapter Seven

Amanda was apprehensive as they stepped through the door into the bridal boutique. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Why did she ask him to come with her to do this in the first place? She could have asked her father - but she hadn’t exactly gotten around to telling him about Jacob just yet. But there were other sin her life she could have gone to. William even. He would have been the right twin to turn to. But Thomas knew her better than anyone ever had. His presence comforted her, even in the most overwhelming moments. She needed him to keep her grounded. Even if that was selfish of her.

Thomas was stiff beside her as he looked around sharply at the bridal displays. She could have sworn he shuddered, and Amanda had to wonder if he ever thought he’d step foot into a wedding dress shop.

“Ah, Mr. Hiddleston.” A woman came bounding over. “I’m so glad we were able to fit you and your fiance in.”

Thomas nearly choked as Amanda’s cheeks flushed. The hand that had been on her back, guiding her into the boutique, quickly fell to his side.

“No I’m, I’m just a friend,” he quickly blurted out. “Miss Tremaine is the blushing bride, but I’m just…moral support.”

She tried to keep the smile on her face as the associate waved off her mistake and reached for Amanda’s hands.

“Aren’t you just going to be the most darling bride.”

“That she will.” Thomas’ voice was so low, she was almost certain she had imagined it.

“Now before we talk about dresses, let’s discuss budget.”

“Oh.” She bit her lip. She had some saved, and she knew her father had put away some money for her future wedding, but she didn’t want to have to rely on him too much, especially with how soon the wedding would be. “I haven’t quite decided, but -”

“Don’t worry about the budget.”

Amanda frowned as she shot Thomas a look. “I don’t think much more than -”

“Don’t worry about the budget, Amanda,” he repeated, sending her a pointed stare. “Just find something you like.”

“But -”

“Manda.”

She wanted to argue, but she knew that expression well. Sighing, she nodded and let the woman whisk her off down the hallway to the dressing rooms. Everything was a whirlwind as dresses were shoved into the room and pushed on her. She barely had a moment to embrace wearing a wedding dress for the very first time before she was being hurried out of the room and back down the hallway. As they were approaching the main floor, Amanda could hear Thomas’ hushed voice.

“Yes I know I fucked up by coming here with her. Yes I realize that. How the hell was I supposed to say no to her?”

Amanda faltered, nearly tripping over the bundle of fabric hanging off of her.

“Shit, she’s coming, I have to go. No, I’ll be fine. Just have a drink ready for me when I get home. Actually, make it two.”

As they turned the corner, she tried not to look at him. Tried not to let the disappointment show. She knew this had been a horrible idea, and she had just put on the first dress. This wasn’t something Thomas Hiddleston did. So why had he agreed? Why had he taken her here today? Neither of them had been prepared.

“What do you think?” the associate asked once Amanda was settled on the platform in front of the mirror.

Amanda’s nose scrunched up as she peered at her reflection. The ballgown was poofy, the dress larger than she was tall. One glance told her everything she needed to know - this wasn’t her dress. But as she looked over at her companion, catching his gaze, she couldn’t help but ask his opinion.

“Thomas? What do you think?”

He looked pained as he took her in. “Honestly?”

“Please.”

“You look ridiculous.”

She had to fight back a smile. “I thought so too.”

His lips twitched for only a moment before the associate huffed and had her scurry back to the dressing room. Dress after dress were brought into the room, but nothing was right. None of them felt  _right_. Amanda always imagined she would know when she was wearing the right dress. She’d have those little flutters in her stomach, that knowing feeling in her heart. But every time she stood in front of the mirror, she felt more and more discouraged.

She was ready to redress when another dress was brought into the room, another associate flushed as she gingerly carried the hanger.

“The, er, gentleman out there wanted her to try this on.” She practically threw the dress into the room before hurrying back off.

Amanda raised an eyebrow as she eyed the dress. She wasn’t sure how many more disasters she could handle. But as the associate held the soft looking fabric up, she was surprised by what she saw.

“It’s not white,” the woman tsked. “Most brides prefer white.”

A smile spread across her lips as she reached out to touch the delicate material at the top. “It’s perfect.”

“Are you sure? It’s not traditional.” The woman didn’t look convinced.

But the blush coloured dress was everything Amanda didn’t realize she wanted. “I want to try it on.”

The woman let out a long sigh but helped her into the beautiful and simple dress, the loose fabric falling down her legs elegantly. It was so different from all the others. So different than she would have ever picked out for herself. And  _he_  picked it for her. Thomas had chosen this.

Swallowing hard, Amanda nodded when she was asked if she wanted to show him his pick. With each step she took down the hallway, her heart pounded. What would he think? Would he like it? Would he think it belonged in the pile with all the others? Did his opinion truly matter that much? But yes, yes it did. It shouldn’t. It shouldn’t matter whatsoever. He wasn’t hers and she certainly was never going to be his. But his opinion would always matter to her.

As she stood on the platform, she struggled to find the courage to look at him. He didn’t look up at first, focused on his phone. She didn’t bother him. Didn’t utter a word. She just waited until finally, he glanced up and his eyes grew wide. Her shoulders tensed as her hands fiddled with the fabric. Thomas’ eyes roamed over her as he slowly approached. Every step he took, the harder it was to breathe. She couldn’t look away as he stopped behind her, his gaze still not meeting hers.

“W-what do you think?” she whispered.

When his hand touched her back, she struggled not to lean into his touch. Her eyes closed briefly, selfishly enjoying the feel of his hand on her. It had been so long since they had been this close. She could forget herself with him so near, with him touching her. Forget that she was trying on wedding dresses. Forget the fiance that wasn’t him. For a quick moment, she forgot all of that and just imagined that things had gone differently. That her fantasy had come to life.

“God, Manda,” Thomas breathed out. “God I want to kiss you.”

Her eyes napped open as a shudder ran down her spine. Her eyes met his for barely a split second before the associate she hadn’t even realized had left, came waltzing over.

“What do we think?”

Thomas’ hand flew off of her as if he had been burned. She nearly missed the feel of his firm hold, but scolded herself for nearly losing it. She was engaged to a man who loved her, who took care of her in ways that Thomas never could. She couldn’t risk it all because she forgot herself for a moment.

“Amanda, I -” he began, already retreating.

Gathering up the skirt of the dress, Amanda plastered on a fake smile. “I better go get dressed.”

* * *

Thomas held back a groan as Amanda headed back down the hallway. What the hell had he been thinking? Touching her like that. She was getting married to another man, and all he had thought about doing was kissing her. If they had been alone, he would have ripped the dress down its seams and fucked her. She was too goddamn beautiful.

But she wasn’t his. She wasn’t anything to him anymore. Nothing more than a simple friend he was supposed to support. And he couldn’t even manage that.

“Fucking hell.” He collapsed into a chair, running his fingers through his hair.

This had been a mistake. He shouldn’t have agreed to come here, to watch her parade around in wedding dresses. This wasn’t what he did. This wasn’t a part of his life. William should have been here. He’d know the right things to say. He wouldn’t have stepped over the fucking line.

“I need to get out of here,” he murmured, looking around quickly.

There was no one in sight except for the shy associate he had berated earlier to bring Amanda the last dress. She kept her distance after his barked orders, barely even glancing in his direction. Sighing, Thomas stood and strode over, already slipping a card out of his wallet.

“I want to purchase the last dress.”

The woman’s eyes grew wide, blinking as if she hadn’t heard him right. “Are you sure? It’s quite a bit and…”

His patience was wearing thin and he needed a drink. “I’m sure.”

She squeaked in response before leading him into the office for the paperwork. Not even looking at what he was signing, he took back his card and hightailed it out of the boutique before Amanda reappeared. He didn’t need to see that look on her face again. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to resist her if he stayed there any longer. And she didn’t need that confusion. She was happy. At least, that’s what she insisted. And if this was what she wanted, what she needed, then he would accept it.

It wasn’t like there was an alternative, not like everyone thought there was. His brother had his ideas, but it didn’t matter. Amanda was better off with Jacob, better off with a normal, happy life. And he was better off alone. With his brother at his side, and the cartel to run. It was how it should be.

* * *

“Have you noticed anything off with Amanda lately?”

“Hm?” Thomas barely looked up from the glass of amber liquid he swirled around. It was his third glass and it was only lunch. “What about Amanda?”

William sighed as he snatched the glass out of his hands. Thomas cursed as the whiskey spilled over his hand and the counter. “Will you pay attention instead of drinking yourself into a stupor? Again.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “I hear you, little brother, I just choose to ignore you.”

“Like you’re ignoring Amanda.”

“And what exactly do you think I should be doing? Pining away? Giving her heart eyes until she leaves Groves and comes back to me? We both know that would be the worst thing she could do.”

“No, we  _both_  don’t know that.” William shook his head. “You’re the only one in denial here. But this has nothing to do with how stubborn you’re being. It’s about Amanda. Something’s going on with her and I’m worried.”

Thomas eyed him for a moment before frowning. This wasn’t just an attempt to get him talking about his feelings again. “She’s seemed fine to me.”

“Of course you’d think that when you’ve hardly seen her in weeks.”

“It hasn’t been that long. She was perfectly happy at the dress shop.” he pointed out.

“That was weeks ago, Thomas. Which you would have realized if you’d even noticed she’s barely worked at your office over the last few weeks.”

“She’s been there.”

William raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? When?”

Thomas scowled. “I don’t know, William. What is this, a pop quiz?”

“I’m just trying to get your head out of your ass so we can deal with the real problem. She’s been acting differently lately. It’s like she’s pulled back into herself. She’s not our Amanda anymore.”

“She’s always been a bit shy.”

“Not lately. Not since…” William trailed off, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “She was so happy when she told me about the dress you picked out for her. And the flowers she wanted for the reception. And the music she would dance to. But then suddenly it just all stopped. There was no wedding talk. There was no sparkle.”

“Maybe she’s just tired.”

“Maybe. But I think it’s more than that. If she’s happy, she has a funny way of showing it.”

Thomas’ eyebrows furrowed together. “What exactly do you want me to do about it?”

“Talk to her,” William urged. “She listens to you. She cares about your opinion. Even when you’re an idiot, she cares. I think she needs someone to talk to and as much as I try to help her, it’s not me she needs. You always understood her I think better than she understood herself sometimes.”

“I’m not the person who comforts people.”

“You weren’t a lot of things until she came along.”

Thomas looked away, clenching his jaw. “William.”

“All I’m saying is talk to her, Thomas.” William slid the glass back towards him as he stood. “I have to get back to the office. Try not to get too drunk. I’d rather not be called out of a meeting to drag your ass home. Again. Call Bishop next time.”

“Oh he’d just love that.” Thomas mumbled, nodding in his brother’s direction.

Waving the bartender over, Thomas knocked back the contents in the glass before ordering another. What the hell did William expect? To sit down and talk about his feelings? He didn’t do that. He didn’t comfort people. He didn’t wipe away their tears and know exactly what to say to make them feel better. William was usually there for that.

But William had been right. He hadn’t been present in Amanda’s life since that day in the boutique. He bolted out of the shop after paying for the dress and he had barely given her a second glance. He didn’t blame her for spending more time at William’s office than his own. It was easier, ridding himself of the temptation all together. If he didn’t see her, if he wasn’t around her, then he couldn’t be tempted. Not like when she wore that dress, when she took his breathe away. When she made him wish for just a single moment that he was the one she would be walking down the aisle towards. Those weren’t emotions he had the pleasure of exploring. And certainly not with her. It was better if he put the distance between them now. It’d be easier for them all.

Yet as he finished the fourth drink, he was pulling out his phone and sending Amanda a text requesting her help in the office that afternoon. The damn woman was a siren, and knowing there was something possibly causing her pain, he needed to know how he could help her, how he could fix whatever the problem was. She was his new drug, one he just couldn’t seem to quit.

“God, I need a hit.”

* * *

He tried to busy himself as he waited for Amanda to come in. He checked the latest shipments, had Bishop give him the rundown of the current situation with the Russians for a third time within an hour, and even let sweet little Izzy babble to him during a short visit. But nothing calmed him until he heard those distinct clicking sounds of Amanda’s beloved shoes coming down the hall.

Straightening in his chair, he tried to appear busy as a gentle knock sounded at the door. “Come in.”

The moment she slipped into the room, Thomas knew William had reason for concern. There was no light in her eyes, her lips forced into a smile that looked more painful than natural. Her shoulders were sluggish and she looked more exhausted than after a long, sleepless night between his brother and himself.

“Darling.” He pushed back his chair and was about to motion her forward when he remembered he couldn’t. Sighing, he focused on her, trying to understand what had caused such a drastic change in the woman who had been so radiant in that wedding dress. “Are we working you too hard?”

“Not at all.” Her fake smile grew larger. “You know I don’t mind the work.”

“Because if we’re ever demanding too much of you, you know you can -”

“Work’s fine, sir.”

“Are you sure -”

“Thomas, I’m fine.”

“Now, love, you know I hate it when you lie.” His eyes narrowed. “Is the work too much?”

Her mask crumbled, just a tiny bit. But he could see right through it. Right through the lies she was telling herself. He always had been able to.

“No.”

“Then what has been too much, Manda? You’re not, you’re not happy right now, and that kills me.”

Her lip quivered as she quickly looked away. “Everything’s fine.”

“Lies, sweet girl. We’ve talked about this. In many explicit ways,” he let the words slip out. “Tell me the truth. Something’s happened. Is it Groves? Did he hurt you? If he laid one hand on you, I swear to god I’ll -”

“No!” Her eyes widened, shaking her widely. “No everything’s fine with Jacob. He’s been wonderful.”

Thomas frowned as he searched her face for any hint that she was covering for him. A tiny part of him, a sick part of him, almost hoped that it was the case. That Groves was behind her unhappiness. But yet again, there was more proof that the man was  _perfect_.

“Then what is it? You can talk to me, you know that right? I know…I know it’s been difficult lately.  _I’ve_  been difficult. But all I’ve ever wanted was your happiness.” He wanted her within touching distance. He needed to touch her, to pull her onto his lap and hold her. It was what she always craved when she was having a hard day. But she wasn’t his to hold anymore.

“It’s…” she began her lie again before her shoulders slumped and her face crumbled completely. Her eyes filled with tears, and before he knew it, Thomas was on his feet.

“No no, none of that, baby.” He clasped her by the chin, drawing her gaze upwards. “It’s going to be okay, whatever it is.”

“I-I don’t, I don’t know if it will be,” she managed out.

“Tell me what’s trapped in that beautiful head of yours, sweetheart.” His thumb caressed her jaw. “Talk to me.”

She broke, her words tumbling out. The stress of the wedding, of planning the event in such a short amount of time. Of everything she initially wanted being changed, of how overwhelmed she was feeling. Thomas could only stand there as she spoke, as the tears slipped down her cheeks. It wasn’t until the first sob sounded that he was broken out of his trace, tugging her over to his desk and pulling her down onto his lap. Distance be damned.

“Come here, darling.” He stroked her hair as her body shook against his own. She hid her face in his shoulder as he played with her silky strands. He considered texting William, begging him to come and help. But his hands just couldn’t seem to move away from her. “I know I haven’t been the most supportive…friend. Especially when it came to your  _fiance_ ,” he tried hard not to spit the word out. “But your happiness is what matters to me, Amanda. It always has been. Despite what’s happened in the past, between you and me and how I feel about him, my want for your happiness has never changed. Which begs the question, are you happy? Right now, in this moment, are you happy? With him? With getting married?”

“I…” She shakily braced her hands on his shoulders as she pulled away and looked at him. “I think so?”

“No.” He wiped away a tear. “There shouldn’t be any hesitance. Forget the wedding. Forget the planning. Forget how I might feel. Forget all of it. How do  _you_  feel?”

Her forehead crinkled. “He’s, he’s good to me. He makes me smile and he’s kind. Loving. I…” Thomas nodded in encouragement. “I love him. And I know he loves me.”

“Is this what you want? To get married?”

“I think -”

“Manda.”

Squaring her shoulders, she nodded with a sniff. “It is. I do want to get married. It’s just…this wedding. God, I’ve always dreamed about getting married and having this perfect fairytale day but…it’s so soon! It’s sweet he wants to do it on Valentine’s day, and it will be romantic but there’s no time to plan. There’s no time to get the flowers I wanted, so we had to choose something else. Finding a venue was a nightmare, everything is booked at least half a year in advanced. Our entertainment fell through, and the caterer keeps trying to change the menu on me. I just….I wish I could just elope and get it over with!”

Thomas blinked, trying to process everything. She continued to ramble, listing everything that had gone wrong, the dress being the only part of her wedding that had gone off without a hitch. He lost track after that point, his mind wheeling.

“So do it. Elope.” The words blurted out.

Amanda frowned before realizing what he said. Her jaw dropped open in surprise. “But, but I can’t!”

He snorted. “Of course you can, it’s your wedding. Your marriage. If you want the wedding without the hassle, then elope.”

“But the flowers!”

“You don’t want those flowers anyways.”

“But-but-”

“I can send you wherever you like, you know.” What the hell was he saying? But he couldn’t stop himself from continuing. “Paris. A beach. Anywhere you’d like, darling, I can send you. It’ll just take a call to the pilot, and then you’ll be on your way. No fuss. No hassle. No more ruined plans. Just you and your fiance.”

Amanda shakes her head. “Everyone expects -”

“Fuck everyone else.” He clasped onto her chin. “Do you want to be with him? Love him?” She gave a small nod. “Then you can have whatever you desire. You want Venice? I’ll send you to Venice. Or I’ll rent out your childhood church. Or buy you the best wedding planning William can find. I’ll get you the flowers you want.” Her chin wobbled as she tried to look away. “No, sweetheart, look at me. This is your chance. Why don’t you take it?”

She sniffed and tried to wipe away her tears. “Why are you so good to me? After everything? You don’t even like him.”

“Well that’s a foolish question, love.” He offered a small smile. “I might have my…differences with him. But I want you to be loved, Amanda. And if he can provide that for you, if it means you’re happy, then I want that. I only ever want that. So tell me what it is you want, where you want to go, and I’ll make the arrangements.

She’s quiet for a long moment, and he lets her gaze trail away. Her tears start to dry as she takes her bottom lip between her teeth in consideration.

“A-a beach,” she says after awhile, very quietly. “I’ve always wanted a beach wedding.”

“I can do that.”

“But I, I have a condition.”

“Anything, sweet girl.”

She shifted nervously and he tightened his hold on her. “I want you and William there.”

“There wasn’t any question about it. We’ll be there.”

“It’s just…well…Jacob didn’t want you two to come at first.”

Thomas stiffened. “What?”

“He wasn’t, well he wasn’t sure what either of you meant to me. He knew there was a bit of a past, and he wasn’t that comfortable with me even working here but -”

“What?” his voice lowered into dangerous territory.

She quickly continued. “I was able to squash his worries though. I like working with you and William. There was never any alternative. None that I would have allowed.”

“But he didn’t want us at the wedding.”

“Not at first.”

“And now?”

When she didn’t say a word, he knew his answer.

“So what do you want?”

“You’ve already asked me that,” she replied softly.

“And I’m asking again.”

She looked him in the eye, never wavering. “I want the two of you there. Maybe a few friends and family too. But I…I need you two there. I won’t take you up on your offer if you won’t be there.”

The hope in her eyes was the only reason behind his answer. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

And then that smile came. Slowly, inching its way across her lips, that sweet smile that caused the urge to reappear. He wanted to claim those lips. To pull her tight against him, to slide inside of her and listen to her screams. But she was talking to him about a wedding with another man. A wedding he had just offered to move to a stress free location. He could have had his hand in destroying their engagement. He could have reclaimed her at that very moment. But her happiness, that smile on her face, it was everything he couldn’t offer her and everything she deserved. So he gave her his own smile, stroking her cheek one last time, before letting her off of his lap.

“Thank you, Thomas. For everything.”

“You never have to thank me.”

Her smile widened as she left the office, a weight being lifted off her shoulder. And it had fallen straight onto his. With a heavy sigh, Thomas leaned back in his chair and reached for the drawer his stash was hidden.

* * *

The wedding arrived sooner than anyone anticipated. Amanda, with the stress of planning a wedding gone, was lighter on her feet around the office the days leading to her departure with her fiance. Thomas had arranged an onsite wedding planner to take care of any problems, letting the bride and groom enjoy the day without any hassle. William was surprised when Amanda told him about Thomas’ generous offer, but when he questioned his brother about it, Thomas just shrugged it off and poured himself another drink.

He was all over the place the day he knew Amanda would be taking off on the jet, a week before the ceremony. Her family and friends would join closer to the wedding, but the happy couple would have a few days alone on the private beach getaway Thomas had chosen for them. His office felt a mess, nothing where it was supposed to be. He couldn’t find a damn file, and his emails were pouring in that he just wanted to ignore. Bishop was on his ass the entire morning, reminding him of meetings and bringing more bad news about the Russians. They were getting braver, or more foolish, and something needed to be done. But all Thomas could concentrate on was the time. An hour until she left. 40 minutes. A half an hour. Minutes. The time kept ticking away and he grew agitated with every passing minute.

“Fuck it.”

He just wanted to check in, he told himself. Make sure the jet was prepared and they had everything they needed. That there was no detail left out. It was that excuse that led to his phone being pulled out, to his finger hovering over her number. Wishing her a good trip was fine. It wasn’t invasive, Thomas insisted. He just wanted to hear her calming voice one last time. For the reassurance the office wouldn’t fall to shambles without her. That was all.

Inhaling sharply, Thomas brought the phone to his ear, tapping his fingers on the desk as it rang.

“Come on,” he murmured. “Come on, pick up.”

_“Hi this is Amanda Tremaine, I’m not available at the moment -”_

“Damn it!”

He slammed his phone down onto the desk, wincing when a crack appeared from the force. He tried to remind himself that he’d see her in a few days. That he had gone longer without her around. But the next time he saw her, she’d be about to get married. At a wedding he put together for her. Maybe his brother was right, wondering what had got into him to offer such a thing.

* * *

“Are you ready for this?” William looked over at his brother before smiling at the stewardess walking passed their seats.

Thomas, wearing an impeccable suit with sunglasses covering his bloodshot eyes, nursed a glass of hair of the dog. He barely glanced in William’s direction, keeping his head tilted towards the window. “It’s just a wedding.”

William sighed. “It’s not just a wedding.”

Thomas tossed back his drink. “Our secretary is getting married. To someone she loves. There’s nothing more to discuss, William.”

“Why don’t you take those sunglasses off and tell that to my face.”

But Thomas didn’t rise to the challenge, just flipping him off and moving his chin towards the other stewardess and she approached. “Well hello, darling.”

The woman giggled as she warned them they’d be taking off momentarily. Thomas flashed her a charming grin before she moved to her own seat for take off. William rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he tried to get through to his brother. He couldn’t even imagine the turmoil he was going through. The drinking was out of control, and William knew without a doubt that Thomas was using nearly as much as he had been in University. He was worried. Scared even. He didn’t want his twin to slip too far that he couldn’t get himself under control. But any time he’d bring it up, Thomas would wave off his concern and busy himself with work or women. Anything to avoid the topic of his emotions.

But William knew Thomas would be facing those emotions soon enough. It would only be a handful of hours before they were landing, only a few days before the woman he refused to let himself love walked down the aisle towards another man. William was just scared of what that aftermath would be.

“You have nothing to be worried about, little brother,” Thomas assured.

“Oh I think I have a lot to be worried about.”


	8. Chapter Eight

## Chapter Eight

The pounding on Thomas’s door was exactly like the one in his head, the light slipping through the curtains already too bright even with his eyes closed.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes as his body adjusted to the hangover and activities of the previous night. He rolled his body away from the sleeping girl next to him, tangled in the white sheets of the resort’s room, and slipped on the trousers lying in a heap by the dresser. It wasn’t William knocking - they’d gotten the keys to each other’s rooms out of convenience. It may have been Bishop, but even he knew to always call first. Too damn early. Too much damn alcohol.

He rubbed the heel of his hand against his eye as he yanked the door open. “Yeah?”

A sniffle from the hallway made Thomas drop his hand to his side, suddenly aware of his lack of shirt. He blinked, recognizing immediately the figure that had been knocking.

Amanda’s eyes were puffy and red, cheeks shiny with tears that had only just fallen. Her small body was wrapped in a silk robe from the resort’s spa, hair in that messy bun that Thomas was more used to seeing while she made tea with William in the mornings.

Thomas could only stare, unsure how to approach her. He hadn’t seen her much since he and William had arrived at the Porto resort the previous morning, and he had tried his hardest not to seek her out. From what he’d been told, everything was just as he promised her to be. Perfect. Not a hair out of place.

“Thomas?” Her voice was broken from all the crying, fingers itching at her side.

He took a deep breath before joining her in the hallway, immediately tipping her chin up with his fingers. “I swear to fucking god Amanda, if he hurt you I will -”

“He d-didn’t hurt me,” Amanda sighed. “I, I just… Will you be completely honest with me?”

He swallowed and narrowed his eyes, searching her face for any sign she may have been lying to him. “Always. You know I’ll always be honest with you.”

Her lip quivered before she said, “Am I making the right decision? Marrying him?”

Marrying him. The weight of those words suddenly crashed down on Thomas, and he realized where exactly he was.

In a resort, in Portugal, to attend a wedding her had held pay to put on.

Amanda, his Amanda, was getting married.

Was she making the right decision? Thomas considered her question, fighting the fogginess his hangover had created in an effort to give her the most coherent answer he could. The right decision? The smartest one, Thomas knew, one that would keep her safe from whatever life she thought he may have been able to offer. The sanest one, of course, because it gave Amanda a secure future with a man would cared for her, who loved her, and knew exactly how to.

The right decision, Thomas had his own selfish answer to. One he couldn’t say out loud.

So he told her the truth. “I think you’ll be happy.”

Her brow’s moved up her forehead, those warm, captivating brown eyes searching across Thomas’s fair face. “W-with him?”

He moved his thumb along her jawline and sighed. “I hope so.” God, did he hope so.

She took a staggered breath and bit her bottom lip. “I’m nervous, Thomas. I’m so nervous. I’m about to get married.”

Thomas fought back a smile. “Isn’t this supposed to be the happy day of your life?” As he said it, he felt something akin to pain in hi chest.

She shook her head. “Supposed to be.”

“Tell me what you need, I’ll make it happen.”

“A stiff drink would be wonderful.”

He barked out a laugh. Always surprising him, even now. “You’re beginning to sound like me, darling,” he said, and she bit her lip again. “What time even is it?”

“A bit after nine, I think. I’ve got an appointment with the salon at noon.”

“Tell you what, let me grab a decent shirt, you go slip on one of your wrap dresses you like, and I’ll meet you down for some mimosas and maybe some breakfast. How does that sound?”

She nodded, letting out an exhale that made her shoulders fall. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Fifteen minutes?”

“Anything for you, sweet girl. I’ll take care of you.” He dropped his hand before she started back down the hall to the elevators, but he saw her wipe at her cheeks to stop the rest of the tears.

Damn her, and the way the robe hugged her as she disappeared out of sight.

Thomas turned back to his door, pushing on the handle only to find it had no give. Fuck, he’d left his key inside. Along with a female.

He knocked on the door, loudly, in hopes of waking her up, but two minutes later he was still standing in the hall. How drunk had they been that she was still out of it?

With a groan, he turned on his heel and banged on the door directly across the hall.

It opened only a moment later, showing a half dressed William with a toothbrush in his mouth. His shoulders fell when he saw his mirror image shirtless in the doorway. “Locked out?”

“Just hand me the key you got.”

“Don’t just stand there, come in here.”

Thomas obliged, taking a seat on the end of William’s bed while William finished in the bathroom. Some news program was blaring on the television screen, Thomas picking up the very few Portuguese words he had caught from clients. His head had gone back to pounding, and the fully open curtains that opened to William’s veranda were letting in just a bit too much sunlight.

“Was that Amanda I heard you talking to?” William called from the bathroom around the corner.

Thomas shut his eyes, bracing himself for another lecture. “Yeah.”

“What was that about?”

“Pre-wedding jitters, I suppose.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m meeting her for brunch in a minute. Hence why I need the key.”

“What was she nervous about?”

Thomas groaned and let himself fall back on the bed. “If she was making the right decision.”

William appeared in the hallway, dabbing a towel at his face. “That’s what I thought I heard.”

His eyes snapped open. “You were listening?”

“Girl is sobbing in the hall and your brother tries to comfort her,” William said and stood next to the television, “usually something you listen to just to make sure he doesn’t fuck up.”

“She just wanted someone to talk to.”

“Is that really it?”

“What do you expect me to say, William?” Thomas spat.

William shrugged. “I don’t know. You tell me.”

He sat back up, eyes narrowed at his twin. “There is nothing else to say, brother. She’s getting married, alright?”

William squared his shoulders and inhaled. “She was practically begging you to tell her not to.”

Thomas stood back on his feet, eye to eye with William. “And what authority do I have to tell her that?” His voice had taken on a steely edge William knew too well.

“Thomas.”

“No, William,” he said, back straightening as he spoke. “Whatever fantasy you have in your head where you’ve thrown the two of us together, it doesn’t exist, understand?” He narrowed his brows, his mouth turning to a sneer. “You should even be happy; you never wanted me with her in the first place.”

“Because I didn’t want you to hurt her. I never thought you’d fall in love with her.”  
  
William said it so calmly, so nonchalantly, that Thomas could only blink while he processed the implications of his brother’s words.

“I’m not in love with her.” His voice had shifted to a growl, the back of his neck bristling with defensive intent.  
  
“Don’t be such an idiot,” William, stepping towards him. “We both know that isn’t true. You care about her, Thomas. More than you have with anyone else. I’ve seen it first hand. Don’t tell me that’s not true.”  
  
“That doesn’t change the fact that she’s about to get married.”  
  
“But you could have changed that!” William pleaded, and if Thomas had had a shirt on, he would have grabbed him by the collar and shook him.

“Maybe I could have, but you know what?” Thomas shook his head. “I won’t.”  
  
William nodded solemnly. “You won’t.”  
  
“I won’t. That girl deserves to be happy and taken care of far more than I do. I’m the worst thing that would ever happen to her. I know that. I’ve known that for a long time.”

“That’s the furthest thing from the truth.”  
  
“Well that’s the way it is. Move on, William. I have.”  
  
“No, I really don’t think you have.”

The twins stood, both on their guard and ready to defend themselves, fists curled at their sides.

“The key.” Thomas finally spoke, breaking the tangible tension that hung between them. “I want my room key. Now.”

* * *

Amanda certainly felt a bit more calm after two mimosas and a warm cinnamon bun. Thomas kept her giggling and her mind occupied, listening to the sounds of the ocean just a few hundred feet from the patio they dined on. It was perfect, and exactly like Amanda imagined. She was getting married today. She couldn’t quite believe it; it felt like some sort of dream.

A dream. That’s what she kept saying to herself. She’d woken up because of exactly that, the images of her walking down the aisle playing in her head while she slept. Though it hadn’t been Jacob waiting for her at the alter.

“Manda?” Thomas’s voice roused her from her trance, and she turned to find his tired blue eyes studying her. “You left me there for a moment.”

Those words struck some sort of chord inside her, but she shrugged it away and offered him a small smile. “Sorry, it’s just so beautiful, you know?”

His lip twitched and his eyebrow fell just a fraction. “I know.”

She swallowed and bit her lip, playing with the napkin in her lap. “Thank you, for calming me down this morning. I just,” she flicked her hand by her head, “had a moment.”

“You have no reason to apologize, darling. You’ve had a lot on your plate.”

“But you’ve been so helpful in all of this.” She exhaled before reaching across the table for his hand, and she tried to ignore the familiar feel of rough skin on hers. “I don’t know how to thank you, Thomas. I really don’t. You’re too good to me.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed on his throat, his gaze traveling from his eyes to their hands. The warmth of her brown skin seemed to amplify in the Portuguese sun, or maybe it was the so-called bridal glow. Either way, he couldn’t deny she seemed to be even more beautiful than the day before.

“I –”

“There you are, my dear!”

An overly cheerful voice cut Thomas off at the same instant Amanda snatched her hand away from Thomas’s.

“Jacob!” Her smile grew on her face too quickly. “You’re not supposed to see me today!”

Groves approached their table an air of possession that made Thomas’s skin prickle, especially when he leaned down to plant a kiss on Amanda’s unsuspecting lips. His fingers curled around her chin, and Thomas hand to look away. “You can’t blame me for not being able to stay away. I’ve been looking all over for you, dear.”

She gingerly took his hand away from her face after a quick kiss to the back of his hand. “Just having a bit of brunch. Calm the nerves a bit. Thomas’s idea.”

Thomas’s head perked up at the mention of his name, fists clenching in his lap when he and Groves’s met eyes.

“You’re certainly a good friend to my bride, Hiddleston.” His eyes portrayed none of the warmth his voice had when he spoke.

He sighed when Amanda looked over to him. “She deserves only the best.”

“That she does.” Groves kissed Amanda’s forehead and brushed a hair away. “Haven’t you got your salon appointment, Amanda?”

Her brows rose. “Is it time already? Oh, gosh.” She hurriedly pushed away from the table and grabbed her clutch. “I’m so sorry, Thomas, thank you for brunch, but I’ve - I’ve got -”

“I know, Manda.” He forced a smile to ease her worries. “I’m glad I could help.”

“More than you know.” She turned to Groves, placing a hand on his chest. “And you! I can’t see you until this afternoon, understand? It’s bad luck!”

He chuckled and kissed her forehead again. “Your superstition is endearing.”

“I’m serious!” She poked him with her finger and took a step back. “Bad luck, you hear me?” She giggled when he winked at her before hurrying off to back inside the resort.

The moment the door shut behind her, the air became palpable with the tension between the two men on the patio, and Thomas was suddenly aware that, for one of the few times in his life, he was weaponless. Even more so as Groves sat down into the seat his fiance had just occupied.

“She was nervous, then?” He asked, leaning back in the seat and narrowing his eyes on Thomas with a glint in his gaze that reminded Thomas of new cartel recruits.

“She’s about to get married, it was understandable.” He eyed the small knife resting on the table, just in case things got messy. He had done a lot worse with a lot less before. Though he wasn’t quite sure when his mind kept resorting to violence whenever he laid eyes on Groves.

Groves simply nodded, looking out to the ocean. “You treat her well.”

“Is that a problem, Groves?”

“You tell me, Hiddleston.”

A fire sparked in Thomas’s chest and his fingers twitched to reach for the knife. “She’s my employee, and a friend. To both myself and my brother. I do what I can.”

“Including paying for a weekend wedding abroad. After flying us out on a private jet, no less.”

“Least I could do. I could afford it. And with the time constraints you put on her, there wasn’t much other choice.”

Through his dark beard, Groves’s dimples appeared when he dryly smiled. “A very wonderful friend you are indeed.”

Thomas licked his lips, studying the tan man sitting across from him. There was still something off, something that didn’t click. And he would be marrying Amanda in mere hours. Was it really possible be could have missed something?

“I’m flattered.”

“Don’t be.” Groves stood abruptly, fixing his sport jacket. “Just try not to forget: she’s mine, Hiddleston. And that will be no less than official by dinner, won’t it?”

His jaw clenched and he fought with the nerves his hand to not jam the dull knife into the man’s neck, Groves’s words fueling the angry fire flaring inside him. He hated him, with a passion, the reasons for which still uncertainly placed in his mind. But there was no mistaking this feeling; it was too infrequent in Thomas’s life to mistake for anything else. It didn’t matter that he was good, right for Amanda, that he would soon be her husband. He couldn’t stand the sight of Jacob Groves because of his hatred.

“I expect it to be.” His voice was dripping ice as it left his mouth.

“Good.” He had the audacity to wink at Thomas like he had to Amanda. “See you at the ceremony then, Hiddleston.”

* * *

William looked himself over in the floor length mirror of the dressing room, where Groves had let him and Thomas change for the wedding, much to their surprise. They weren’t acting as his groomsmen, they were just there are friends of the bride. Where it made William feel welcome, it made his twin more suspicious. William noted how off Thomas had been since coming back from his meal with Amanda, his shoulders permanently tensed and his brow furrowed. But William knew asking wouldn’t prove any good; he’d been met with either silence or sass.

He brushed off a piece of lint on his shoulder and ran a hand over his slicked back hair. In just a little less than an hour, he’d be watching Amanda get married. He’d be lying to himself if he said there wasn’t just a smidge of regret that he hadn’t gotten his full chance with her. But this was what, as she so insisted, made her happy. What she wanted. Not Thomas.

Thomas. William was sure as hell worried about him. He was spiraling in the same way he had in uni, not just with drugs this time, but alcohol too. At a faster rate.

In all honestly, he felt more a little responsible. The breaking of their arrangement with Amanda had been his own idea, but he had had no way of knowing the intensity of Thomas’s feelings. Love was so foreign to his brother that even William had no way of recognizing when his brother felt the emotion.

Where was Thomas, anyway?

He peaked at his watch. Thirty minutes until they had to be at the ceremony. Thomas was probably off getting another drink. Fuck, the last thing Amanda needed was a drunk Thomas.

He picked up his mobile and rang his twin, once, twice, and at the third time left a very colorful message, though he doubted Thomas would bother to listen to it. He sighed, giving himself a last cursory glance before resigning to go look for him himself. He made a quick excuse to Groves, mumbling into his phone on the opposite side of the room, and slipped out the door.

William had barely made it two steps before a deep, unfamiliar male voice reached his ears from the other side of the hallway.

“I am your father, Amanda, and I know when you’re not telling the full truth.”

He shouldn’t listen, he knew that, but the worry in the voice reminded William so much of his own mother that he couldn’t help but step closer to the closed door of the bridal dressing room, hoping to hear more of the muffled conversation.

“Daddy, I promise you have no reason to be acting like this!” Amanda’s voice sounded tired, exasperated. Not at all like an excited bride-to-be.

“You’re not acting like my little girl I know so well. This is too fast! Be together a little bit longer, get to know each other more. If it’s real, the timing wouldn’t be so important.”

“Daddy, please.”

“Is this what you really want?”

William’s brows perked, eager to hear her answer.

It was a few seconds before the quieter response came. “I don’t have a choice.”

He heard a few footsteps across the floor. “Yes, you do. You always do.” A sigh. “What is it, my girl? Are you pregnant? Is he hurting you?”

“No, why does everyone - No, it’s nothing like that at all. This is something I need to do. He’s good, Daddy, he is. He wants to take care of me.”

At the sound of footsteps coming towards the door of the groomsmen's’ room, William decided that eavesdropping wasn’t the best way to be spending his time. Especially on Amanda. He had done enough with affecting her life beyond being an employer, he didn’t need to add to the list.

Now if he could only find his brother. And pray he was sober enough to watch her go down the aisle, even though it couldn’t be with him.


	9. Chapter Nine

## Chapter Nine

“There the fuck you are,” William sighed as he found his brother at one of the resort’s bars. “Where have you been? The wedding is about to start.” He eyed the tie hanging loosely around Thomas’ neck. “You’re not even ready.”

“I’m dressed,” he pointed out, swirling the the liquid in his tumbler around.

“Tell me you’re not drunk.”

“I’ve only had a few.”

“You can’t even hold off till the reception.”

Thomas flashed his twin a look of annoyance. “You’re not my keeper, little brother. Piss off.”

William’s eyes narrowed as he snatched the drink out of his hand. “Enough. Pull yourself together. You can get pissed drunk afterwards, but you won’t ruin this wedding for Amanda. She wants you there. She’ll be looking for you and she’ll be heartbroken if you’re not.”

“I doubt she’ll even notice me once she’s up there with him.” He started to motion the bartender over before William grabbed him by the shoulders and started shoving him towards the exit.

“We both know that’s not true. She’ll  _always_  look for you.”

Thomas shrugged William off of him, adjusting his suit jacket. William sighed but motioned Thomas towards the location of the ceremony. As his brother fixed his tie, William considered confessing the conversation he had heard between Amanda and her father. It was clear that her father had his doubts. The wedding had come so suddenly, it was hard for anyone to wrap their mind around it. But Amanda was so insistent she was happy, and he wasn’t even sure if supplying Thomas with that little bit of information would do much more than make everyone more miserable.

Sighing, William weighed his options, but ran out of time as the small orchestra began playing as they approached the ceremony site on the beach. He glanced in Thomas’ direction, wondering if his brother would make the necessary step to secure his own happiness, but he just wasn’t sure. And how could he ruin Amanda’s bright future with a maybe?

“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked in a hushed whisper as they took their seats.

Thomas wouldn’t even look him in the eye as his jaw clenched. “It’s what she needs.”

And that was that. Knowing it was useless to try and interfere any longer, William stood along with the others as Amanda and her father began down the aisle.

* * *

William took a slow sip of his drink as he watched the happy couple enter the banquet hall. The guest list had been small, but the party was already lively as they enjoyed the resort’s offerings. As Amanda and Jacob prepared for their first dance, William’s gaze swept over the room for his brother. He was surprised when he didn’t even find him at the bar, drinking away the sorrow William doubted Thomas even understood. But it only worried him when he couldn’t find him at all. With his downward spiral, he had a pretty good idea what he was doing and he couldn’t help the flashback to their university years.

“You must be William.”

William turned to find Amanda’s father joining him on the side of the dance floor, his own drink in his hand. He watched his daughter, a loving look on his face, but as he turned his attention back onto him, William could have sworn he saw a moment of uncertainty in his expression.

“My Amanda has raved about you and your brother.” Her father eyed him for a moment before holding out a hand. “Arthur.”

“It’s good to meet you, sir. You have a lovely daughter.” William glimpsed Amanda being twirled around. “We’ve grown quite fond of her.”

“Yes it seems.” Arthur glanced around the venue. “You gifted my daughter with a wedding.”

“That was more my brother’s doing, to be honest,” William admitted. “She’s become more of a friend than an employee the last year. It was the least we could do for her.”

Arthur nodded, taking a sip of his drink. “And what do you make of this?” He motioned towards the happy couple. “I unfortunately don’t know much about my new son-in-law.”

“He seems to make her happy, that’s all I could hope for.”

“Of course.” But Arthur didn’t look convinced. “Where is your brother? I want to thank him for everything. He’s made my girl very happy with all of this. It’s everything she’s always imagined.”

“Oh, ah.” William had a quick look around, cursing inwardly when he spotted his twin stumbling into the large room, a woman on either arm. William sighed, doubting anyone would want Thomas’ first introduction to Amanda’s father being like this. “I think he stepped out for some fresh air.”

He directed Arthur’s attention away and back to the dance floor, all while keeping a close eye on his brother. When Thomas started in his direction, William mumbled an apology and hurried to intercept him.

“Jesus, Thomas,” William sighed, shaking his head as he steadied his twin. “You need to get yourself together.”

“I held myself together for the ceremony.” Thomas shrugged.

William took in Thomas’ appearance and his nostrils flared when he caught sight of the substance under his brother’s nose. “You missed a little something.”

Thomas’ eyebrows shot up, a slow chuckle emitting from his lips as he dragged a hand beneath his nose to collect the white residue. “My bad. Have you met the twins? I met them at the resort bar.” He motioned to the two women with him. Leaning forward and nearly toppling right into WIlliam, he whispered loudly. “They’re quite intrigued about how we share.”

“For fucks sake, Thomas.”

“What? I’m just having a little fun.” Thomas looked over William’s shoulder as Amanda and Jacob strode to their private table. “Not like I’m going to have any entertainment here.”

“At least sober up a bit. For Amanda.”

“I’ve been sober enough for today.” Thomas held out his arms for the women. “I think I’d like a drink or two. Ladies?”

The women giggled as Thomas led them passed William and towards the open bar on the other side of the room. William rubbed the bridge of his nose, only imagining the trouble Thomas would be getting into that night.

* * *

It was after dinner when William was able to have a moment alone with the radiant bride. Catching her at a table thanking guests for coming, William caught her eye and nodded towards the dance floor. Her entire face lightened as she nodded and quickly excused herself.

“I didn’t think I’d get a moment alone with you tonight.” He clasped her waist, drawing her close. “Understandable of course.”

“I’m glad we can dance,” she agreed, smiling up at him. “Thank you again for coming. For all of this. It’s been a dream.”

“This is more Thomas than me.” Sis fingers strayed to the material framing her bare back. “Just like with this dress. You look beautiful, doll. Absolutely stunning.”

Her cheeked pinked as she looked down at herself with a smile. “Thomas picked it out, if you could believe that.”

William blinked in surprise. “My brother? My twin brother? The idiot that looks exactly like me? He picked this out for you?”

“I was having a dreadful time picking out a dress when the consultant brought this one into the room. Thomas had insisted I try it on.”

He shouldn’t have been surprised. Thomas always seemed to know what Amanda needed, maybe even better than she even did at times. But he was more taken back that Thomas never admitted to it.

“It looks just right on you. Like it was meant for only you.”

“Thomas said something similar.” The smile on her face started to draw into a frown. “Is he okay? Thomas? I haven’t seen much of him tonight and when I have…” she trailed off.

William’s eyes closed for only a brief moment. “He’s…Thomas. He’s dealing.”

“I hate that I might have caused -”

“No no, doll, don’t even finish that. This is of his own making. He’s spiralling and won’t ask for help or do anything about it. That’s not on you. That’s not on your happiness.” He brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face. “You deserve this, love. He wants you to be happy, to be loved. He just…needs to deal with things in his own way, despite how much I hate it.”

The light in her eyes dimmed, but she nodded and laid her head against his chest as they swayed. It wasn’t long until they were interrupted.

“Can I cut in?”

Amanda’s head snapped upwards, her eyes growing wide at the sight of Thomas over William’s shoulder. She hadn’t uttered a single word to him since that morning, barely seeing more than a glimpse of him as she was walking down the aisle. He had been scarce the entire reception, never around when she gave a quick, secret glance around the room in hopes of spotting him. But there he was now, his tie hanging loosely around his neck, the top few buttons of his shirt undone and his collar wrinkled. His usually perfectly styled hair was mussed, as if he had been running his fingers through his dark locks throughout the night.

“I’m not sure that’s a good -” William began as he gave his brother a once over. He looked more sober than he had earlier, but his eyes were still glossy. William doubted it would do anyone any good for Thomas to alone with Amanda.

But he saw the look on his brother’s face and he sighed, knowing that this one bit of closure might help heal them both. So he nodded, releasing Amanda’s waist before pecking her on the cheek.

“Congratulations, sweetheart.”

She offered a weak smile as she was handed off to Thomas. William squeezed his shoulder before moving over to the bar.

“You look beautiful.” Thomas murmured as Amanda stepped closer to him.

“Well you did pick the dress.”

His eyes swept over her. “It’s just a dress, Manda. You’re the one that’s beautiful.”

Her cheeks tinged pink as she stared at his chest. She swallowed hard as she felt his all too familiar touch on her lower back, bringing her flush against his chest. Her eyes closed as she forced her hand into his, to not get swept away being in his arms again. She was married now. The only arms she should truly enjoying being in were her husband’s. And she did. But that didn’t stop the shudder from running up her spine when his fingers splayed across her back.

Trying to clear her head, Amanda’s eyes opened and she peeked up at him. “Would it be easier if I only worked for William?”

His eyebrows drew together. “Why the fuck for?”

“On you. Would it be easier on you, after everything that’s happened?”

“You know I’d be a mess without you in the office. I can barely figure out the filing system.” He tried to give her a cheeky smile.

But she wasn’t buying it. “I could find you a new secretary. I know it wouldn’t be the same, but maybe you’d grow to trust her and you could share everything.”

“I’m fine, darling. I’ll always be fine.” Thomas shook his head, releasing her hand to cup her chin. “You deserved all of this. You’re happy, and I couldn’t be more glad. Don’t worry yourself over me.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m Thomas Hiddleston, Amanda. I’m always fucking good.” the smirk slid easier across his face this time. “Nothing to worry your pretty little head over.”

Amanda nodded slowly before they returned to dancing. She wanted to say so much more, but didn’t know how to. Maybe it was just better off left unsaid.

“So, love, I do have to ask, though.”

“Hm?”

Thomas lowered his lips down to her ear. “Who’s the better fuck?”

She let out a startled gasp at the question, taking a quick step back. She searched his face, sighing when she found his eyes unfocused. She had been able to smell the alcohol on his breath from the moment he had joined William and her. But she hadn’t realized he was worse than he looked.

“Thomas.” Amanda bit her lip.

Thomas snickered. “It’s just a bit of teasing.” He lowered his voice. “We both know he couldn’t be better than me. Has he tied you up yet? Made you scream?”

Hurt flashed across her face as she shook her head and took another step back. “You need to drink some water, Thomas.”

“What? I was just -”

But Amanda had already turned away, moving her way quickly around the other bodies on the dance floor and back to her awaiting husband. Thomas raised an eyebrow when his and Jacob’s gaze met, his smirk widening when Jacob’s eyes narrowed. But when Amanda went straight into her husband’s arms, Thomas had to look away, his jaw twitching.

“Oh what did you do?” William as at his side in an instant. He watched his brother's’ expression, knowing not all was well in those twin haunted eyes.

“Oh you know me, little brother.” Thomas shrugged. “I just did what I always do.”

“Thomas.”

“Don’t. I’ve had enough.” Thomas sent William a warning glare. “Now are you going to enjoy those delectable twins with me or not.”

“I think you’re on your own for this round.”

Running his fingers through his messy hair, Thomas lifted one shoulder. “You’re the one missing out.”

“Just…I’m here, you know that right?” William gripped his shoulder.

“Take that twinstinct somewhere else, William.” Thomas rolled his eyes. “You’re looking way too much into everything.”

William could just nod. Because that was exactly what Thomas truly thought. William wasn’t sure his twin would ever really understand whatever he was feeling. Never really get why he was so miserable in that moment.

“Be careful, big brother.”

Thomas saluted his brother. “Always am.”

* * *

Thomas’ head was pounding as he rolled from his bed, nearly knocking into the bedside table as he grumbled his way towards the bathroom. His stomach churned with every step, and it was a struggle to keep upright. He could barely even remember what had transpired that evening. Had he brought anyone back to his room. Peeking back over at the bed, he sighed in relief to find it empty. Dealing with someone wasn’t high on his priority list at the moment.

By the time he reached the door, the pounding in his head raged in protest. He shouldn’t have had that last bottle. But it was the lesser of two evils, as his brother insisted. William would rather him drunk than high, though Thomas doubted his liver felt the same way.

“Jesus fucking christ,” he groaned, leaning against the bathroom sink and taking in his appearance. Red eyes, hair sticking up at odd angles. He was as pale as the porcelain sink. He looked dreadful. “Fucking great.”

Digging for anything to rid him of his headache, he knocked back the pills with a glass of water, slamming the glass onto the counter. But when the headache persisted, he wondered if he should have even bothered.

“T-Thomas?”

His head snapped up in surprise at the tiny voice coming through the bedroom door. “Manda?” he whispered his eyebrows drawn together.

Shuffling across the room, Thomas had to stop himself from ripping the door open. When he revealed Amanda, her hair still in it’s pristine updo, her dress wrapped around her body exactly as it had that day in the shop, Thomas was caught between slamming the door shut and dragging her inside.

“Thomas?” Amanda bit her lip nervously, her hands trying to press down the nonexistent wrinkles of her dress. When she looked him in the eye, he frowned to find her puffy and filled with tears.

“Manda? What happened?” His eyes narrowed as he looked her over, looking for any indication that she was hurt. His hand curled tightly around the door as he fought his temper. “Did he hurt you? Did that asshole hurt you?”

“What?” Her eyes widened. “No. N-no, I promise he didn’t.”

“Then why?” His hand reached for her, to cup her cheek, to comfort her. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m not.” She quickly wiped at her eyes. “I’m just…I needed to see you.”

“It’s your wedding night.”

“I know.”

“You’re supposed to be with your husband.” He forced the word out.

“I -” Amanda dropped her gaze. “I think I…I think I made a mistake.”

He wasn’t sure he heard her correctly. “What?”

Inhaling sharply, Amanda met his scrutinizing stare with a look of longing. “I made a mistake.”

Thomas was selfish. He should have waited for an explanation. He should have waited for her to continue. But he needed her. He needed that hair in his hands, her body completely at his mercy. He needed all of it.

“Tell me that again, and I won’t be able to stop myself.”

She didn’t even blink, her shoulders rounding as she stood tall. “I made a mistake.”

“Goddamn it, Manda.” His hand was in her hair, pulling at the pins that held her curls in place. His other hand dove around her waist, fixated on the smooth, bare back the dress displayed. He groaned when he felt her soft skin, tugging her flush against him. A shudder ran through her as he yanked on her hair until her neck was open to him. “Tell me again.”

“I made a mistake.”

“Fuck.”

He needed her out of that dress. The single reminder that she was no longer his. Releasing her head, his hands spanned the length of her back before falling to the flimsy fabric of the skirt. His nose nuzzled her neck, teasing her as he nipped at her shoulder.

“Please, Thomas. I need you.” She clutched onto his shoulders.

Thomas growled as he ripped at the dress. The tears were easy until he was pushing the blasted thing from her body and discarding the memory of losing her to the ground. With his hands exploring her sweet ass, he lifted her up until her legs freely wrapped around him. He didn’t bother taking her to the bed, too impatient to wander across the room. He pressed her up against the wall beside the door, cupping her mound and moaning when he found her wet.

“So ready for me.” he murmured against her lips, his fingers caressing her slender neck. “Tell me again.”

“I made a mistake.”

His cock was throbbing as he shoved down his sweats and aligned himself to her opening. He wanted to savour her. To take his sweet time enjoying every inch of her body and her needy moans. But the months of waiting for this, of longing to sink himself inside of her, was overtaking his patience. He needed her now.

“Tell me who you want?” He flicked his thumb across her clit. “Tell me, Manda.”

Her nails were digging into his shoulders as she gasped, dragging her slit along his length every time she moved. “God, please Thomas. Please I need you.”

But he needed to hear her say it. “Tell. Me.”

“You!” she gasped out desperately. “You, Thomas! Now please!”

Pressing her harder against the walls to brace her, his hand came up to wrap loosely around her neck. “You need me, my girl? Only me?”

“Only ever you.”

“Good.” He entered her in one swift thrust.

Amanda screamed, her nails raking down his back as his thrusts were hurried and hard. “More!”

And he gave her more. He gave her everything he had as he took her, waiting until she was just on the brink before his fingers returned to her clit.

“Thomas!”

“Louder, baby.”

“Thomas!”

Grabbing her by the ass, he swung her around and nearly threw themselves onto the bed. Amanda’s hands went immediately to the sheets, grabbing hold of whatever she could.

“God, Thomas!” she threw her head back. “I…god, I lo-”

Thomas’ entire body bolted upright, a startled gasp escaping his lips. The sunshine filtering into the room caused his eyes to narrow as he tried to clear his hazy head. His eyes immediately were drawn to the floor, searching for the dress that should have been there. It was night when she had come to his door, unless she had snuck off, it should be there.

But there was no dress on the floor. And as he turned his head to the side, be found his bed completely empty. Not even the twins from the previous evening lounging under the sheets.

Amanda hadn’t come to him.

“Fuck.” Thomas ran his hand down his face. “Bloody hell.”

Without a second thought, Thomas reached for the lamp resting on the bedside table and threw it across the room. Glass shattered upon impact, but he couldn’t find a reason to care. It had been a dream. It had all been one fucked up dream.

Shoving the sheets from his body, Thomas stumbled across the room to the last partially filled alcohol bottle. He emptied its content in quick gulps, ignoring the burn that travelled down his throat. What the hell did it matter anyways?

“Thomas?” William knocked on the door, only to let himself in when he didn’t answer.

William took in the glass shards that had alerted him and sighed. Thomas was fine, his ass. But as he directed his attention to his troubled brother, Thomas gave a jerk of his head.

“Not right now.” Thomas tossed the empty bottle onto a chair and headed towards the bathroom.

“Are you going to be fine for the flight this morning?”

“I’ll find a way to manage,” Thomas replied sarcastically. “Call the pilot. I’ll be ready soon.”

“We can delay for another day.”

Thomas snorted. “God knows I don’t want to be here longer than I have to. I need to get back to work. The cartel won’t run itself, you know.”

“Thomas,” William sighed. “You know I just want you to be happy, right?”

He paused once reaching the bathroom, his shoulders stiffening. “You should know by now that I’m not meant for that sort of happiness.”

That only seemed to be reserved for his dreams.


	10. Chapter Ten

## Chapter Ten

It hadn’t really occurred to Amanda that she was now a married woman until she was seated on the plane, holding Jacob’s hand, headed to a Paris hotel for a two week honeymoon. Her left hand left far heavier than it had over the last few weeks, and the shine of her gold wedding band almost caught her off guard when the sun glinted off of it.

Jacob, ever the gentleman, carried her through the hotel lobby, into the lift, and into their spacious suite that would be their home for two weeks, all while she giggled into his chest. She felt a sense of security in his embrace, clinging to his neck and burying her face in his neck.

She was married. She was happy. This was where she wanted to be.

Their first night together as man and wife calmed the fears Amanda had had about making the wrong decision: she’d slept with Jacob before, if only a handful of times, but his attentiveness, his touch, his kiss, made her feel wanted and loved in ways she hadn’t in months.

Their third night, she was running his fingers through his hair as he poured their glasses of wine, scraps of room service dinner on the table. They finally planned to get in some sightseeing the next morning, maybe some shopping in one of the fashion districts. A perfect day.

“Jacob?”

“Hm?” He started to recork the wine. “More?”

“Oh, no, thank you.” She smiled when he turned around and handed her the glass. “I was thinking, maybe…” she felt herself blush, and bit her lip before pressing on. “Maybe tomorrow when we’re shopping, we could, I don’t know, stop by, maybe… maybe a kink shop too?”

Jacob’s thick eyebrows rose to his hairline. “A kink shop, my dear?” He shook his head and lifted his wine to his lips. “Any particular reason?”

She shrugged. “Just thought, while we’re here, might as well make the most of it.” She ran her hand back up to the back of his neck, her thumb stroking the skin. “Maybe like, some handcuffs, or a blindfold? Maybe even, some, like, ropes?”

“Ropes?” Jacob chuckled and shook his head again. “For you or for me, my dear?”

Amanda faltered. “For, for me. To… tie me up with.”

“Ah, I see.” He took a large sip of his wine. “Bit adventurous, Amanda.”

“I just thought…” She could hear her voice getting quieter, like it did when she got nervous. “It’s our honeymoon.”

Jacob sighed. “I know, my dear. I’m not telling you no, but, we’ll certain try and stop by some place, alright?” He didn’t wait for her answer, but instead made his way to the loveseat where he promptly opened his laptop and set to work on… whatever was making him furrow his brows.

Amanda too took a large sip of her drink, looking out the balcony windows to the lit streets of Paris outside. Maybe she wouldn’t be getting exactly everything she wanted, but, she kept telling herself, that was alright. Jacob would take care of her, would love her. Be her husband.

She was married. She was happy. This was where she wanted to be.

* * *

Thomas’s birthday present to himself was buying a strip club, simply for the purpose of spending his entire birthday weekend there. When William found out, he immediately went to Moira to see if it could be undone at all, and groaned when she told him it was a three year contract.

Reluctantly, he let Thomas drag him there the night before their birthday. Their birthday orgies were an annual tradition with the twins, but William had thought Thomas in no shape for something of that caliber, so soon after Amanda’s wedding.

So it was his surprise when Thomas had three girls on his arms fifteen minutes into the night.

“What were you thinking this year, brother?” Thomas said to him as they sat at one of the club’s bars. “It’s only our second birthday in the house, and we’ve only had a handful of orgies –”

“Five, if you’re still using your more than four girls rule.”

“Right. I know last year we had, what?” He took a drag of his cigarette. “Nine girls?”

“Nine.” William picked up his own drink. “Broke my record.”

“Bet you did.” He eyed a scantily clad blonde waitress passing by. “Let’s aim for twelve this year, then, little brother.”

William choked on his drink, lapsing into a coughing fit that took him moments to recover from. “Twelve? Fucking twelve girls?”

Thomas shrugged. “Why not?”

“Well, logistics for one, brother. The bed’s big, but not that big. We could only fit six on the bed last year.”

“So we take shifts.”

“We are not going to shift out women like they’re, I don’t know, toys or something. I draw the line at that. We’re feminists, last I checked.”

“I never said we weren’t.”

“Thomas, unlike you, I have some lines,” William groaned. “We’ll do the orgy, I’m not objecting to that. But we can’t take more than we can handle.”

“Maybe you can’t.” Thomas flagged down the waitress with a smile. “Another, if you don’t mind love, that’s a good girl.” He made a show of watching her ass as she walked behind the bar.

William shoved him. “This isn’t a sex club, you idiot. You can’t just expect that all of them will go home with us, just because they work here. Let’s go to one of the other places, find a group of girlfriends or something.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Thomas finished off the cigarette and smashed it into the ashtray on the bar.

William rubbed his eyes. He imagined this was some sort of coping mechanism, some way that by surrounding himself with as many desirable women as he could, Thomas was moving on. Working through the remaining strands of regret that were inside him. He had been such a mess on the plane ride back from Porto, sleeping for almost a day straight before coming back to work. William was just glad Amanda still had another week of her honeymoon left. Though his filing system was suffering from the temporary absence, the separation was likely to help all parties involved.

At least, he hoped.

“I say no more than eight, alright? Four of your picks, four of mine.”

Thomas chuckled. “I’ve already got three lined up. And you’ll like one of them.” He leaned in close to his brother, a knowing look in his eyes. “She told me she’s pierced.”

William sighed. “Why would that –”

“Down there, little brother.”

His hand froze midair, drink close his lips. “Did she now?”

Thomas nodded and licked his lips. “I know how you like finding those gems.”

“Fuck.” He was right; girls with clit piercings were one of William’s few weaknesses he could never resist. “Fine, but I’m still saying no more than eight.”

“Scared you won’t be able to keep up, William? Ooh, that’s lovely,” Thomas trailed off when his gaze saw an act that had just emerged to his right.

“Not scared for me, Thomas,” William countered, but Thomas was already making his way to the catwalk across the room. He shook his head and resigned himself to seek out his own prospects for the evening. “Happy fucking birthday to us.”

* * *

Amanda groaned and rolled over in her and Jacob’s hotel bed, her inability to sleep frustrating her. Jacob had no trouble falling asleep directly after their lovemaking, leaving Amanda’s racing mind to continue to whir while she tossed and turned. Tonight was no different. She debated heading out to the living room and maybe renting a movie, having yet another glass of wine until ultimately growing exhausted enough to head back to the bedroom.

Her phone vibrated on the bedside table, and she wondered if it was her dad checking up on her again. She sat up and glanced at the device, squinting at its bright screen.

The message was not from her father, but from Bishop:

_Hey dove, hope I’m not interrupting things. Know you said not to bother you, but remember those emails from Don I CC’ed you on - going on three weeks ago? With the menus attached? Can’t bloody find them - mind forwarding them to me? Sooner rather than later._

She had just finished reading it when another came through:

 _Please_.

She clapped a hand over her mouth to keep her giggles at bay. She doubted she would ever hear Bishop actually say the word “please” out loud, so the fact that he had resorted to using in text made whatever the situation was, automatically dire. Slipping out of bed, she fingered a reply to him, saying of course she would forward it and text him when she did.

Her iPad was lying on the kitchen table, but when she clicked the home button, the screen remained black. Fuck, she hadn’t plugged it into charge after dinner. The old thing would take forever to gain back its power.

She sighed and cursed under her breath. Jacob’s laptop sat on the table next to her iPad, all charged and ready. Amanda glanced back at the bedroom, considering using it for the quick task. All she needed was to log onto the email Thomas had created for her cartel work; she knew exactly where Bishop’s email was. No more than five minutes, and Jacob was fast asleep. No harm done.

She pulled the chair out and quietly lifted the laptop open, swirling her fingers around the track pad until the screen appeared.

Instead of a simple desktop greeting her, the large computer was filled with smaller screens, each some type of file or picture. A chat bubble appeared in the corner, and Amanda’s eyes grew wide when she saw that the viewable messages weren’t in English.

She cast another glance back at the bedroom door. Shit, this was her husband’s computer. She had no right to snope; she just wanted to send an email.

But why hadn’t her husband mentioned he was fluent in - was that  _Russian_?

Fingers hovering over the trackpad, she wondered what she needed to do. She could look at the files, and if Jacob found out, she would have broken his trust on day ten of marriage. Or she couldn’t, but then she’d be unable to confront Jacob about why he was keeping things from her.

She stared at the thumbnail of a picture before bringing her fingers down to click it open.

Only to discover an expense report with Moira Courtney’s unmistakable signature at the bottom of the paper.

Amanda’s jaw dropped as she brought her attention to the details of the document. The Browning logo sat proudly on the top right corner, claiming ownership to the otherwise boring paper. But this… this couldn’t be right. She herself had sent this very report to Thomas over a month ago.

Why the hell was it on Jacob’s computer?

Her fingers now trembled as she clicked another. This one was a scan of something, but Amanda recognized Preston’s chicken scratch on the lined paper. She had filed this away after a meeting back in November.

Alarms were blaring in her mind. Jacob should not have these.  _No one_  should have these. The cartel had outfitted her with exceedingly secure accounts, and nothing was ever thrown away or even copied without express permission from Thomas himself. There weren’t supposed to be any leaks.

Especially not more than twenty of them on Jacob Groves’s computer.

She felt sick, confused, dizzy. What exactly was happening, Amanda didn’t know, but it wasn’t right. Nothing about this made sense.

She was reaching for her phone when a different looking icon at the top of a screen caught her eye. An audio file. Her brows met on her face, and she ripped to headphones out of her dead iPad next to her and plugged them into the laptop without a second through.

When she hit the Play button, Thomas’s voice filled her ears, and she swallowed a gasp.

“– Colombians, we’ve had issues with them in the past. Ones I don’t care to repeat.”

“Northern Irish, then.” That was William’s voice, though likely Amanda was one of the few that could tell the difference.

“Maybe, though they’re more of a gang than anything.”

“What about –” And Preston.

“No, Preston, not the ones in Manchester either,” Thomas sighed. “Fuck their queenpin all you like, but we’re not adding them as distributors.”

“Fine, I will then. Happily. She does this thing with –”

“Shut the fuck up, Preston.” Bishop’s voice was added to the mix. “Look, boss, hate to crush the party, but Munez says there may have been another breach.”

“What, by the Russians?” Thomas laughed. “Still doubt that; those children wouldn’t know which end of a gun is the trigger and which is the barrel.”

Someone cleared their throat, though not on the audio she was listening to.

Slowly, Amanda raised her head and looked over the edge of the laptop screen.

Jacob stood at the entrance of the kitchen, arms crossed over his bare chest, unreadable look on his face.

Swallowing, she tried to ignore the pounding of her heart and she calmly pulled out the headphones.

“Find something interesting, my dear?”

The warmth in his voice, the velvet timber that had been attractive to Amanda since the first moment, was gone. In its place was cold, apathetic detachment, that seemed to be intensified by the ice in his gaze.

She steeled herself, setting her jaw so that her mouth wouldn’t quiver as she spoke. “A few things.”

Jacob nodded, taking slow, purposeful steps closer to the table. “You know, I know I just woke up, but I’m racking my brain, and,” he smiled, and it sent chills up her spine, “correct me if I’m wrong but, I really don’t remember anything in our marriage vows about sharing each other’s computers.”

_Marriage vows._

As deliberately and discreetly as she could, she tried to exit out of the screen, maybe open an internet tab. Warn someone. Bishop, Thomas, William, anyone.

“Now, I really wouldn’t do that, Amanda.” His voice had been stripped of all resolve. This was a stranger now, one that had Amanda right where he wanted, that made her more afraid than she remembered ever being.

But she couldn’t let him see that.

Jacob cocked his head. “Close the laptop.”

With shaking hands, she reluctantly did so.

Her mouth was dry, and she didn’t trust her voice, but she knew she couldn’t just sit there. She needed to know what she was dealing with.

“I-is your name really J-Jacob, then?”

He seemed surprised by the question, but impressed that she still appeared, at least on the outside, mostly calm.

“Sort of. That’s the Anglicized version.”

_Anglicized?_

He continued, almost excited to be answering her. “In Russian it’s Yakov. Yasha, if you’re my friend. And, you too, I suppose. Being my wife and all.”

Russian.

The chat on the laptop, the audio conversation between the cartel men, the hints in the emails, the hushed whispers she had heard Bishop telling Moira over the last few months.

The Russians that the Hiddleston cartel had written off as incompetent and childish long ago.

Through the haze, it all clicked in her head.

They had used that mentality to their advantage, flying under the radar. Planning their long haul.

That now somehow involved Amanda.

“It’s a shame, really.” Jacob - Yakov? - looked out to the kitchen windows. “We were hoping for at least a few more weeks, maybe a couple months, worth of information before we did something with you. This speeds things up.”

Amanda shot out of her chair and it clattered to the ground, but Jacob merely stared her down, as if daring her to try and bolt.

“Do as I say, Amanda, and I won’t hurt you.” He paused, then reconsidered. “Too much.”

“You stay away from me.” Her voice betrayed her fear, but she balled her tiny hands into fists at her sides.

“You should be thanking me.”

“T-thanking you?” She spat, adding even more confusion to her state.

“The original plan, they were just going to kidnap and kill you. No build up or anything. And where’s the fun in that?” He smirked. “No, I took one look at that picture of you they showed me. Up against a parked car, Hiddleston’s lips on your neck. Your face the picture of ecstasy.” His eyebrow rose. “Only took that one photo to see how much you meant to each other. What you were to him. A weakness. Hiddleston can’t usually afford those. Which made you the perfect pawn. To distract him, spiral him.” He rose to his full height. “Especially after you’ve been kidnapped.”

Her vision went blurry, and she felt her fist start to tremble involuntarily. She had nothing, no weapon to defend herself, no way of calling for help. And nowhere to even try and run.

“Don’t you  _touch_  me!” She cried, but she could hardly hear herself over how loudly her heart was beating.

His eyebrows rose again, and he sighed. “Here’s what’s going to happen, Amanda.” He took a few steps backwards, eyes watching her every twitch. “Like I said, I won’t hurt you unless you give me a reason to.” He reached to the floor and grabbed his leather briefcase before heading back towards the table. “In a little bit, some of my friends are going to arrive. And we’re going to go with him. If you don’t make any trouble, I’ll just use these.” From the briefcase he pulled out a pair of thick handcuffs and a black hood.

Amanda’s step faltered, and she found Jacob’s face. He spoke so calmly, like he did this every week.

And maybe he did.

He smiled again, licking his lips. “And you like these, don’t you? Come on dear, you  _did_  ask me to tie you up.”

“Fuck you.”

“You have, multiple times, if I recall correctly. Though I really don’t see why Hiddleston kept you around for so long.” He dropped the objects on the table. “I certainly couldn’t find anything too special with you.”

She bit the inside of her cheeks, wondering how many people in the hotel would hear her if she simply started screaming.

“As I was saying. Make trouble, and I’m afraid I’ll have to use other methods.”

“Thomas will look for me.”

She didn’t realize she had said it, or that her voice had been that steady. But she surely did not expect Jacob to laugh at her words.

“That’s the point, Amanda. Hence the whole idea of exploiting a weakness. Drawing him out, you see.” He shrugged his shoulders and shifted on his feet. “But, who knows if he’ll even notice now? I believe I was told he took home, was it eight? Eight women the other night. He might just assume you ran away with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Oh, but you are, dear. I just –”

The ringing of a phone broke through the suite, the offending device coming from the other side of the room.

Jacob held up a finger at her. “Don’t move, understand? Remember what I said about making trouble.” He turned and walked around the couch, picking up the phone with a grin. “Ah, it’s the friends I was telling you about.” He pressed the screen and held the phone up to his ear and broke into Russian.

Amanda watched him, his body still turned toward her, but now a distance away. She needed out. She couldn’t go with him, she wouldn’t. Willing or not.

Her phone was still on the kitchen table. She was closer to the front door than he was, and now a couch and a coffee table were in his way. She just had to round the corner.

She was internally cursing herself for not competing in sports while in school, just as Jacob barked something into the phone. He huffed, and brought up a hand to rub his eyes.

 _Go_.

Amanda snatched her mobile off the table and jumped over the fallen chair, almost losing her footing as she came around the corner in only two steps. She reached for the handle of the front door, only an arm length away, when she heard a crash behind her.

As soon as the metal of the door handle touched she skin, she pulled as hard as she could on it, and she caught just a glimpse of the hallway outside before it was slammed shut again.

Jacob’s thick, rough hand covered her mouth and held back her scream, but she clawed her manicured fingernails against it as he grabbed her back against him, her feet feebly trying to kick at his shins.

“This counts as trouble,” he growled in her ear, and she took a deep breath to try and scream once again at the same moment something stung her neck.

He pressed down on the syringe in her neck and held her firmer.

“Shhh, Amanda. Close your eyes, just close your eyes.”

Her hands fell away from his and her feet stilled, and her view of the door in front of her became blurrier and blurrier each time she blinked. Jacob’s voice, that she had once found so soothing, was ringing in her ears, as she fought the unconsciousness that was creeping on her with all her might with one thought still very clear in her mind.

Thomas had been right.


	11. Chapter Eleven

## Chapter Eleven

Thomas rubbed his temples as he tried to tame his raging headache. The pounding in his head distracted him from the piles of work he’d been putting off since before Amanda’s wedding.

“Here.”

He fought back a groan as he tipped his head up and found Moira hovering over his desk, a glass of water and two tablets in her hand. His brows furrowed as she set the glass down before shoving the tablets towards him.

“I’m fine.”

Moira snorted. “No you’re not. Take them, it’ll help.”

When he reached for the amber filled tumbler already on his desk, Moira sighed and snatched it out of his reach.

“I am your boss, you know.” Thomas scowled.

“And you’d be lost without me,” she replied sweetly before her tone grew concerned. “Are you alright, Thomas?”

He sighed and ran his hand down his face. “I’m fine, darling. Something you need?”

She eyed him carefully before nodding and holding out a folder. “Just the projected numbers on the…” she shuddered. “The strip club. Tell me again why I got a phone call in the middle of the night to figure the sale numbers out?”

Thomas shrugged. “It looked like an interesting business opportunity I couldn’t let go to waste.”

“Mhmm. At four in the morning?”

He winced. “I didn’t realize it was that late. I didn’t wake Izzy, did I?”

“No, she’s a deep sleeper.” She set the folder down onto the desk before leaning against it. “Thomas, can I say something?”

He raised an eyebrow. “If this is a lecture about the strip club -”

Moira fought a smile. “Not quite, but I’m sure you’ll wish it was.”

His eyes narrowed but he nodded. “Go on.”

“You’ve done a lot for Izzy and me. I honestly have no idea where we might be right now if it weren’t for you.” When he looked like he was about to argue, Moira held up a hand to stop him. “No, it’s the truth. I was pregnant and homeless, and you gave me a shot.”

“You actually knew what you were doing.” Thomas shrugged.

“It was more than that. You like to try and hide the fact that you have a heart, but the select few of us that you let in, know you have a very big and loving one. And you let Izzy and me in. You made sure we had somewhere to live. That we were okay. When that asshole…” she paused, her eyes closing as she remembered her ex finally finding her. “You didn’t even blink to protect us.”

“The bastard needed a lesson.”

“And you were in front of the line to do so.” She laid a hand on his arm. “What I’m trying to say is that you’ve been there for me when I had no one. When I had nowhere to go. And I’ll always remember that.”

“Moira -”

“If you ever need anything, if you ever need to talk, just know that I’m around.”

There was a quick moment, one that most would have missed, that Thomas’ face nearly crumbled. But within seconds, his hardened mask - that of a drug lord - returned into place. “I really am fine, darling.”

“I know.” She smiled sadly. “I just wanted you to know that.” She tapped the folder before pushing herself away from the desk. “Izzy drew a picture for you yesterday and begged me to give it to you.”

His lips twitched. “Thank her for me.”

“Of course.” She gave him a last glance before turning towards the door.

“And Moira?” His head ducked down as he peeked the folder open, the drawn picture lying on top of the financial reports. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. Oh and Thomas?”

“Hm?”

“When is Amanda due back from her honeymoon? I was going to ask her to lunch, but I thought she’d be back by now.”

Thomas’ chin lifted, his forehead crinkling. Amanda on her honeymoon was the very last thing he wanted to be thinking of. “I’m not, uh, sure. Soon, I think.”

“Right.” Moira nodded, offered a last smile, before quietly closing the door behind her.

Sighing, Thomas ran his fingers through his hair and eyed the glass Moira had snatched from him. He could use the familiar burning, the haze it provided. But as the work piled on his desk caught his attention out of the corner of his eye, he knew he couldn’t put it off any longer.

He worked through the afternoon, occasional glances being thrown to the door. Thoughts of the empty desk just outside of his office nagged at him, despite the fact that he wanted nothing more than to not think about Amanda and her new husband. But this was Amanda, and even though he and William insisted she take as long of a honeymoon as she pleased, she had been too considerate of work to take them up on their offer. She  _should_ have been back by now, shouldn’t she have?

Leaning back in his chair, Thomas tapped his fingers on top of his desk while staring at the phone. William would know. He kept track of these things more than he did. William had been more sober than he had been the last few weeks. He should just call his twin and put his mind at ease.

But something caused him to stand, to gather his things and march out of the office. It was nearly the end of the day, might as well try and coerce William into a drink if his suspicions were just that. Amanda was probably over there now and he had just missed her return. He’d just make sure.

When Thomas strode down the hall of Hiddleston Corporations, however, he noticed one important thing lacking. Order. The desk in front of William’s office was in disarray, and he had a feeling his brother’s own desk was much like his. He didn’t even bother to knock as he swept into the office, his brother barely looking up from his computer.

“I have a late meeting tonight, if you were here for a dinner.” William paused as he looked back up at Thomas. “Or a drink, in your case.”

“Is Amanda here?”

William tensed. “If she was, why exactly do you want to know.”

“She hasn’t been at the office since her honeymoon and I was…concerned it was because of me.”

His brother frowned. “She hasn’t been there?”

“I assumed she was here.”

“Here?”

“That’s what I just said.”

“Thomas.” William slowly rose out of hise chair, his eyebrows drawn together. “She hasn’t been here and her honeymoon ended a week ago.”

He didn’t hear him right, Thomas was sure of it. “She should be here. She’s supposed to be here.”

“I thought she was at your office this entire time. I wasn’t going to question it if the two of you were comfortable enough to keep working together.”

“But she hasn’t been there.” Ice cold dread filled his veins. “You’re sure she was supposed to be back by now?”

William caught his eye. “Positive.”

William watched the slow changes in his brother as the calm mask slipped from his face, the sheer panic and worry taking its place. Thomas’ hands ran through his hair as he started to pace in front of William’s desk, not uttering a word but his mouth moving as if talking to himself. William didn’t dare say anything, not even sure if he could muster anything coherent as it was.

Where the hell was Amanda?

Without waiting for Thomas to finish processing, William whipped out his phone and called her number. And he called it again and again each time he got her voicemail. By the fourth time, he began leaving messages. When her inbox became full, William cursed and tossed his phone onto the desk and started forming a plan.

“Where is she?” Thomas finally managed out, twisting to a stop in front of him. “She’s supposed to be here, damn it.”

“We should go by her apartment. She said she wasn’t moving in with Groves until after the wedding. She could be there. Maybe she’s sick or just busy with packing,” William offered.

“She would have called one of us if she wasn’t going to make it in,” Thomas pointed out, forcing his voice to remain level. “You know her.”

They both did. She wouldn’t just leave them wondering.

“Fuck.” Thomas’s hands curled into fists.

“Maybe the honeymoon was just extended.”

“And you think she wouldn’t tell us that either?”

William knew he was right. “Fuck.”

Thomas dug his own phone from his pocket and started dialing Amanda, only for William to sigh and shake his head.

“I’ve filled up her inbox. There’s no point.”

But that didn’t stop Thomas from trying. And trying. Until his phone went flying across the room, smashing into the wall. “Where the fuck is she?”

“I honestly have no idea.” William’s eyes searched the room, as if expecting something helpful to jump out at him. When he peered at the office doors, to where Amanda’s empty desk sat, William straightened with an idea. “Her father. She’d call her father if anything happened or came up. He’d know if something was wrong.”

Thomas didn’t look convinced. “If she’s hurt, if she’s…” he shuddered at even the thought. “He might have no idea.”

“And if he doesn’t, then we know we have something to worry about.”

“We’re already fucking worried.”

William ignored him as he searched his files, looking for Amanda’s emergency contact information. Locating her father’s number, he didn’t hesitate in calling.

“Hello?”

“Arthur.” William thanked god he answered. “I was hoping you could help my brother and me out. We’re looking for your daughter.”

Silence. Not a word was spoken. He was concerned at first that the call had dropped until he heard Arthur’s deep sigh.

“I assumed you knew.”

“Is she hurt? Is she okay?”

“She rang me about a week ago, told me she had decided to leave her job and extend her honeymoon.”

William’s head snapped up, meeting Thomas’ impatient stare. With a shaking hand, he placed the phone on the desk and put it on speaker. “I’m sorry Arthur, could you repeat that.

“She told me she had quit.”

“What the -” Thomas began, only for William to shake his head sharply.

“We’re honestly a bit blindsided by that information,” William admitted. “We weren’t aware she was unhappy with her job.”

“Or that she fucking quit,” Thomas muttered.

Arthur’s voice sounded strained as he responded. “She…my girl didn’t sound right.”

William’s eyebrow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t have children, so you might not understand. But she’s my daughter. She’s my baby girl. I know her, and she didn’t sound right. Something was off.”

William and Thomas locked eyes.

“You said she hasn’t contacted you?”

“We haven’t spoken with her since the wedding,” William confirmed. “Have you talked with her since?”

“She said she wanted to be alone with her husband. But we never go more than a few days without speaking. It’s been a week.”

“Shit,” Thomas murmured under his breath. “Shit.”

He knew it. He knew something was wrong damn it. Where was she? What the hell was going on? Amanda wouldn’t just quit. Not on William, at the very least.

“What the hell is going on with my daughter?”

“We have no idea, sir. But we’re going to find out.”

Once they were off the phone, both fell silent, trying to process everything they’ve learned.

“She’s in trouble.” Thomas finally spoke.

“We don’t know that for sure.” William tried to be the voice of optimism. Because the opposite terrified him.

“I’m calling my men. We’re finding her. Now.”

* * *

“Track down the husband, already,”  Thomas growled as he prowled his office. The four walls felt like they were constricting in on him the longer the search took. “It can’t be this difficult to find two people!”

William tried to lay a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll find them.”

“But we haven’t yet! It’s been days, William. She could be god even knows where. Their plane could have…” His eyes closed, his hands curling into tight fists. His fingernails dug into his palm and he welcomed the pain. It was easier to accept than the possibility that something could have happened to Amanda.

“They could be off the grid, enjoying the married life.” But not even William could believe his own assurances.

They had tracked down every location on their itinerary. Every plane they would have taken. Every hotel, every tourist spot. Only the first half of their trip had been successful in putting together where the newlyweds had been. But suddenly, after they checked out of a hotel halfway through the honeymoon, they had fallen off the grid completely.

“Phones. His work. Their credit cards. Why haven’t we found anything?”

“I…I don’t know. But we will find something.”

They had to.

They worked tirelessly, using every resource between the two of them. Hired trusted private investigators, contacted every client that owed a favour to Thomas. But nothing had come up. Except for the phone call to Amanda’s dad, only worrying them further. They knew Amanda. They knew her better than most. She wouldn’t just quit, at least not so suddenly and without even talking to either of them. Neither could understand why she would insist that had happened.

So they looked harder. There wasn’t a stone left unturned. But they still couldn’t find her. Or Jacob. They were both just gone. But where?

“I have something.”

Thomas twisted in his spot as William’s head shot towards the door. Bishop stood in the doorway, a grim look on his face as his hand clutched his tablet. The moment he saw Bishop’s face, William braced himself for what he had to say.

“What? What is it?” There was a hint of hope in Thomas’ voice, and William cringed, knowing whatever Bishop had to share with them, it wasn’t anything good. “Did you find her?”

“Not exactly.” Bishop’s words were slow and spoken so low, there was no missing the underlying anger.

Thomas’ shoulders tensed. “What did you find?”

“I didn’t exactly find anything. It was sent.” Bishop took a handful of steps before hesitating in handing over the tablet.

But Thomas took the decision literally out of his hands when he swiped the tablet into his grasp.

“Boss,” Bishop began. He needed to warn him, to brace him for what he was about to see. “Thomas, you need to prepare yourself.”

“Oh god.” Thomas swiped at the screen until he came to a video. His stomach dropped as he pressed play.

 _“I have to hand it to you, Hiddleston, you’ve caught me by surprise. I figured you’d be a bit more observant of your own organization. Instead you’re so obtuse,”_ Jacob chuckled as he filled the screen of the tablet.

“What the fuck is this?” Thomas growled.

_“What’s even more amusing is that you could never figure it out. Oh you knew something was off with me, didn’t you? But you couldn’t figure out what. Not a single finger pointing in our direction. Seems your little cartel isn’t so skilled after all.”_

“Who is he?” Thomas’ head snapped up, rage filling his eyes. His hands gripped the tablet so tightly, it creaked in protest at his tightening hands. “Who the fuck is Jacob Groves?”

William felt dread fill him. Jacob. This all came down to Jacob. The person who had practically shoved Amanda towards. What the hell had he been thinking?

_“I’m a bit disappointed in you, to be honest. I thought you would have figured it out. Though I suppose between the alcohol and drugs, you weren’t in the capacity to do much of anything, now were you? Of course, that was the plan. Watch you spiral. Watch as the one thing you care about slips right through your fingers. How did it feel, hm? To watch your Amanda marry someone else? And me, of all people.”_

Thomas was shaking. Whether with fury or fear, William wasn’t sure.

 _“You still haven’t figured it out, have you?”_ Jacob sighs.  _“Allow me to introduce myself.”_ He spreads his arms wide.  _“Yakov. I’ve heard I’m quite infamous across Europe for my, how exactly do you say it in english, ah yes, my particular skill set of torture. The Russians are quite apt at making people sing just right.”_

Thomas prepared himself to throw the tablet across the room as the words hit him. The Russians. The fucking Russians. This entire time it had been then. He had slipped up. He had lost focus and they had found their way in.

“Keep. Watching,” Bishop insisted through clenched teeth.

 _“But this isn’t about me. This is about that darling secretary of yours.”_  The camera swirled around, focusing on a curled up form in the corner of the room. Jacob waltzed over, grabbing their chin and ripping their face into view.

“No. No no no no no,” Thomas roared. Not her. Not Amanda. This couldn’t be happening. How could he have let this happen?

 _“Say hello, little wife.”_ His fingers squeezed her jaw.  _“No? A bit camera shy, are you? That’s fine. I just need that pretty little face.”_ Jacob turned back to the camera.  _“How long did it take you, exactly, until you realized your precious Amanda was gone? A week, wasn’t it? I’m ashamed of you. For the little bird you seemed so crushed over losing, you forgot about her quickly, didn’t you? Maybe you aren’t so special after all, wifey,” Jacob snickered. “If that sweet employee of yours - what was her name again? - right, Moira. If Moira hadn’t said a word, you’d still be clueless.”_

William’s eyes widened. “How did he -”

Bishop’s hands were clenched into tight fists at his sides. “He bugged us. They fucking bugged us.”

“Fuck!” William’s gaze swept through Thomas’ office, searching for any clues to where the bugs were. But he couldn’t spot a single one. “This entire time?”

“He knows who we all are. He knows Moira’s name.”

William shot Bishop a look of concern. “Where is she?”

“Office. I’m dealing with that next.” Bishop never took his eyes off of Thomas.

 _“But now that we have your attention.”_  Jacob stood.  _“I’m going to enjoy this game even more. Tick Tock, Hiddleston. You don’t want to find out the plans I have for my dear wife. Maybe we can come to an arrangement. Your cartel, for her? Just how much is she worth to you?”_

The screen went black and the room fell into silence. William stepped forward to go to his brother, but Bishop stopped him, shaking his head and drawing William back a step. He watched as Thomas threw the tablet against the wall before reaching for the nearest chair, whipping it after the shattered tablet. Anything he could get his hands on, Thomas tore up. His desk was in shambles after mere seconds, chairs were destroyed, pieces of glass littering the floor from the glasses he smashed. William couldn’t remember a time his twin had ever been is so much agony. It felt like he was suffocating as he watched Thomas pause in the middle of the destroyed room, his shoulders heaving up and down rapidly.

Slowly approaching him, William laid a tentative hand on his shoulder. Thomas shrugged him away with a jerk, only for William to reach for him again. “Thomas.”

“The Russians. It was the Russians. How the fuck could it be them?”

“We’ll get her back,” William promised. “I swear to you, we’ll get her back.”

“I knew. I knew something wasn’t right. I knew there was something there.” Thomas’ voice cracked. “I fucking knew!”

And William had insisted he had been wrong. That he had just been paranoid. He’d never forgive himself. He might as well have handed Amanda over to the Russians on a fucking platter.

“I want blood.”

“And you’ll have it.”

Thomas lifted his gaze to meet his brother’s. “I want all of their blood.”

“Just as soon as we find her, they’re all yours.”

* * *

Amanda huddled in the corner, ignoring the bed on the other side of the room. The cot was fit for a prison. But that’s exactly what this was to her. A prison. It almost made her laugh thinking about it. Her husband. The man she had only just married. The man she told herself over and over again that she loved. And this is what he had done to her. Manipulated her, pretended this entire time, just to go after Thomas. He had certainly fooled her. And now she was trapped in god even knows where, with no windows, no plausible way out of this situation.

But she knew. She knew without a doubt that they’d look for her. That Thomas would find her.

The door to the small room creaked open and she flinched. She wanted to shy away as the footsteps tapped along the concrete floor, but she forced her chin up to glare defiantly at her husband - if she could even call him that anymore.

“Hello, dear wife,” Jacob chuckled darkly. “Enjoying your stay?”

“Fuck. You,” Amanda spat out.

A twisted smile spread across his lips as he reached her, kneeling down and grabbing her chin roughly. “You already have, darling wife. Though it was nothing to write home about. Nothing special. Can’t figure out at all why Hiddleston is so fascinated with you.”

She tried to jerk away from his touch but his fingers dug into her jaw.

“But in the end, I suspect you’ll be dispensable.” he turned her head from side to side. “People like him, they don’t keep people like you around. Not for very long.”

“He’ll find me.” her voice was raspy but strong.

“But he hasn’t yet, has he?” Jacob snickered. “Look how long it took him to even realize you were gone. Maybe he’s already forgotten about you.”

But she didn’t believe that. Maybe she never meant anything to Thomas, not the way that she cared for him. But Amanda couldn’t believe that he and William wouldn’t care, that they’d just forget about her. They had been something at one point. They’d look for her.

“For what it’s worth, wifey,” her eyes burned at the reminder. “I want him to find you. Because when he does, oh that’s when the fun begins.”

He dug his fingernails into her jaw only for a moment before he released her, standing and flicking away any dirt on his pants.

“I’ll enjoy destroying everything Hiddleston has worked so hard for.”

As Jacob moved towards the door, and before he could slip out of the room, Amanda spoke softly but clearly from her corner.

“Not unless he destroys you first.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

## Chapter Twelve

The more days Amanda spent locked away in the room, the more she understood the reasons the Russians were keeping her.

It wasn’t so much in things she picked up; they were careful to only use Russian when around her, and the only times she heard English was visits from Jacob. The only person she ever saw was her supposed husband, but she heard more than a few voices outside her locked door. But they had a vested interest in keeping her alive, just not too comfortable.

Jacob came in around twice a day, either bringing food or a new piece for comfort. The food mostly came without bribery, but pillows, blankets, sweets, and real clothes were offered for pieces of information.

As if, she thought, a pillow was worth more to her than Thomas and William’s safety.

All she could do was sleep and cry in between visits. She had never been religious, but she thought of praying. That Thomas would find her, and take her away, and just forget about everything that had kept them apart.

She’d been too stubborn to listen to him, to heed his worries.

She’d loved him and left him. And it had caused them both more hurt in the long run.

And now she wasn’t sure if she would see him or William ever again.

The lock turned and she wiped her eyes, hugging herself as Jacob entered the room, smug smile making his dimples appear.

“Hello, my dear.” He held a plate of pasta out to her, but her focus was on the floor in front of her. “I’m really beginning to lose faith in your kingpin in shining armor, Amanda. I sent that video nearly a week ago, and still, no Hiddleston.” He crouched beside her, and she did her best not to cringe. “For your sake, I hope he is actually in love with you. Killing you would be a waste. But, you are my wife, last I checked. So maybe –”

“I’d rather you kill me before you touch me again,” she spat, still not meeting his gaze.

He chuckled, and Amanda nearly gagged. “Let’s not get hasty, my dear. We’ll try this once again, alright?”

She watched out of the corner of her eye as Jacob pulled his phone out of his pocket, opening the camera app.

He held it out in front of them before pressing the record button.

“Hiddleston, hello again. I was just telling my dear wife here -” he nodded his head at Amanda “- how disappointed I am you haven’t found her yet. I really have expected more from you, but maybe we decided to… ah, yes, bark up the wrong tree. I really hope that won’t be the case, if only for Amanda’s sake.”

Suddenly her hair was being pulled back, her head jerked up to find the camera pointed in her face. Her own image looked at her from the screen, her cheeks hollow and eyes red, a fading bruise on her neck. She looked exactly like the pawn they were turning her into.

“Maybe you can get him to listen, little wife,” Jacob coerced with a smile. “Go on, tell him hello.”

She pursed her lips, not wanting to give into his demands. But another, harder tug on her hair made her cry out, and she knew she at least had to say something.

“Thomas,” she breathed, her voice dry. “William. Elliot, whoever’s watching this. I’m okay. Thomas I’m okay but the Russians -”

The hand in her hair clamped over her mouth, tightly, silencing her. “That’s enough, Amanda. Maybe that will provide them some encouragement.” He turned back to the phone’s camera. “Now, just look at her. You don’t want to leave her like this, do you, Hiddleston? I suspect not, but I can’t be sure.”

A rogue tear slipped down Amanda’s cheek as his hand dug deeper into her mouth.

“Here’s what you’re going to do. Tomorrow, the twenty-eighth. Noon. Outside Waterloo station. One of our men will meet you there, alone, unarmed. Go with him, no trouble, and he’ll bring you here. You give us your dealings, your supplies, your cartel. And Amanda is yours. No trouble. My wife here is an example of what happens when you make trouble. If you don’t arrive, we’ll try again next week. But I can’t guarantee the state this little bird will be in by that time.” He raised his brows and brought the camera back to Amanda. “Your choice, Hiddleston.”

* * *

“Trace it,” Thomas’s voice was shaky as the new video message ended. “Fucking trace the bloody thing, it had to have come from somewhere.”

“I’m trying,” Bishop sighed. “It’s encoded and -”

“I don’t give a flying shit what it is. If we don’t know where it came from…” He pulled at his black curls before turning to his twin.

William nodded. “He’s gonna work on it, Thomas. Him and Don.”

“Bloody hell.” The video had been too much. Seeing Amanda like that. Her voice full of so much pain, and those warm brown eyes, so lost. All because of him. Because of the role he’d brought her into. Because of his attachment to her. He’d never forgive himself.

The offer he’d been dealt was weighing on him, and he desperately needed a hit. Something to help him focus, to deal. Fuck, the Russians knew exactly the gravity of what they were demanding.

His life’s work, for the woman he…

For Amanda.

She meant too much to him, damn her, to throw under the bus. This was her life he had fucked with, and he needed to pay for that.

“Don’t.” William’s voice snapped his head up.

“Don’t what?”

“I know what you’re thinking, probably better than you do. Don’t. We’ll figure this out.”

“Maybe we could if we could FUCKING TRACE THE VIDEO!” He screamed, throat raw, and pulled more at his hair.

Bishop’s jaw set as he took a deep breath. “Tracing it won’t do anything if it doesn’t end up leading to wherever she is, boss. I’m trying, I am. But we have to think of a more effective plan. Right now.”

“As if we haven’t tried,” William retorted before he could stop himself. They had spent the last week pulling out every stop to find Amanda, or any trace of the Russians at all. They had completely gone off the radar, and there was no way of tracking where Amanda and Jacob had gone after they left Paris. Their progress was nearly at zero, and the longer they waited, the worse Thomas got.

Bishop glared at the blonde twin. “I’m sorry, where’s your grand plan, prodigal son?”

“Maybe wherever your supposed computer skills are hiding.”

“My supposed –”

“Children, please!” Preston’s clipped, deep voice interrupted just as Bishop took a step towards William. “That’s not going to help anyone, is it now?” He approached Thomas, patting him on the shoulder. “‘Specially not Amanda. We can’t lose our heads before we make a plan.”

William sighed, his shoulders falling. “How? We’ve got no idea where she is.”

“Alright, so we just kidnap whoever they send tomorrow. Let O’Malley deal with him; we’ll have a location in a few hours.”

Bishop snapped, “Are you out of it? He doesn’t make it back, who knows what they do to her.”

“We’d still have a location. Maybe we get one quick enough, they don’t notice he’s gone,” Preston added.

“That still doesn’t put Amanda in the clear,” William said, shifting his weight before stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Then we… we put a camera on Thomas,” Bishop offered with a shrug.

“You think they’re not going to check me head to toe, Bishop?” Thomas finally spoke up, struggling to regain his composure.

Bishop stood straighter, back on guard as his boss righted himself. “No boss, I’m sure they will. Just a thought.”

“I know. But we can’t expect them to look anything over.” He cursed under his breath. “We have no idea what they’re really capable of.”

The four men were silent for a moment while they pondered, William striding across the office to pour himself a glass of whiskey from Thomas’s tumbler. The liquid burned down his throat when he took a healthy swig.

Thomas sat in his desk chair, propping his feet up on the dark wood. Amanda and Jacob’s faces were still visible on one of the screens on his desktop. She looked so scared, so unsure of what was going to happen the longer she was there. Even through that, she had tried to tell him something. Tell him whatever she knew.

Amanda was a fighter, one of the strongest women Thomas had ever come across. He saw that even now, in just a few seconds of video, in just a couple of words communicated quickly. She had always been able to hold her own.

“Preston is right,” he choked out, his gaze fixated on the image of Amanda.

William cocked his head up from the glass. “What?”

“He is.”

“I am?” Preston echoed.

“O’Malley is fast. And effective. Even more so if we let him work with Christian.” Thomas’s fingers tapped against his desk, clearly agitated and stressed.

William set his glass down before stepping towards the desk. “Thomas, you’re not seriously suggesting –”

Thomas pressed on. “We move on the same day, the next at the very latest, they won’t have time to move at that point –”

“Thomas this is  _Amanda_  –”

“DO YOU THINK I DON’T REALIZE THAT?!” Thomas’s fists slammed onto the desk, the force causing a penholder to spill its contents.

William paused, assessing his brother. The vein on his forehead was prominent, and his face was red with anger. His breaths were shallow, but level, and William thought for a moment that tears were forming in his twin’s eyes.

“I fucking realize that, William!” He screamed again, fingers digging into his desk. “That’s why we have to do this.”

“They could hurt her.”

“Jesus CHRIST I know!” Thomas stood again, yanking his jacket off and shoving it under his desk. “I know, brother. I know.”

“Boss, we can find another way…” Bishop tried, scratching his head.

“We can’t, Bishop, and you know that.” He sighed and began rolling up his sleeves. “They won’t kill her; she’s their ticket to get to me. I won’t come unless she’s there, and in one piece. They know that. They… they won’t risk doing something that could compromise that.”

“You’re gambling with her life,” William insisted, shaking his head. “I hope you’re aware of that.”

“Of course I’m bloody aware! But Preston is right, we have to –”

“You’ll put the woman you love in jeopardy for the mere possibility that we’ll find her soon enough!”

The silence that followed was palpable, both Preston and Bishop casting their eyes away, as if they were suddenly guilty of eavesdropping on the twins’ conversation.

William only had a second to prepare himself before Thomas hoisted himself onto the desk, its contents falling to the ground, as he jumped off with a leap towards his twin.

“Do you think I  _want_  to do this!!” His hands grabbed at William’s shirt, shaking his brother enough to undo a few of his buttons. “Do you think I’ve ever,  _ever_ , wanted to put her in harm’s way! DO YOU!?”

“No, no, big brother, I don’t,” William said gently as he grabbed at Thomas’s wrists. “I don’t.”

Thomas’s face was red, his eyes more pained than William had seen in a long time. “I will never forgive myself for putting her in this position in the first place. They have her because of  _me_.” His voice cracked on the last word, and William gripped him tighter when his eyes began to water. “And I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t take the chance to get her back when we have it.”

“We’ll get her back, Thomas.” William moved his hand to the back of Thomas’s neck before bringing his forehead to rest on his. “We’ll get her back to us, alright?”

There was a split second hesitation before Thomas relaxed into the gesture, the bridges of twins’ noses just millimeters apart. A lone tear escaped Thomas’s eye, and his breath was staggered as he released William’s shirt and brought his own hand to his twin’s neck.

William lowered his voice as he said, “I don’t agree with this. But we’ll do it. We’ll do it, alright? We’ll do whatever we can to get her back.”

“I’m going to kill them all,” Thomas whispered back.

“No one is going to stop you, brother.”

* * *

The smoke of Thomas’s cigarette filled his lungs as the snow fell outside Waterloo station. He huffed, the smoke mingling with his breath and filling the chilly air around him. He was acutely alert of every person moving in and out of the entrance, watching the ones with briefcases and long, modest coats that he knew could hide anything. This was the first time in months he had been completely, stone cold sober for more than a few hours; he couldn’t run the risk of any impaired judgement impeding their efforts.

He brought the cigarette to his lips again, inhaling as much as he could, noticing a man leaning up against staircase landing a few feet from him.

“Got a light?” the man said, reaching into his pocket for his own cigarette.

He blew the smoke out of his nose as he turned his head towards the stranger. “Might.”

The man shrugged and placed the unlit cigarette between his teeth. “Shame. Might’ve helped if you had.” He stuffed his hands in his thick jacket pockets. “You unarmed, Hiddleston?”

Ah. This was him, then. Thomas didn’t recognize his face from the intel they had on the Russians, but he should have expected that. They were quickly learning how outdated everything they knew about them was.

Thomas pulled out the lighter from his trousers pocket. “I am.” He held up the piece before tossing it to the Russian.

He caught it with one hand. “I’ll be sure to check that. But thanks.”

“‘Course.” He steeled himself, taking yet another drag. “Where’s my girl?”

“Somewhere.” They exhaled simultaneously. “Do you agree to our terms?”

“Will you tell me where she is?”

“Do you agree?”

Thomas dropped the nub left of his cigarette to the ground, grinding it with the heel of his shoe. As he spoke, the remnants of its smoke escaped. “I wouldn’t say that.”

The man sighed, shaking his head. “Shame. Guess Yasha gets to keep his wife. Maybe he’ll share her.”

His eyes narrowed in on the Russian. “You’re going to tell me where she is.”

He laughed, almost coughing on the smoke. “I don’t think you’re understanding how this will work.”

“I am. And you’re going to listen to me very carefully.”

He gave Thomas a curious look before gesturing with his free hand to continue.

“You’re going to tell me where she is, or my man currently holding an aim for your chest will pull the trigger.”

The Russian’s eyes grew wide before looking to his chest, sure enough, finding a small red dot just above the pocket by his heart. “You were warned no trouble, Hiddleston.”

“I’m aware. I’ve never really enjoyed being told what to do, or what not to do, for that matter.” Thomas stepped closer to him, standing at his full height. “Tell me where she is, now, and save my man a bullet. Or, alternatively, you can come with me, quietly, and we’ll… talk, elsewhere.”

“Talk,” he spat, his smoky breath hitting Thomas in the face. “No one ‘talks’ with the Hiddleston cartel.”

“You’re right. And I’m sure you’ve heard my nickname. Thomas ‘The Devil’ Hiddleston? Even the bloody police aren’t stupid enough to come near me.” His voice had turned to a growl, a menacing sound he reserved for special occasions. He was in his face now, his lips almost touching the man’s ear. “Make this easier on everyone, and tell me where. She.  _Is_.”

A pause. He almost seemed to be considering it, his eyes frantically scanning the tops of nearby buildings. “Takes more than the threat of a sniper to scare me, Hiddleston. Thought you  _liked_  getting your own hands dirty.”

“Oh believe me.” Thomas flipped open his butterfly knife he’d hidden in his sleeve, pressing the sharp tip of the blade to the Russian’s thigh. “I do. So, take a walk with me. We’ll have a very nice, quick  _talk_. How’s that sound?”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

## Chapter Thirteen

Hours had passed as Thomas paced the length of the small office in one of his discreet warehouses. No one spoke, the only sound the Russian’s screams as O’Malley worked him over, doing everything he could to find out Amanda’s location. William winced with each scream, his eyes flickering to the time with each scream. The longer this took, the longer this dragged on, the better the chance something could happen to Amanda. They’d know their man was missing by now. William couldn’t even stomach what more they could do to her.

“This is taking too long,” William murmured.

Thomas tossed him a dark look. “It’ll take as long as it needs to. We need that location.”

“We need Amanda to be safe too.”

“We’ve gone over this again and again, little brother. Rehashing how we feel about this isn’t going to change what needs to be done.”

William sighed and closed his eyes. He could handle the screams. He could handle knowing exactly what O’Malley was doing. But he couldn’t for a single moment take what could possibly be happening to Amanda.

“He needs to hurry -”

“What was that?” O’Malley stepped into the office, wiping off one of his blades with a handkerchief. “Were you calling me slow, Little Hiddleston?”

“Well?” Thomas stepped towards him. “Tell me we have it.”

A sickening smile spread across O’Malley’s face. “I’m a bit disappointed. I thought the Russians were made out of something thicker than that. Barely a few hours.”

“It’s been three,” William pointed out dryly.

O’Malley didn’t even bother with a response. “He sang when I went for the dick.”

Thomas was silent for a long moment before nodding, holding out his hand. O’Malley raised an eyebrow but handed over the knife. Without another word being spoken, Thomas slipped from the room. William jumped to his feet, cursing under his breath. He knew his brother well enough to know  _exactly_  what he had planned.

“Better let him just do it.” O’Malley stopped him.

“This could make things worse.”

“Not sure how much worse you can get. We’re at war, Little Hiddleston. You able to stomach it this time?”

William’s eyes narrowed. “I think I handled Alcazar just fine.”

O’Malley snickered. “Eventually.”

“It doesn’t matter. If he can lead us to -”

“Already got the location.”

“If he’s lying then -”

“Are you doubting my work?”

William sighed. This was getting them nowhere and Thomas could be doing something he’ll regret by now. “Get out of my way, O’Malley.”

“Gotta use your head here.” O’Malley remained in place, standing between the youngest twin and the door. “We have to send a message.”

“And it could cost us Amanda. That might not matter to you, but it does us.” William nodded over O’Malley’s shoulder. “It sure as fuck matters to him so get the hell out of my way.”

When he didn’t move, William’s jaw clenched.

“You might be good at your brand of torture.” William’s hand itched for the gun secured in his holster. “But I will shoot you between your eyes if you do not move. Out. of. My. way.”

O’Malley’s eyebrow raised, considering his words. A look of amusement crossed his face after a moment as he lifted his hands and stepped to the side. William didn’t bother with a second glance in his direction as he hurried across the warehouse to the backroom the Russian was being kept in.

“Thomas, whatever you’re thinking -” William shoved his way through the door. “Shit.”

Thomas stood behind the limp Russian, the bloody knife hanging at his side. William turned his head from the sight of the blood, knowing he was too late.

“It doesn’t matter.” Thomas wiped his hands on his jacket. “We have what we need.”

“If this comes back on her -”

“They won’t have the time to. We do this tonight.”

William couldn’t argue. They needed to move yesterday. If they didn’t do this as soon as possible, the Russians could decide Amanda might not be important after all. They needed to get in there now.

“You going to be up for this?” Thomas stepped around the body, his eyes filled with darkness. “If you can’t, I understand. This was never what you signed up for. I can do this -”

William clapped him on the shoulder firmly. “I’m with you, big brother. Always. You know this. We might not always agree on everything, but I’ve always got your back. You say we do this tonight, then we do this tonight.”

Thomas nodded, but the relief was evident on his face. “We’re getting her back and ending this.”

“We are.” William vowed. “Was the body really necessary though?”

“Oh it’s going to be our little gift to them. We need a distraction.” Thomas glanced over at the dead Russian. “It wouldn’t have been as effective if he was still breathing.”

* * *

 

William dragged Bishop to the side after the plan was run through. Thomas’ attention was elsewhere as he oversaw the lifeless Russian body being carried into a van.

“Do you need something, little Hiddleston?” Bishop couldn’t help but smirk at the agitated look on the younger twin’s face.

“Call me that again,” William challenged before shaking his head. “I need to know if you think this is a solid plan.”

Bishop’s eyebrow raised. “Don’t trust your own brother? He’s been doing this a lot longer than you have.”

“I trust him just fine. When he has his head clear. But he doesn’t, not this time. He’s worried about Amanda, I get that, so am I. But he’s not going into this unattached, and you know I’m right.”

Sighing, Bishop watched as Thomas began pacing almost erratically. His boss and close friend was usually so put together, so calm and collected. Especially before a job. It gave Thomas a natural high, one that he thrived on. But tonight, he wasn’t acting like himself.

“Not that I’m admitting you’re right.” Bishop eyed William. “But what exactly are you worried about?”

“I need to know if this is a suicide mission or not.”

“You think he’d burst in there if there was no way out?”

“I honestly don’t know what to think. But he isn’t himself. The woman he loves was taken right under hise nose. Her life is at stake, and he’s not thinking clearly. I’d trust him with my life, but I’m worried he’s not thinking about his own.”

“Look, it’s risky. Any plan we come up with will be. But if you’re asking me if the circumstances were different, is this the plan we’d go with?” He waited for William’s quick nod. “Then yes. It’s a good plan. Risky, but good. Smart and calculated. We have enough manpower to counter whatever they might. They’re expecting us, and we know they are, which gives us enough of an upper hand. We’ll throw them off with the body, and it’ll be enough to distract them. Even just for a moment. That’s all we need. We go in, we find Amanda, and we end this.”

William considered his words, his forehead crinkled. “It’s not going to be that easy.”

“Never is.”

William sighed but nodded. It was the best he was going to get.

“I’ve got his back. So do you. And the rest of them.” Bishop nodded at the group of men already preparing for battle. “They’ve got ours. It’s just another day at the office.”

“Would you think the same way if it was Moira?”

Bishop’s expression turned stormy. “Bring up her name again, little Hiddleston, and I’ll be happy to disable you from tonight’s activities.”

William held his hands up. “I’m just saying. You know I wouldn’t want anything to happen to her either.”

“Stop asking stupid fucking questions. Or I’ll shoot you in the ass and enjoy doing it.” Bishop tossed him one last glare before storming off in Thomas’ direction.

William shook his head as he surveyed the room. Guns were being holstered, plans were being reiterated. Within only an hour, they would be going to war. William just hoped both Thomas and Bishop were right. For all of their sakes.

* * *

 

“Are you still sure about this?”

Thomas glanced at his brother out of the corner of his eye. “Like I said, we need a distraction.”

“And the usual explosives, guns blazing wouldn’t have worked?” William raised an eyebrow.

Thomas simply shrugged. “We’ll use that too.”

William fought an eyeroll. They were alone in the SUV on the way to the abandoned office building Groves was using. It was closer to the city than they expected, so close under their nose, he knew it infuriated Thomas for not being able to find her before now. But if everything ran smoothly, as Thomas and Bishop both insisted it would, they’d have Amanda safe and sound in no time, driving far away from her nightmare.

“I need you to do something for me,” Thomas suddenly spoke.

“If you ask me not to do this with you, I’ll shove you out of this car while it’s moving,” William warned.

Thomas could barely feign a smile. “We’re cut from the same cloth. Too stubborn to back down.”

“You’re right about that.”

Thomas inhaled sharply as his hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. William braced himself for whatever his twin might say. “Little brother, you have to promise -”

“Don’t you bloody dare,” William cut him off.

Thomas sighs as he kept his stare on the road. “You have to promise to keep her safe. If something happens -”

“Nothing is going to happen, Thomas. Stop,” William hissed.

Thomas shakes his head. “No, listen. You two need each other,” his tone turned pleading. “You can care for her, help her if…if it comes to that.”

William’s expression turned stony. He refused to accept any scenario that included his brother dying. They had survived Alcazar. They could survive this. “It fucking won’t.”

“If it does, William, I need to know.”

He wanted to grab his brother by the shoulders, shake him until the common sense returned. He wanted Thomas to turn to him with a smile, laughing about it all and acting too damn cocky for his own good. This was too much.

“That won’t happen. But fine. I’ll promise you that if you make the same promise to me.”

Thomas’ brows furrowed. “No. Nothing is going to happen to you. Not on my life.”

“Jesus christ, Thomas!” William snapped. “You can’t ask that of me and then not do the same.”

“I have to do what needs to be done.”

“I’m not going to damn well let you get yourself killed! We’ll figure out another way. I won’t lose you.”

“And I can’t lose her damn it!” Thomas shot him a look, the pain evident in his eyes. “But I will do what needs to be done if it comes to that. As long as you and Amanda are safe, I’ll be fine. I can handle whatever is supposed to happen in there.”

“I swear to god, Thomas.” William did grab him by the shoulder this time. “I’m not going to let you go in there like this.”

“You don’t have much of a choice.” Thomas shook him off.

William dragged a hand down his face. “I’m not leaving without you. I won’t.”

“You already promised me.”

“Damn it, Thomas!”

“It doesn’t matter, we’re already here.”

William glared at him before shooting a glance out the window. The SUV was moving slowly down a quiet street on the outskirts of town. A car here and there lined the street, but otherwise it was empty and bare of anyone that could get caught in the crossfire. Good, William thought. The less attention, the better.

“We’ll be going in the back, like we planned.” Thomas turned the SUV down another street, inching their way closer to the building.

“How exactly did Bishop get the blueprints to the place?”

“How does he get most things?” Thomas shrugged. “Preston will be dropping the body out front.”

William looked at the time. “Five minutes.”

“Then we’ll take the back while they’re distracted.”

“Think this is really going to work?”

Thomas was quiet. Too quiet. He stopped the SUV a block from the building, cutting the engine and leaving them in the darkness of the SUV. A flickering street lamp allowed William to eye his troubled brother.

“It has to.” Thomas clenched his jaw. “There’s no other option.”

Because if it didn’t, William knew, Amanda would be in worse shape than she already was.

“It’ll work,” William assured, despite his lingering doubts. The plan was solid enough. Risky, yes, but Bishop was right. It was good enough. It was their best bet. They’d take the Russians by surprise and find Amanda and get her out of here. And if some of those Russians happened to cross paths in front of his glock, well, that was just icing on the cake.

Slipping his gun from its holster, he checked to ensure the magazine was full before glancing at the time once more. Any minute now, Preston would be making the call that the drop had been made. The seconds ticked by, feeling more like hours than the sixty seconds they had to wait. But eventually, Thomas’ phone vibrated, making them both tense.

“It’s been done. They aren’t looking too happy by the looks of it. Bishop and O’Malley’s teams are in place. It’s go time, Boss,” Preston’s voice rang out on speaker.

Thomas didn’t say a word as he hung up, pulling his own gun free as they stared at the building down the street. They could see faint outlines of the others in place, ready to storm the old office building, all settling into place until Thomas gave the word.

“Ready for this, big brother?”

“You made a promise,” Thomas reminded, not taking his eyes off the building.

“Technically I said I would if you did,” William pointed out. “And you never answered, so there’s no promise. We’re making it out of this, Thomas. With Amanda. I’m not accepting any alternative.”

“My priority is her.”

“My priority is both of you,” William shot back. “Just agree already so we can go get our girl. Because I sure as fuck am not letting you out of this car until you do.”

Thomas sighed, his eyes closing for only a moment. “Fine.”

He wasn’t sure he wanted to accept the half hearted reply, but it was the best he knew he was going to get. “Then let’s do this.”

The twins shared a long, identical look, saying much more than either were able to voice out loud. With twin nods, they clicked the safeties off their guns, and left the car.

* * *

 

It was eerily quiet as Amanda watched the door locking her in the small room. She would usually hear the rumbles just outside the door, talking, plans being made. Never in English, of course. But since she had been tossed in the room by her own husband, it had never fallen this silent.

Slowly pushing herself to her feet, she winced from the ache in her body. For such a small space, the door felt like a mile away as she shifted her way across the room. Reaching the door, her hand immediately flew to the handle, though she knew it would be pointless. But it didn’t stop her from jiggling the handle, praying for it to just work. Sighing when it didn’t budge, Amanda pressed an ear against the door, listening for any sign of life on the other side of it. But there was no talking, no wheezing from their cigarettes.  There was just silence.

The desperation began to settle in. If there was no one outside of the room, if she could only just get out, she could try and make her escape. But as Amanda looked around for anything to aid her, her swell of hope was already evaporating. Besides the old cot and a few cobwebs, there was nothing that would help her.

“Come on.” She grabbed hold of the handle again. “Come on, please. Please just open.”

The panic was bubbling in her chest. She couldn’t even tell how long she had been there. While she still held hope for Thomas - she  _knew_  he would come - the longer she was stuck here, the harder it was to see the end of the tunnel. Would she die at the hands of her own husband?

“No.” She shook her head fiercely. She wasn’t at the point yet. She wouldn’t let those thoughts sink in. She’d find a way out. Thomas would come. This would end. It had to.

Leaning her forehead against the door, Amanda closed her eyes and tried to think up a plan. Any plan. She was smart, she could try and figure out a way to outwit at least one of Jacob’s men. She just needed to think.

It was while she was thinking, that she heard it. One pop after another, continuous, with shouts following. Amanda’s head popped up, her heart racing. Jacob would hardly start taking target practice. He wasn’t foolish enough to draw attention to wherever they are. No, whoever those gunshots belonged to, it wasn’t their initiation.

“Thomas.” Her eyes widened. She knew. She could  _feel_  it. “Thomas!”

Amanda started banging on the door, praying that he’d hear her, that someone would find her. She pounded until her fists were red and aching, but still she didn’t stop.

“Thomas!”

When the door suddenly was shoved open, causing her to stumble backwards, her stomach sunk the moment she found one of the Russians came storming into the room. He was cursing under his breath as he reached for her, but she stumbled out of reach until her back hit the wall.

“Thomas!”

With her last scream, the Russian charged towards her, grabbing her hair and yanking her head to the side as he slammed his hand over her mouth.

“Shut the fuck up, you little bitch.”

She tried kicking, tried wiggling out of his hold. But he just laughed in her face, using his brute strength to press her against the wall. Glaring into his mocking stare, she grabbed onto the fingers covering her mouth and pulled them back with all the might she could. The Russian’s eyes bulged as he ripped his grasp from hers after the second crack, his fingers falling at odd angles.

“Thomas!” She screamed again before the Russian could grab at her.

* * *

 

_“Thomas!”_

Thomas’ head snapped to the side. The call had been so faint, he could have imagined it. His brain could have been playing tricks on him. But no,  _he knew_.

“Manda,” he murmured, his body already turning towards where her call sounded from.

“Thomas!” It was his brother this time, a hard shove to his shoulder causing him to stumble.

Ready to pounce on his twin for halting him when he needed to get to Amanda, he paused when he spotted the now dead Russian laying at his feet, a bullet lodged between his eye.

“Get your head out of the clouds.” William was lowering his gun, shooting him a pointed look. “You’re no use to her dead.”

Thomas shook the near fatal blow off. “I heard her.”

“Keep your wits about you.”

“She called me, damn it. We need to find her.”

“We’re working on it, boss.” Bishop stepped up beside them. “This floor is clear.” He kicked the foot of the lifeless Russian. “He was the last straggler.”

“But how many more on the top floor?” William’s gaze moved upwards to the ceiling. “Groves here, you think?”

“Doubt he’d want to miss this.” Bishop pointed out. “Which means -”

“Which means she’s up there too.” Thomas was already walking back towards the stairs. “We’re finishing this. Now.”

William quickly caught up to him, his hand coming heavily down onto Thomas’ shoulder. “Whoa, you need to pull yourself together first.”

“She called for me, damn it. She screamed my name. I’m going to get her and kill that son of a bitch.”

“And you know we’re all behind you. But you can’t just rush up there.”

“Little Hiddleston is right,” O’Malley cringed. “Hate to admit that, of course. But they’re expecting us now.”

Preston wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth before smirking. “Well we should give them what they’re waiting for then.”

William rolled his eyes. “We need a plan.”

Thomas looked around at his men. Some looked worse than others, but they hadn’t lost a body yet. “We need to surprise them then.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they already had eyes on us.”

Bishop shook his head. “No cameras.”

“So we have an advantage.” Thomas nodded.

William sighed. “They still know we’re coming.”

Thomas’ eyes slid around the office floor, his gaze falling on the elevator at the far end. “But not how.”

His twin’s eyebrows shot upwards as he followed Thomas’ stare. Immediately he started shaking his head. “No. Absolutely not. We’ll be completely out in the open the moment the doors open.”

“You think they’ll be expecting that?” Thomas challenged. “You and I will go. It’ll leave the others free to go up as planned.” He nodded at the door to the stairs behind him. “I want eyes on the lookout for Amanda. The rest will come up behind while they’re focused on the two of us.”

William’s jaw locked. It was a good plan, he had to admit. But it was too damn risky. The moment those doors opened, they’d be vulnerable to whatever Groves had waiting for them.

“You know I’m right.”

“Damn it.”

“Might as well just admit it, little brother.”

“If you get us killed, I swear I’ll kick your ass in the afterlife.”

“I wouldn’t expect any less.”

They shared a look before Thomas turned his focus onto Bishop. “You’ll find Amanda?”

“I’ll find the little dove,” Bishop vowed.

He didn’t doubt his closest friend. “Preston, O’Malley, kill as many of those fuckers as you can.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Preston’s smirk grew.

Without another word, they broke from the group and headed across the floor to the single elevator. William almost wished the call button wouldn’t work, that the elevator would be miraculously out of order. But within only a mere moment, the doors slid open, the bottom of his stomach dropping with dread.

“Are you sure about this?”

Thomas stepped into the elevator, his hand coming out to stop the doors from closing. “You trust me?”

“Always, big brother. Always.” Without a hint of hesitation, William stepped inside.

The light flickered as the doors closed and the car began the short trip to the floor above. Thomas leaned against the back of the elevator, his gun in one hand and one of his knives in the other. He inspected the blade, looking calm and almost bored. William admired that about his brother, the ability to shut down every ounce of emotion that he needed to to get a job done. Mirroring his brother’s stance, he fought to contain his worry.

As the doors opened once more, they were met with half a dozen Russians, with Jacob Groves standing in the centre. A victorious look crossed his face as he took in the cornered brothers. He opened his mouth, prepared to relish in his victory, but Thomas was quick to cut him off.

“I’m a bit disappointed in your men.” Thomas let out a long, dramatic sigh. He didn’t even look up from his knife’s blade as he spoke. “I was expecting a bit more of a challenge. Especially from Russians.”

Jacob’s eyes narrowed. “And yet you’re the ones cornered without a chance in hell, Hiddleston.”

Thomas yawned. “Is that what you think.”

William couldn’t even hide his smirk. “I don’t think I even emptied a magazine.”

Jacob’s glare turned on William. “You don’t even know how insignificant you are, do you?”

William shrugged. “If you claim to know us so well, you should know you can’t have one without the other.”

“We’re a packaged deal.”

“You’d die for your brother?”

“Any day of the week.” William willed himself not to step forward, to not circle Jacob’s throat with his bare hands and squeeze the air from his lungs. “But I don’t expect for either of us to have to worry about that.”

Jacob was quiet only a moment before lifting a hand and flicking his wrist. “I think you’ll be reconsidering that notion.”

A struggle could be heard down a hallway, cursing sounding as someone was dragged into the empty space.

“Get off of me!”

“You fucking bitch, I’ll break your goddamn fingers.”

“How? I’ve already broken yours.”

Thomas and William simultaneously stepped forward, William having to hold his brother back from immediately rushing to Amanda’s aid as she was shoved forward. Her eyes were wide, a mixture of fury and fear in her dark orbs. The moment her eyes fell on them, she immediately tried to leap forward, only to be yanked back by the brute force holding onto her. Amanda yelped, trying to struggle as Thomas fought against his brother’s hold.

“Wait it out,” William muttered to him under his breath. The others should be on the floor already. All they needed to do was keep themselves alive and distract the Russians while they got into position.

“Thomas.” Her eyes locked onto him.

Jacob let out a cold, heartless laugh. “I’m hurt, my little wife. No hello to me.”

“Go to hell.”

“Ah, so much fire for such a little thing,” he snickered. “But quiet down, dear. The men have things to discuss.”

She looked ready to retort back, but was halted when his hand rose, his gun coming to rest inches from her temple. A little whimper escaped her lips as she stared down the barrel of the gun.

“Pull the trigger and I’ll -” Thomas growled.

“Now now, no need for that.” Jacob clicked the safety off his gun. “I think it’s time we talk about a deal, don’t you?


	14. Chapter Fourteen

## Chapter Fourteen

Jacob clicked the safety off his gun. “I think it’s time we talk about a deal, don’t you?”

William’s breath hitched, waiting for Thomas to spring forward for the sake of Amanda’s safety. He eyed the man holding her carefully, noting his bloody and bent fingers, before taking in the sight of the one they had come for.

Amanda’s hair was wild, messy and thick curls framing her face, and he felt anger flare inside him at the sight of a purple bruise on her cheek. Her lip was bloody, and a large, worn shirt seemed to be the only thing she wore. But still, he was amazed at her resilience, and how she allowed no tears to fall as Groves pressed his gun to her temple.

A breath later and Thomas relaxed in William’s grip, collecting himself with a grace that nearly worried William. He straightened his jacket as a smirk slid onto his lips.

“You honestly believe,” Thomas said, eye locked on Groves, “that after all this, I’ll settle for a deal.”

“When the price is her life, I think something can be arranged.”

Thomas couldn’t bring himself to look at her, see the fear in her eyes or the marks on her skin. He knew if he did, there’d be no semblance of self control on his part. He’d kill Groves in a heartbeat, but past that, he couldn’t see what would happen.

So he laughed.

“I admit, you lot have been full of surprises. But maybe your ineptitude hasn’t been too far off from what we’ve thought.”

Groves seemed unphased and merely shrugged. “Your cartel, for the girl. Everything. The distributors, the imports. Everything, and she’s yours.”

“Listen, Groves - May I call you Yasha?”

“No.”

“Right, listen, Yasha.” Thomas twirled one of his knives. “I don’t know how ese I can say this, except… no.” He too shrugged. “It’s off the table. So why not let us save the bullets, and you give her to us. I pay for all of your flights back to Moscow, and if you ever show your face in the UK again, I just kill you.”

“I’m from Samara.”

“Yasha, I really don’t bloody care,” Thomas said, as if simultaneously bored and exasperated.

“That’s fine.” Groves’s eyes flickered with malice. “I’ll just shoot this one.” He nodded at Amanda. “In addition to your brother.” One of the Russian’s guns immediately aimed at William’s head.

William stole a glance at his twin, both wondering where the fuck Bishop and the others were. But Thomas didn’t even meet his gaze, his expression steel. Until a voice broke through the momentary silence.

“Thomas.”

Gun to her head, Amanda’s voice had lost the sarcastic edge the twins had come to know and love. She merely said his name, not pleading, and still no tears left her eyes.

“Thomas, I want to go home,” she said, and William couldn’t help but notice the way her lip quivered as she said his twin’s name.

With a deep breath, Thomas finally willed himself to look at her, his grip tightening on his knife. “We’re going to take you home, Manda. Don’t worry for a second about that, understand?”

She gave him a small nod just before Groves dug the gun harder into her temple.

“You’re wasting your time, Hiddleston,” he sighed, shifting his weight. “I gave you your options. Your decision.”

Thomas continued as if he hadn’t heard the Russian. “Listen Manda, I need you to close your eyes for a second, alright darling?”

Another nod, and she did as he bade.

It was then the man holding her let out a loud gurgling noise, gripping his neck before slipping to the ground, revealing Bishop standing behind him with a bloody knife.

Two loud bangs immediately followed, one from Bishop’s gun and another hitting the Russian aiming at William. In an instant, Bishop had himself shielding Amanda, her eyes still shut tight.

William reacted instantly, aiming for any unfamiliar faces. Stepping from the elevator, the twins went to work on the group before them as Thomas’s other men appeared from the stairwell.

At some point after the third neck was cut, Thomas noticed Groves double over before hitting the ground. But a part of him wished the bastard wasn’t dead yet, so he could have his own time with him. He was seeing red, not caring how he went about killing each new Russian in his path, but feeling wholly satisfied at every resounding thud as their bodies dropped at his feet.

The twins weren’t sure how long the bloodbath went on, but the shots and bangs finally quieted across the old halls and rooms. When Thomas’s vision cleared, the ground ran red with blood, and Christian and Munez had guns to the only two left alive.

And Bishop and William both had two guns a piece trained on the writhing body of Jacob Groves.

He was gripping his side, his once warm complexion now graying as more blood spilled out of him, and his face contorted in a sick, pained grimace.

It was, admittedly, an extremely satisfying sight for Thomas, his heart racing a mile a minute, living out an indescribable, gratifying high. This was the end he had been hoping, wishing for for months, ever since Amanda had given him Groves’s name as she ran out of his flat.

He kicked his injured side, and the resulting moan of pain was music to Thomas’s ears.

“There’s no fucking deal,” he spat at the man on the ground. “And I’m going to rip your goddamn heart out, you –”

“Brother.” William interrupted him, catching his gaze and nodding to the corner where Bishop guarded the shaking Amanda.

His shoulders fell, remembering that she had been there through everything, shielded by his right hand man. Just as he’d promised to do.

Amanda. His Amanda.

He quickly stepped over the bodies in his way, Bishop moving aside without having to be told. Her eyes were still squeezed tight, but the glistening streams on her cheeks told him that a few tears had actually escaped through the chaos around her.

Gently, almost hesitantly, he brought his hand to her face, careful of the dark and angry bruise that marred her soft brown skin. She gasped, her hands clutching at dirty fabric of her shirt, as another tear fell onto Thomas’s thumb.

“Look at me, darling. You can open your eyes,” Thomas whispered, almost lost at just a moment’s feel of her skin.

For the second time, she did as he said, and he nearly faltered seeing those familiar, warm doe eyes staring at him in a way he’d never seen before.

“Thomas,” her voice cracked with a small sob.

“I’m here, my darling.” He swallowed as he tried to keep his own voice steady and quiet. He brought himself closer to her, and she tilted her head up so not to lose his eyes. “I’ve got you now. I’ll take you home.”

The flood of relief that came over Amanda manifested itself in tears, her body raking with harsh sobs as she collapsed into his arms.

Thomas didn’t waste a second in gathering her up and hoisting her into the air. He pressed her head into his shoulder, a silent hope that she wouldn’t look up to see the mangled carnage that surrounded her.

He turned to his brother, aim still sharp on Groves. “Little brother.”

“Take her. Don’s by the cars. Take her home, Thomas.” William looked to Bishop, a knowing glance passing between Thomas’s two most trusted men. “We’ll take care of this. On my life.”

Thomas turned to Bishop for affirmation. His friend’s face was full of ice cold malice, blood splattered across his features. “Oh, I promise, boss. He won’t be leaving here.”

He knew they would both be true to their words, but still he hesitated.

William, of course, noticed. “Go. You’ve seen this through. Take her.”

In response, Amanda pulled at the fabric of Thomas’s jacket, adding her input without saying a word.

“Alright, darling, I’ve got you. Hold on to me,” he sighed into her hair as he began to maneuver his way across the aftermath of the battle. “Hold on to me.”

* * *

She didn’t say a word the entire drive back into the city.

Thomas only held her in the back of the town car Don drove, her entire small frame resting on his lap and encircled by his arms. He suspected that more than once she fell asleep, before waking up periodically to Thomas’s hands running up and down her back.

She was in his arms, safe. Away from the danger that he had been complicit in putting her in. He was almost scared that when the car would stop, it would have been a dream.

He carried her into his house after a few words to Don that no one was to come inside save for William. He set her on the massive bed the twins had built for sharing, kneeling in front of her with his hands intertwined with hers.

“Tell me what you need, Amanda. Clothes, medicine, a shower, sleep.” He ran his thumb across her hand. “I’d offer food, but you may want to wait until William gets back if you’re hoping for something more palatable.” He offered her a small smile, wanting to make her feel welcome. “Our home is yours. You’re safe here, I swear. Tell me what you need.”

She sighed, her breath still shaky. “I… I think a shower. But…” She bit down on her split lip, and it stirred something inherently strange inside of Thomas.

“But what, sweet girl?”

“Don’t leave. Please. I w-want you to, to stay with me.” The vulnerability on her face brought a pang to Thomas’s heart. “I don’t want to… to be a-alone right now.”

He squeezed her small hands. “I won’t. I’ll be right there. And the shower is glass, remember? You’ll be able to see me the entire time.” He could hardly believe she was even there, but he needed to keep the thoughts in the back of his mind away for the time being.

She needed time, she needed healing. She needed to be reassured she was going to be safe. Giving her all of these things, Thomas knew, were his priority above everything else. And in the end, if she were happy and healthy after all she had been through, he would accept the distance he needed to put between them. That was his punishment for the time being, a way he needed to work through the guilt of his part in what she had been through. It was all for her own sake.

Thomas slowly got to his feet. “Come on, darling. I think there’s shampoo and the lot inside. Some towels, too. Let’s get you in there.”

She stood on unsteady legs as Thomas led her into the large, immaculate bathroom. She watched as he reached into the glass shower to turn on the water, and steam filled the glass when he shut the door to pull some thick towels off a shelf.

He smiled over at her. “There, how’s that? Nice and hot for you.” He set the towels on the vanity. “I’ll be right here, just like I promised.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled as she stepped toward the shower. She started to pull at the hem of her shirt, catching Thomas turn away his gaze as she removed what little clothing she had on.

He waited until he heard the door shut before lifting his head back up. He wanted to give her privacy, to not confuse her with conflated ideas on what he maybe wanted. He exhaled heavily before looking at himself properly in the vanity mirror.

The image before him was gruesome, with speckles of blood painted across his face, and the blue shirt he had worn on the job had almost entirely turned a brownish red from the Russian blood he had spilled. God, he had let her see him like this, had brought home evidence of the carnage he had tried so hard not to expose her to.  With a hard tug, he stripped himself of his jacket before nearly ripping off the ruined shirt. He grabbed a washcloth, wetting it before scrubbing furiously at his face and the spots on his chest where the blood had soaked through.

Another look in the mirror made him sigh and run his hands through his hair. What a bloody night. Literally.

A choking sound from the shower startled him, but he could barely see through the steamy glass to find Amanda’s form.

“Amanda?” He called before gently tugging open the door.

She was curled on the tiled floor of the shower, the stream of water cascading down her back. She hugged her legs, resting her head on her knees as the tears she cried mixed with the falling water.

In this state, Thomas truly noticed the differences in her body. She had always been small, but now her ribs were prominent along her side, and more bruises, some fresh, some faded, covered her thighs.

Emotions Thomas couldn’t name consumed him, his hatred still alight but muted by an overwhelming need for her. As if in a trance, he entered the shower and knelt to meet her.

When she noticed him, on the wet ground next to her, she sobbed again and tried to say, “Y-your, your clo-clothes…”

“Fuck them.” Again, he gathered her limp body into his arms, pressing her against his chest. Her hot, naked skin stuck to him, and he closed his eyes as she sobbed. The stirrings he felt inside him weren’t that of lust, which confused him, but still he held her as closely as he could. This was what she needed. This was what he needed, too, but he didn’t understand why.

He ran his fingers through her wet and knotted hair, feeling her sigh softly against his shoulder. “Thomas.”

“I’m here, Manda,” he vowed, letting his shoulders relax. “I’m here.”

* * *

Thomas woke to the smell of shampoo in thick brown hair splayed across his pillow, a warm body pressed against him. He lifted his heavy head as he realized it wasn’t a dream: Amanda was in his arms.

She looked so at peace, like it was the first time she really slept in months. Perhaps it had was, Thomas thought. Certainly better than whatever disgusting conditions Groves had kept her in. He didn’t ever want to disturb her.

He rubbed his eyes, blinking to focus on his surroundings. His gaze fell on the form of his brother, sleeping with his head propped on his arm in one of the room’s leather loungers. William was still in his suit from the night before, though the black shirt he wore had fared better than Thomas’s blue one.

As gently as he could, Thomas rose from the bed, making sure not to move Amanda a single inch. He walked around the large bed and patted his twin’s back, causing William to snap awake.

“Hey,” he whispered still half asleep, looking up at Thomas. “How is she? You were asleep when I got back.”

He sighed. “Best she can be. Got her showered, put her in some of your boxers and a jumper.” He grabbed at his dark hair. “She’s got bruises all over, brother.”

William cursed under his breath. “They’re all dead, Thomas. Save for one O’Malley thinks he can get a bit out of it. But they’re gone. All of them.”

Amanda stirred, curling more into the thick duvet wrapped around her.

Thomas lowered his voice even more. “Thank you. I trusted you to get it taken care of.”

“Course.” With a grunt, William joined Thomas on his feet. “Want to help me make breakfast? Blueberry pancakes, I’m thinking.”

Her favorite. “Don’t you want to shower first?”

William looked at the sleeping Amanda. “It can wait. This isn’t about us right now.”

Thomas truly couldn’t argue with that.

In the kitchen, the twins set about making as much of a feast as they could muster from the food lying around. The amount of eggs, sausage, pancakes and tea laid out across their counters was enough to feed almost all of the Hiddleston cartel, let alone a petite, twenty-five year old woman.

The smell worked in rousing Amanda from sleep, as the pot of coffee William made finished just as she emerged at the bottom of the stairs.

She paused when William turned to her, her lip quivering as a shy smile formed. “William.”

In three long strides he was there, his strong arms lifting her into the air as sobs once again overtook her.

“Oh, sweetheart. My sweetheart, I’m here,” he said into her curls. “We’re both here. And we’re not going to let you go.” Setting her back on her feet, he put her face in his hands and wiped away the tears with his thumbs. “I promise.”

She let out a breathy laugh, in awe of the security and familiarity they were promising her. Exactly what she had wanted during the time she’d been captive. She was scared that if she pinched herself hard enough, she’d be back in that small room, hushed Russian spoken outside her door. But no, the twins, her twins, had gotten her back.

“Do, do I smell blueberries?” she asked, trying to peek around him.

William scoffed lightheartedly. “Absolutely you do, sweetheart. Come here, I’ll fix you a plate and some tea. We have nowhere we need to be.”

She sat at the bar, watching the light-haired twin set to work in his element. Thomas found her as he took his place next to her, petting her hair to let her settle into his arm. “Did you sleep alright?” he asked as William set down the plate.

She nodded with a yawn. “I didn’t realize how tired I was.” Dear god, the pancakes tasted like pure ecstasy. And the tea warmed her so much she nearly moaned.

“I can imagine,” Thomas mused. “Like William said, we have nowhere to be. If you want to sleep for a week -”

“We think you’ve bloody well earned it, doll,” William finished. “And no one’s coming in or out of this place until we give the say so.” He met her brown eyes, mustering all his sincerity. “We’re not going to let anything happen to you again.”

She knew William never broke his word, and she felt chills run down her spine. “I know.”

“Anything you need.”

“You don’t hesitate to tell us.”

“Like Groves’s head on a plate.”

“Thomas,” William chided. “We’ll talk about that later.”

Thomas noticed how stiff Amanda had gotten at the mere mention of the name, and silently agreed with his twin. For now, she needed to eat without having to be reminded of her ordeal.

They all ate in relative silence, Amanda yawning in between bites and sips, her eyelids getting progressively heavier the more she leaned into Thomas.

William smirked. “I’ll put the rest away,” he said when they decided she was well asleep. “You could both do with some more rest; it was a long night.”

“It wasn’t just a night for her, little brother.”

“I know,” William said somberly. “God, I know. Go on, get some rest.”

“I doubt you got much sleep either, sleeping in that chair. Why didn’t you join us?”

William set down his mug of tea and met Thomas’s identical eyes. “Because I wasn’t the one she needed last night. The one she called to when there was a gun to her head.”

“I’m practically responsible for her even being in that situation.”

“Don’t pull that shit, brother. You cannot fault yourself for this. I won’t let you.”

That pang that was becoming more frequent hit Thomas’s heart again as he took a look at the sleeping girl on his arm. He sighed in awe, as if seeing her for the first time. “What are we gonna do with this one.” In truth, he didn’t know what answer he was looking for.

“Real question is,” William crossed his arms, “what do  _you_  want, Thomas?”

Neither broke the following silence even well after a minute passed between them, Thomas’s unnamed emotions and thoughts still fighting their way both to the front and back of his mind, warring with each other, and he didn’t know which side he wanted to win. He responded, “I don’t know, William. I really don’t. She’d be safer away from me in the long run but… I don’t know if I’d handle losing her again.”

He seemed to understand. He always did. “Take your time. I don’t think she’s going anywhere. I’m pretty sure that’s exactly where she wants to be right now.” He nodded at the pair. “But don’t hog her; I’ve missed her more than I can stand too, you know.” The corners of his mouth tugged up in a small smile. “And what’s yours is mine, right?”

Thomas cupped Amanda’s cheek and ran his fingers along her jawline. “I’d never keep her from you, William. You know that.”

“I do. Now, I’m serious, go back upstairs. I’ll clean up and shower. But she needs someone to hold her right now.”

* * *

For the second time that day, Amanda opened her eyes to see herself reflected in the mirrored-covered wall of the twins’ bedroom. She cringed at the dark bruise visible on her brown cheekbone and gingerly touched her mass of rampant curl that fell across her face. The evidence of her ordeal was apparent all over her body, a fact with both disgusted her, and reassured her that she had really escaped it and was safe in the twins’ protection.

She sat up with a yawn, Thomas still sleeping soundly on the pillow next to her. In sleep, the furrow between his brows that had been there since her rescue was relaxed, and she was mesmerized by the steady rise and fall of his bare chest. He was so beautiful. She had called him that once, which received a scoff in response and a muttered, “Beautiful devil, if anything.” She hadn’t wanted to tell him that the the devil had been the most beautiful of all.

Thomas. He had come for her, killed how many men for her, and held her for hours on end.

Still, she could clearly see his doubts and troubles at their situation. He blamed himself, she knew, for what had happened. That Jacob had happened. But did he have the right words to express everything in his mind, classify the emotions that drove his actions?

Amanda honestly didn’t know.

Her stomach growled, and she discreetly left the bed in search of the leftover pancakes she guessed William had set aside for her. She found them, and William too, at the kitchen bar.

The smile that grew on his face when he saw her made her heart flip over backwards. “Good morning again, doll.” He opened his arms and she happily entered them before they enclosed her tightly, and she took the chance to inhale the nearly-forgotten scent of him. He pressed her to him for god knows how long before finally releasing her, but she didn’t want to let go of him. He smiled down at her when she gripped his soft shirt. “I take it you came for more pancakes, hm?”

She bit her lip and nodded, craning her neck to meet his gaze. “And because I missed you.”

His smile fell and his face turned serious. “I missed you too, Amanda.” He brought a hand to the back of her neck. “More than words can describe.” Without a word, he brought his lips to her forehead, pressing a gentle kiss along her hairline.

Amanda trembled at the fleeting contact and gripped his shirt tighter. But carefully, he stepped back, grabbing the plate of pancakes sitting behind him.

William brought his free hand to her waist. “Come on, doll. The couch is more comfortable than standing.”

On the couch, he set her on his lap and laid her against his chest, just as he remembered she liked. She held the plate of pancakes to her, and he chuckled as she ate one after the other while the TV prattled away in the background.

She turned her face to him, her bruised cheek against his neck. “Thank you, William.”

He rubbed her back. “Of course, sweetheart. Anything you need, it’s yours.” He took the plate from her grasp and set it on the end table so he could properly hold her. “God, Amanda, I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have you here.”

Again, her heart flipped, and she allowed herself to nuzzle his neck with her nose. William always knew what to say, and even better yet, how to say it. She guessed that was one of the biggest ways the twins differed.

“Can I ask you something, Amanda?” he said, his voice low.

“Sure.”

He turned his head to look in her eyes. “Are you okay?”

It was as if the three words opened something inside her, and yet another onslaught of tears made her body shake.

William wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her frame. She was one of the strongest women he had ever encountered, and he could hazard a guess as to how hard she was fighting to maintain control on both the outside and inside. But this was what he could offer her: a safe place where she didn’t have to fight so long, so hard. A listening ear. A hand to hold. She trusted him in the past, and he needed to show she could continue to do so now.

He felt her tears start to soak through the fabric of his shirt, and he welcomed them. Anything to aide in her healing. If she wanted blueberry pancakes for every meal, he would make them. If she wanted to wear every pair of boxers he owned, he would offer them up without hesitation. He had meant it; he would give her anything she wanted. Anything.

“It’s alright, doll. It’s alright,” he whispered into her hair as her breathing began to return to normal.

“T-Thomas b-blames him-himself,” she choked out, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

He closed his eyes. “I know, my sweetheart. God, I know. But it doesn’t matter now. It doesn’t matter.”

“He thin-thinks it’s because of h-h-him.” Amanda inhaled shakily. “B-but it’s my, my f-fault, William.”

His blue eyes flew open, and he gently pulled her face away from his neck. “Amanda, don’t say that. It’s not true.”

“It  _is_!” She insisted, and he ached at how red and sad her eyes were as she looked up at him.

“Amanda –”

“I loved him!” The admission flew out of her mouth as fresh tears fell. “I loved b-both of you. And I-I left him. Left y-you. If I had-hadn’t, th-then –”

“Amanda, look at me. Listen to me. This is not, in  _any_  way, your fault. None of us knew this would happen. None of us could predict it. Any of it.”

“Thomas  _knew_.” Her voice, still muddled with her sobs, was gaining back its determined edge. “He knew, and I was t-too fucking stubborn to l-listen.”

William opened his mouth to speak, but she pressed on, resolute to finish her thoughts.

“I kept wa-wanting him to steal me back. To, to tell me I was h-h-his.” She cracked on the last word, but swallowed to gain back her. “I shouldn’t have but I d-did. I wanted him to stop me where I c-c-couldn’t stop myself. Because I was, was too weak.”

He ran his fingers through the curls of her hair. “If there is one thing that Amanda Tremaine is, it is  _not_  weak. It’s an insult to yourself to even think that, doll. You’re a survivor. Strong, and true. Don’t you ever,  _ever_  forget that. Promise.”

Hesitantly, she nodded.

“Good. Now, about my stupid brother.” William smiled a bit to try and lighten her mood. “He’s an idiot. Always has been, always will be. And he may have his struggles with clarifying himself when it comes to… how he feels…” he sighed, choosing his words carefully. “But it doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the way he does.”

He kept up the ministrations in her hair, the slow movements calming her. She sniffed, and he continued.

“No one is expecting you to snap back into your old reality. Because you can’t. None of us can. You need to do, and say, what is best for you in the long run. Whatever will help you heal. And…” he swallowed. “And if that may be taking some time, away from us, clearing your head –”

“No!” She cried out. “No, no William I can’t be away from you two again, I c-can’t.”

“Alright, alright, shhh doll. You don’t have to. Just, remember. Everything, no matter what you decide, is going to be alright.”

She believed him. In her mind, she thought that maybe she shouldn’t. But her heart was very much insistent that this was right where she needed to be.

“For right now, how about we call your father?”

* * *

Thomas hung his head in his hands, the bits and pieces of Amanda and William’s overheard conversation loud in his head. He’d woken to search for Amanda, but stopped before coming completely down the stairs when he heard her sobs.

Fuck. Fuck everything.

This was never supposed to be his life. There was never supposed to be even an inkling of attachment to any woman in his life. And never, ever, anything to this effect.

He pushed everything trying to bubble to the service, once again, back down inside him when he heard William get off the couch to grab his phone. With steady breath, he took the last two steps down to the living room.

Amanda was wiping her eyes, but she smiled despite herself when she saw him. “Good morning, Thomas.”

He loved hearing her say his name. “Good morning yourself, darling.” He sat on the opposite side of the couch of where his twin had just been, and Amanda leaned into him instantly. “Doing alright?”

“For the most part,” she mumbled.

William joined them, holding his phone out to Amanda, but she shied away.

“What do I tell him?” She grabbed Thomas’s hand. “He can’t know, about Thomas. The truth.”

“Tell him part of the truth then. That as soon as the honeymoon started, you realized how abusive he was,” William offered. “And that we were able to get you out once we found you.”

“Your father needs to know you’re safe, sweet girl,” Thomas added. “Don’t keep him waiting.”

Her breath was shaky as she took the phone and dialed the memorized numbers, pressing it to her ear as it rang once, twice, and a man’s voice on the other end was just loud enough for both Thomas and William to hear in the quiet room.

“This is Arthur.”

“Daddy.”

Both twins held her hand as tears flowed on both ends of the phone conversation, Amanda answering all of Arthur’s questions with vague and quiet responses based on what William had suggested. She was so strong, Thomas thought, as she relayed what Jacob had done.

“Where is Jacob? I swear to god –”

“He’s gone. I promise Daddy. The twins brought me home. I’m safe.”

“I’m coming to see you,” Arthur said. “I’m –”

“Daddy, no, it’s okay. It-it’s okay. I, I just…” she couldn’t finish her thought as her voice was robbed by sobs.

William tenderly took the phone from her before pressing it to his own ear. “Arthur, it’s William. Both Thomas and I agree she shouldn’t travel right now. She’s healing, both emotionally and physically.”

“Physically? With all due respect, William, that is my little girl. You’re not a father, I don’t expect you to understand but –”

“All due respect, Arthur,” William interrupted, and Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Amanda has been through and survived an incredibly traumatic ideal. She doesn’t want you to worry more than necessary, and you  _will_  get you see her. We wouldn’t dare keep her from you once she’s alright. But she’s trying to hold it together and get things back to some idea of normal. We’re trying to help her do that. She’s safe here.”

Arthur sighed audibly, and Amanda bit her lip, trying to control her tears. “That’s my baby girl, William.”

“You have my word, Arthur. And Thomas’s. Nothing will happen to her while she’s with us.”

She wiped her eyes and silently asked for the phone back by holding her hand out. William obliged her, saying she could go upstairs to talk alone with her father.

She stood, looking that them both with a gratitude almost tangible. “Thank you two. So much.”

They both watched her walk back up the stairs, whispering her love for her father into the phone. The twins met gazes, saying nothing but still saying so much.

“Well, I’ve given my word now,” William sighed. “Now we really can’t let her leave.”

Thomas agreed and shook his head. He didn’t want to let her leave either, now that he had her back, had her safe. But god, he wished he could explain the ulterior reasons that urged him to never let her go. Ever.

 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

## Chapter Fifteen

“Are you sure? Bishop can handle -”

“Go.” Amanda insisted, nodding at the door. “You’ve been cooped up with me for a week. I’m fine. You have a cartel to run.”

Thomas sighed as he adjusted his tie. “And I have people in place that can run it smoothly in my absence.  You’re more important, darling.”

Her face flushed as she ducked her head. “I really am fine. I’m safe here. I know h-he’s gone.”

Thomas crossed the room quickly with his long strides, cupping her chin and lifting her gaze to meet his. “They’re all gone. They can’t hurt you, Manda. I swear that to you. Never again.”

She leaned into his touch. “I know. So go. I’ll be just fine, I promise.”

He didn’t look convinced, but when his phone chirped, likely another text requiring his attention, Thomas reluctantly agreed. He stole a chaste kiss, gave Amanda one last long look, before striding out of the room. When he met William downstairs, he glanced towards the stairs with a frown.

“I’ll be here all day,” William assured. “She’ll be fine.”

“You’ll call if she needs something? Anything?”

William lay a hand on his shoulder. “You know I will. Go. The quicker you deal with business, the quicker you can come back to her.”

Thomas nodded. “Don’t leave her alone in the house for even a second. She says she’s fine but we both know she’s shaken.”

“Wouldn’t even dream of it. Now go, before I kick your ass out the door.”

“You’d like to think you could.”

“Let’s not provoke me into trying.”

* * *

It was the first time she had been truly alone since she was locked away in that small room by her husband. But even then, it had never been quite this quiet. Amanda pulled her knees up to her chest, her iPad discarded on the bed beside her. Nothing was able to keep her occupied. No matter how many times she’d start and stop something else on Netflix, no matter how many shops she searched online, nothing would distract her wandering thoughts.

It had only been a handful of hours since Thomas had left, and she was ashamed to admit she wished she hadn’t let him go after all. She missed him. She missed his familiarity. She missed his arms curled tightly around her, protecting her from everything. The little whispers she’d wake up to after a nightmare, the way his hand would stroke her hair and back. He knew just what to say and do to pull her back from her memories and into the present. She was safe.

She could have gone to William. He’d set aside whatever work he was focused on and take her mind off of what happened. He’d already offered many times when he’s checked on her, or when she had wandered down for something to eat. He stopped everything to make her a full english breakfast, though she barely could make her way through half of it. He wasn’t bothered, he never was when he was in the kitchen and cooking for someone else.

But the last time she had wandered out of the bedroom, she had heard William on a call, one that didn’t sound particularly good. They had both put their lives on hold for her, and they still were. She couldn’t bother him, not when her need to be with someone wasn’t important.

Shaking her head, Amanda slipped off the bed and moved towards Thomas’ closet. She didn’t need to bother the twins, but she did need  _something_. And there were a pair of sweats that had always offered comfort and content when she needed it. They always smelt of Thomas, even when she knew they were washed. They just had his essence and she was glad for it. It felt like she was enveloped in his arms when they hung off of her, nearly to the point of falling off. She needed that comfort now. Those arms in some form even if she couldn’t have him just yet.

But as she searched the familiar closet, pulling out drawer after drawer, she couldn’t find them. Frowning, Amanda searched through each drawer for a second time before moving onto the hangers, confused where the sweats could be. They were always here, always in the same spot. Thomas was too neat for them to be otherwise. The panic started to rise in her when she couldn’t find them. They had to be there, though. They  _had_  to be.

* * *

“Manda?” Thomas called as he stepped into his bedroom. She hadn’t responded when he had called for her downstairs and he was worried. William had been between her and the door the entire day, he insisted. There was no way for any harm to come to her. Logically, he knew this. But those few hours he hadn’t been within arms reach, and his fears had gotten the best of him.

He was relieved when he heard the shuffling around in his closet. Until he saw articles of clothing being tossed out of the walk-in and to the bedroom floor. Raising an eyebrow, Thomas stepped over the thrown shirts and stood in the doorway.

“Manda?” his eyebrows drew together. “Is everything alright? Are you alright?”

She made a noncommittal sound but continued her rampage through his clothes. When a shirt flew into his face, Thomas tossed it aside and moved up behind her. His hands hesitated only a moment before straying to her hips. He expected her to flinch, to pull away. And he couldn’t have blamed her, considering the hell she had gone through. But instead she stilled before the tension left her back, even just for a moment.

“Where are they?” she asked in a small voice.

That voice killed him. “Where’s what, darling?”

She turned quickly around. “Your sweats! Where are they? You didn’t get rid of them, did you? They weren’t in bad shape.”

“You mean the ratty ones with holes?”

“Yes!”

He stifled a chuckle. “I think they’re in the wash.”

“Well what the hell are they doing there!”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Darling.”

Amanda pulled away, her hands running up and down her arms as if to ward away a chill.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, sweet girl?” He stepped towards her, not letting her stray too far from him. “You said you’d be fine with me leaving. William was just downstairs.”

“I know that.”

“What happened between then and now? William said he made you breakfast and checked on you.”

She chewed on her lip. “I just - I was feeling lonely and I didn’t want to bother him.”

“You know he would have -”

“I know, and that’s the point.” Amanda shook her head. “You both have lives. You have the cartel and William has the company. You can’t keep putting that on the back burner just because of me.”

Thomas’ eyes narrowed. “We damn well can. And we will continue to do so.”

“You shouldn’t need to.”

“We want to.”

She tried to take another step away but Thomas followed her, his arm snaking around her and drawing her closer. “I don’t need to be your responsibility.”

Ignoring her comment, Thomas glanced around the closet. “Tell me what happened in here, Manda.”

“Nothing, I was just -” she began, but sighed when he raised an eyebrow at her. “I was looking for your sweats. They’ve always comforted me.”

He pushed a strand of hair away from her face. “They were in the wash last time I checked. Probably just need to be tossed in the dryer.”

“Oh.”

“Shouldn’t take long.” he dragged a hand down her hair, his fingertips dancing across her back. “I’m sure I have something else you could -”

“No.”

Thomas chuckled. “Then we’ll get you in those, alright?”

She murmured against his chest as he pulled her closer. Her small hands swept up his back, grabbing onto his suit jacket as if she were afraid to let him go. He cursed himself for leaving her. He could have pushed things off a bit longer, could have had Bishop deal with it. William would have even gone in his place.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Blame yourself for leaving.”

“I wasn’t.”

She pulled back just enough to send him a knowing look. “Yes you were. I thought I would be fine. I should be fine. It’s been long enough. I shouldn’t even be here anymore.”

His arms tightened around her. “You’ll stay here as long as needed.”

“I don’t want to take over your life.”

But that was all he wished she would do, even if he couldn’t let it happen.

“That’s our decision to make, and we’ve already made it,” he shushed her. “Let me go hound my brother into doing the laundry for me.”

“I can do it.”

“Yes, but why when it’d be much more fun to make him do it,” he teased with a wink.

Her lips twitched. “I don’t know what to do with the two of you sometimes.”

She was smiling again by the time William brought the sweats up, Amanda slipping off into the bathroom to change. Once she was settled on the couch between the twins, feeling safe and cherished, it felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest and she could breathe for the first time that day.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re ready to come back?” Thomas kept his hand firmly on Amanda’s back as they rode up in the elevator to his office. “It’s too soon.”

Amanda sighed as she turned into him. “It’s time. I need to get back to work, get back into the swing of things. Sitting at home isn’t doing anything to help. I’m trying to move on, and to do that, I need to get back to my life.”

“But -”

“And I’m only working for you for now.” She gave him a side look, her lips twitching. “Because someone is over protective and doesn’t want me out of his sight.”

“Yeah well,” Thomas grumbled. “William’s office doesn’t have the same protections that mine does.”

“You mean the dozens of minions that would come to my aid,” she snickered.

His hand dropped to swat her ass. “Exactly.”

Amanda let out a soft gasp, her eyes widening as she turned back towards the closed doors. It was the first time he had  _touched_  her since her rescue. Weeks had passed and they had done nothing more than lie beside each other at night. Maybe they’d steal some kisses. But he always held back. He always pulled away before things could get heated. It frustrated Amanda to no end. She wanted him, wasn’t that clear enough? What more could possibly be holding him back?

“Manda?” Thomas pulled her from her thoughts.

“Hm?”

His eyebrows quirked, amusement in his eyes. “We’re here, darling.”

Amanda blinked, realizing the doors had already slid open. Thomas had one hand still grazing her ass while the other was holding the doors ajar.

“Ready?”

She suddenly felt nervous as she took a hesitant step out of the elevator. She was expecting everyone to stare, to just stop and whisper about her. But not even the receptionist gave her a second glance, instead ogling Thomas like she always had. Thomas, for his part, barely paid the girl any attention as he led her down the familiar halls to his office.

As they came to her desk, she couldn’t help but smile. It had been too long since she had sat at that desk, relaxed, without a worry. Even before the wedding, nothing had felt quite right. Not like they should have been. Not for a long time. But it felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulder after so long. As she set her purse on the table, looking over the familiar computer, her files still in the same place they had been before she had jet off for what should have been the wedding of her dreams. A shudder ran through her at the thought but she shook it off. She wasn’t going to think about him today.

“If you’re not -”

“A cartel doesn’t run itself.” Amanda nudged him towards his office, rolling her eyes. “I’m fine. Now leave me be, I need to see what mess you’ve turned everything into.”

He scoffs. “I haven’t made a mess of anything.”

“Oh really?” Her lips twitched into a smile.

“Its really not my fault Bishop can’t file a damn thing.”

“Poor Elliot, does he know you’re putting the blame on him.”

“No. And he doesn’t ever need to.” He winked, his hand on his office door. “You’ll come to me if you need anything? Anyone gives you a problem, I’ll-”

“Go be a drug lord,” she snickered, waving him away. “I’m trying to work. My boss doesn’t like for me to get distracted.”

She saw the lust fill his eyes and waited for his inappropriate comments she had missed. But the moment quickly passed and he shut back down, giving her a quick now before slipping into his office. She watched his door for a long moment before sighing and settling in. Just being in that chair felt like she was getting her life back. She was ready to move on. But as she peeked over at the closed office door, she knew she still wasn’t ready to move on from him.

“Welcome back, little dove.”

She was back out of her chair in seconds, moving quickly around the desk and straight towards Bishop. His expression turned into one of unease as she wrapped herself around him, ignoring the tensing of his body. It was the first time seeing him since that night. It had only just been her and the twins for so long, both so overprotective. But there had been so many others there that had come for her. They had come for her. She was nothing more than a woman Thomas had slept with, and they had risked everything. There weren’t enough ways to thank them all.

But she started as best as she could with the least likely to ever accept any of her gratitude. “Thank you.”

His hand same to rest on her back, gently rubbing in a small circle. She was surprised by the action, and had to wonder if he’d been getting more practice lately.

“There’s no need for that, dove.” He eventually pulled her away to arms length. “There was no question about it. You’re good?”

She smiled up. “I’m good.”

Bishop eyed her for a moment, looking for a single lie in her account. When he was satisfied, he nodded and went to walk around her. Amanda, however, nudged him in his side when he came up beside her.

“Have there been any changes since I’ve been gone?” She raised an eyebrow and grinned widely, thinking about a certain woman from the accounting department.

His expression twisted in confusion. “What?”

Amanda rolled her eyes and nudged him towards Thomas’ office. “So hopeless, the both of you.”

She giggled as Bishop ran a hand through his hair, looking more like a confused dog than the grumpy man she was used to.

Amanda fell into a groove as the morning turned into afternoon. Bishop had come and gone, multiple times. Preston had stopped by with his usual charming smile and flirty winks. Moira had been more than welcoming, bringing her lunch and had caught her up on Izzy’s latest adventures. Everything felt right again. As if she had never left.

It was late into the afternoon when Amanda was finally able to get a handle on the mess that had come of the office since she had been gone when she caught Thomas stalking down the hall, his expression stormy. He kicked his door open, storming inside without a glance towards her. She shifted in her chair, peeking into the office to find Thomas waltzing straight to the bar cart and pouring himself a drink. She frowned as she watched him wash it down before pouring another and slumping into his chair. The tension was clear all over him, and it caused Amanda to pause.

How many times had she been whisked into his office during moments of stress?

How many times had she knelt before him to relieve that tension, or bent over the side of his desk as he fucked away whatever troubled him?

Amanda shuddered at just the thought. She wanted that - needed it - again. Turning back to her computer, she chewed on her bottom lip. Could she do it? Could she just walk into that office and offer herself to him?

Mustering up the courage, Amanda stood, pressing down the wrinkles in her skirt. With a glance around, ensuring they wouldn’t be interrupted before they even got started, she moved towards the office and stepped through the doorway.

“Sir?” she called hesitantly, closing the door behind her. She flipped the lock before he could answer.

“Hm?” His eyes were closed as he lounged in his chair, drink still in his hand. It was empty now, however, his fingers fiddling with the rim.

“Are you alright, sir?” She took a step, and then another, all while her hand shakingly went to the back of her skirt and grasped onto the zipper.

“Just a bullshit meeting,” he scowled, eyes still closed.

“I’m sorry.” Goose bumps rose on her arms as she slowly slid the zipper down, giving the fabric a gently tug over her hips until it floated to the floor. Hitching her breath, her hands turned to her blouse she started to close the distance between them. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

He didn’t respond, just grunting as his hand clasped the glass tightly. Amanda grew closer, unbuttoning her blouse one button at a time until it was hanging loose. Reaching the side of her chair, she looked down at him, her heart fluttering, her cheeks flushing as she thought about what she was about to do. Taking a deep breath, she lifted a leg over his lap, straddling him as he eyes flew open.

“Let me help, sir,” she whispered, her hands running over his shoulders and under his suit jacket.

Thomas’ eyebrows drew together as his hands came to rest of her hips. “Manda?”

She leaned forward, dragging her lips along his neck. There was a faint line of lipstick, and she couldn’t help but feel giddy at the idea of marking him, even just a little bit. He could be hers again.

“Let me help. Like I used to.” She pressed hard against him, smiling when she felt him harden beneath her.

“Manda,” he began, only to groan when one of her hands moved between them and to his erection. “Manda, you need to -”

“I can get your mind off of it.” She nuzzled his neck as she massaged his cock. She let a moan slip as she thought of him inside of her.

“Jesus. Fuck.” His fingers flexed over her hips before pulling her tight against him.

Her hands fumbled with the zipper of his pants as she kissed him, nipping at his bottom lip and causing him to growl.

“Thomas,” she moaned.

“Manda.” he breathed between kisses. “Manda stop.”

“You need this.  _We_  need this.”

“Manda.” One hand ventured to her panty clad mound but he stopped himself before he could touch her. One touch and he knew he would be gone. “Manda, no.”

When she only continued, he pulled back, pushing her hips until she was no longer achingly pressed against him.

“Thomas…”

“We can’t.”

“What?” Amanda drew back. “Why?”

“We just, we can’t.”

“But you -” her hand was on him again before he clasped her wrist.

“Of course I’m hard, Amanda. But that doesn’t change the fact that we can’t.”

She was silent for a moment, her head tipping downwards as she softly asked,“Do you, do you not want me?”

“No, Amanda, that’s not -”

Amanda scrambled off his lap. “Is it because I was with someone else?”

“That’s not -”

“Is it because I was with your enemy?”

“Manda no, it’s not - that’s not…fuck.” he runs his hand down his face with a sigh. “I’m not good for you. I never have been.”

“You keep saying that, but I’ve never thought that.” her arms came tightly around herself, pulling her blouse closed.

He wanted to reach out to her, but he kept his hands to himself. “It doesn’t change the fact that it’s true. I’m not good for you. I don’t deserve you. Not even this way.”

“Doesn’t that get to be my decision?”

He looked away. “Not this time.”

She stared at him, her eyes blurring as she fought against the tears. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t let him know how devastated she felt.

“It’s been long enough. You haven’t touched me. You barely look at me.” her voice faltered. “But I felt you. I  _felt_  how you feel.”

“It’s just an erection, Amanda.” It pained him to force the words out. “It doesn’t mean a damn thing.”

“I know you better than that.”

“You’ve never really known me, little one.”

“You’re pushing me away,” she accused.

His sad smile was strained. “You’ll be better for it.”

Her lips parted, as if she wanted to argue, but the longer she stared at him, the longer she willed him to just look at her, she realized this was an argument she was never going to win. Not even after everything they’ve been through. It just wasn’t enough.

William had been right all those months ago. Maybe it was time to let go.

“I’ll have my things out of the house by tonight.” Amanda was already hurrying to where her skirt lay on the floor.

His head snapped up. “What?”

“I’m okay now. It’s time I go home. Thank you for everything you and William have done, but it’s time.”

“You don’t need to leave.”

“Do you really think I’d want to stay there still?” she shot back coldly, zipping the skirt up and tucking in her blouse. “I  _need_  to go.”

Thomas’ eyes closed, his fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose. “But you don’t need to.”

“Yes I do,” she responded quietly. Turning towards the door, her hand met the handle as she flipped the lock. “One day you’re going to need to let yourself love, Thomas.”

He couldn’t even spare watching her leave. The finality of it felt more real this time. But after the way she had been used as a tool in the Russian’s attempt at Thomas’ downfall, he knew it was for the best. Even if it did hurt like hell.

* * *

William was already home when Amanda hurried into the house and straight up the stairs. He popped his head out of the kitchen as he sent a glance to the stairs. Something had happened. Turning the stove off and stepping the pan to the side, William forgot about cooking as he made his way to Amanda. He was startled to find her throwing her things into a bad.

“Amanda?” he stepped into the room. “What happened?”

“It’s time I go.”

He scrutinized her, taking in the tear streaks on her cheeks, the redness of her eyes she tried to hide as she turned away. He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. “What did he do?”

“It’s not his fault. I…I always expect more than what he’s willing to give. That’s on me.”

“He wants more.”

She smiled sadly. “I don’t think he’s capable of understanding that.”

William sighed as he stepped up behind her, pulling her into his arms. “You don’t need to do this. You can stay. Move to another room. Mine is always open to you. But stay, doll.”

Amanda shook her head. “It’s been long enough. I need to get back to my life, and I can’t do that if I’m hiding out here. Maybe I’ll go see my dad. I just, I need to go.”

He wanted to argue, to demand that she stay. But he wouldn’t hold her here against her will. He cursed his brother for whatever he had done to cause her to leave.

“At least let me feed you first.”

“I don’t know.”

“Please.” he dug his nose into her hair. “Let me do that for you at the very least.”

Her body sagged. “O-okay.”

He kissed the top of her head as he heard the front door open and close. Reluctantly, he pulled himself away. “It shouldn’t be too long. Come done when you’re ready. I’ll drive you afterwards.”

“I can take a cab.”

“I’ll drive you.”

She didn’t argue as she returned to packing. William shook his head as he reigned in his anger, at the very least, until he found his dumbass twin. It didn’t take long, Thomas heading straight to his office.

“You’re being an idiot.”

“Not now, William.”

William rolled his eyes as he grabbed Thomas’ shoulder before he could sulk in his office for the rest of the night. “Are you really going to let her leave?”

“She wants to go home. I can’t force her to stay.”

“ _This_  could be her home, damn it.”

Thomas turned on him. “We both know that can’t happen.”

“Why the hell not!” William’s jaw twitched. “You watched her get fucking married. And that husband turned into your fucking rival. And still, you’re going to just let her walk away? Did you get hit too many fucking times in the head?”

“That’s the reason why I can’t! It’s my fault, damn it. It’s my fucking fault. She wouldn’t have married that bastard, and she sure as hell wouldn’t have been kidnapped if it weren’t for me. I was the reason she had bruises all over her body. That she was terrified of sleeping because of the nightmares. This is my doing, and I won’t cause her anymore pain.”

William fumed, his hands itching to grab his brother by the shoulders and shake him. “Don’t you realize you’re hurting her now?”

“But she’ll be safe.” Thomas turned into his office, the door slamming in William’s face.

“Jesus Christ, Thomas.” William grumbled, shaking his head. “You’re going to regret letting her walk away. Again.”

But there was no answer, causing him to sigh and head into the kitchen.

* * *

“Okay, that’s it,” William heaved his brother out of his office chair and shoved him towards the door. “Enough moping around like a sixteen year old girl. It’s been days. We’re going out.”

Thomas scowled. “I’m busy”

“Busy moping, as I just mentioned.” William rolled his eyes. “You need a drink. Or seven. Whatever, go wild. But you need out of this office.”

Thomas eyed him. “You’re encouraging me to drink? What’s gotten into you, little brother?”

“Your moping ass, I thought we’ve already gone over this. I’d rather drag your drunk ass home than risk you getting high because you’re too much of an idiot to let the best damn thing in your life go.”

Thomas’ eyes narrowed, but before he could snap a retort, William just shoved him towards the front door.

“Not gonna hear it. We’re going to drink. You’re going to get whatever this is out of your system, and we’re going to move on. Whatever way that is. But you can’t stay cooped up in the office, moping that she’s gone but not doing a damn thing about it. You want her? Go get her? You don’t? Then fine, find someone else, fuck her brains out, and get on with it.”

“You think it’s that fucking easy?”

“No, but you need it.”

William drove them to their usual bar, nodding at the bartender as Thomas took an immediate seat. The first round was ordered before they were even there two minutes. With the second following quickly behind. William nursed a bear as he kept a close eye on his brother. Thomas needed this. He needed to just let go, in whatever way. He’d much rather if he did it through alcohol than drugs. So if he needed this outlet, William was more than happy to give it to him.

“It’s my fault, you know.”  
  
“What?”

“Everything. It’s my fault.” Thomas knocked back another drink. “Every damn thing.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“If I hadn’t been involved with her. If I hadn’t shown a  weakness, nothing like this would have happened.”

William began to pale. “No, big brother, that’s not true. None of this was your doing.”

“Of course it fucking was! Fuck, I never should have asked her to work for me. It put her out there. No one would have fucking touched her if she hadn’t been there. If I had never been in her goddamn bed.”

“Shit, Thomas.” William shook his head. “That’s not true. The Russians…”

“They got to her because of me. You ask me why I can’t just have her? Because I don’t deserve her. I’m the reason she went through hell. I’m the reason she’s not as fine as she says she is. This is my doing, and I can’t take that away.”

“Thomas -”

“Don’t. Don’t give me excuses. I did this, and I’ll pay the price for it. But I won’t touch her. I won’t put her in harms way again.”

William sighed. “So you’ll both suffer instead.”

Thomas grabbed a new shot as it was set on the bar top. “Better this way than for her to be destroyed because of me.”

William tried to reach for him, but Thomas shoved away his hand and just ordered another drink once finishing the shot. The numbness that was seeping through him was a welcome feeling.

“That’s not true.”

“We’re done talking about this. We’re done talking about her. This is it. It’s over. Time to move on. That’s why we’re here, isn’t it?”

Thomas turned, focusing on drink after drink, numbing the pain William knew he was feeling. And all he could do was watch.

“I cared so fucking much about her, you know.” Thomas was swaying now. William knew he was so far gone, his sombre brother had no idea what he was saying at this point. “I think I probably loved her. And now she’s gone.”

“She’s right there in front of you.” William tried.

But Thomas wasn’t even aware he had said a word. “She was so good. So pure. And I tainted her. I let her be tainted by this world. She was scared. God, did you see how scared she was when we brought her home? Because of me. Because I let her be hurt. I let her be taken. How could I have let that happen?”

“it wasn’t your fault, big brother.”

“I don’t deserve her. She deserves to be happy.”

“She would be happy with you. You both could be happy.”

Thomas snorted. “I don’t even know what happy is.”

“That’s a lie. Because I saw how happy you were with her. I saw it, Thomas.”

A frown marred his face. “it doesn’t matter now. It’s done.” Thomas shoved away from the bar. “I’m done. Let’s get out of here.”

William sighed, wishing there was more he could say, more he could do to convince Thomas. “Why don’t you wait outside while I pay up. Just don’t go stumbling into the street or something.”

“I’m not that drunk.” Thomas rolled his eyes but almost tipped over as he slid from the stool. “that meant nothing.”

“Sure,” William snickered.

Thomas flipped him off before stumbling out of the bar, inhaling sharply at the coolness of night. Rubbing his hands together as he waiting for his twin to hurry up, he watched as three young women left the bar across the street. All three were young and beautiful, women he would have sought after in a mere second. He should have. He could have sauntered over and charmed them, even drunk. But the churning on his stomach at even the thought startled him.

He didn’t want some wild night with a faceless woman. He didn’t want countless evenings at his clubs, looking for his next fuck. For the first time since he was a teenager, Thomas felt nothing for women.

Except for one, damn it. With her big brown eyes and luscious lips. The little gasps and moans when he pulled on her hair, when he grasped her around the neck. The flush on her entire body when he watched her come. That was what he wanted.

“Fuck this.”

He dug into his pocket for his phone, taking longer than it should have to pull out. His fingers fumbled and his forehead creased as he sought the only number he cared about. Hitting the little green call button, he lifted the phone to his ear, and watched as the women disappeared into a cab.

_“Hi, you’ve reached -”_

“Amanda -” but he frowned when that sweet voice continued. “Damn it. Pick up, Amanda. Pick up.”

But she didn’t, and soon he was met with a long beep, encouraging him to leave a message. He was out of his mind, he knew that. He’d regret every single word in the morning. But the numbing buzz caused him not to care. Not at that moment.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. You wouldn’t have been taken if it weren’t for me. It was my - god, it was my fault. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve me at all. Fuck baby, I’m so sorry because if I hadn’t wanted you so damn much, you wouldn’t have been hurt. If I didn’t love you, you would have been safe. I should - I should let you go. I really fucking should. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to not see your face. I don’t want to not touch you. Damn it, Amanda, I want you. I want you too damn much. God I love you. I don’t think I can let you go. I can’t.”

His mind was spinning. So much was spilling out, so much that he couldn’t stop from saying.

“Thomas? You out here?” William’s voice came from the door of the bar.

“Shit.” Thomas muttered under his breath as he quickly fumbled with his phone, barely being able to hang up before it slipped from his hands and fell to the ground. He went to reach for it, but stumbled as he bent over, William having to steady him.

“Jesus, I know I told you to get drunk, but I think you went a bit overboard.”

“Haven’t blacked out yet,” Thomas mumbled.

William rolled his eyes as he knelt down and snatched up the phone. He was about to hand it over when he glanced at the screen. “Shit, what did you do, Thomas?”

“Nothing.” Thomas grabbed at it.

William shoved his hands away as he pulled up the last number he called. “Amanda? Seriously? I remember the last time you got drunk and turned to her. No good came of it. What did you do?”

“Nothing. It was nothing. She didn’t pick up.”

He eyes his twin, but Thomas just stared back at him blankly. “Maybe I’ll hold onto this. Just in case then.”

“Yeah. Fine. Whatever. Are we going or what?” Thomas turned before William could see through his lies.

“Keep your knickers on, big brother.”

“Oh, you want me to strip? Didn’t think I was that far gone, but I could make an exception.”

“Keep your goddamn pants on.”

“You sure?”

“I’ll kick your drunk ass all the way home if you even reach for your belt.”

* * *

Thomas groaned as he woke on the couch, one arm dragging on the floor. A blanket was thrown over him, but only covered half of his body. He started to rise, only to hiss and fall back to the comfort of the couch, his head pounding.

“What the fuck did I drink?”

“About half the bar.” William snickered  from over him. “I was just checking to make sure you were still breathing.”

“Kind of you.”

“I thought so.” William nodded as something thumped onto his back.

Thomas opened an eye and glared at his brother as he reached back to find the familiar feel of his phone. “Seriously?”

“Thought you’d want it back.”

“How’d you get my phone again?”

William gave him a long look. “You tried calling her last night. Thankfully you didn’t do anything too stupid.”

“Shit.”

It hit him. It came flying back to him as if it were only moments ago.

_“If I didn’t love you, you would have been safe.”_

_“God I love you”_

“Fuck.” Thomas dragged a hand down his face. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“I left a message.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I left. A. Message.” He closed his eyes tightly. “I left a damn message.”

“Oh shit.”


	16. Chapter Sixteen

## Chapter Sixteen

Amanda was out of red wine, a fact she had discovered when, after waking from some sort of late-evening nap, her bottle of trusty merlot had refused to yield anymore to her empty glass.

It was cold, so cold even under her heavy cardigan and quilt on her sofa. She should have just gone back to bed, maybe slipped in one more episode on Netflix, just to keep from being awake and thinking for longer than she wanted.

She felt so alone. For the first real time in over a year, even after the kidnapping, she didn’t have anyone to turn to. She had never doubted the twins’ loyalty to her, their determination to find her, that they  _would_  find her. But now? She wasn’t even sure if Thomas could stand to be in the same room as her.

Heartbreak was truly the worst sickness.

Opening the fridge in an attempt to find more wine, Amanda was startled when her phone began to ring on the counter behind her.

 _Thomas_.

She stepped back from the device as if it were a snake, not knowing what exactly would await her should she answer it. A million possibilities ran through her mind: Thomas firing her, Thomas asking to talk, Thomas drunk and asking for a fuck, god, maybe William baring bad news…  _Thomas_ ….

A tear ran down her cheek just as the ringing stopped, and she let out a deep breath that turning into a choking sob.

She couldn’t do this. Not now.

The wine forgotten, she ran back to her bedroom, wiping her face of her tears before throwing herself on the bed and burying herself under a mound of blankets.

* * *

“I leave you alone, for two fucking seconds –”

“You should know better to do that when I’m drunk.”

“– when all I wanted was to try to get you in better spirits –”

“Please,  _stop_  shouting.”

“– and now, who bloody knows what you said to her, Thomas?!” William sat with his head in his hands across from the couch Thomas lay on, tea untouched beside him. “What if you fired her? What if she won’t even come in to work, or bloody speak to me?”

“I didn’t fire her,” Thomas muttered, fishing into his trousers he still wore from the previous night for his pack of cigarettes and lighter.

“You  _just_  said you couldn’t remember everything.”

“Well I remember not firing her.” He greedily stuck one between his teeth, lighting it before he continued. “I’m not that much of a twit.”

_If I hadn’t wanted you so damn much, you wouldn’t have been hurt… God, I love you._

He certainly remembered that.

But had he really said… those words? Could he have been in such a state that he had admitted something that he didn’t even know, or understand, to be true?

“Christ, Thomas,” William spat, running his hands through his hair. “If you hurt her –”

“I  _didn’t._ ” He thought he didn’t.

“You seem awfully fucking sure of yourself.” He narrowed his eyes as Thomas huffed out smoke. “I thought we had an agreement.”

“No smoking in the house, I know.” He took another drag regardless. “But I think this is an exception to the rule, don’t you?”

He sighed, leaning back in the chair. “I suppose so.”

Thomas watched him carefully as his twin stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t bring himself to admit out loud what he said, or thought he had said, on Amanda’s voicemail. He’d never hear the end of it, no matter the outcome, and perhaps it was better if he played the fool for just a while longer. But fuck, he would be paying for last night in who knew what ways.

“Fuck,” he breathed. “Fucking hell.”

“Just, tell me you didn’t do anything too stupid.”

“I didn’t do anything too stupid, brother.”

“Goddammit, Thomas. You make  _me_  want a cigarette. And it’s too early to drink.”

“It’s not too –”

“It’s too early to drink.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Thomas nervously working his cigarette as smoke hung around him. One way or another, it was always his fault. He’d totally fucked up.

William huffed before finally standing. “I guess I’ll make food. You’ve stressed me to the point of hunger, damn you.” He ran his hands over his face and he strutted towards the kitchen.

“Have we got any eggs?” Thomas asked, cigarette between his teeth.

“I’ll make eggs,” his brother muttered under his breath as he opened the refrigerator.

Before he could say his thanks, a quick knock from the front door broke out.

William shut the fridge and furrowed his brows at the door just as Thomas feebly looked around the living room for his discarded shirt. “You expecting anyone?” he asked, heading towards the door while Thomas found the shirt.

“Don’t think so.” He stood and ran a hand through his hair. “It may be Bishop, I dunno.”

“Look lively, then.” William yawned just as he glanced through the peephole before jumping back. “Oh shit.”

“What?”

William’s nostrils flared as he turned to his twin. “It’s fucking Amanda.”

The cigarette nearly fell from Thomas’s mouth. Amanda. Here. At his home.

“Don’t, don’t let her in.”

“I’m letting her in, you idiot, Christ.” He pointed his finger at Thomas, staring him down. “You. Stay. Understand?”

His heart was suddenly thundering in his ears, loud and nearly frightening. He couldn’t face her, not now, not here, not…. Sober. He couldn’t. He wasn’t ready.

Would he ever be ready? After that message, his drunken confession that he wasn’t sure was true, was he even worthy to face her at all?

William made the decision for him as he pulled open their front door.

Amanda’s hair had been hastily thrown into a bun on her head, long knit cardigan hanging off her shoulders and arms crossed nervously. Her face devoid of makeup, eyes red, and lip between her teeth.

“Amanda?” William asked, opening the door wide to offer her in. “What brings you here so early?” He shook his head. “How did you get here?”

She swallowed, hugging herself in the chilly spring air. “A, uh, a cabbie. I just…” she trailed off, looking past his shoulder to the inside. “Is Thomas here?”

Thomas stiffened at the mention of his name, and he dropped his cigarette into his half-empty mug next to the couch.

“He is, sweetheart,” William said with a sigh. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I just, I need to talk to him.” Her voice got quiet as she dropped her hands to her sides.

He stepped aside, ushering her in without a word, his eyes watching her expression with an intense scrutiny. “Can I get you anything? Tea, some breakfast?”

“No, William, I’m okay.” A small smile appeared on her lips as she entered the house, only for it to fall when her eyes fell on Thomas.

Thomas straightened his back, the last remnants of smoke escaping through his nose as he took the sight of her in. She looked so small, so skittish to be near him, and he hated how much she looked as if she had been crying. He knew it was, like everything, somehow his fault. He always seemed to be the source of her pain.

“A-Amanda,” he stuttered, fumbling to button a few spots on his shirt. “I wasn’t, um, expecting you.”

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” She glanced over at William, as if scared of Thomas’s response.

“You’re not, Amanda,” William said quickly. He flicked his eyes between the other two, his heart going into his throat. “I think I’m actually going to get dressed.” He caught Amanda’s gaze. “If that’s alright.”

She nodded her head shyly. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Another small smile.

“‘Course.” He looked over to Thomas with a look that the twins shared frequently.

_Don’t fuck this up._

Thomas’s heart grew louder with each step William took upstairs, his eyes not yet wanting to meet Amanda’s round brown ones. This was it. Whatever happened between them now would determine far more than he wanted to anticipate.

He took a deep breath in, hands in his pockets itching for another cigarette. Amanda hadn’t moved an inch. He tried to shrug. “How are you, darling?”

“Were you drunk last night?”

The sad twinge in her voice physically hurt him, knowing it was his doing that it existed. Reluctantly he admitted, “I was.”

Her teeth were digging deep into her bottom lip. “Do -” she stopped, collecting herself before taking a break and starting again. “Do you remember, what you did?”

Fuck. “I do.”

“Calling me?”

He really needed a cigarette. “I remember calling you.”

Amanda nodded, looking to the floor and sniffling once. Thomas wanted to go to her, balling his fists at his sides and huffing. This was all his fault.

After a moment without a response from her, he took steps towards the kitchen. “Let me get us some tea, Amanda, and we can sit down if –”

“Do you remember what you said?”

He stopped, his arm paused in the air where he had started to open a cabinet. She was looking at him, pleading at him with those goddamn eyes.

With a sigh, he dropped his arm to the counter. “I do, Manda.”

“Did you mean it?”

Those four words, how accusing they sounded, cut him in a way he’d never experienced before. Thomas couldn’t answer, couldn’t look at her. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what the fuck he meant.

“Thomas. Please.” Amanda stepped closer to the kitchen bar, putting a barrier between them. “Did you mean it?”

“Manda, I was drunk and –”

“That’s not an excuse!” She yelled, but her voice cracked on the last word. She was so tired of this, his run arounds, his avoidance of anything resembling this kind of talk. It had to stop. One way or another, it had to stop. “You can’t keep doing this!”

Thomas clenched his jaw, not raising his head, scared to see the raw vulnerability that he heard in her voice displayed on her face. This was fucking happening. No talking his way of it this time.

“What, what happened to you, Amanda, was my fault and, and therefore everything I do should be in regards to your safety.” He raised his chin, standing to his full height. “What I feel shouldn’t play a part in that.”

“How you feel?” she asked incredulously. “What about how I feel, Thomas? How I’ve  _always_  felt?!”

He steeled himself, using a more stern voice. “I need you to be safe, above all –”

“Don’t fucking do that.” Two tears fell down her cheeks, and they broke Thomas’s heart as they stopped on her lips. “Please.”

“Darling –”

“Why are you so scared?” she whispered, and god her heartbreak was evident in her entire presence.

He wasn’t scared. Right? He couldn’t be, Thomas Hiddleston didn’t get scared. Especially by young women.

But she wasn’t just a young woman, he reminded himself.

“I don’t know what to say, Amanda.” Thomas swallowed before turning his back to her, going to reach for a tumbler of whiskey he kept on the counter.

Amanda wasted no time in rounding the bar, not backing down, needing him to face her. She stopped next to him, hoping it would will him to put the tumbler down. “That’s not true. You always, always know what to say.”

He finally looked at her, and she nearly gasped at the conflict and confusion in those gorgeous blue eyes. She had never seen him so at a loss for words, so unsure of the direction he needed to take. He looked as lost as she felt.

His words were shaky as he said, “You need to forget this, Amanda. I was drunk and out of it. What I said shouldn’t –”

“You said you love me.”

She said it so quietly he would have thought he imagined it, had he not seen her lips move and form the words.

“I. Was. Drunk.” It pained him to sound so annoyed.

“You’re such a fucking idiot!” This time she nearly screamed, her arms thrown into the air as she stared at him in disbelief. “You have to bloody listen to me, Thomas!”

“Why?”

“Because –” her arms fell to her sides with a slap, and another tear fell. “Because I love you.”

Everything in his world came to a stop. His breath, his heart, his mind, even fucking time itself. There was only Amanda and those three words.

The words of his nightmares, the words of his dreams. The words he would imagine her saying when she woke up with a kiss to his ear. The words he was still scared would lead to more pain and suffering for her than she had already endured.

The words he never expected to be spoken to him. By anyone.

But fuck, Thomas couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t just blatantly accept this.

“No,” he whispered, with barely a shake of his head. “You can’t. Not me.”

Amanda choked on a sob. “Yes, you, Thomas. It’s always been you.”

“Manda…”

“Even, even when I was married…” She wiped her eyes but never stopped looking at him. “It was you. It was you.”

He fought the urge to step towards her, grab her by the waist and kiss her tears away. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth!” God, she was so resolute, so strong. Even now he had to admire it. “It’s the truth. And you know it.”

He straightened himself, looking down at her while his hand held on to the edge of the kitchen counter to keep himself steady. He would only hurt her, no matter how this ended. This life wasn’t for him; there was no path to redemption to be seen. He couldn’t ask her to be dragged down along with him.

“You deserve far better than me,” Thomas admitted ardently. She needed a better life. “Better than a hedonistic addict.” He thought for a moment before adding, “A criminal.”

“Well look what happened when I was with someone who was supposed to be good for me,” she challenged coolly, watching his reaction.

“That was  _my_  fault,” he repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. “I should have dug deeper, or not let you work for me at all. The next time you meet someone –”

“There won’t be a next time, Thomas!” She took a tentative step closer to him, almost cornering him into the counter and bar. “I. Love. You.”

“Stop saying that,” he said through gritted teeth.

“No. I won’t. I love you.”

Thomas’s heart constricted at her eyes boring into him, vulnerable and pleading. She was putting everything on the table, begging him, testing him in ways he never expected to be. Never wanted to be.

_Until her._

“I won’t let you.” He didn’t trust his own voice to remain steady as the words came out, didn’t like the fact that his own belief in them was wavering more and more by the second. “I’ll only hurt you. I can’t let you.”

“It’s my decision.” Her lip quivered, and he made himself close his eyes if just to clear his head. “It’s my decision, and I choose you. Thomas, I don’t bloody care what happens down the line.” Before she could stop herself, she pressed her hands to his chest, her fingers grazing a bit of skin where he hadn’t buttoned the shirt. She desperately missed the feel of him, his skin running all over her, covering her. “It’s you.”

“I caused what happened,” he said, trying not to focus on her fingers, the closeness of her, that he almost thought he heard her heart beating in tandem with his own. “Because you were close to me. You need to stay away. You’ll be safer.”

“I don’t want safer,” Amanda whispered. She grazed the tips of her fingers across a small patch of chest hair peeking out. “Being away from you would only hurt me more.” She could practically feel his heart beating furiously under her fingertips.

When he still didn’t open his eyes, she whispered his name once again. “Please, Thomas.”

Finally his eyes found hers again, still swirling with emotion he couldn’t classify yet. He’d never encountered it before. Never had it reciprocated.

He couldn’t help himself; he brought his hand to her cheek, and it was as weights were lifted off her. She leaned into his large hand, nearly choking at the familiarity of him and all that simple touch meant. He was opening to her, to them, to the idea. She would take it; she would take anything he gave her if it showed he was listening.

“Christ, sweet girl.”

The sound of his pet name for her, said with such affection, almost brought her to tears again.

He had lost his resolve. He didn’t want to fight anymore. She was so, so beautiful, so innocent, so bloody perfect. And goddammit, she was giving him her heart. Something far more precious than her body ever could be.

Thomas didn’t want to hurt her anymore. All he wanted was to protect her. Keep her, hold her, worship her –

 _Love_  her.

The admission to himself brought him both an immediate fear and sense of relief. He had no idea what to do. He still thought she was putting herself in danger, trusting him, loving him… but some part of him he had never seen before was telling him to let it go.

Amanda was here, and that was all that mattered.

“Sweet girl,” he repeated, slipping his other hand to the back of her neck. “You’ve thrown me desperately off balance lately.”

Amanda licked her lips. “Tell me you don’t want me anymore. Tell me you want, want me to leave.”

He raised his eyebrows and shook his head softly. “I can’t.”

Her eyes widened at his candor. “You, you can’t.”

“I can’t.” His thumb ran over her cheekbone, so smooth but wet from her tears. “Christ, Manda. I can’t explain everything that’s in my head or, or…” he trailed off before finding strength in the hope in her eyes, “or in my heart. But I know I can’t bare the thought of you walking out of here. Away from me.”

Amanda looked as if she had just been promised the world, everything she could have ever wanted. “Then let me love you, Thomas.”

He decided that he would. He would let her love him, let him be the vulnerable one. Anything to keep her next to him.

“I can’t promise you anything.” The honesty in his voice surprised him, but he didn’t care. He needed to get this all out. “I’m a bloody mess. I’m fucked up. I’m not meant to be loved, Amanda.”

“I don’t need promises.” She turned her face into his hand, her lips brushing against his palm. “I just want you. All of you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

How could something so  _perfect_  be saying this to him? After everything? 

“You have me.”

The world around them had disappeared, it was just them, cornered together in Thomas’s kitchen. And somehow it was perfect.

“Thomas…” Amanda whispered, her eyes flicking to his lips. She was the picture of love, of beauty, or everything Thomas never thought himself worthy of.

And he needed her. Amanda, his Amanda.

He kissed her.

He kissed her and gave her everything he wasn’t capable of saying out loud, every emotion he couldn’t name, everything he hadn’t been able to say for months. Everything. The first kiss shared not with lust, but love. He loved her.

Amanda understood, she understood as she opened her lips to him, gripping his shirt for dear life and scared of ever letting go. Their tongues met and a tear escaped, falling down her face to land where their lips were inseparable. She was  _his_. She was finally  _his_  with this kiss.

He had missed the taste of her, the way she reacted to him, how she obeyed him and sung for him and needed him the same way he needed her. He grabbed at her hair still atop her head, letting the loose bun fall as he fisted her hair into his hand. Nothing else mattered. He tasted salt, and guessed she was crying, but he couldn’t stop. Couldn’t stop kissing her and touching her. Like he couldn’t breathe and she was his air.

She pulled at his shirt, wanting it open, and the few buttons clattered to the kitchen floor with the force she gave. She had to feel him, press herself against him, make herself believe it was real.

Without breaking their kiss, he brought his hands to her waist. He grabbed her and pushed her against the edge of the counter, and without a word between them, he picked her up and placed her on the edge. His hand crept up her shirt just as she tugged off his own shirt, and she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. They didn’t ever want to stop touching the other.

“Thomas,” she moaned into his lips when he cupped her breast. “Thomas…”

“Manda,” he breathed back, moving his lips to her neck. God he’d fucking missed her. “Mine. Mine.”

It was the first time saying it where it was completely, utterly true.

“Yours.” She moaned again when he bit down on her shoulder, that lovely pain and pleasure that only he could sate her with.  Her fingers pulled at the black curls of his hair. “I love you, oh god I love you.”

He bit down again, harder, surely leaving a mark. His mark. On his girl, and his alone.

“Manda,” he muttered again into her soft skin. He couldn’t bring himself to say it yet, still unable to believe it could all be true, but she knew. She knew, and nothing could have brought her more happiness.

“I take it you two talked then.”

Startled, Thomas’s head sprung up and looked across the bar to where William stood at the foot of the steps.

Thomas swallowed before looking to the ground, panting from the loss of contact with Amanda. Goddamn twins, always ruining everything.

William was grinning like a cat who caught the canary, his undone shirt slung over his shoulders like he had just woken up. “Sorry, I uh, I heard shouting. Wanted to come make sure the kitchen was alright.” It was a lie, and his grin didn’t falter.

Amanda smiled, pulling Thomas back to her. “We talked.” She giggled when he met her eyes, a tiny smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “He finally figured it out.”

She wasn’t wrong. It had just taken a lot of convincing.

“Amanda, I cannot tell you how fucking I am to hear it,” William said as he made his way towards him. “You’re an idiot, Thomas, but I hope you’re happy.”

All he could do was stare at Amanda. It was as if all the fears he had previously bottled up melted away whenever she looked at him. She loved him. He never knew just how much relief he could feel from knowing something so simple.

“I am happy.” He hadn’t realized the words left his mouth, but he didn’t regret that they came out.

William sat at the bar. “You deserve happiness. Both of you.” He glanced at his brother, studying the look on his face, one he wasn’t sure he had ever really seen on Thomas’s face before. “And I mean that, brother.

“I still don’t feel like it,” he whispered as he ran a hand up Amanda’s thigh, still wrapped around him. It was like he was feeling her for the first time, every inch of her skin igniting something strange inside him. He felt an unfamiliar sense of calm; it terrified and amazed him. This sweet girl,  _his_  sweet girl, who was the exception to every rule he’d placed on himself. What was he going to do with her?

“None of that,” his twin huffed, still watching them with amusement. “You’ll make our sweetheart pout.”

Amanda responded with her lips to Thomas’s ears, whispering kisses on his temple and jaw. He smiled, his first smile in who knew how long.

Maybe this was something that would grow on him.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

## Chapter Seventeen

William was trying to ignore his pacing brother. Work was piled on his desk and he had a meeting in only an hour he couldn’t miss. Whatever was troubling his twin, he could either blurt it out already or stew.

But when Thomas started the loud, dramatic sighs, William grumbled and shot him a glare. And a pen in his direction.

“Hey! Watch it, this is new.” Thomas adjusted his suit jacket, causing William to roll his eyes.

“What do you want.” William shoved away his laptop. “I’m busy. In case that wasn’t evident.”

“I’m your brother.” Thoma feigned hurt, his hand over his heart while a smirk slowly slid across his face. It was a look, however annoying as it may be, that was more than welcome. It had been too long since Thomas had been in an annoying playful mood. His eyes looked lighter, the tension gone from his body. He was happy. And William couldn’t have been happier.

“Unfortunately,” William snickered. “Now what do you want?”

Thomas flicked an imaginary piece of lint from his lapel before setting into a chair across from William. His feet were up on the desk before William could even threaten him not too, that smirk wider.

“Could you not?” William grunted. “What are you, five?”

“With a few years attached.” Thomas shrugged. “Now, I need your help.”

That sobered him. “Help? Shit, what’s happened now? Is Amanda alright? Is it mum?”

“Shit, calm down.” Thomas rolled his eyes.

William sent him a level stare. “After all the shit we’ve been through in the past year and a half, excuse me for assuming the worst.”

Thomas’ feet dropped to the ground, his smirk faltering. “Yeah. I know. But this - it’s not like that.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Then what?”

Thomas sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I want to do something. For Amanda.”

“Like?”

“I don’t know, idiot, that’s why I’m here.”

“Well how am I supposed to help you if - oh wait, do you need viagra? Not sure how I can help. You’re the drug lord. I’m sure you can get what you need.”

“I will kill you.”

“No you won’t, you need my help.”

“Fuck off,” Thomas grumbled but continued anyways. “I want to do something…special for her. But I’m not, that’s not exactly, I’m not good at that shit. That’s you.”

William’s eyes widened in surprise. “You want to romance her.”

“Seduce her,” Thomas muttered.

“Oh no, you could do that just fine on your own.” William grinned, leaning forward. “You want to romance her.”

His twin glared. “Well, are you just going to make a joke of it or are you going to help me? And I will kick your ass if you mention this outside of this room.”

His grin widened. “Oh this is too good.”

“William,” Thomas sighed in exasperation.

“Thomas,” William mocked. “What exactly did you have in mind.”

Shrugging, Thomas leaned back in the chair, looking away from his brother and out the windows. “They look clean. Done them recently?”

“We’re not talking about my sexual habits here.”

“Fetish is more like it.”

“Thomas.” William grew serious. “You’re really trying here, aren’t you? With her?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Thomas admitted with a sigh. “I’ve never done this. We’ve gone to dinner. It’s what I know. I can wine and dine them. But -”

“Amanda is more than that.”

“She deserves more.”

“And we both know she just wants you. Don’t try so hard. She’s happy. You’re happy.”

“She still deserves everything.” Thomas caught his eye. “I want to give her that.”

William smiled. “You both deserve everything. So, do you have any idea what you want to do?”

“If I did, would I be here?”  
  
“To annoy me, absolutely.” William snorted. “Alright, so what about…”

* * *

Amanda was frazzled as she tossed one outfit after another onto the ground. She couldn’t decide what to wear. She had been taken back when Thomas had told her he wanted to take her out. Just the two of them. There was a giddiness as she thought about it. Their first date. Their first  _real_  date.

And she needed everything to be perfect. She had to prove that this could work. That they could be together in a relationship.

But first, she just needed the perfect outfit to wear.

Amanda was diving back into her closet when her phone rang. Her heart leapt as she hurried to her bed where it lay, wondering - hoping - it might be Thomas. She couldn’t have been disappointed, however, to see her father’s name displayed instead.

“Hi daddy.” She turned back to her closet with a huff.

“Oh no, I know that sound all too well,” Arthur chuckled. “Having a crisis, sweetheart.”

“I have absolutely nothing to wear,” she insists. “Nothing will work.”

“I remember your closet the last time I was there. It was jammed packed, if I remember correctly.

Amanda rolls her eyes as she climbed onto her bed, pulling her legs up to her chest as she settled against her pillows. “But nothing that’s right.”

“And I’ve heard that since you were five.”

“Well none of those princess dresses were quite right, daddy.”

“And you had to be the belle of your friends.”

“Of course.” She giggled, a grin settling on her face. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt like this. Like everything was alright, that she could just be happy.

“You sound different than the last time we talked.”

Her smile widened. “I feel different since then.”

“How have you been doing? I still want to see you. I need to see you’re alright with my own two eyes.”

“I’d like that,” she admitted. “And it’s been rough. But the twins, I couldn’t have done any of this without them.”

“I’m just relieved you’re safe,” Arthur sighed. “I feared the worst. I can’t lose you, honey. You’re my baby girl. My little princess.”

Her eyes glistened. “I’m okay, daddy. I promise. I’m better now. I’m, I’m happy even.”

She could hear him clearing the emotion from his throat. “Is that why you’re having such a crisis?”

“I’m, well,” she chewed her bottom lip. “I’m sort of going on a date.”

Arthur’s voice dipped low in concern. “I’m happy for you, sweetheart, I am, but is that such a good idea? After the ordeal you’ve been through -”

“I want this more than anything. I’ve wanted  _him_.”

“Does this have anything to do with a certain Hiddleston.”

Her heart swelled just thinking of Thomas, thinking of what they were now. “I’ve loved Thomas for a very long time. He’s just caught up finally.”

Arthur was silent for a moment. “And you’re sure these feelings weren’t developed because of what happened?”

“They’re real, daddy.”

“Then I’m happy for you, Amanda. I really am. You remind me so much of your mother more and more every day. You look just like her. And your strength, you get that from her.”

“I get a little bit of that from you, I think.”

“Not the looks, thank god,” he chuckled. “I’m just amazed by you, honey. And I can’t wait to see you. I’ll find a time, alright? I’ll let you know.”

“I can’t wait, daddy.”

“You’ll look beautiful in anything you wear, Amanda. Be happy.”

Amanda couldn’t wipe the grin off her face as she marched back into her closet.

* * *

Thomas paced outside of Amanda’s apartment, phone in hand.

“Why the hell are you calling me when you’re supposed to be picking Amanda up?” William demanded.

“Was I supposed to bring something? chocolate or some shit like that?”

“What are you, 16? Just knock on the damn door, Thomas.”

“What about flowers? I thought I saw a florist down the street…”

“Thomas?”

“What?” Thomas snapped.

“Knock. On. The. Door.”

Thomas glared down at his phone after his brother hung up on him. “Useless little -”

“Thomas?”

His head snapped up as he twisted around to find amanda in the open doorway of her apartment. An eyebrow was raised as she took him in.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah of course, everything is fine.” He quickly shoved the phone into his pocket and he took a step towards her, only to stop as his eyes raked over her. “Jesus, Manda.”

She shifted from one foot to the other. “is this alright? I wasn’t sure what to wear.”

“You’re beautiful, Manda. Shit, might not make it out of your apartment tonight.”

The flush travelled down her chest as she looked down. Thomas frowned as he closed the distance between them, lifting her chin with a finger.

“What’s with this, darling? Why are you so shy? This is me.”

“This is different now.”

“I’m still the same. We’re still the same.”

“But  _this_  is different,” she insisted. “It’s been a long time since we were like this. What if, what if things aren’t the same..”

“It won’t be the same, Manda.” He cupped her cheek. “I wasn’t what you deserved before. I didn’t try. Not like I should have. But I  _will_  this time. Things won’t be the same, Manda. But they  _will_  be better. And I’m not letting you go either way.”

“Promise?” she asked in a small voice.

“You might not be asking that after a month.”

The tension around her eyes eased. “Promise?”

“I promise, sweet girl.” His thumb brushed over her bottom lip.

She moved into his touch. “Are you going to kiss me.”

His thumb continued across his lip, back and forth, until a smirk spread across his lips and he stepped back. “No.”

A pout formed on her face. “No?”

“I’m trying to take you out on a first date. I’ve been told the kissing doesn’t happen until afterwards.”

Amanda continued to pout as she grabbed her bag and jacket. “You’ve been told? Have you never been on a first date before?”

Thomas whisked the jacket out of her hands, helping her into it. “Course I have.”

“Really?”

“Well William has, and we’re practically the same person.” Thomas shrugged.

Amanda grinned. “I don’t think it works like that.”

“Sure it does.”

“Nope, but don’t worry, I’ll take it easy on you. Since it’s your first and all.” Amanda winked.

“Glad you’ll take care of me.” He swatted her ass.

Amanda giggled. “So where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.”

“You’re a tease.”

“Do you know me, love?”

“I’m sorry I forgot who I was talking to.” She leapt up onto her tippy toes and snuck a peck on the lips. She grinned as she hurried around him and towards the elevator, her smile growing.

“Careful, darling.”

Amanda threw a wink over her shoulder as she waited for him to join her. He chuckled as he moved slowly towards her.

“No longer shy, are you?”

“It’s you. I have no reason to be. Not anymore.”

* * *

“This is nice.” Amanda sat across from him, her fingers tracing his. “This whole night has been nice.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” He couldn’t stop the smile from spreading. Seeing her happiness caused an unexpected swelling in his chest.

“The botanical gardens were beautiful.”

“I, uh, might have had some help with that.”

“William, huh?”

“He’s the one who’s better at this,” Thomas admitted.

“Did he remember the first restaurant you took me?” She looked around at the intimate setting. “I didn’t realize William knew you took me out for more than sex.”

Thomas nearly choked on his whiskey.

“I didn’t think so.” She squeezed his fingers. “I don’t think your brother is the only one good at this.”

“I’ll remind you about what you said in a few weeks from now.”

The corners of her eyes crinkled. “I can’t believe you remembered our first dinner. It was so long ago.”

He took her fingers this time, tugging them closer to his side of the table. “I remember every moment I had with you.”

“Every moment?”

“Every. Single. One.” He learned forward. “Every night. Every smile. Every orgasm.” When her lips parted and her eyes darted around them, Thomas chuckled. “There’s not a thing I don’t remember when it comes to you, Manda.”

“I was just some girl.”

“You were never just  _some girl_.” He lifted her hand to his lips, brushing them across her slim fingers. “It took me awhile. Too long. I ended up losing you because I never realized it soon enough.”

“But that doesn’t matter now. We’re here.”

“And I’m not letting you go.”

“Good.” She smiled before leaning back as the waiter approached.

“Chocolate covered strawberries.” He presented the plate, setting it between them.

Thomas nodded in appreciation as he watched Amanda’s reaction and the happiness that filled her eyes.

“You remembered.”

“Like I said, I remembered everything.” Thomas waited until the waiter had left until lifting a strawberry. “May I have the honour?”

Amanda scooted for forward as she licked her lips. “Please.”

Bringing the strawberry towards her, Amanda’s red lips parted. Her tongue darted out, tasting the chocolate covered fruited before taking a bite. Thomas swallowed a moan as his pants grew tight. By the time she finished the strawberry and was licking her lips clean of chocolate, he was harder than he ever could remember.

“Can I?” Amanda lifted her own strawberry and motioned towards him.

Her stare was laser focus as he leaned forward. She didn’t look away as she brought the strawberry towards his lips, only to pull back quickly when he went to take a bite. That flirtatious giggle made him adjust himself under the table before raising an eyebrow at her.

“Careful, love,” he warned.

Amanda smiled slyly before offering the strawberry again. They fed each other, and as much as he fought to contain himself, so did Amanda. She would shift in her seat, and he could imagine her pressing her thighs together to ease the ace between her legs. How he wished they weren’t in a crowded restaurant and instead alone.

“One left.” Amanda glanced at the plate. “Too bad. This has been fun.”

“That was torture,” he forced out between clenched teeth. “I forgot about this.”

“Forgot about what?” she asked innocently.

Thomas was already reaching into his pocket for his wallet, tossing a handful of bills down onto the table. “We’re going to have to go.”

“Already? But we’re not finished.”

“I’ll give you what you need, baby, don’t worry.” He stood, looking around sharply before adjusting himself again. He held out a hand, narrowing his eyes when she giggled, her eyes zeroed in on his erection. “Keep that up, Manda, and I’ll take you on this table right here.”

She looked up at him, anticipation shining in her eyes as she took his hand and stood. “This is feeling similar to the last time.”

Except he had no plans to fuck her senseless and try to forget about it the next day.

It took every ounce of strength to calmly walk her out of the restaurant and across the parking lot to his car. Her hand clutched onto his tightly, as if she was afraid to let him go. He squeezed her hand, hoping the small action conveyed he wasn’t planning on letting go anytime soon.

As they approached the car, he eyed the side he wanted to press Amanda up against. To put his hand under her skirt, to feel her around him. As if knowing what he was thinking, Amanda let out a pleading whimper. He had to chuckle. She wanted this as much as he did. He had denied her long enough.

“Not here,” he murmured as he opened the passenger door.

A pout formed on her lips. “There’s no one around, Thomas.” She put herself between him and the car, turning so she could place her hands on his chest. They moved slowly at first as they dropped downwards until meeting his belt buckle. He had to catch her wrist to stop from going any further.

“Get in the car, sweet girl.” He stepped forward, crowding her as his hand went to her hair.

“Please, I need you. It’s been too long.”

He tugged, pulling her head back. “I think you’ve forgotten something quite important, love.”

“What’s that?”

“What’s that,  _sir_ ,” he corrected.

Her eyes dilated as she licked her bottom lip. “Sorry sir.”

“Better.” His grip in her hair tightens. “In case you’ve forgotten after all this time, my darling girl, I’m the one in charge here.”

“And I like you being in charge,” she began before hastily adding, “Sir. But I need you. I  _need_ you.”

“And you’ll have me, baby. Every inch.” He released her hair and grabbed her by the hips, pulling her tightly against him. She moaned when she felt how hard he was. “But I’m not going to take you in the shadows of a parking lot.”

“You have before.”

“Not this time. I need you in my bed, Manda. I need you spread out with your hair across the pillows and your screams in my ear. I want to be inside you, so fucking deep. But for that to happen, you need to get. In. The. Car.”

Amanda’s eyes were wide, the flush of arousal reaching the top of her breasts. He didn’t have to make the request again as Amanda hurried to slip in the car. He slammed the door, clenching his jaw as he rounded the car. Fuck, he wanted her. He couldn’t remember the last time he needed her this badly. He could take her right there. He had done it before, and he sure as hell knew he would do it again. But not tonight. Tonight he needed her in a way he couldn’t explain.

The ride was silent as they navigated traffic. His hand was on her thigh the entire ride home, her impatience evident when she tried to move his hand higher but he would just squeeze her thigh and keep his hand where it was. Once they pulled into the driveway of the house, he had to keep his hand firmly on Amanda’s thigh so she wouldn’t dart from the car.

“Wait there, sweet one.”

He took his time as he walked around the car, smirking when he found her impatiently tapped her knee. Opened the door, he held out his hand and she didn’t hesitate to climb from the vehicle.

“So impatient,” he teased.

“I’ve waited a very long time for this.”

Thomas didn’t know how to respond, and instead cupped her cheek and drew her in for a kiss. She tried to pull him closer by the lapels of his jacket, but he pulled back before she could.

“You’re a tease.”

“And you love it.” He took her hand again, lifting it to her lips. “Come along, darling.”

As they enter the dark house, Amanda looked around. “Where’s William?”

“Went to visit our mum.” He flicked the light on in the foyer.

“So we’re alone?”

“Just you and me.”

Amanda turned to him and smiled shyly up at him, a change from the woman from outside. “Just us.”

He could see the nerves start to set in again. “Is there anything you need?”

“Just you.”

He smiled. “And you’ll have me. A drink? Something to eat?”

“I just want you,” she stressed.

His smile widened. “Come with me then.”

He led her up the stairs and to his room. His heart was pounding against his chest as he opened his door and let her pass by him. She had been here before. She had stayed in this very room for weeks. But it felt different this time. She wasn’t the only one nervous.

Amanda stepped to the middle of the room, her eyes on the bed. He watched her, wondering if he should have taken her to the larger bedroom. There weren’t as many memories there. Not negative, anyways. She hadn’t sobbed into his chest in that bedroom. She hadn’t woken scared from nightmares there either. He was just about to suggest a change in rooms when she turned towards him, determination set in her gaze.

Before he could say a word, she reached behind her to the zipper of her dress.

“On no, love, that’s my job.” His eyes darkened as he closed the distance between them. “That’s always my job.”

Her hands fall to her sides as he reached behind her. She shifted from one foot to the other impatiently when his hand instead moved along her back, just touching her, feeling her. When he finally dragged the zipper down, she let out a sigh of relief. That was, until he simply dove his hands beneath the material and to her bare back, leaving them there to relish in her warmth.

“Thomas…”

“I haven’t touched you in months, Manda. I just need to feel you.”

And he did. He took his sweet time as he pushed the dress from her shoulders, as he touched every inch of her that he could. When the dress pooled at her feet, his hands took interest in her bra. He cupped her breasts, his thumbs flicking her hardening nipples. She moaned, her eyes closing as he lifted each breast from the cups. He licked his lips before leaning down to taste her finally. Her hands flew to his head when he took a nipple between his lips and sucked. He snipped around her nipple as the sounds she made. He forgot how tempting those noises were. Releasing the nipple, he moved to the other, devouring her.

He couldn’t get enough of her taste as he dropped to his knees. Her hands were still in his hair as he grinned up at her before slipping his thumbs into her panties and drawing them down her legs. Lifting eat foot gently, he slipped the panties off, tossing them behind him as he kissed her her calf to her thigh.

“Thomas, please.”

“Please what, love?” He guided her legs apart. “What is it that you need, Manda?”

Her fingers tightened in his hair. “You. I need you inside of me.”

“Soon.” He kissed the inside of her thigh as he grabbed onto her hips and pulled her close. “I need to taste you first.”

Amanda inhaled sharply when she felt his warm breath on her clit as he parted her lips. Her eyes closed again as the flush rushed around her body. She was completely open to him, at his mercy. And she loved it. A shudder ran down her spine as she waited for what she knew was to come.

At the first touch of his tongue, her legs shook. William may have been aptly talented with his tongue, but Thomas was no amateur.

“Oh godddd,” she cried out when he flicked her clit with his tongue, gently at first, and then continuously. “Oh fuck.”

His hand moved up and down her thigh as he deliciously tortured her clit before a finger teased her entrance. Her entire body tensed as the finger slid inside her, her hands falling to grip onto his shoulders.

“Shh, baby.” He coaxed his finger in and out of her until her legs were shaking, his tongue never leaving her clit.

“Thomas!”

“I know baby.” he blew on her clit again, chuckling at her whimper. “Do you want to come?”

“Please.” she pleaded as his finger pumped quicker inside of her. “Please, Thomas.”

“Look at me.” He dragged his tongue flat across the sensitive nub as he caught her gaze. Her dark eyes were glazed over, and he knew she was teetering on the edge.

He kept her there, his finger slowing, his tongue only supplying small licks. When she whimpered out a beg, he couldn’t contain himself. A second finger joined the first as he pulled her clit between his lips. The cries that came from her lips as he watched her come apart for him nearly made him come. Too long. It had been too fucking long since he had caused those moans.

“Come, baby. Come for me.”

Her legs nearly gave out on her as she leaned against him. His arm wrapped around her as he coaxed her orgasm out completely. When he felt her shudder and her knees give out, he swiftly stood and lifting her by the back of her knees until her tired legs wrapped around his waist. Her forehead rested against his as he caught her lips. She moaned, able to taste herself on his lips, and her legs wrapped tighter around him.

Soon her back hit the soft mattress of his bed, but she couldn’t unwind her legs from his waist, pulling him close until his hard cock was pressing tight against her. Her hands pushed beneath his jacket, shoving the material over his shoulders and down his arms. Her fingers moved between them next, seeking out the buttons of his shirt. But as Thomas’ lips traveled across her jar to her neck, she growled in frustration.

“This needs to go.” Amanda tugged on his shirt.

Thomas lifted over her, a playful grin on his lips. She expected a witty comeback, a command even, but Thomas moved onto his hunches and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. His gaze never left hers as he shrugged out of the shirt. His grin turned into a smirk when Amanda whimpered in approval.

As his hands fell to his belt, however, she stopped him, licking her lips as she looked up at him with pure lust. “May I?”

Thomas sucked in a breath and gave a quick nod as she pushed herself to her knees. Her hands strayed to his chest, moving over him, remembering him, much like he had done with her. She kept  her eyes on his hooded blue orbs the entire time as she dragged her nails gently down his abdomen. The soft “fuck” caused the warmth to expand through her, knowing she was able to drive him just as wild as he could her.

“Manda,” out came his warning tone.

She smiled sweetly up at him and he groaned.

“You’re killing me here.”

“You had your time.”

“Don’t think that’s how this works.”

Her hand passed over his belt buckle to cup his straining erection.

“Fuck.” He grabbed the back of her neck. “Hurry it up, love, or I won’t be patient.”

But she took her time. And he let her, knowing the importance of this moment, of this night. Everything had shifted. Everything had changed.

By the time she released his belt and tugged on his zipper, his hand was fisted in her hair. Amanda shuffled downwards, and Thomas knew she would have those warm lips around the head of his cock in only a matter of seconds. His greedy girl.

He pulled on her hair until those big brown eyes were looking up at him. God, he couldn’t wait anymore.

“I need you.”

She was flat on her back before she could even blink. Thomas shoved his pants off and fumbled for the condom in his pocket.

“Thomas,” she called to him needily.

“I know, sweet girl.” His lips were on hers as he rolled the condom on and moved back between her legs. “I’ve been waiting too long for this.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, knowing her part in their separation.

“No.” his hands caged her face, his long fingers twisting in her hair sprawled across his pillows. “That is on me for letting you go. But that happens once. Once, Amanda. Never again.”

His hands slid between them, his thumb circling her clit. Her hips bucked to meet his touch as she gasped, grabbing onto his arms.

“Ready, baby?”

“Been ready for a long time,” she breathed out.

He needed her now more than ever. His thumb swirled around her a few more times before he teased her entrance with his cock. Her eyes fluttered close and he caught her throat before he entered her.

“Look at me, Manda.”

Her eyes flew open and he was nearly knocked over at the love that shone in those eyes.

One hand loosely around her throat, he guided himself inside her, fighting the urge to thrust fast and hard to finally be completely inside her. But it was the slow ease into her that earned him the sweet moans and gasps from Amanda’s lips. Her fingernails dug into him as she lifted her hips, her ankles locking around him as she tried to force him deeper. But he kept his pace until he was seated inside of her.

“Oh god. Oh god, please more.”

Thomas moved painstakingly slow as he drew out of her, nearly until the tip of his head was out. Amanda groaned in impatience and he thrust deep, eliciting her cries.

“More. Harder. Please, fuck me!’ she pleaded.

His lips dragged down her neck until he reached her nape and he playfully bit her.

“This isn’t that.” And he thrust into her again, slow but continuous.

And it wasn’t. It wasn’t fucking. Fucking didn’t feel like this. He had fucked plenty of women in his life. Too many, maybe. Fucked them every which way. And he had never -  _never -_  felt it to his core before. He had never felt this elation in his chest, the sheer happiness that swept over him.

This wasn’t just fucking. This was more.

He could feel her in ways he couldn’t even explain, couldn’t even understand. It went beyond the pleasure building towards release, beyond the gasps and moans. The words wouldn’t come, but he could feel it stronger than anything he had ever experienced in the past.

“Close. Oh god.” Amanda clawed at him.

He could feel her squeezing around him and he groaned. Why had it never felt like this before?

“Manda.” Touching her, kissing her, holding her, just wasn’t enough.

She was so close. The flush her body took, the cries from her lips, the look in her eye. He knew all of it. And more. Quickening his pace, he directed her gaze back to his. He needed to see her - to truly see her - as she came. As they both came, he could feel. He wouldn’t last much longer inside her.

“That’s it, baby. Come with me,” he urged.

She screamed, crying out as she pulsed around him. With a grunt, he came along with her, filling the condom and sending them both into a mess of exhausted limbs.

“Love you.”

Amanda was startled by the two words murmured by Thomas as he nuzzled her neck. Her eyes swam with tears as she clutched onto him. She wasn’t even sure he was aware of what he had just said. She didn’t, however, bring attention to the declaration. Not because she was worried he didn’t mean it, but because she knew how difficult it was for Thomas to express how he felt, even to his own twin. She didn’t need his words. Not after that. Not when he had just taken her with every part of himself.

Instead, she ran her fingers through his hair as they caught their breath. Eventually he slowly rose, his eyes dark and filled with more emotion than she had ever seen from the man.

“God, I missed you.”

“Every day,” she agreed, blinking away the tears. “So much.”

“Never again,” he vowed as he slid out of her and took care of the condom before lying beside her on the bed.

She could barely move more than to turn her head and follow him. But he easily pulled her to him, tucking her into his side. Cuddling with her. He had sworn he hated it and never initiated. Before her.

A yawn emitted from her lips and she tried to hide it against his chest. Thomas chuckled as he tucked her hair behind her ear. “Wore you out, did I?”

“No,” she insisted.

“Have to work on that stamina again.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’d like that.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” his lips brushed the top of her head. “Sleep, Manda.”

She didn’t argue as she wiggled against him until her body fell still and her breathing turned even.

He couldn’t sleep as he watched her sleep. He needed to know she was really there, really in his arms. To know that this wasn’t a trick or a game. He ran his hand over her back as she burrowed closer to his chest, an odd feeling spreading through him. She was the first he ever let sleep wrapped around him. It never felt wrong, never made him uncomfortable. Thomas realized now that it felt like she had always belonged there.

When Amanda started shaking, he reached for the sheets pushed to the bottom of the bed, but stopped when she whimpered and dug closer to him.

“Manda?” he called her softly.

She whimpered again, the shaking growing stronger. She was having a dream, he recognized. He had watched enough of her nightmares to know when she was trapped in the hell Groves put her in.

“Thomas?” she murmured in her sleep. “Thomas where are you?”

“Shh, Manda.” He ran his hand over her hair soothingly as he dipped his head down to whisper in her ear. “I’m right here baby. You’re safe now. You’ll always be safe with me, I swear it.”

A few more whispered assurances and her body began to relax against him until she was sleeping peacefully. Thomas sighed as he continued to touch her, to reassure not only her, but him.

“I do, you know,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “love you.”

His eyes began to droop as he lay content with Amanda in arms.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

## Chapter Eighteen

After just two months of dating – real, official dating – Amanda had come to the conclusion that Thomas Hiddleston was the most amazing, caring, protective boyfriend ever.

He listened to every word she said, and somehow picked up on thoughts she couldn’t find the voice to express. He defended her when cartel members questioned their relationship, and trusted her with emotions she wasn’t sure he had ever understood before her. Before them. Even if he very, very rarely expressed them out loud, she knew. She always knew.

Being in his life, fully and truly, was exactly what she had dreamt of, and more. Fancy dinners and hell, even lunches, expensive gifts left on her desk or at her flat “just because,” and Thomas, always there, with an arm over her shoulder and his lips on her temple.

And the sex?

Being in love made it so much better, if that was even possible.

Thomas would take her anywhere: the kitchen, the hallway, his Jaguar, his office, the lift on the way up to her flat. They couldn’t get enough of each other, any second of the day.

He had asked her after a few weeks of dating about being his submissive, a role which she felt she had already adopted, just without a name. They were still testing it, setting boundaries and expectations in a formal and recognized way that they hadn’t really needed to before. But Amanda didn’t care so much for the labels. It was the principle of the thing. The fact that she was his, in body, in mind, in soul and in heart, was enough for her.

“Good morning, darling,” hummed a voice beside her as she laid in bed.

She bit her lip, her eyes still shut though she had already been awake for a bit. “Morning, sir.”

Thomas’s arms constricted around her, pulling her back against his hot torso. “You’ve got to stop thinking so early in the morning, darling. I swear I can hear the gears in your head start to grind.”

“If I knew how to stop it, I would.” Amanda yawned, stretching as much as she could. “Believe me.”

“I believe you, love.” His lips found her neck and he pressed long, open kisses to her smooth brown skin. “Maybe.” A kiss to her shoulder. “We can work together.” A hand trailing down her torso. “To find a solution.” A bite that made her gasp.

“I’d like that Thom-ooh god,” she moaned as his fingers found between her thighs.

She swore she should feel the grin that grew on his face. “That’s a good girl.”

God, she fucking loved him.

* * *

Amanda hung up the phone at her desk, sighing with relief that the bothersome client from the phone call wasn’t going to come in today. For an otherwise slow day at Hiddleston Corporations, the day seemed to be ending pretty quickly. She grabbed a folder of reports from the holder by her desktop before heading into William’s office, not bothering to knock.

His face immediately brightened when he saw her, and he adjusted his glasses that sat on the bridge of his nose.

“Those from Jerry, Amanda?”

“Yes sir,” she said with a smile, handing them over across his desk. “And, Mr. Wilson called, wanting an appointment.”

“Ah, damn, alright. Will you remind me when –”

“It’s already on your calendar.” Her eyes sparkled as she grinned.

He smiled back up at her. “Have I ever told you that I’d be lost without you?”

She giggled. “Only every other day.”

William glanced over her; she looked so beautiful today, her peach dress complimenting her brown skin and bringing out the highlights in her dark hair. Another time, he would have brought her round the desk and kissed her, pulled her onto his lap and held her close.

But for the last two months, he’d held himself back, never crossing any boundaries that had, really, never been talked about. Treating her how, William imagined, one treated their brother’s girlfriend. No matter what their dynamic had been before.

He was lying to himself if he said he didn’t miss her.

He was happy for Thomas; never jealous. How could he envy the one thing his brother had never experienced, never cherished before? The way Amanda had changed his life, both of their lives, was something he could never feel negative towards.

But his heart tugged a bit whenever she came into his office. Or came downstairs from Thomas’s room for breakfast.

He cleared his throat, needlessly adjusting his glasses again. “I’m not sure how much longer I’ll need to be here, but you can take off if you like. You and Thomas doing anything tonight?”

Amanda shook her head. “He says he and Bishop will be late tonight, so no.”

William nodded. “I think I know what they’re up to, but I won’t bother you with that.” He checked his watch. “Well, if you’re willing to wait a bit, I can take us back to the house for dinner.”

She shifted. “I’ve actually got to grab some things from my flat, if that’s okay.” A nervous smile. “I can go back, and you could pick me up there, later?”

“That sounds like a plan, Amanda.” He took his glasses off before meeting her eyes. “I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“Sure, sir.”

He really did hate watching her walk away, but shook his head to try and ignore it.

* * *

Thomas didn’t like clutter, so Amanda tried to keep everything she brought to the twins’ house confined in a easily transportable bag. Make-up, hair care, skin cleansers. In her own flat, all her products were strewn across her vanity and bathroom sink, and her medicine cabinet had more facial creams than actual medicine. But at Thomas’s, she had her own toothbrush and shampoo, and brought everything else back and forth.

It was tedious, but nice. She wasn’t expecting anything more, no speeches about moving in together, in fact, she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that just yet. They were still testing everything. And despite how much she loved him, she certainly didn’t want to rush him. She’d take everything with him one step at a time.

She tucked a few things in her tote – clean underwear, a casual dress, her hair straightener – before falling onto her bed. Her stomach growled, and she wondered what William would make them for dinner.

William.

She told herself she shouldn’t miss him. Shouldn’t feel disappointed that they couldn’t steal kisses in his office, or hold his hand as they rode in the elevator.

Shouldn’t feel disappointed she couldn’t be with her boyfriend’s brother.

But she did. The twins weren’t the twins without both of them, she had realized that the first time she slept with them. They complemented each other, and complemented her, in separate yet amazing ways.

She loved Thomas. Was in love with Thomas. She felt horrible for having the thoughts she did, for feeling greedy over someone so close to him.

It was still a transition period, she thought. They were all still adjusting. This was normal.

She hoped so, at least.

* * *

Thomas was late. Damn those bothersome Frenchmen. He’d told Amanda he’d be home by ten, and he cursed under his breath as he turned the key of his front door just a little past midnight.

William waiting up, reading in his glasses on the couch with a glass of something by his head.

“How were the French?” he asked as Thomas threw his coat.

“One told me my accent was mediocre.” Thomas scoffed. “I told them next time I’d speak Italian.”

William sighed. “Tell me you didn’t. You’ve got to keep them on if you want really want to expand.”

“I’m too tired to talk about that.” Thomas swiped the glass from his brother and took a sip.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself.” He finished off the drink and set the glass back down. “Is Amanda here?”

“Yeah. Made her dinner, there’s some left if you’re hungry.”

“You spoil me.” He was already tugging his tie loose as he headed towards the stairs.

“You owe me a drink,” William called after him.

Thomas  scoffed. “Sure I do.”

He found Amanda in the bathroom of his room, massaging some sort of foam all over her face while humming something he didn’t recognize. It was one of the most beautiful sights he never expected to see.

Coming up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her, and he caught her smiling in the mirror before he pressed his lips into her shoulder.

“Hi,” she said softly, biting her lip.

Thomas looked up, catching her gaze in the mirror. “Hi darling.”

“Late night?”

He sighed. “Too late. Missed you.” He took in the myriad of products that had suddenly appeared across his wide vanity. “What’s all this?”

She looked down at the mess. “Oh, god, I’m so sorry. I meant to clean it all up –”

“Manda, don’t worry.” He couldn’t help but smile at her odd worrying. “What’s mine is yours, you don’t have to feel like you’ve got to keep living out of that travel bag.” He shrugged and held her tighter.

He felt the tension leave her body, and she made to rinse her hands. “Do you mean that?”

“Of course I do.” He kissed her temple. “I want you here, Manda. More importantly, I want you in bed. But maybe wipe the, um, the foam, off, beforehand.”

One more kiss made her giggle, and he left her to finish up.

When she emerged a little while later, he couldn’t help but sigh at how simply lovely she was, one of his shirts hanging off her small frame like a dress. She climbed into bed, where he eagerly took her into his arms. His favorite place to have her.

“Was your day as long as mine?” he asked as she reached for the light by their heads.

“Wasn’t terrible.” Her face found his chest, and she listened for his heartbeat.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you.” Her heart swelled whenever he said that; it reminded her just how much it meant for him to express things.

Her mind didn’t stop whirring even as the night silence beat for a moment. She sighed. “Thomas, could, could I tell you something?”

“Anything, Manda,” he replied with a yawn.

Amanda swallowed, running her finger over his chest. “I, um, I miss William.”

“What do you mean, love? He said you had dinner with him.”

“No, I…” she couldn’t let herself revert to her shyness, she had to at least try to admit her thoughts to him. He would understand, wouldn’t he? “I,  _miss_  him. Miss…  _being_  with him.”

The quiet pause that followed made her squeeze her eyes shut, scared for just a moment that she’d fucked the last two months up.

“Is that it, Manda?”

Her eyes opened again. “What?”

The light suddenly flicked on above them, and she blinked to adjust her sight. “You miss being with William too?”

She couldn’t look up, not just yet. “I do. And, I understand that I shouldn’t, but I wanted to tell you and not keep anything from you and –”

“Manda, darling.” Thomas cupped her chin, bringing his gaze to hers. “Have long have you been feeling like this?”

Oh god. Follow-up questions. “A bit. A few weeks.” His eyes seemed to ask her for more. “I just, he, he’s different.”

“Oh, I know, thank god.” He chuckled – what was he laughing at? “He and I are the same, but we’re also not. And usually that works out for us.” His thumb ran across her soft cheek. “Listen, my darling. This is different, for all of us, okay? Come here.” He sat up, pulling Amanda with him, and he leaned back against the headboard as Amanda slung her legs over his lap.

“You alright? Good. Now.” Thomas tucked a hair behind her ear as he took a deep breath. “William and I learned a long time ago that monogamy…” He furrowed his brow, finding the right words, “was not the only thing we enjoyed. Does that make sense? Okay. Now, that’s not to say we can’t both be in monogamous relationships, though you are my first go at it. Just that we… we’ve never resigned ourselves that that’s the only way. If, that’s what our partner wants.”

Amanda nodded, not wanting to rush him. He’d already said far more than she had been expecting.

Thomas ran his hand along her leg on his lap. “You, and I, and William, have been through so fucking much for over a year. Going from working for William, to fucking me, to fucking both of us, to working for both of us, to… to just being with me.” He squeezed her thigh. “I’d get whiplash if it was me, darling.”

She smiled, just a little bit.

“Entering into a relationship with me… that didn’t mean anything else was off the table.” His blue eyes found her lips. “I couldn’t deny you anything if I tried.”

His words were as good as saying “I love you,” and it made her heart sing.

“Whatever you want, Amanda, you will always be mine. Always.”

She bite her lip and nodded, unable to form a worthy response.

Thomas stroked her thigh again. “Would you like to… re-introduce William, to our relationship? If that’s the best way to phrase it. Let’s go with that. If it helps, I think he would like that.”

Amanda couldn’t believe him. How attentive, understanding, loving he was. About everything. She couldn’t even remember why she had been nervous for bringing it up. The twins read each other like books, and they could both read her the same way. That’s how they worked.  _Why_  they worked.

Without thinking, she hugged him, snaking her arms around him. “I’d like that, so much, Thomas.” She kissed his neck, peppering them up and down. “I love you so much. God, Thomas. Thank you.”

His hands came to her back, pressing her as close to his body as possible. Making her happy brought him an indescribable joy, one he didn’t expect anything to ever come close to.

He hadn’t been lying; William had seemed close to awkward the last few weeks, sidestepping him and Amanda before they left for work, or turning in early after they got home from dinner. He knew what William wanted, though. He knew he surely missed sharing with his twin, sharing the one woman who meant so much to both of them. But they had never been in this position before, and they had no protocol, no silent ways of communicating between all parties. It was a learning curve, for both the twins.

Maybe it would be for the better.

“Would you like me to talk to him?”

Amanda pulled back, but not before pecking a kiss to his nose. “No, I will. I think.” She bit back a giggle. “Yeah, I will.”

“Good.” He brought a hand to her cheek, pulling her in for a kiss. He could feel the smile on her lips as he held her.

She mumbled against him, “You’re too good for me, Thomas.” She kissed him deeper, tugging on the hair on the nape of his neck.

He tasted her lips with her tongue, inching his hand up her thigh to under the shirt she wore. When she moaned, he dipped her back on to the bed, never separating from her.

His lips moved to her neck, and she moaned again. “Thought you said you’d had a long day.”

With a smirk, he bit down on her neck. “Never too long for my Manda.”

* * *

On one hand, William wished Thomas would include him in the dealings currently going on with the French, and the possible international expansion he was planning with them. On the other, he felt that almost overstepped his bounds within the cartel, and that Thomas was protecting him from potential ramifications if it were all to fall through. Which he appreciated, even if he did feel mildly in the dark. But Thomas’s late night meetings and travels back and forth to Paris were, hopefully, going to be over soon, and their regular days and schedules could return.

William worked on cooking breakfast, both for him and Amanda, after Thomas had slipped out for a full day of business talks in Paris. He’d left even earlier than William usually woke, and that was saying something.

He just finished up scrambling the eggs when footsteps on the stairs caught his attention.

“Oh, William, are those eggs? And muffins?” Amanda sleepily asked, rubbing her eyes.

He smiled, knowing the baking smell probably woke her. “Of course. Only I didn’t expect you up so early.”

“As cheesy as it sounds,” she said, taking a seat at the bar, “I can’t sleep in an empty bed anymore.” She gave him a small smile, hugging herself.

William scooped some eggs on a plate for her. “I understand, doll.”

A cup of tea appeared before her, and she gingerly sipped it while he picked up some muffins. “Any grand weekend plans, William?”

“None to speak of. Catch up on a few emails. Read a bit. Maybe Thomas and I can take you to dinner when he gets back tonight.” He placed the plate in front of her and shrugged. “If you’d like that.”

“I would.” She bit her lip and grabbed her fork. “Sit with me?”

He fixed himself a plate of his own and rounded the bar, conscious of his knees touching hers under the bar.

They ate in silence for a bit, Amanda eating maybe one muffin too many, though she couldn’t help herself when it came to William’s cooking. She was glad he and Thomas lived together; it would be such a shame for no one else to indulge in his creations.

She took another sip of her tea, happy to find it still warm, and took a deep breath as she set the mug back on the bar. “William, is it okay if I talk to you about something?”

“Always, doll.” He sipped his own tea. “You and Thomas alright?”

“Oh, of course. Yeah. We, we’re great, actually.” She turned to him, tucking some hair away. “That’s sort of what I wanted to talk about.”

He didn’t say anything, wanting her to continue.

She looked down at her lap, gathering her thoughts. “William… I don’t know how else to say this.” She inhaled a deep breath and brought up her gaze. “I miss you.”

William swallowed nervously, suddenly very aware of their proximity in their seats. “I’m, uh, I’m right here, Amanda.” He chuckled. “Right here.”

She shook her head, her brown eyes locking onto his blue ones. “I miss you.”

He wasn’t sure how yet, but this was crossing those boundaries that he’d been trying so hard to maintain. Boundaries with his own twin’s girlfriend.

“Amanda, I don’t –”

He was cut off by a kiss, Amanda’s lips meeting his for the first time in ages, and it made him forget whatever his last thought was.

Her hands came to his neck, kissing him deeper, and it took an exorbitant amount of restraint to pull himself back.

“Amanda,” he licked his lips, furrowing his brow when he saw the confused expression on her face. “You’re, fuck, you’re dating Thomas. You’re dating my brother.” He repeated it mostly for himself.

“I’m dating Thomas. I’m his, and that doesn’t change.” Amanda’s voice was nearly a whisper. “But, I… I need you too. I need both of you. I don’t really understand it, or can explain it, but, but, I can’t…. Stand being away from either of you. Not having all of us together.”

He searched her face, not sure what he wanted to find. “Don’t fuck everything up just for little old me, sweetheart. I’m not nearly worth it.”

Surprisingly, she moved closer, and her fingers ran across the nape of his neck. “I’m not, William.” She swallowed a chuckle, fighting back any kind of fear she had before she had kissed him. “Thomas, he, knows. He knows and he gave me this whole thing about you, and him, and monogamy, and –” His eyebrows rose, and she caught herself rambling. “Sorry. It’s just… I miss you. I miss your kisses in the lift, or, or how you used to hold me.” Her nails ran across his neck. “How you’d take me. Alone, or with Thomas.”

She was vocalizing every thought he’d had for weeks, his deep secret he had been scared would ruin more than one life. She was there, on her own, supposedly with Thomas’s permission.

His own twin wouldn’t fuck him over so badly, he knew that.

But Amanda was more than just a toy like they had shared as children. And they had no precedent for this, no plan to go off. So what would this be, William wondered.

Maybe a learning curve? One that would help them all, for the better?

God, he fucking hoped so.

“Thomas knows.” It wasn’t a question, but he needed to make sure. Needed to make sure he wouldn’t somehow be the cause of suffering.

Amanda nodded, moving closer still. “He knows, William.”

A sudden rush of elation overcame him, and he wanted nothing more than to feel her skin against his, and make up for the months he had had without her. Show her how deeply her cared, how much he had missed her. More than he ever cared to admit.

“Jesus Christ,” he groaned, grabbing her wrist by his face. “Christ I’ve missed you, sweetheart. I’ve wanted to, to tell you, ever since we bloody brought you back from that fucking torment and – God, you’re right.” William couldn’t stop it now that he had started, and he cupped her chin with his other hand and god her skin was so soft. “It’s different, with all of us, and I’m so fucking happy for you and Thomas, do not mistake that, please. You’ve changed him in so many ways. There’s no one in this world who could make him as happy as you, Amanda.”

She couldn’t help but smile when he said that, and tears welled in her eyes.

William sighed. “That’s why I’ve hated myself over wanting you,” he had to admit. “If… if this is what you want, truly. Be Thomas’s on paper, and ours in heart?”

She nodded earnestly, wrapping her arms more fully around his neck. “That’s what I want, William.”

His heart swelled, and fuck she was beautiful. “Amanda…”

They kissed again, opening their mouths to each other, and William realized just how much he had really missed her. Her lips were warm, and so familiar and exciting, and he deepened the kiss while holding her close. It had been so long since he had kissed her, had felt her, that he forget that they sat precariously on bar stools until one of them started tipping.

He caught her as her stool clattered back, pausing their reunion as Amanda broke into a fit of giggles.

“You caught me.”

He grinned, holding her waist and pressing her body close to his. “Always.”

* * *

Thomas smashed his cigarette under the heel of his shoe as Joseph dropped him at his house, once again well past midnight. The meetings hadn’t gone as planned, which meant there would have to be more trips, more long hours, but Thomas Hiddleston didn’t back out when there was something he wanted. He’d power through.

William, oddly, was waiting up again, cleaning off dishes from what he guessed was a late dinner, and smiled when he saw his brother had come home.

“World traveler, home again.”

“You’re coming with me next time,” Thomas huffed, pulling out his phone to check a text. “I can’t deal with them alone anymore.”

William considered it, turning off the sink water. “Alright.” He shrugged. “I suppose that’s just, one more thing we’re sharing.”

Thomas didn’t look up from his phone. “I suppose.”

William pursed his lips. “Couldn’t have told me, about Amanda?”

“What about Amanda?”

“That you okayed us sleeping together again?”

That drew his attention; when his head lifted, his brows were raised. “Ah. She talked to you, then.”

He chuckled. “Didn’t talk so much, actually. More… showed.”

Thomas smirked, tucking his phone away and pulling at his tie. “Minx, that one.”

“Thomas. I really would have appreciated a head’s up, you know. Not like you’re my brother or anything.”

“Oh shove it; I knew you’d listen to her more than me.” The jacket came off next. “I would’ve had to endure something about pride, and ‘my happiness,’ and –”

“Thomas.” William crossed his arms. “It’s fine, really. And, I can’t say you’re wrong.” He sighed. “You’re sure, this is okay? You two are still new, I just –”

“Little brother.” The smirk on Thomas’s face grew. “You and I both know, we were just waiting for her to bring it up.”

William couldn’t bring himself to disagree.

Thomas ran a hand through his hair. “Where is our girl then, hm?”

A corner of his mouth turned up. “The big bedroom.”

Thomas’s chuckled, making his way to the stairs. “I couldn’t think of a more perfect place for her.”

Truly, William couldn’t either.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

## Chapter Nineteen

Thomas frowned as William got out of the car after him. “What are you doing? We’ll be down in a minute.”

William snorted. “Yeah there’s no way I’m letting you go up there alone.”

“Don’t trust me?”

“You’ll take one look at her and you’ll end up in the bedroom.” William rolled his eyes. “And then we’ll never make it to the restaurant and we have a reservation. It’s her birthday, we’re supposed to make it special.”

“I’m hurt you don’t trust me.” Thomas shook his head. “My own twin.”

William slapped him on the back before passing him to the door of the building. “You’ll live.”

They waited for Amanda to buzz them into the building before making their way up to her apartment.

“She like the car?”

“She told me to take it back,” Thomas snickered. “But I don’t think that’s possible after this afternoon.”

“And this is why you can’t come up here on your own.” William shook his head.

Thomas just shrugged with a grin as the apartment door opened and Amanda came into view. His eyebrow raised as he glanced over at William. His brother blinked once, then twice, before turning to Thomas.

“Cancel the reservation.”

* * *

Amanda woke with a smile on her face as she snuggled between William and Thomas. Her bed was much smaller than the large one at the twin’s house, not leaving much space to move. But Amanda was content with limbs thrown over limbs as they both held her tightly between them. She missed this. She missed both of their hands, both of their kisses. She couldn’t have gotten a better birthday present.

Wiggling her ass, she let out a soft giggle as she felt William’s cock harden. She started considering how to wake her twins up, as a thank you for her wonderful birthday, but a soft knock sounded from the front door. It took a moment of figuring out who’s arm belonged to who before crawling out from between the twins. Rummaging around for a pair of sweats, she hurriedly threw them on and heading into the living room.

“Daddy?” Amanda’s eyes widened as she opened the door to her father. “What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t miss your birthday, sweetheart.” He gathered her into his arms. “Albeit a bit late. My flight got delayed or I would have arrived last night.”

“Oh daddy!” She hugged Arthur tightly. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

Arthur squeezed her, the first time he had the chance to feel his little girl since he had let her leave with that monster of a husband. He should have come sooner. He shouldn’t have let her put off his trip so many times.

“I should have been here sooner.”

Amanda sighed as she pulled back. “No daddy. Really, I’m fine. I’m happy, I promise.”

He searched her face, nodding when he found what he was looking for. “You are, aren’t you?”

Amanda smiled. “So happy, daddy.”

“And does that happiness have anything to do with Hiddleston?”

She giggled, her cheeks growing pink. “A little bit. Okay, a lot. He’s been very good to me.”

Arthur sighed. He still wasn’t sure if Amanda was ready to move onto a new relationship after what happened, but he couldn’t deny that the light was back in her eyes. He couldn’t remember when she had looked this happy. Certainly not with Groves. His hands clenched at just the thought of the bastard that hurt his girl.

“Amanda?” The bedroom door opened.

Amanda froze. She sucked in a breath as she slowly turned, hoping - praying - that only one man walked out of her bedroom.

One did.

Just not the right one.

William only wore his boxers as ran his hand over his tired face, shirtless and his hair a mess. Hair that was very blonde in the morning compared to his twin’s dark hair.

“Heard you talking, baby, who’s -” William stopped, his eyes blinking as he saw Amanda standing in her living room with her father.

Her father.

“Shit,” he murmured under his breath.

“William?” Arthur looked the man over, his eyebrows furrowed. “I thought you were seeing Thomas, Amanda?”

Amanda shot William a look of horror before the words blurt out. “This is Thomas.”

Arthur looked between them, eyes narrowing. “I may be old, sweetheart, but I could have sworn Thomas had darker hair at the…when I last saw him.”

William stood stock still before glancing over his shoulder towards the bedroom. He half expected Thomas to come walking out. Probably naked. But by some miracle, his brother was still fast asleep. Clearing his throat, William stepped forward.

“This is my natural shade. I haven’t had time to dye it lately.” William offered the charming smile Thomas always used. “Arthur, wonderful to see you again.”

Arthur hesitated before taking his hand. “Yes. Wonderful.”

“Daddy surprised me with a visit.” Amanda forced a smile. “Isn’t that so sweet?”

“Very. She’s missed you very much, sir.”

“I apologize for showing up unannounced. I didn’t realize Amanda had company over.” Arthur looked down at Amanda with a loving smile. “But I couldn’t stay away on her birthday.”

“Of course. She’s talked about you visiting.” William nodded, shoving his hand through his hair, trying to tame the curls. “I’ll ah, just put a shirt on.”

“I was going to take my girl out for a late breakfast. Why don’t you join us, Thomas? She hasn’t stopped talking about you for the last few months.”

Before William could find an excuse, Amanda stepped in. “Thomas actually has a meeting this morning.”

“On a Sunday?”

William swiftly swept in. “I have an unconventional schedule.”

“Yes, you have an empire to run I suppose.” Arthur nodded. “Dinner then.”

“The meeting might run a little long.”

“He’s a very busy man, daddy,” Amanda agreed. “Maybe next time when you’re -”

“That’s too bad, I was really looking forward to getting to know you better. I’d like to know the man who’s made my girl so happy.” Arhut squeezed her shoulders. “But I understand prior commitments.”

William winced. The last thing he wanted was to get Thomas started on the wrong foot with Amanda’s father. “Let me check with my, ah, assistant, to see what I can do. I’ll just make a quick call.”

Amanda’s eyebrows shot up as he offered her a reassuring smile before hurrying back into the bedroom. Once the door was closed, William let out a string of soft curses.

“Thomas.” William shook his brother. “Shit, Thomas wake up.”

Startled, Thomas snapped upwards, ready for an assault. When he blinked and only found his twin standing over him, he groaned and fell back against the pillows. “What do you want, William?” He patted the the bed. “Where’s Manda?”

“About that, we have a problem.”

Thomas attempted to roll back over. “What problem?”

“Amanda’s father is here.”

“Amanda’s what?”

“Her father, you idiot.”

Thomas snapped back up. “Her father. Her father is here. Arthur is here.”

“That’s what I just said.”

“Fuck.” Thomas looked around, searching for his pants. “I’m not in any state to see Arthur.”

“Oh, ‘Thomas’ has already chatted with him.”

Thomas’ expression twisted in confusion. “Wait, what?”

“I walked out there when I heard Amanda talking and she panicked. Called me Thomas. I had to play you and now he wants to go to dinner.”

“Why would she call you Thomas.”

William sighed. They really didn’t have time for this. “Because our girl hasn’t exactly told her father she’s seeing her boyfriend’s brother too. I had to do something so I played you.”

“Shit. No. You’re right.” He ran his hand down his face. “Shit, what now?”

“You need to go to dinner tonight.”

“What? No! He already saw you anyways.”

“Let me say that again. You’re going to dinner. Tonight. With your girlfriend and her father.”

“Why can’t you go?”

“Because I’m not Amanda’s boyfriend. You are.”

“Well I mean…”

“Thomas!”

“He already saw you, what’s the big deal?”

“I’m not going to pretend to be you!”

“Technically you just did.”

“I’m going to throttle you.”

“Then you will have to go to dinner.”

“Thomas.” William shoved at his shoulder.

“I can’t.” Thomas pushed back the sheets and stood. “I can’t go to dinner with him. You know I can’t. I’m a…shit, look at me, look at who I am. I’m the reason his daughter was manipulated and kidnapped. How the hell am I supposed to look him in the eye? You’re better than I am. You should go.”

William stared at his twin shock. “I thought you got over this, Thomas. You know that wasn’t your doing. No one blames you. No one.”

“Even if that was true, I’m not exactly someone you bring home to meet the parents.”

“Stop being an idiot. Amanda loves you. That’s what matters here. Arthur will see that.”

“This isn’t a good idea. I can’t go to dinner with him. You don’t exactly see me running out to introduce her to mum.”

“You should be, but that’s because of your other issues. Look, she didn’t ask you to do this. She was as surprised by this as we are. Just let him take you to dinner, damn it. You’ve got more in common than you think.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“Because both of your worlds revolve around her.”

Thomas grew quiet, his law locked. William sighed but waited, knowing the wheels were turning in his brother’s thick skull. “How am I going to explain the hair?”

William shrugged. “You had time to dye it this afternoon.”

“And that’s just going to work?”

“Why not?”

“Fuck, I really have to do this, don’t I?”

“I think all parties involved would like that.”

“God.” Thomas ran his fingers through his hair. “Fine, fine. I’ll go.”

William squeezed his shoulder. “If nothing else, it’ll make her happy. She would understand if you didn’t, but it’ll mean a lot to her.”

“Well we can’t have her disappointed, now can we?”

“Never. You’re doing the right thing.”

“Just hope I don’t fuck this all up.”

“You always think that, big brother, but look at the woman you have out there. It’ll work out.”

“God I hope so.”

* * *

Thomas pulled at his collar for the fifth time as they waited for Arthur to join them at the restaurant. Amanda took his hand, knowing he was nervous. “Daddy already like you, Thomas. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Manda, I’m not exactly a parent’s kind of man.”

“You weren’t exactly a relationship kind of man either,” she pointed out.

He squeezed her hand. “That doesn’t change the kind of man I am.”

“A good, sweet, loving man?” Amanda leaned into him in the intimate booth. “Yeah, that’s a terrible man for my father to meet.”

He ran his hand over her hair. “You know that’s not entirely true.”

Amanda kissed his jaw. “That’s the part of you that matters. I love you, Thomas. Thank you for doing this.”

“Wouldn’t do this for just anyone.” He nuzzled her hair. “You know that I -”

“I do. I always have.” She smiled up at him before catching sight of her father. “Hi daddy.”

“Sorry I’m late.” Arthur leaned over the table to kiss her cheek, holding a hand out to shake Thomas’. He paused, however, as his eyes swept over him. “Wasn’t your hair blonde this morning.”

Amanda tensed beside him, but Thomas didn’t even hesitate. “I had a spare hour this afternoon to dye it.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow but nodded in acceptance. Amanda let out a sigh of relief. Until her father sat, ordered a drink, and then turned his stare on Thomas.

“So, you started dating Amanda not too long after that other disaster.”

Amanda nearly spat out her wine. “Daddy!”

Thomas winced but squeezed her hand. “It’s alright, Manda. Yes sir, I did.”

“Daddy, really I don’t think this is the time to -”

“Didn’t you think she might need time to herself?”

“Maybe we should order some food -”

Thomas cleared his throat. “I did, but I quickly realized that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted someone to be there, take care of her and let her know everything was going to be alright.” he caught Amanda’s gaze. “It took a lot of persuading on your daughter’s part, actually, before I…really thought we could make it work.”

Amanda didn’t bother to fight a smile as she looked down at her menu. Arthur stared at him for a beat before nodding in approval.

“My Amanda always did know exactly what she wanted. Stubborn, this one.”

“I get it from you, daddy.” Amanda shot him a look. “Can we order now, or do you want to question my boyfriend some more?”

Arthur grinned. “I can give the poor man a break. For now.”

Thomas and Amanda shared a look and she mouthed “I owe you.” He smirked, thinking of all the ways she could repay him for what he knew would be a very long night.

“So, Thomas,” Arthur began as the waiter finished taking their order. “What is it that you do again?”

Thomas felt Amanad tense beside him again, but he didn’t miss a beat. He had lived this lie for so many years, it came out naturally. Arthur nodded along, asking questions here and there, but never once looked like he didn’t believe that Browning wasn’t a legit organization. All the while, his hand moved to Amanda’s thigh, resting on her bare skin in reassurance. Slowly, her worries began to ease and she leaned into him.

When dinner came, the questions paused into easy chit chat about Amanda, a topic they all easily fell into. However, when Amanda excused herself to the bathroom, Arthur’s gaze zeroed back in on Thomas.

“You love her.”

Thomas paused in drinking his whiskey. “Sorry?”

“You’re head over heels. You love her.”

He considered her father for a moment. “Yes, yes I do.”

“Well, then you’re already better off than the last.”

“I should hope so.”

“I hope you treat her with care and respect.”

“We do.”

“What?”

“What?”

The two stared at one another, Thomas cursing himself for the slip up. The last thing he needed was for Arthur to learn about Amanda’s relationship with his brother. One day, if this stayed the course, he would find out. He doubted Amanda could keep something like this from her father. But this was so new, so fresh, none of them knew where it would lead. There was no point in jumping the gun.

“I mean we all do at work. And at my brother’s office as well.”

“Maybe I should meet your brother again too then. We didn’t have much chance to talk at the…wedding.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Your brother. I’d like the thank him for watching out for my girl. These past few years working with him have been some of Amanda’s favourite.”

“Of course. Right. He’d like that I’m sure.” Thomas started looking for Amanda. Where the hell was she? How long did it take in the damn bathroom?

“You’re identical, if I remember correctly.”

“Yes.”

“Hard to tell the two of you apart.”

“It’s one of the reasons I dye my hair.” Thomas swallowed. “Helps to separate myself as my own person.”

“And you dye your hair often?”

“Every time I see blonde roots.”

Arthur stared at him hard. “Strange then that you would go so long without dying it then.”

Thomas was fucked. He knew it.

“Oh I’m so stuffed.” Amanda came waltzing back over with a beaming smile. “I can barely even walk.”

Thomas sighed in relief as she shuffled over to let her into the booth. “I should get you home then.”

“How about some tea,” Arthur suggested.

“Right. Sure. That’d be great.” Thomas shot Amanda a worried look. “Unless you’re tired, love.”

“Thomas and I were just talking about getting together with his brother.”

Amanda’s smile faltered. “Why?”

“Why?”

“Oh, it’s just, it’s not like I’m dating him,” she laughed. Or tried to. Thomas cringed, knowing how forced it sounded.

Arthur sat back, watching the two closely. “You’ve told me so much about him that I’d like to get to know him a bit better as well.”

Amanda twisted her hands nervously. “Now?”

“Well, I am in town.”

“Oh, well, I guess I don’t see why not.” Amanda’s hand squeezed Thomas’ knee, her nails digging into him. “We could call him.”

“Perfect. Why don’t you invite him for drinks. Forget tea, we can have a nightcap.”

“Great. Perfect.” Thomas nodded. “Let me go call him, make sure he’s available. If you’ll excuse me.”

Amanda moved, worrying her lip as Thomas quickly took off for the exit. Once outside, he let out a string of curses, not bothering to care about passerbyers.

“Fucking hell, fucking bloody hell.” he ripped out his phone. “Answer the fucking phone.”

“Jesus, that how you greet someone?” William snorted on the other end. “Hello to you too, big brother.”

“I don’t have time for this, Arthur wants you to join us for drinks.”

When William didn’t answer right away, Thomas fingered his hair in frustration. “Damn it, William!”

“Shit, Thomas. Calm down. Breathe. Hope to god he isn’t around right now.”

“He’s in the restaurant with Amanda.”

“Alright, why don’t you bring him over to the house?” William suggested. “Neutral ground.”

“Or you could be sick,” Thomas decided desperately.

“Or you could just bring him over.”

“I think he might know it wasn’t me this morning.”

“I doubt it. But he will if you make up some excuse. Between the three of us, we can hold him off. Bring him over.”

Thomas sighed but knew his brother was right. “Alright, make sure to have the good shit pulled out. I’ll need it.”

William hung up without a response.

He itched for a smoke, even patted his jacket for a cigarette, only to remember he had purposely left them at home. God knows he didn’t need that against him too.

“Baby?” Amanda slipped outside, her arms rubbing her bare arms. “Please tell me you came up with a plan.”

“Yeah, darling.” He pulled her into his arms. “We’re going home.”

“Really? Oh thank god.”

“William can’t wait to see you father.”

Amanda groaned. “Oh fuck.”

* * *

William was ready for them all, armed with drinks and snacks as he ushered them into the living room. Thomas looked like a baby deer ready to bolt, but Amanda kept him tethered and William couldn’t help but smile. They were made for each other, holding the other tight when they needed the strength the most.

“You two really are uncannily identical,” Arthur mused, sipping his drink.

The twins fought not to look at one another. “We’ve heard that most of our lives,” William agreed.

“I bet you switched places a lot as kids. Drove your parents crazy, I’m sure.”

“A time or two.”

Arthur took a walk around the living room. “It’s a beautiful house. How long have you two lived together?”

“Most of our lives,” Thomas spoke. “But only about a year here.”

“New build?”

“From the ground up.” William easily took over the conversation, talking about the design, anything he could think of to change topic.

Amanda moved to Thomas’ side, sneaking a kiss while her father wasn’t paying attention. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not bolting like I know you want to.” She snuggled in closer. “You’re amazing and I really do owe you.”

“I’ve been thinking about that.” His nose dragged along her jaw. “I have a few suggestions.”

“I can’t wait to hear them. Just a little bit longer,” she promised before detaching herself from him. “I’m just going to pop to the powder room.”

“Oh no no no, not again.” He grabbed her arm.

Amanda rolled her eyes and leaned down for another kiss. “Relax, baby. I’ll be quick.”

“Better be or else your ass is mine.”

“It’s already yours.” She winked before sashaying off.

“Damn woman.”

“What was that, son?” Arthur turned towards him.

“Nothing, sir. Did William tell you about what we plan to do with the grounds?” Thomas stood.

“He did.” Arthur sat his empty glass down. “So, which one of you did I meet this morning?”

No one made a sound, not even a breath.

Chugging his drink, Thomas answered. “Me, of course.

“What was I wearing?”

Thomas snuck his brother a quick glance. “What were you wearing?” he chuckled nervously. “You’ll have to forgive me, it was very early and I wasn’t quite awake. It was some slacks and a jumper, wasn’t it?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see William’s face fall.

“I was actually wearing this suit, Thomas.”

“Were you?”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

Arthur gave him a hard stare before looking over at his twin. “And do you remember what I wore this morning, William?”

He was quiet, looking away before he answered. “It was a blue shirt though, not the white one you’ve got on.”

Thomas didn’t even say a word as he walked over to the bar to pour himself another drink.

“Do I want to know why you were coming out of my daughter’s bedroom this morning?”

William couldn’t look at his brother. “The short answer is that she wasn’t in bed when I woke and I heard her voice in the living room.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you Thomas.” Arthur eyed him. “Where exactly were you then?”

Thomas took a swig of whiskey but didn’t answer.

“So the voices I heard this morning, they were both of yours.”

“Voices?”

“Bickering, it sounded like.”

“That was, um,” William sought for an excuse. “Just my phone call.”

“I don’t think so.”

William joined Thomas at the bar, whipping the drink out of his hand and finishing it off.

“Thomas, William, I understand that she is both of your assistant, but if my daughter is simply around as some sort of convenience -”

“No, oh god no,” William interrupted. “She’s - I - we - she’s far more to us than just an employee.”

“I thought I made that clear at dinner,” Thomas added. “I do care for her. I…I love her. Very much.”

“We both do,” William’s response was soft.

Arthur inhaled sharply. “You both do.”

“Yes, sir,” they mumbled at the same time.

Arthur ran his hand through his hair. “And my daughter, she’s okay with this?”

“She’s -”

“Yes, she is,” Amanda spoke as she stepped back into the room.

They all stopped to stare at her. Amanda stood, her hands on her hips, looking brave and beautiful as she stared her father down.

“You can stop hounding them now, daddy.”

“Amanda -”

“Look, I know it’s not conventional. This is very new to all of us. It’s different and not something everyone will understand. But I’m happy. Happier than I’ve ever been. And that’s thanks to them. Both of them. I love Thomas.” Amanda sent a loving look across the room. “But I do greatly care about William. And it works for us. It makes sense. And I hope you’ll be able to understand that.”

“Damn,” William whispered. “Our girl.”

Arthur looked at her with a twitch of his lips. “You looked so much like your mother right then, you know. Come here, sweetheart.”

Amanda didn’t hesitate as she reached for him.

“You know the only thing I’ve ever wanted in life was your happiness.”

“I know, daddy.”

“Now, these two seem like good men. And Thomas,” he nodded towards him. “Loves you a great deal. That’s been made clear. And I can’t be the only man in your life forever. I just never expected you to have two others.”

Amanda giggled. “They’re good to me. Really good to me.”

“I guess that’s all I can ask for then.” He kissed her forehead. “However, if either of you hurt her, I won’t hesitate to hurt both of you.”

William and Thomas shared a look. “Noted.”

“Well I won’t waste the rest of your night.” Arthur hugged Amanda tightly. “I’ll head to my hotel. Perhaps we can all do dinner tomorrow. Without any switching.”

William fought not to laugh as Thomas glared at him. “I think we can arrange that, sir.”

“Good. Walk me out, sweetheart?”

Amanda grinned at the twins as she walked her father to the door.

“Well, that was interesting.” William eyed his twin. “How do you feel.”

“I’ve dealt with disgruntled clients that were easier than him.” Thomas massaged the back of his neck.

“Well we didn’t need to pull out the guns, so decent night,” William chuckled. “Could have gone worse. He didn’t want to send an angry mob after us.”

“Yet.” Thomas looked over as Amanda wandered back in. “Baby?”

“I’m sorry about everything,” she immediately began. “But I think he’s okay with this. I really do. It’ll take some getting used to, but I’m happy he knows. I hate keeping anything from him. You two mean too much to me to keep it a secret. I -”

Thomas slowly walked towards her, his eyes narrowing as he grew closer. “Darling girl.”

“Y-yes Thomas?” She knew that look in his eyes.

“Do you remember what we talked about?”

“That I owe you?” She licked her lips.

“Yes. That.” He came to a stop before her, towering over her. “But I believe you owe both William and me now.”

Amanda looked around Thomas at William. He was leaning against the bar, just watching them in interest. “You’re right, sir.”

Thomas grazed his thumb across her jaw. “Good girl. Go wait for us in the big bedroom. Without this dress.”

“Keep the bra and panties though,” William spoke up. “Maybe the heels.”

Thomas rolled his eyes but tapped her ass gently. “You heard him.”

“Yes, sirs.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

## Chapter Twenty

“Why is that dog here, Bishop?”

Bishop gave Thomas an odd look. “I’ve got to take him to the vet at lunch, thought it’d be easier than going back for him.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, staring at the jet black animal. “I’ve talked to you about bringing Rook in here. Unless we have a job for him, this is no place for pets.”

Bishop sighed. “Rook,” he said in a clear, clipped tone that made the German Shepherd perk up and stand at attention. “Watch.”

The dog’s brown eyes set on Thomas, watching him in time as he paced across the room.

Thomas furrowed his brows and stopped in the middle of the room, Rook’s eyes still locked on him. “I don’t like that.”

“No one does.” He scratched Rook’s head. “He stays.”

“Fine, whatever, just get him to stop doing that.”

Bishop tried his best to bite back a smile. “Rook, fin.”

Rook immediately relaxed, his tongue flopping out of his mouth, and he looked up at his owner with utter devotion.

“Good boy.”

Again, Thomas rolled his eyes, just as there was a small knock on his office door, and Amanda slipped inside.

“Baby, here are the minutes from that meeting this morning, and the summary of –” Amanda trailed off as she noticed the unusual presence in the room, and she gasped. “Oh my god Elliot is this Rook?”

Thomas groaned just as Bishop replied. “This is, in fact, Rook. He’s got a vet appointment later so he stopped by.”

“Against company policy.”

“Sir, our cocaine cartel does not have a no-pets policy, last time I checked.”

Amanda was still staring at the dark-haired dog as she dropped her iPad and folders onto Thomas’s desk. “Could, could I pet him? Or is he, like… not for petting?”

Rook’s ears perked up at the mention of pets. “You can pet him, Amanda. He likes behind the ears.”

“This is ridiculous. My girlfriend and my right-hand man, both against me.” Thomas grabbed the discarded folders. “Guess I’ll just be working out of the conference room, since the bloody dog is controlling a mutiny here.” He left the room in a huff, muttering something to himself about his cartel and stupid dogs.

Amanda sat next to Bishop on Thomas’s couch, Rook nudging at her leg to get a good sniff of her. She giggled, holding her hand out to scratch his chin. “Elliot, he’s gorgeous. And so soft.”

Rook seemed to like her praise, and licked her wrist.

“He’s not too bad,” Bishop agreed, and Amanda noted the obvious pride in his voice.

“How did you get him? Forgive me if I say, you don’t seem too much like a dog person.”

He shrugged, running his hand over Rook’s back. “I’m not, really. I dunno, I was out walking one day, and came across this shelter. He was in the window, so bloody small, all alone.” Bishop sighed and furrowed his brows. “I guess I knew how he must’ve felt. So I took him home.”

“Oh, Elliot –”

“I don’t like that tone, dove,” he said sternly, though she knew he was teasing.

She gave him a small smile. “Fine, fine. So he’s a rescue?”

“Yeah. Just from a place in Camden.”

Rook yawned, dropping to the ground and quickly rolling over onto his back with an expectant look at Amanda.

Bishop groaned. “We’ve talked about this, Rook. You’re a guard dog. Guard. Dog.”

“Oh relax, Elliot,” Amanda giggled and knelt to the floor for a better reach at the dog’s stomach. Her long nails on his belly made his hind leg shake back and forth. “He’s so sweet. What a good boy.” Bishop rolled his eyes. “You know, I’ve always wanted a cat. One that I can cuddle with. But my daddy’s allergic, and my flat doesn’t allow pets. So it’s not in the cards for me, I suppose.”

“I thought you’d moved in?” Bishop asked, surprised, and Amanda bit her lip to keep in her exhale.

“No, I haven’t.” She sat back on her legs, still scratching Rook’s belly. “We haven’t talked about that. Though I’m there most nights anyway.”

“You should get a cat for there, then.”

She scoffed. “It’s not like a vase, Elliot. Someone would have to watch it when I wasn’t there.”

“It’s my understanding cats are fairly self-sufficient,” he offered. “They’re fine on their own for the better part of the day.”

Amanda looked up to where he sat on the couch, considered him. “I don’t know. That seems a lot to throw on him. It’s only been three months.”

“Your three months, and everyone else’s three months, are nowhere near the realm of being comparable, dove.” He raised a brow. “I can text you the shelter I got Rook from, you could just stop by and see the ones there.”

She smiled. “Elliot, this is perhaps the most helpful on matters other than the cartel that I’ve ever seen you. Are you getting something from this?”

He leaned back on the couch, staring at Rook, running his hand over his face. “I just, I know Rook has helped me through some shit. Repeat that, I’ll deny it. And… I know what you went through. The twins can help you enough, but it can help just to have something else there.” He shrugged, unable to meet his eyes.

She softened and slowed her pets on Rook, understanding the dog’s purpose a bit more clearly. “That’s, that’s very thoughtful, Elliot. Thank you.”

“Like I said, repeat it, I’ll deny it. Anyway. Rook!” He commanded, and the dog reacted so quickly, Amanda barely had time to move her hand as he rolled back over onto his legs. “Up!”

Rook wasted no time in leaping onto the couch, draping his legs over Bishop’s lap and licking his face. His tail beat at the cushions as he wagged it enthusiastically.  

“Thomas isn’t going to like that,” Amanda said, thinking of her boyfriend’s probable reaction to the mountain of black fur that would coat his couch. The image made her smile.

“That’s the point, dove,” Bishop said, throwing her a quick wink.

* * *

Driving after many years of utilizing public transportation was different for Amanda, especially in the new Volkswagen that Thomas had bought her for her birthday. She got herself back into the swing of things by driving the twins to dinner, or even to work some days, since parking at her flat was non-existent.

She convinced the twins to drive them to lunch on a casual Saturday for them all, but stopped, along the way, at the animal shelter that Bishop had told her to visit. She didn’t expect the twins to be happy about it, or to even leave with an adopted pet, but maybe being around animals for a few minutes would be of some help. Spending an hour in Thomas’s office with Rook had truly calmed her enormously, and she understood why Bishop took solace in his company.

“What are we doing here, sweetheart?” William asked when she parked the car.

“Are we walking to lunch?” Thomas asked, watching Amanda get out of the car.

“No, there’s just this place I want to go into, for a minute,” she said as casually as she could, grabbing her purse from the backseat.

“Alright.” William emerged from the car, slicking back his hair. “New boutique or something?”

“Umm,” she said, taking William’s hand in hers. “No.”

“Which store, then?”

She sighed, getting on her tiptoes to whisper to him. “The pet shelter across the street.”

His brows raised, staring down at her. “You know he doesn’t like animals.”

She shrugged and bit her lip. “Never hurts to try, though.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Thomas grumbled, shutting the door of the car.

“Nothing!” She replied sweetly. “It’s just across the road, it won’t be that long of detour, promise.” She started walking, practically dragging William with her, and he chuckled as Thomas was left to follow behind them.

“Amanda,” he whispered down to her. “I’ve tried, believe me. He doesn’t do pets. Something about his precious aesthetics.”

“I’m just looking, William,” she said it both to reassure him, and herself. “This is where Bishop got his dog, and he said there are cats here.”

“Bishop has a dog?”

“That’s what I said when I found out!”

“Darling?” Thomas called as he caught up to them at the door. “Darling, this is a pet shop, I’m not sure this is what you were looking for.”

Amanda swallowed and squeezed William’s hand. “No, it is. This is where Bishop got Rook, and I just wanted to come and see the kitties.”

He eyed her in surprise. “Do you want to get a pet?” he asked as if mortified by the idea.

“Well,” she found herself suddenly more nervous than she anticipated. “No, I mean yes, but, I’ve always wanted a cat so this isn’t anything new, I wouldn’t want to pressure you or make you think I went behind your back or –”

“Sweetheart,” William stopped her, kissing the back of her hand in his. “You’re rambling.”

“Oh. Right.”

William looked to his twin. “A look around doesn’t hurt, Thomas. For Amanda.”

“But I don’t understand,” Thomas said stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Why would you want to get a cat? Is your flat even big enough for one? You’re hardly there, anyways.”

She shivered, though she wasn’t sure if it was from nerves or the brisk chill; the June air wasn’t as entirely warm enough for the dress she wore as she thought it would be. “I, I just wanted to look, really. I’ve never been able to have one, and my flat doesn’t actually allow pets. Bishop said maybe an animal would be good for me, though. I just wanted to look.”

Both of the twins sensed her retreating back into herself, just as she did when unsure or nervous, and William shot Thomas a look that told him to understand her reasoning, or wait in the car.

Thomas noticed his twin and sighed. “I understand, Manda. I just wish you had told me, okay? You can tell me these things, I promise.”

She slowly nodded, holding tightly to William.

“Do you want to go in, babe?” William asked her, hoping she wasn’t deterred.

“I do, William.” She gave both of them a small smile as Thomas pulled open the door.

The shelter attendant smiled at Amanda when she came in, showing her to some of the cages in the back where kittens played and a horde of cats slept on a playset behind a pane of glass. A chihuahua slept in a bed on a table nearby.

“We’ve got some bigger dogs too,” the attendant said. “In the back though, so they can run around. No real puppies, right now. They’ve all been adopted, I just wish more people would go for the grown ones. Did you want to see any of them today?”

“Oh, no thank you.” Amanda stared at the batch of kittens playing with each other. “I’m more of a cat person, really.”

Thomas shifted uncomfortably, watching Amanda’s face light up. It wasn’t that he hated animals, like William liked to boil it down to, just that the idea of something else depending on him, needing him, made him worried. That wasn’t what he was meant for. He was still learning, with Amanda, how to let others in in ways he hadn’t before. Adding a pet into the mix just would not be ideal.

Coupled with the memory of his father dragging away the stray dog he and William had found after primary school one day, it was safe to say Thomas just did not do pets.

But he couldn’t deny the way Amana seemed to be enamored with the small creatures. He thought about what she had said, about Bishop saying an animal would be good for her. Did she need more aides in her healing? He’d offered her the idea of therapy, which she had turned down, but would a pet of some sort really bring her a comfort that he and his brother couldn’t?

Amanda let go of William’s hand and knelt down for a better view into the windowed cages, a smile on her face. She said to the attendant, “Miss, do you think I could see the orange one?”

“Shorthaired or the fluffy one?”

“The shorthaired, I think.”

“Of course. We’ve got little fenced-in booths you can sit in and play with him if you like, I can grab him and bring him to you there.”

William dragged Thomas into the booth with them, knowing his brother probably wanted to wait outside, but also aware that Amanda needed both of them supporting her right now. They sat together on the small bench while Amanda sat the floor, the attendant handing her the squirming kitten before leaving the booth to help others.

“Hi baby!” She cooed, holding the cat’s face to her own. “You’re so soft, oh my god! Hi!”

Thomas fought an eye-roll, knowing someway or another that this wouldn’t be the last he saw of this cat.

The kitten started purring in her hands, and she dropped him into her lap where he promptly curled up and laid down on her thighs.

“Oh my god you’re so perfect,” she whispered to him, stroking his head with her thumb.

Thomas turned to William, muttering under his breath, “I’m getting a cat, aren’t I?”

William kicked his shin so Amana wouldn’t hear.

Amanda couldn’t explain how perfect this cat suddenly was, or why she had immediately fallen in love with him as he sat on her lap. Just petting him melted all her stress away, and she felt a sort of peace greater than she had ever since the horrible affair with Groves had ended. The vibrations of his purrs warmed her heart, and a lump formed in her throat. She needed him, needed his little presence, and wanted to give him all the love in the world.

She raised her head to look up at Thomas, sitting on the small bench. “Thomas?”

He knew that voice, and the puppy-dog eyes that went with it. “Amanda, no.”

“Brother,” William warned.

“But, Thomas.” She picked up the kitten, holding him to her chest. “How can you say no to this little face?”

“Very easily.” The kitten, yes. Amanda would be much harder.

William kicked him again and turned to her. “Having a cat would be your responsibility, doll. Especially if it lived in our house, it would need extra care.”

“Don’t encourage her.” Thomas muttered, but a look from William made him huff.

“Just come here, come pet him. Please?”

Goddamn her eyes, so big and brown. He sighed, joining her on the floor of the booth and cursing himself for wearing good trousers that would now be covered in animal hair.

“Just look at him,” she said, stroking his fur. He was so well-behaved for her, content just being held by her. Thomas couldn’t help but notice how happy she was after being with the cat for such a short amount of time. “What a good kitty.”

She kissed the cat’s nose, and he wiggled, wanting to be put down. She set him on the ground to let him explore the booth and turned back to Thomas, her ponytail flipping around. “Please?”

“No.” He couldn’t look at her, because he knew he would crack. “The house is no place for a kitten, darling.”

“He’s behaving, though. See?” She sighed, wanting him to look at her. She hadn’t expected to actually want to leave with a cat, but her heart was now set the small orange one in a way she couldn’t explain. She bit her lip, putting her hand on his thigh, dropping her voice to a whisper. “What if I make it worth your while?”

Thomas’s jaw ticked, and he turned to finally meet her eyes. “You know better than to test me, sweet girl.”

She strained herself so her lips could reach his neck, and she kissed his skin quickly. “Pretty please, sir?”

William shifted on the bench, noting that an animal shelter wasn’t the most opportune place to get hard watching Amana attempt to seduce Thomas. He looked around to make sure the attendant couldn’t see them over the booth’s fence.

He looked down at Thomas, his brother’s hands curled into fists, and he cleared his throat. “Amanda, if I say no to the cat, can I get some of that too?”

She backed away from Thomas and winked up at him.

He smirked, shifting his position once again. “Then no kitten, sorry doll,” he teased. “He’d just get in the way on the bed, right Thomas?”

Thomas cleared his throat too, sitting up straight. “Among other things. I don’t need litter all over the house, on my hardwood floors. What if it shits? Do you know the mess cats make? Absolutely not. No. Your little seduction will not work on me, my darling.” He hated the fact that they were probably empty words, because the cat seemed to have adopted Amanda already.

Amanda pouted, something they both knew he could never say no to. Her hand slowly traveled up his thigh. “Are you sure?”

William’s brows raised, and he checked around again to make sure no one was looking over.

Thomas grabbed her wrist, not too harshly though, and pulled her hand away from his thigh, keeping it tightly in his grip. He mustered up the command that he could as he stared down at her pleading eyes. “Do not. Test me. Little girl.”

She shivered again at his use of the pet name, but his tone of warning didn’t carry as much weight as it usually did in the bedroom. She pressed on. “He’d be really good, and I’d always watch him! You know I’m at the house all the time anyways. You won’t even know he’s there!” Her free hand went back to his thigh, and she kissed at his jaw. “Please? I’ll buy his food and his toys and everything.”

Thomas closed his eyes unconsciously at her touch. “You’ll be the fucking death of me,” he hissed through his teeth, but his eyes shot back open when her hand made its way upwards once again, and he grabbed that one too.

William had crossed his legs and was watching intently. “God she’s good, you have to admit that, big brother.”

“She’s the devil, is what she is,” he said, holding both of her hands by his shoulder.

She smiled innocently, her brown eyes wide and full of love. For him or the cat, he wasn’t sure, but so far in their relationship, he had yet to find the power to say no to that look. It tugged at something inside of him that made it physically impossible for him to deny her, to make her unhappy. Dammit. Damn her. Damn the stupid cat.

He let go of her hands with a heavy sigh. “Fine.” He hated saying the word, and he hoped that the look of pure joy on her face would make up for the coming shit he’d endure from the animal. “Get the cat.”

“Thank you!” She squealed, wrapping her freed arms tightly around his neck, almost knocking him over onto the floor. “Thank you Thomas thank you!” She smacked a kiss on his lips with a huge smile before turning back to find the kitten.

Amanda picked up the cat, lying on the carpet of the booth near her leg. “Oh you’re just so cute! You’re gonna be spoiled rotten, you know.”

Thomas rejoined William on the bench, watching her dote on the kitten. William nudged him with his elbow. “You’re in deep, brother.”

“Shut up, William.”

William grinned and shook his head and he too focused his attention on Amanda.

She held him close to her chest, petting his head. “What should his name be, Thomas?”

“No, I’m not naming it. Your cat. Yours.”

She rolled her eyes, looking at William. “William, have you got any ideas?”

“Tommy?”

Now Thomas kicked his brother’s shin. “Fuck you.”

“Shh, you two,” Amanda scolded, though her smile never left her face.

“You’re not calling it Tommy,” Thomas said sternly, wiping some cat hair off his leg.

"I know, calm down baby. I think I wanna call him…” she thought for a moment, considering the cat. “Winston.”

“Winston?” The twins asked simultaneously.

"Would you prefer Tommy?”

“Winston is perfect,” Thomas answered quickly.

Amanda insisted on paying the adoption fees, making sure that she could say it was her cat, and would take full responsibility for it. William, to take away from some of his brother’s anxiety over Winston moving in, bought the bed, food, toys, and other essentials that would keep the cat comfortable and away from Thomas as much as possible. Amanda gave him a kiss on the cheek when he offered.

Thomas couldn’t deny the calm he felt when he saw Amanda smile as she signed the papers. Was this what domesticity was?

“We can set him up in the guest room, it’s hardly furnished,” William said as Amanda placed the kitten in the carrier they bought. “No one’s ever in there; I’m really not sure why we built so many bedrooms. He’ll have the lay of the land. What do you think?”

“It’s a great idea. Thomas?”

“Sure, that’s fine. So long as he stays out of my office.”

Amanda kissed his cheek too. “I promise he’ll be good.” He took his hand, walking with him to her car while William carried Winston.

“Darling, could I see your keys?” Thomas asked her as they crossed the street, and Amanda pulled them out of her purse to place in his hand. “Thank you. William, catch.”

Despite holding the carrier, William expertly caught the keys in his hand and made his way to the driver door.

“Thomas, I can drive – oh!” Amanda didn’t have time to finish her thought before Thomas pinned her against the car.

“We’re going to forget about lunch, because we’ve got to take that little furball home,” he said, hands pressed against her hips. “And believe me, you’re going to pay for that little stunt when we get back, baby.”

She licked her lips and pressed herself against him, her short dress riding up a bit. “I’m looking forward to it.”

He reached around her to grab the handle of the back door. “Get in the car. William, drive.”

She slid into the backseat. “William, do you want me to hold Winston?”

“He’s fine up there,” Thomas said, coming in beside her. “Right brother?”

“All buckled, he’s alright.”

“Good.” Thomas grabbed Amanda’s waist, pinning her against the door as William started the car. His hand slipped under her sundress and grabbed at her panties, roughly pulling them down her legs.

She gasped, watching him, and he tossed the panties into the front seat, landing on the console by William’s arm. “You won’t be needing those anymore, darling.”

He slipped to his knees on the floor of the car as it started to move, and he pushed her legs open, giving him a clear view of her pussy, and William groaned when he saw he had a perfect view of it too in the rearview mirror.

“I think you actually ought to start paying now.” Thomas blew cool air onto her exposed clit, and she felt herself shudder.

His tongue took a long lap at her, tasting her, finding her already wet and delicious like she always was, and she inhaled sharply. He gripped the flesh of her thighs, pressing his tongue down on her, making her moan.

“Ohhh, god.” She grabbed his hair with one hand and the leather of the backseat with the other as Thomas increased the pace of his ministrations. “Fuck!”

“Put her leg over your shoulder,” William instructed from the front seat, his eyes flickering from the road to the rearview every few seconds.

Thomas did just that, the angle opening her to him more, and his tongue never stopped its movements.

“Suck on her clit.” William’s voice had dropped low. “She loves when I do that.”

Thomas hummed an acknowledgement and flicked his tongue over her clit before wrapping his lips around her and sucking, hard and fast.

Amanda’s body shook and her mouth fell open, gripping Thomas’s hair with both hands, tugging hard on his black curls. “Oh god, please, oh god…” She couldn’t hardly stand both Thomas’s tongue and William’s gaze, both making her heart race and skin hot.

She could feel her orgasm already, the twins’ tongue always bringing her to climax quickly, and she closed her eyes as Thomas kept it up.

Until he pulled away, as if knowing she was just on the brink, and his lip shone with her wetness when he smirked. “You didn’t think it’d be that easy, did you, darling?” He pulled at the knot of his tie.

“No please Thomas I was so close, please sir -”

“Hush.” He grabbed her wrists and wrapped his tie around them, the silk material soft against her skin. “Tie, William.”

In an instant William’s tie landed on her lap, and she wasn’t sure if she needed to protest or not. “Thomas -”

The tie came over her eyes, Thomas expertly tying it under her ponytail and making sure she couldn’t see what he was doing. The lack of vision made Thomas’s touches more potent, a hand resting on her thigh making her hair stand on end.

“You’re a bratty little girl, Manda,” he growled, and her back arched when she felt his finger swipe over her sensitive clit. “Always know how to get your way.” Another finger teased at her entrance, and she squirmed against the door.

William was rock hard and finding it exceptionally difficult to keep his attention on the road as he drove. He palmed his stiff cock with one hand and kept a death grip on the steering wheel with the other, wanting nothing more than to watch Amanda come undone, though he knew Thomas wouldn’t likely allow that. “She’s going to make me crash the goddamn car, brother,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Hm, do you hear that baby? You’re being a very bad girl, distracting my little brother.” Suddenly she felt his touch vanish, and she felt the seat dip beside her.

The loss of complete contact was more than she could handle, and she bucked her lips hoping to somehow get Thomas to touch her again. “I’m sorry I - I didn’t mean to, Thomas, William, fuck!” She had been so close, it almost pained her.

“We’re nearly home, sweet girl,” she heard Thomas’s voice beside her. “Can’t you wait for just a bit? Or will I have to find something to gag you with as well, hm?”

She shook her head, but her current position made her well aware of the vibrations of the car, and she moaned despite herself. She needed to come. Needed Thomas to bring her there, whatever means necessary.

“Thomas,” William said, grabbing the discarded panties from earlier. “Use these.”

Thomas caught then, balling them up in his fist, and grabbing Amanda’s chin. “Open, baby.” She pressed her lips shut, and his clenched his jaw. Little brat. “I said, open.” A moment later, she tentatively opened her lips, and he put the small scrap of lace in her mouth. “Very good, very good girl.” His hands ran over the inside of her thighs, and he loved the way her body shuddered at his touch. “You stay just like this and tonight we’ll have some fun, alright?”

She nodded, unable to do much else, and she wanted nothing more than for his hands to venture higher, to touch her again.

“That is, after William punishes you, of course. You teased him as well. He has his own little tricks he likes.”

William forced himself to keep his attention on the road. He wished he could take a picture – Amanda gagged, blindfolded, wanting nothing more than to come. One of the most delicious things he had ever seen, and he couldn’t wait to get her in his bed when they reached the house.

Amanda panted as Thomas removed his hands again, still aware of the movements of the car. She wanted to know how far they were, how much longer she had to wait for someone, anyone, to just touch her.

She wasn’t sure how much longer she waited before the car came to a stop, and she heard the click that meant William was unbuckling.

“Thomas?” she asked, but it came out desperately muffled by her panties in her mouth.

A familiar chuckle came from beside her ear. “My sweet, sweet girl.” Lips kisses her temple, and she felt the tie blindfolding her slip off, revealing Thomas smiling down at her. “You’re too perfect,” he mused, finding her wrists and removing that tie as well.

She moved to take the panties out of her mouth, but Thomas stopped her, and brought his own hand to her mouth to take the damp lace away before slipped it into the pocket of his trousers.

Her legs were still open, and Thomas was still cornering her against the door. “Will, will you let me come now?”

Thomas merely chuckled, mischief flashing in his blue eyes. “Oh, no, darling. Not yet.”

“Besides,” said a voice from the front of the car, and she saw William unbuckling the carrier with Winston in it. “Don’t you want to play with your new kitten?” As if on cue, Winston let out a small meow.

“But -”

“Now now, Manda,” Thomas tsked. “You wanted a kitten.”

“But -”

He swiftly grabbed her ponytail, tugging enough to make her listen. “You wanted a kitten, darling. So go play with it.” He pulled her head so that his lips met her ear. “And I’ll play with you later.”

She swallowed, slowly closing her legs. “Promise?”

“Oh, we both promise.”

Satisfied with his answer, she left the backseat, meeting William at the front door with Winston. Thomas closed the car door behind them, straightening his jacket and stuffing the ties into one of his pockets. If this was domesticity with Amanda, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

If only he didn’t have to deal with a damned cat.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

## Chapter Twenty-One

“Fuck, baby.” Thomas caught his breath, his hand running over the soft curls kneeling at his feet.

“Have I mentioned how sorry I am for being late?” Amanda batted her eyelashes up at him as she swiped her thumb across her lips, licking away the last of his come. “It’ll never happen again, sir.”

A smirk slid across his lips as he grasped her chin. “I have a feeling it will. Thank you, sweet girl.”

He helped her up before tugging her onto his lap. He had no doubt his brother had kept Amanda in bed just a little bit longer this morning, and Thomas cursed the meeting he had left for early that morning.

“Did my brother treat you well?”

She curled into him. “Oh very well.”

Thomas chuckled. “I’m sure he did.” He ran his hand up and down her back. “Thank you for the coffee, love.”

Her nose dug into his neck. “Anytime.”

“I should probably get back to work.”

“You don’t have any other meetings.”

“Naughty, aren’t you?” His hand tangled in her hair, tugging sharply. “Trying to distract me from my work.”

She pulled back, smiling so innocently. “I can’t help it, sir, I just always want you.”

Before he could respond, however, his office door smacked open.

“Bishop, what the fuck?” he scowled.

Amanda tried to scramble off his lap, but he kept her settled against him.

“We have a big fucking problem.” Bishop all but shoved his tablet into Thomas’ face. “Big. Fucking. Problem.”

It took a moment for Thomas to focus on the words staring back at him.

Meeting with known Manchester Queenpin fuels rumours of Browning’s true ventures

“What. The. Fuck.” Thomas nearly forgot Amanda was on his lap as he grabbed the tablet. She moved with him however, eying the article that was on the iPad.

“Thomas, the picture,” she whispered.

“Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.” He stared at the photo of himself, Preston and Manchester’s Queenpin, Alexandra Monaghan, meeting for lunch in Italy. It had been an under the radar meeting. Which didn’t explain how there was a photo glaring up at him.

Amanda guided the tablet towards her before he could throw it in anger, swiping through the article with a frown.

“How the fuck did they get a photo. We were in fucking Milan. MILAN. How did they know?” Thomas ran his hand through his hair. “Up, baby.”

Amanda stood, her eyes entranced on the tablet as Thomas stood and began pacing.

“Barely a dozen people knew we were in Milan. And three of those people are in this room.”

“Could have been someone on her side,” Bishop offered.

Thomas scowled. “We both know her distaste for the media. Her face has already been splashed across tabloids. She wouldn’t want the fucking paps on her ass. Fucking hell!”

The room fell silent as Thomas paced, cursing every so often under his breath.

“Where else is it?” he finally demanded.

“Just here, as far as we know.”

“Get Christian to contact some of the other low lives that could pick it up. Buy them off, get them their drug of choice, I don’t care. It gets no further than this.”

“Yes boss.”

As he passed by the windows, he stopped to slam his fist against the glass. “Fuck.”

Bishop glanced at Amanda, seeing how worried she is, before returning his gaze on Thomas. “Sir, do you think -”

“No, Bishop, I know one of ours must have fucked up.”

“How do we determine which?”

Thomas sighs. “We can’t. Gather everyone who was there.” He turned away from the window and shot Bishop a look. “I want to have a little chat.”

Bishop raised an eyebrow but nodded and left the room without another word. Thomas cursed under his breath again as he leaned against the window.

“This will be fine, won’t it?”

He nearly forgot Amanda was still there. Sighing, he looked over at her big round eyes. “Yes, love, this will be fine.”

Her head cocked to the side, as if she could see right through him. She likely could. She always had been able to. Her forehead wrinkled as she crossed the room and moved directly against him. The scent of her perfume and shampoo mixed and he wanted to dig his nose into her neck.

“Promise?”

He smiled down at her. “What did I just say, darling?”

“That you don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

He brushed his lips across her forehead. “I don’t. I promise it’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“Because you’re Thomas Hiddleston?”

“Yes, because I’m Thomas Hiddleston. Your boyfriend and your boss, and I promise it’ll be fine.” He cupped her chin. “No more worrying over this, alright? I’ve got this.”

“You always do.”

“Always. Now get back to work.”

Her eyes twinkled. “What will happen if I don’t?”  
  
“I believe you’d need a repeat lesson from this morning.”

“I just might.”

* * *

“This is a goddamn nightmare.” Thomas tossed the newspaper onto the conference table. His narrowed eyes landed on each man and woman that sat around the room, each barely able to look at him.

They had fucked up, and they all knew it.

“Do you know why this cartel has lasted so long under the radar?” Thomas braced his hands on the table. “Discretion. We keep our dealings quiet. We leave no trace. There isn’t an ounce of proof for the police or feds to look our way. That’s how we operate.”

Everyone shifted uncomfortably.

“And now we have some sorry excuse for a tabloid printing stories about us. About me. Because someone didn’t do their job right.”

Eyes shifted to certain people, those he knew hadn’t done their job right, but no one spoke.

“You had one job. One fucking job, and that was to keep an eye on the meeting. No spies. No rivals. No fucking paparazzi. No one was supposed to know you were there, and apparently no one fucking was. How did no one in this room not see the big fucking camera?”

Some looked like they wanted to speak, to mutter an excuse, but others nudged the idiots back into silence.

“I want this fixed. I want these stories buried. And if it doesn’t happen within the next 48 hours, someone in this goddamn room will get up close and personal with the back of my warehouse”

Murmured ‘yes sir’s’ echoed through the room. Thomas sent them all one last glare before straightening, nodding at Bishop and leaving the room. He was furious as he stalked down the hallway to his office. He had spent too many years of his life building this cartel, perfecting it, for it to be fucked up now.

“What do you need?” Amanda’s soft voice pulled at his attention as he neared his office.

His steps slowed as he reached the side of her desk. She was already turning, ready to stand, to go to him, but he stopped her.

“Just like seeing your face, darling.” he leaned down, cupping her cheek and kissing her. “You going to lunch with Moira?”

“I can reschedule.” she ran her hands to the back of his neck, her thumbs massaging at the tension building. “If you need me.”

“No love, go have lunch.”

“Are you sure? I know the tabloid story is worrying you.”

He nipped at her bottom lip. “It’s being dealt with. Go have fun. I’ll enjoy you afterwards.”

Her eyes danced. “Promise?”

“I don’t make you promises I don’t keep, sweet girl.” he stole another kiss before standing.

Her smile was enough to tamper his frustrations.

“I’ll bring you back something since you’ll forget to eat.” she pecked his cheek as she stood and slipped on her coat.

“Always taking care of me.”

“Always.”

He watched until she was out of sight before escaping into his office. He had hours of work to take care of to shut the story down. His years of hard work wasn’t going to be ruined by an hour of stupidity.

His phone calls went nowhere. His threats went a little better. He knew bribing would be the only source of getting the stories buried.

“Fucking idiots.” Thomas grabbed the magazine sitting open on his desk.

“Our sources have yet to confirm the subject of the meeting between purported kingpin Thomas Hiddleston, twin brother to William Hiddleston, CEO of Hiddleston Corporations, and Alexandra Monaghan.”

They were dragging his brother’s name through the mud, a fact that only made him more furious. William had dealt with enough issues with their gambling and thief of a father nearly ruining the company. The last thing he needed was his brother’s reputation hurting him.

Screwing shit up with his brother, once again. Nothing would ever change in that respect, it seemed.

Texting Bishop that he was going to get lunch with his brother, Thomas stood and made his way to the door. Before he could leave, however, the door opened and Amanda’s father stepped into view.

“Arthur.” He tried to hide his surprise. “What brings you to Browning?”

The same magazine that was on the tablet was shoved into his chest. “Wanted to check in with the purported kingpin, Thomas Hiddleston.”

Thomas takes a breath as he grabs onto the magazine, crinkling the glossy pages. “Bunch of slander, Arthur. Media is just rubbish, looking for people to make rumours on.”

“Hm. Interesting.” Arthur crossed his arms. “Because when you search the internet for Thomas Hiddleston, kingpin, there’s actually quite a few mentions of your ‘purported’ nature.”

He swallows hard. “Arthur -”

“What is it you do here, Thomas?”

“We’re a private -”

“I don’t want the bullshit you tell everyone else. Have the common courtesy to tell me the truth.”

Thomas stood there, stock still. What could he say? Explain to his girlfriend’s father that he dealt in drugs? That the rumours hit too close to home?

“Boss? Wanted to catch you before you -” Bishop walked into the room behind Arthur, eyes on his phone. When he looked up to find Thomas wasn’t alone, he raised an eyebrow. “Everything alright?”

“Bishop, this is Amanda’s father, Arthur,” Thomas introduced. “He’s just…concerned about the tabloid piece.”

Bishop’s eyes widened a fraction. “Would you like -”  
  
“We’re just going to chat in the office. Will you watch the door?”

“Are you sure about that, boss?”

“Just watch the door. Please.”

His friend gave him a small nod, raising an eyebrow before closing the door behind him and guarding it.

“The truth, Thomas. I believe I deserve that.”

Thomas sighed, running his hand down his face. “I can tell you that I work very hard to ensure your daughter is never in danger.”

“And why exactly should that ever be an issue?”

“Arthur, I need you to understand the delicacy -”

“Don’t dance around this.”

“Fuck.” Thomas turned, walking towards the windows.

Arthur just waited, not saying a word. There was that stubbornness Amanda inherited from her father. Wouldn’t budge, even if it was in their best interest.

“Fuck,” Thomas repeated softly before turning around.

“If you tell me the truth, will you have to kill me?” Arthur finally broke the ice, raising an eyebrow. There was no amusement, however, in his eyes.

“Seeing as you’re the father of my girlfriend, that may not be in my best interest.” Thomas inhaled sharply.

Was this for the best? For the truth to just be out there? Amanda had understood, adapted. Arthur had taken the truth of their relationship without too much of a stirrup. Could this be the same?

“I’ll tell you the truth. But I preface it with an assurance that Amanda is safe, in every aspect I can think of.”

“And has she always been?”

He winced and Arthur didn’t miss it.

“Has she always been, Thomas?” his voice lowered.

“No, she hasn’t,” Thomas admitted regretfully. “Because I was an idiot, and stubborn. And that’s why she married Jacob.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “She was kidnapped by a rival cartel who are no longer a problem.”

Arthur’s eyes closed as he breathed in sharply.

“I’ve made damn sure that won’t happen again,” Thomas hurried to say.

“It shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Damn it, Thomas, who are you?”

Thomas fell into his chair. “Browning is a front.”

“For what exactly?”

He didn’t look away from Arthur as he answered. “My cartel.”

Silence.  

Thomas waited, knowing it was coming. And finally, after a moment, Arthur choked out, “your cartel.”

“Drug purchasing, distribution. Exactly what you’re imagining.

“Jesus.” Arthur started to pace. “Does she know?”

“Yes,” Thomas sighed. “She has for quite some time now.”

“And she works here.”

“I made sure she knew before I offered her the job. It didn’t phase her.”

Arthur shook his head. “You knowingly brought my daughter, a good, bright girl, into a criminal ring.”

He was expecting that. “I gave her every out. Even after what happened with the kidnapping. She wanted to stay.”

“You never should have offered the job to begin with. You knew what could have happened”

“She took it,” Thomas pointed out. “You know your daughter well enough to know she makes up her own mind.”

“She was wrong on this. You had no right.”

“Amanda’s choices are her own. As are mine. And this is the life, the path, I have carved for myself.” Thomas understood Arthur’s worries, but he wouldn’t apologize for his lifestyle.

Arthur clenched his jaw. “But running a drug cartel.”

Thomas leaned forward. “I’m no different now than I was yesterday. Or the day Amanda told you we were together. This is a fact of my life, one your daughter has accepted.” He still didn’t understand why she did. “And some fucking how, she continues to love me despite it. I know you don’t understand this, and you’ll see me in a different light and I accept that. But you cannot take Amanda from me because of it.”

Arthur’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t have children, Thomas. You don’t understand the need to protect someone so fiercely. She’s all I have and it’s my job to protect her.”

“It’s my job too and I’m doing everything in my power to do so.”

“You’re a criminal,” Arthur growled in exasperation.

Thomas shrugged. “And a bloody good one. And your daughter loves me. Nothing you say can change that.”

“And what happens when you get caught?”

“Like I said, I’m a bloody good criminal. That won’t happen.”

“She’s not safe with you.”

“I disagree. There’s no record of her name anywhere in our books. Her work email is secure on a server that we hold the killswitch for, and the files she receives are encoded. She’s never in the field. I don’t bring my work home with me, neither does my brother. We keep her as far removed as possible. Because we care for her safety as well.” Thomas stood. “I don’t intend on letting Amanda go, Arthur. Ever. Either personally or professionally. I nearly lost her once and I will not let that happen again.”

Arthur began to speak but Thomas cut him off, shaking his head.

“I respect you, Arthur. A great deal. You’re a good father. If I were in your shoes, I would react the same way. But I’m not in your shoes. And I need her here. I need her.”

* * *

“Thanks for lunch.” Amanda shot Moira a smile as they stepped out of the elevator.

Moira rolled her eyes. “Don’t give me that look. Go already. You’re dying to check on Thomas.”

“That obvious?”

Moira squeezes her hand. “Amanda, you’re so far in love the whole world knows it.”

A flush warmed Amanda’s cheeks. “Maybe just a little.”

Moira laughed as gave her a nudge. “Go. I won’t judge you,” she finished with a wink.

She didn’t have to be told twice. With a wave and a promise to get together for a girls night soon, Amanda quickened her pace as she made her way towards Thomas’ office. Her step slowed, however, when she neared and discovered Bishop standing outside the door.

“Elliot?” She set her puse on the desk, shrugging out of her jacket. “Is Thomas okay? Did something happen while I was gone?”

“Just some business, dove.”

Amanda frowned, taking a step forward. Bishop, however, didn’t budge. “I was just going to check if he needs anything.”

“He doesn’t.”

“Elliot.”

“Amanda.”

Her hands planted firmly on her hips. “Is he in there with a client?”

“No.”

“Is he with an employee?”

“No.”

“Is the Prime Minister in there?”

Bishop raised an eyebrow. “No.”

“Then I’m going in there.”

He moved so he was blocking the door handle. “Can’t let you do that, Amanda.”

“I’ll set Moira on you.”

Bishop sighed. “That’s not much of a threat.”

“You and I both know she’d have you moved in under 5 minutes.”

Running a hand through his hair, he stepped aside. Before Amanda could slip by him, however, he held a hand out. “Let me at least warn them.”

Amanda raised an eyebrow but nodded.

Cursing under his breath, Bishop opened the door just enough to call through “Boss, your girl would like to come in.”

“Not now, Bishop,” Thomas called back, the stress evident in his voice. Amanda’s frown deepened. He sounded worse than when she had left.

“I think my daughter should be a part of this conversation, Thomas.”

Amanda gasped hearing her father’s voice. She didn’t bother waiting for approval, she pushed herself around Bishop and into the office.

“Daddy?” She stood there surprised to see her father. “What are you doing here?”

Thomas was already making his way around his desk. “Nothing, Manda, you should -”

Arthur turned to Amanda, cutting Thomas off. “I’m just finding out who your boyfriend really is, sweetheart.”

Amanda’s eyes widened. “Daddy, whatever you might think, Thomas is a good man.”

“A good man? This man is a criminal, Amanda!”

She moved towards her father. “He’s more than that.”

“He got you involved in all this.”

Amanda shook her hes. “I walked into this with my eyes open. And I only deal with the office dealings. Never with cartel business. Not directly.”

“You could still be implicated if he got caught.”

“But he won’t get caught, daddy.”

“Amanda, love.” Arthur laid his hand on her arm. “You don’t know that. I know you love him, but you don’t know that.”

She stood tall, her chin lifted. “I do. And I trust him.”

“Come home with me,” Arthur insisted. “For the weekend. So we can talk about this.”

She covered his hand with her own, squeezed it before taking a step back. “No daddy, this is my decision. There’s nothing to talk about.” She looked around her father to find Thomas standing completely still. A flash of fear crossed his eyes before his mask settled back into place. Her heart ached and she couldn’t stop her feet from traveling to him. She only felt settled once she was at his side. “I love him, daddy, and I’m staying with him. I loved him before he told me all of this and it won’t change now.”

Amanda looked up at Thomas, holding his gaze. His eyebrows furrowed, as if he couldn’t understand her devotion, but the tension in his shoulders slowly relaxed as he lifted his arm and she tucked herself into his side.

“I’d understand, Manda,” he whispered to her.

She responded sharply. “I’m not going anywhere.

His lips brushed her forehead as she focused back on her father.

“Amanda, you can’t expect me to understand all of this.” Arthur’s eyes flicked between her and Thomas. “Or support it.”

“I’m not asking you to understand, daddy, but you have to trust me.” Her arm snaked around Thomas’ waist. “I can’t lose either of you.”

Arthur’s eyes closed. “You’re my little girl. I’m just trying to protect you.”

“I know that. And I appreciate it. But I’ve never felt safer. I’ve never been happier. I feel loved, more than anything. Trust that I’m making the right decision.”

“Amanda…”

“Please daddy. I’ll tell you whatever you want in time. But this is what I need from you right now.”

“This isn’t like you seeing two men, Amanda.”

“I know. It will take time. I know this isn’t normal. But it’s what makes us happy. It makes me happy. I just need to know you can support that.”

He was torn, she could tell. She wanted to go to him, to beg him to understand. To bat her eyelashes until he gave in, like he always had when she was younger. But she needed his trust more than she needed an outright approval.

“Please, daddy,” she asked softly, her arm squeezing around Thomas. She could feel her eyes tearing up, so afraid she would be walking out of that office without one of the most important men in her life.

Arthur sighed, running a hand down his face. “i don’t know I’ll ever be able to accept it.”

“I know.”

“And I’ll always be worried. You’re my little girl. It’s ingrained in me to protect you.”

“And I appreciate it, I do. But you don’t have to protect me from Thomas.”

Arthur gave the couple a long stare before nodding. “Against my better judgement, I do believe that. I’ll never understand this life, but I trust you, Angel.”

Amanda let out the breathe she didn’t know she was holding. Thomas’s stiff body sagged in relief beside her.

“But if things ever get out of hand,” Arthur’s voice hardens.

Thomas shook his head. “It never will again.”

“You better damn well take care of her.  Because i don’t care who you are or what you do for a living. I will take you out myself.”

“Noted. But that won’t be necessary.”

“Make sure of that.”

“Always will.” Thomas looked down at Amanda and smiled. “I always will.”


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

## Chapter Twenty-Two

Something soft was rubbing against Thomas’s face.

For a moment, he thought it was Amanda’s hair, as he felt her nuzzling his neck in what he guessed were early morning hours. He reached up his hand to run his fingers through her hair, but his eyes shot open when he felt - was that a tail??

Green feline eyes looked down at him, and Winston’s paws kneaded at Thomas’s collarbone.

He sighed, studying the small creature. The fact that Amanda had truly convinced him to bring an animal into his house still baffled him, but every day he was greeted by the kitten as he got ready in the morning.

It wasn’t  _supposed_  to be in their bedroom.

Winston continued gazing at him, and Thomas groaned.

“Amanda.”

“Hm.” She was still half asleep, but rolled over closer to him.

“Your cat is in here.”

“Hm.”

He fought rolling his eyes. “Not supposed to be in the bedroom.”

“S’fine,” she mumbled, blindly reaching for his hand to hold, which he readily gave to her.

He sighed once again. “Oh, darling.” He reached up, shooing the little creature away with a gesture of his hand. It sat back on his chest, for a only a moment, before Winston lept off the bed and escaped through their bedroom door, only slightly cracked open.

Amanda’s eyes finally opened, and she yawned. “Where’d he go?”

“Out, where it’s supposed to be, Manda.”

She stretched a bit before pulling herself against him under the covers. “He’s just a baby, he’ll learn. He wants to explore everything.”

And again, he fought rolling his eyes. Damn cat. “I’m sure, darling.” He reached around, running his hand through her curled hair. “I just want you all to myself.” He found the ends of her hair, wrapped his fist around it and tugged, and she responded in kind with the tiniest moan.

“Well, you already share me, though,” she said with a small grin, finding his gaze in the dimly lit bed.

“I suppose that’s true, but,” Thomas pulled her hair again, this time bringing her closer to his lips, “right now, you’re in my arms.”

Amanda felt her body reacting to Thomas as if it was it’s nature, and she both loved and hated how well he knew she would react to him. “And I was in your arms last night,” she giggled, though she knew how he would take her teasing.

The next hair tug was significantly harder. “Are you set on being a brat this morning? Better tell me now, sweet girl.”

She’d been right. “Maybe I am.” She knew that would seal the deal, though she wasn’t quite sure where her brazenness had come from so early in the morning.

In a flash, Thomas was on top of her, hand still in her hair and the other by her waist, propping him up over her.

“Sometimes, pet, I wonder if you’re too much to handle,” he murmured, pressing his lips to her collarbone.

Her eyes closed, chills washing over her. “No, you don’t.”

He hummed and kissed her neck. “Maybe you’re right.” He fought a smile as his lips found hers, already waiting for him. He felt that stirring inside him, different from that all-too-familiar lust: one of love, that he felt each time he woke up with Amanda in his arms.

Her hands wound into his hair, the soft natural curls between her fingers. She felt so peace, even with him hovering over her. Just being his. Feeling him, in every sense. Even more so in the past few weeks, since he had finally convinced her to start a birth control pill. They’d never been closer.

When his lips left hers to return to her neck, she whispered, “I love you” into his ear.

Thomas’s head popped back up, and she opened her eyes to find his blue ones. The corner of his mouth turned up, and she smiled too.

“I love you, Manda,” he said, as if it were the most natural phrase for him to utter.

Her heart swelled, and she couldn’t suppress a giggle. It was like a dream every day they were together.

Nothing, Amanda truly believed, would ever make her happier.

* * *

Though they had spent every waking moment together for the first two decades of life, sometimes, William had to admit, it was nice to have some alone time, apart from his twin.

Sure, there were times when the separation drove them both mad, like those years after Thomas’s disownment and disappearance, but they were both their owns persons. Different personalities, interests, coping mechanisms. Now that they lived together again, it had taken both of them some time to adjust to the arrangement after a twelve year hiatus. They both felt whole again, sharing space and more, but William, like Thomas too, he imagined, liked a bit of time to himself every now and again.

He loved to wander during times like that. Bookstores and shoe makers especially. Today, though, he was taking solace in shopping for groceries, of all things. A task he had recently been partnering with Amanda for, since she was practically their newest resident, but she had decided to make a trip to visit her father for the week. Though she tried not to show it, her relationship with Arthur had been hurting after he discovered the truth about Thomas’s lifestyle. They were still talking occasionally, but Amand had confided in him that it wasn’t the same as it had been. Almost as if Arthur was always expecting either one of two calls: one from Thomas, saying something had happened to Amanda, or one from Amanda, saying she had left Thomas and his wicked ways.

Neither of which, the twins and Amanda knew, were going to happen. Arthur was a different story.

Amanda needed time with him, to help him understand that she was safe, happy, and loved. And knowing just how important her father was to her, they of course had arranged a week away for her. Thomas, especially, couldn’t deny her a thing if he tried.

Winston was proof that, at least once, he tried.

William opened his phone for the list he’d typed before going to work that morning, and began strolling the aisles. A bottle of merlot, for when Amanda came back, some rigatoni for dinner, a dozen eggs. Thomas was always eating the bloody eggs, he thought. They might as well get a chicken, at the rate he ate them.

Cat food. Much to Thomas’s dismay, Amanda had  _not_  taken Winston with her to her father’s, which left the twins to solely take care of the cat for a few days – or, more accurately, it left William to take care of the cat.

He turned to head down the aisle of dog and cat food, trying to remember the brand that Winston liked to eat, and thought about texting Amanda to double check.

He nearly faltered at the end of the aisle, though, when he saw a vision with flaming red hair, crouching towards the bottom shelves of cat toys, next to the food.

Long, thick red curls flowed down the woman’s back, contrasting against her flowy black blouse and pale skin. When she stood, he took in her long legs, looking next to perfect in white slacks, and his brows rose on his forehead when he noticed the black heels she wore. She was the picture of professional and put together, and when she brought her hand to her chin as if in thought, his gaze followed her movement.

William was aware of his staring, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn away. It was as if his version of a perfect woman had sprung from his old fantasies and appeared before him – in the cat food aisle, of all places. He felt as if she might disappear if he stopped looking at her, a thought that physically pained him to contemplate.

The woman turned her body towards him, finally grabbing a cat toy from the shelf, and shook her head slightly, making her curls bounce around her face.

The phone fell out of William’s hand, and clattered loudly to the floor.

Her eyes followed the source of the sound, noticing the phone on the ground a few feet in front of her, and flicked her gaze up to William’s face, who had yet to realize that the device was no longer in his grasp.

She raised a brow, studying him with a small, curious smile on her face. “You okay?”

Oh, god. Her voice was as beautiful as her body. Maybe American, he thought for a split second, before taking notice of his surroundings, and that his phone was sitting on the tile floor. Shit, it had probably broken.

“Um.” He couldn’t form a word. Why couldn’t he form a word? “Yeah. Fine.” That was too brusque, he thought, very slowly taking a step forward to get the phone. “Sorry, I, um…” Still no words. As quick as he could, he scooped the phone off the ground, not even checking to see if it had cracked. “Sorry.”

“No, you’re fine.” Both her brows rose on her forehead, and William was acutely aware of her ice blue eyes watching him. “Is your cell okay?”

Definitely American. Definitely more beautiful up close than she had been a moment ago.

He shrugged, casting his eyes down to the mobile in his hand, if only to gain a moment’s composure from the red-head’s presence. “Should be fine, I think.”

“Oh, good,” she said, with a hint of relief in her voice. William looked up in time to catch her smiling at him, an act that made her entire freckled face light up, and in turn made his heart do a flip inside his chest.

But a moment later, the encounter concluded, she gave him another small smile and stepped around him, on her way to another aisle.

William used every ounce of his resolve not to watch her ass as she walked away, an exceptionally hard urge to fight, if it was as good as he was imagining it.

With the woman gone, he let go of a breath he hadn’t been aware he’d been holding since she first smiled at him. Her proximity had rendered him to a state he’d never encountered before. Meeting and chatting with women was nothing new to him, and he was usually quite good at it.

Why had this random woman taken away nearly every piece of sense in him?

He turned back to where she had walked, but, as he suspected, she was nowhere to be seen. She was probably already headed to check out, and grab a few more things, and he would more than likely never see her again.

The thought of that being their only meeting filled him with an odd dread, though he didn’t know why he was still dwelling on it. He’d seen plenty of beautiful women before, even simply fleeting glances.

This one had been different, and William didn’t like the confusion that came following that realization.

* * *

Amanda had never been the biggest fan of cooking; she primarily sustained herself off merlot, different types of salads, and take-away Asian food. Recently, though, William had been having her help him in the twins’ spacious kitchen, and she had begun to understand the satisfaction he got when a dish came out perfect. She decided to try one of the few meals she knew for certain while she visited her father, since he had always been a fan of Italian food.

She opened her father’s outdated oven when her phone timer notified her that the lasagna should be done, and once she had removed it, checked that the garlic bread was toasted enough.

“It smells amazing, Amanda,” Arthur said as he entered the kitchen. “Are you sure you don’t need a hand?”

She removed the over mitts and glanced around the room. “If you want to make us some plates of salad, I think I’m almost done.”

Her father nodded approvingly. “I can get on that. How about some wine too? Still like merlot?”

“Loooove merlot,” she replied, throwing her dad a carefree smile as he turned towards the alcohol cabinet.

Her first day of her trip back in her childhood home since Thomas’s reveal had been a bit stiff, to say the least. They hadn’t fought, like Amanda had feared, but it had taken Arthur just a bit to recognize that Amanda was, truthfully, safe, and that she was being looked after by more than just the twins.

She loved her father more than anything in the world. Their relationship meant everything to her, a reflection of just how much Arthur had done for her throughout her life. Always making sure everything she wanted was taken care of. As a single, fairly young father with no outside assistance, Amanda thought he’d done the best job he could have, and then some. He’d had to learn as he went, like when it came time for her first period, first teenage heartbreak. He’d even done his research into treatments for natural hair when her curls had gone beyond what he could control with a brush and scrunchie. That was the one of the few areas of his parenting that Arthur had said to her how much more a help her mother would have been, had she still been alive.

They sat at the table after Amanda set out the lasagna and brought the bread on a plate, Arthur handing her a harty glass of wine. They ate comfortably, forgetting everything outside of their little kitchen that Amanda had so many different memories in.

“It’s absolutely delicious, darling,” Arthur said as he finished his first helping of food. “William’s recipe?”

Amanda nodded. “He ought to write a book of all his recipes. He has so many.”

Her dad reached for his wine. “Sure I can’t keep you here, so I can indulge in these new creations every night?”

She offered him a sad smile, knowing he was only half-joking. “You know I’ve gotta go back tomorrow. I’m sure Thomas is not getting along too well with Winston.”

He sighed, and gently set his hand on hers, resting across the table. “I don’t want you to go yet, Amanda.”

“Daddy, we’ve talked about this.” She inhaled, really not wishing to have this conversation yet again. “I’m safe with Thomas. And William. Safer than anywhere else I could be.”

“Amanda, you were kidnapped,” Arthur said, as if she had forgotten the ordeal. His brows were furrowed, his face full of confusion.

“Because I didn’t listen to Thomas’s instincts.” She squeezed his hand. “But he rescued me, Daddy. I’m safe because of the twins. They love me. Thomas would die before he saw he hurt again.”

“As would I.” Arthur swallowed, holding her gaze. “You’re my baby girl.”

“I know, trust me I do. But I trust Thomas, and I love him. Since before he even told me what he does for a living. It never mattered to me. You have to let me live my own life, with who I choose. I just don’t want you lose you because of my choice.”

“You could never,” he assured her, though he looked unsure saying it. “You’ve always been determined, level-headed. Just like your mother was. Nothing can distract you from what you want.”

She gave him a small smile, always proud when he compared her to her mother. It made her feel closer to the woman who birthed her, that she’d never known.

“She’d be so proud of you, you know,” Arthur continued, the corners of his lips turning up at the thought of her mother. “And she’d probably hit me on the shoulder and tell me not to be so overbearing.”

Amanda stood, and rounded the table to hug her father’s shoulders, planting a kiss on the top of his head. “You’re not being overbearing, Daddy. Just as long as you always love me.”

Arthur touched her hands wrapped around his neck. “Always, darling.” He sighed yet again, and Amanda felt his chest rise and fall with the breath. “I suppose I ought to tell you why I’m just so reluctant to let you go.”

“What, because I’m your little girl?”

He patted her hands. “Well, yes that. But – sit back down, darling, alright?”

Curious, Amanda did just that, taking a sip of her wine while Arthur appeared to collect himself. She hardly ever saw him like this – nervous, almost. But why?

“Your mother and I were never married, as you know. We weren’t big on the idea of the institution of it, in our youth,” he said, his eyes fixed on the dish of lasagna, as if remembering. “We were hippies, in a way, I suppose. And so young.”

“I know, Daddy.” Amanda had heard the story of her parents’ whirlwind romance before, the two meeting at a concert and claiming later in was love at first sight. The passionate relationship had been far too short, though, with the pregnancy coming after only three months of dating, and her mother’s premature death nine months later. Still, her father had yet to love another. In all her years growing up, Amanda swore he’d never looked at another woman, and had certainly never dated. He had met his perfect love, he told young Amanda, and there was no one else for him.

“She told me she’d run away from home about a year before I met her, though I’m not sure if that was totally true, or if she’d been kicked out in some way. Neither would surprise me.” Arthur sat back, thinking. “I’ve never told you this, but you know her name was Margaret?”

Amanda nodded, watching her father.

“Well, apparently that wasn’t her given name. She’d picked it up somewhere along the line, because her favorite author was Margaret Atwood. She was always reading, you know, she’d love the library’s collection right now,” he said. “Anyway. Her given name was Yasmyn, but she hated it. Didn’t like the life associated with it. She never used that name around me, even on your birth certificate. She was always Margaret.”

Before Amanda could process his new revelation, he pressed on.

“When you were… three months old, or thereabouts, I got a visit from your grandparents.”

Her head cocked to the side. “Poppy and Nan?”

“No. Margaret’s parents.” He registered her shocked expression; she’d never met them, and had simply written them off as gone, like her mother was. “I don’t know exactly how they found my flat, or even knew she had passed. And I was a mess, Amanda, you have to understand. I didn’t… I couldn’t process that she was actually gone, not for a while after. I had no idea what I was doing, a twenty-something single father, practically a widower, in a worn-down one bedroom. I wasn’t even working, because I had to take care of you. Don’t ask where my rent money came from, because I don’t remember; I truly don’t know how I managed.”

He ran a hand through his hair, Amanda still not saying a word. “Her parents just, invited themselves in. I could feel the judgement rolling off them. I wasn’t good enough for their daughter, let alone their granddaughter. They couldn’t seem to understand why their child had run away from a seemingly idyllic lifestyle, or why she had taken up with a shaggy haired hippie barely making ends meet.” He was quiet for a moment, considering his next words. “They offered to adopt you.”

“What?” Amanda shot forward in her chair, eyes wide.

“They said I didn’t know what I was doing. That I’d never really known ‘Yasmyn,’ they kept calling her.” Arthur turned his gaze to the kitchen, lost in the memory. “Said you’d go to the best schools, have the best upbringing. Just like how ‘Yasmyn’ grew up. And that, maybe, I could see you every so often.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t let them take you, couldn’t bare to part with you. You were all I had left of my Margaret, my own baby girl, and I needed to give you both my love, and hers. We needed each other.”

She reached out, tentatively touching his hand across the table, letting him finish.

He turned back to look at her, and she swore his eyes were teary.

“I’m grateful every singly bloody day they didn’t sue for custody of you. It would have killed me, to see you taken from me, under the care of people who didn’t even seem to care their own daughter was gone. In a life that suffocated my darling Margaret. ” As he spoke, a single tear ran down his cheek.

“Daddy…” she whispered. She didn’t know what exactly to say to him. Her head was swimming, but through it all, she seemed to understand her father’s motivations a bit more.

“I couldn’t control what happened to your mother. But I could control what happened to you, at least for a while.” He intertwined his hand in hers. “It’s very hard for me, to let go of that, after so many years. I lost your mother, I nearly lost you not long after. And I hate the thought that I ever really could.”

“You won’t.” Amanda felt the tears well up in her own eyes, and she clasped his hand with both of hers. “You know you won’t, Daddy. I’d never let myself leave you.” She smiled, trying to reassure him. “And I have so many people that love me, that will do anything to make sure I’m okay.”

“I know,” Arthur said gently, meeting her smile with his own. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known, Amanda. And you get it all from her. I’m just a weak, selfish old man who needs to let his grown daughter make her own decisions.”

She shook her head. “You’re not weak, Daddy. And you’re not old.” They both chuckled lightly at that. “I know this is different. New.” She paused for a second, then added, “Not what any of us expected.”

Her dad scoffed, but she ignored it.

“But I’m so, so happy. And safe, and loved. You just have to trust me, because this isn’t something you can control.” Her and her father’s gazes met, and they shared an understanding look, one she knew well from her teenage years.

“Deep down, I know,” Arthur conceded, his thumb running across the back of his daughter’s hand. “Your choices are your own, Amanda. And I’ll love you no matter the ones you make, I promise. It’s up to me to come to terms with them on my own, but I won’t let that affect you.”

“I promise to make good ones,” she said sincerely. She always wanted to make her father happy and proud every time she spoke to him, and this time was no different.

They were both quiet for a moment, just sitting together, and both more at peace with the fact that Amanda would be leaving the following morning to return to the twins.

Amanda broke the silence with a small smile. “We okay?”

Arthur smiled back at her. “Of course we are, my girl. Now.” His brows rose, and he looked over into the kitchen with a curious look. “What have you made your loving father for dessert?”

* * *

William scraped Winston’s cat food out of the tin and onto the bowl by the floor, where the orange kitten was sitting expectantly for his meal. While he ate, William poured himself some tea, and debated pouring in a bit of something stronger.

He couldn’t get the red-head out of his head. He’d all but dreamed about her since he’d seen her two days ago, thoughts of her red curls and kind face at the forefront of his mind.

Truthfully, he hated it. Being infatuated with a nameless woman that he had interacted with for what could have been less than a minute, in the cat food aisle of all places. He was likely to never see her again, and he shouldn’t be devoting all this time to picturing her image.

In fact, it made him feel guilty. Like he was being unfaithful to Amanda, and the relationship the two of them shared.

 _Amanda’s not really yours_ , said the part of his brain most infatuated with the unknown red-head.  _Nothing to feel guilty over_.

He tried to keep that train of thought away; Amanda was his, in their own way, different than what her and Thomas shared. They knew that. And it made them all happy.

As if one cue, the front door opened, and William peered over the bar to see Amanda and Thomas enter the house.

She saw him immediately, and the biggest grin grew on her face, making his heart skip a beat. She was so beautiful; how could he ever even have the thought to leave her?

“Welcome back, sweetheart,” he said, walking over to her to give her a hug. She surprised him, though, when she leapt up, and he just barely caught her under her thighs as her arms and legs wrapped around him. He laughed when she peppered kisses on his jawline, and laughed again when he caught sight of Thomas wheeling in Amanda’s pink luggage. “Did you have a good holiday, Amanda?” he asked, since she showed no signs of letting go of him.

Her head pulled back, her curls bouncing at the movement. William loved that she had worn her natural curls solely for the past few weeks; they merely amplified her beauty, and the nearly blonde highlights made her brown skin look even more golden.

Her big brown eyes looked so happy, so fulfilled. “I did, I really did. It was so nice, just being with my dad.” Her fingers scratched at the back of his neck.

“And he’s alright, with… everything?”

Amanda nodded enthusiastically. “He is. He told me a story about my mum that made my understand a bit better. But he’s okay.” She giggled and said, “I think your lasagna softened him up.”

“You made my lasagna?” he asked, excited she had picked it up so easily.

“I did, and now Daddy wants the recipe. He said an email will do.”

William chuckled. “Ah, well I’ll get right on that, doll.” His eyes looked over her face again, taking in all that she was. Perfect. “I missed you.”

Amanda gave him in a peck on the lips and said, “I missed you too,” before leaning into him and kissing him deeper.

From the door, they heard Thomas clear his throat, and they separated. “Hate to interrupt, but darling, you’ll have to carry this upstairs yourself. Karma for leaving me with that cat.”

Amanda looked at William and rolled her eyes, so Thomas couldn’t see, and detached herself from the blonde twin. “Hardly seems a fair trade, but fine. Even though I’m sure Winston was a perfect angel.”

The cat in question strutted up to Amanda’s leg and rubbed his head against her jeans, coming to his mother’s defense.

“The cat is a devil, and he knows it,” Thomas muttered, eyeing the feline carefully.

William too rolled his eyes, heading back to the kitchen. “You don’t really believe that, brother, so how about you just be happy our girl is home, and I make us all some lunch?”

Thomas huffed. “Whatever. So long as the cat doesn’t sit at the table with us.”

Amanda pointed at him in warning. “He will if you keep that up.”

William smiled to himself as he opened the cabinets. This was their version of domestic, each of them playing their own part. He loved Amanda, her personality, her body, her humor. He knew her, intimately.

Which was more than he could say for the red-head.

Shaking his head, he willed himself not to think of her anymore, before setting out to make them all lunch.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

## Chapter Twenty-Three

“Where are you?”

William rolled his eyes as he stuck his phone between his shoulder and ear as he grabbed a shopping cart. “The store. Which I told you about this morning.”

“Great. Uh…Manda wants something.”

“Okay.”

“Chocolate.”

“Amanda wants that or you want that?”

“Why would I want that?”

“You’re a chocolate addict.”

Thomas gasped. “How dare you!”

“Get your own chocolate.”

“You’re going to break her heart.”

“You will survive.”

“I am your brother! Your flesh and blood!”

William hung up before he could continue. Given his dramatic twin, it would be a thirty minute monologue. Chuckling, William drove his cart through the store, plucking items off shelves as he went. Turning down the baking aisle, William grabbed chocolate chips. He’d make his chocolate deviant brother something. Easier to just give in to the little addict.

“Excuse me?”

He turned at the sweet voice, knocking into his cart which proceeded to knock into another cart. And then into the shelves. Where a package of flour tumbled to the ground.

“Shit.”

“Oops.”

William shot a look to the woman and nearly stumbled when he gaze fell on the wild red curls of the American.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” the corners of her eyes crinkled as she tucked her smooth curls behind her ear. One strand didn’t want to stay in place however, and sprang back forward.

“It’s good. I mean, I’m good. Fine. I’m fine,” he cringed. Did he just learn how to speak yesterday?

There was a spark of laughter in her eyes. “Would you mind grabbing the cocoa powder from the top shelf?” She nodded up at the shelf behind him.

He turned, nearly whacking both of their carts harder into the shelves. His cheeks burned. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Sure. yeah. Of course.” He reached up. “Did you want the sweetened or unsweetened?”

When she didn’t answer, he grabbed both and turned back around, only to knock right into her as she stood from grabbing the fallen flour bag.

“Jesus,” he muttered under his breath as the cocoa powder fell to the ground as he grabbed her elbows to steady her. “Sorry. Are you alright?”

“It’s good.” Her lips twitched as her eyes stared at his chest. “You’re not though. That’s my fault. Sorry.”

William raised an eyebrow as he looked down, only to find flour all over his shirt.

“Here, let me.” She gently placed the bag back on the shelf and went to work trying to brush the white powder off of him.

The moment her hands were on him, there was a stirring in his pants.

“I don’t think I’m really doing much. Sorry,” she winced, looking at the now smudged white marks. Her hands brushed across his abdomen again. And again as she tried to fix the mess.

With her attention focused on his shirt, William closed his eyes and bit back a groan. She might as well have been giving him a hand job the way his cock was hardening, pushing uncomfortably against his zipper.

“I think I’ve made it worse.” she giggled.

“It’s fine.” he assured, his voice strained. He dipped down to grab the cocoa powder and handed the cans over to her. “Here you are.”

“Thank you.” her eyes were still sparkling as she set them in her cart. “And again, I’m sorry about your shirt.”

Her hand moved to touch him again, but he was already shuffling down the aisle. He needed to get far far away from her. Before he did something stupid.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll, uh, see you around.” he hurried around, only to knock into a store employee turning the corner. “Mother fucker.”

* * *

“William?” Amanda stuck her head into his office. “I have Liam out here, do you have a minute?”

“Course,” William waved Amanda and his CFO into the room. “Just tell me we’re not bankrupt or else I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

Liam grinned and chuckled. “You know we’re in a good place, Hiddleston.”

“William.” He rolled his eyes.

“Sure, Hiddleston.” Liam shrugged. “I just need your signature for the annual report. Things are looking good. Really good.”

William sighed, not bothering to hide his relief. Liam knew the struggle the company had gone through before William went to his brother for a loan. But with their father finally out of the picture, and scoring a handful of necessary business deals, Hiddleston Corporation was finally in the black. Well into the black.

Taking the tablet from Liam’s hand, he offered his digital signature. “This going out to the board?”

“Next week. I’ll send you the final copy to review.”

“I’ll take a look, but don’t hold up for me. I trust you. If you say it’s good, it’s good.” William handed the tablet back.

“Right in time for the gala too,” Liam commented. “Bringing anyone this year?”

William eyed Amanda who was standing dutifully behind Liam. It was at the tip of his tongue to say her. Wished he could. But how would he explain that? His brother and Amanda hadn’t hidden their relationship at the office. It was widely known. But his addition into their life, into their bed, that couldn’t be known.

“Not this year.” William shook his head, refusing to look at Amanda even though he felt her stare on him.

“Now that’s a shame,” Liam tsked. “There’s still time.”

“Giving love advice now, Grant? Didn’t realize you were a part time matchmaker. Am I not paying you enough?”

Liam rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to answer that in case you don’t know just how much you are paying me.”

William chuckled as he waltzed out, closing the door behind him. William was already turning back to his computer when Amanda spoke up.

“Why didn’t you say you were going with me?”

He sighed, risking a glance up at her. “Because I’m not, doll. Not really. Not that way.”

“But it’s not like you’ll be alone.”

“No one knows what this is, love. You’ll be on Thomas’ arm, like it should be.” He shrugged, doing his best to make it seem like it didn’t matter.

It shouldn’t matter.

But it did.

Amanda frowned and he had a feeling she didn’t buy it. But she simply nodded before heading back to her desk. He tried to put it out of his mind as he focused on work for the next hour. Tried not to think about going to another gala alone. When was the last time he had someone he truly cared about there with him? That was just with him?

“Jesus christ.” William shook his head.

“William?” Amanda tentatively knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”

“Course, love.” He waved her in. At least if she was there he wouldn’t overthink everything. “Everything alright?”

She took her time in closing the door behind her, and his eyebrows shot up when she flicked the lock before turning towards him. There was a moment of hesitance on her face, a moment of uncertainty, before a switch was flipped. The confidence settled over her as she started unbuttoning her blouse, her eyes never leaving his.

“Amanda?” William pushed away from his desk.

“Are you feeling neglected?” there was a sweet husk to her voice and he was hard nearly instantly.

“Love,” he managed out. “I’ve never felt neglected with you.”

“Hm.” She tugged the blouse from her skirt, the material falling away to the side. “I better make sure, just in case.”

She shrugged out of the loose blouse before waltzing around his desk and turning around.

“Could you help with the zipper?” she asked innocently, shooting a flirty look over her shoulder.

“Fuck.”

Amanda wiggled her ass, tempting him. “If you don’t mind.”

He didn’t bother saying another word as he grasped onto her hips and tugged her closer. He had the zipper of her skirt down in seconds, shoving the fabric off her hips until it was pooling on the ground. With a twist of his hands, William her her turned around and pulled her down onto his lap. A sly grin spread across her lips as she straddled him.

“Are you feeling any less neglected.” Her hands slid around his neck, her fingers playing with his short curls.

“Mmm.” He pressed her closer. “Could try a little harder.”

Amanda giggled. “I think you’re pretty hard.”

William slid his fingers beneath her panties, cupping her ass and squeezing before slipping down to her wet lips.

“God, baby,” he groaned. “Were you just sitting out there thinking about seducing me?”

Amanda bit her lip as his finger brushed across her clit.

“Did you touch yourself? Sitting at your desk where anyone could see you?” His thumb circled the sensitive nub. “Did you get yourself ready for me?”

“William,” she squirmed, looking for more.

“Are you ready for me?”

“Please.”

“Tell me, Amanda. Tell me you’re ready for me.”

Her hands dropped to his hard cock, massaging him through his trousers. “Please, William. I need you.”

He didn’t even bother pull her panties off, instead dragging the material to the side as she fumbled to undo his pants. He was close. So close. He teased her entrance as she moaned, her hands flying back to his shoulders and digging her nails in.

“There you are, Manda.”

They both jumped at the voice from the doorway, neither expecting to be interrupted.

“What the fuck,” William growled, glaring over amanda’s shoulder. “The door was locked.

Thomas shrugged. “I have a key.”

“Of course you do.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m busy.”

“I see that.” Thomas smirked. “Very busy.”

Amanda wiggled, the tip of his cock pressing against her lips.

“What do you want?” William groaned.

Thomas’ smirk grew. “Came to surprise Manda with a weekend getaway.”

He had to tighten his hold on Amanda’s hips to stop her movements. “You mean you were going to steal my secretary before the end of the day.”

“Yep.” Thomas checked the time. “And unfortunately, we have to be at the jet within the hour.”

Amanda licked her lips. “So there’s time?” she asked hopefully.

“Can you be fast, darling girl?”

Her nose scrunched up. They both knew she was greedy. She wanted everything they could give her and more.

Thomas chuckled. “Didn’t think so.”

William sighed as he helped Amanda lift off of him. She was pouting as she fixed her panties and reached for her skirt.

“Oh please, don’t get dress on my account.” Thomas was grinning.

“We have to go through the office.”

Thomas sighed dramatically. “I guess we don’t want them to see what’s ours.”

She stuck her tongue out at him and he clucked his tongue.

“We’ll take care of that, little brat, this weekend,” he promised.

She shuddered in anticipation, quickly dressing again. William sat back, his shoulders hunching as he watched them. As Amanda approached Thomas, he tilted her chin up and stole a quick kiss. The look on his face, the love he felt for Amanda, it caused William’s stomach to churn.

She’s not yours.

She’s your brother’s.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Thomas caught Amanda around the waist and nodded at William. “I was going to invite you, but you mentioned having to work this weekend.”

“Go,” he urged. “Have fun.”

Thomas paused before turning towards the door, eying his brother. William forced on the most natural smile he could manage, hoping his brother wouldn’t see through it.

“We’ll call,” Thomas supplied. “Maybe Manda will play with herself for you.”

“Looking forward to it.”

The two shared a nod and look before the couple left the office. William watched as they stopped by her desk to collect her things before soon they were both out of sight.

“Shit.” he ran a hand down his face.

She’s never been yours

“Fucking hell.”

* * *

Maybe he should have gone to the pub, not the grocery store, to cheer himself up. That’s what normal people did. A scotch or two would help. Top shelf stuff. Would numb the thoughts for a little while.

But instead, he was getting out of his car and walking towards the grocery store. He’d end up cooking for Thomas and Amanda once they got back, smile away as he has for weeks now.

“I’m a sorry excuse,” he mumbled to himself, shaking his head. There was a pub just down the street. Maybe he should just -

There she was. The damn woman that was haunting him. The wild red curls, the curves that made his mouth water. She was always just there. Every damn time. He really needed to avoid this store. Maybe try one closer to the house, even if their selection wasn’t as great. It would mean not seeing her.

He really needed that drink now.

But he didn’t stray from his course as he waltzed towards the doors to the store where the redhead beauty was struggling to escape with her hands filled to the brim with bags.

Catching the door before it could crash into her, he spoke before even realizing it. “Need a hand?”

“About four more,” she huffed out in her american accent. It was endearing. Not harsh, her words soft to his ears.

Fuck, he really needed a new grocery store.

“Well I have two,” he offered. What was he doing?

Those eyes turned up to his and he was nearly knocked over. What was so special about those eyes?

“I’m good.” she smiled. “Thanks for grabbing the door.

“Yeah. Sure.” He let the door go as she stepped free. He frowned when he noticed a bag start to slip from her fingers, grabbing the plastic handles before her groceries could go skating down the sidewalk. “I’ve got it.”

“This is what I get for hosting my family.” The redhead scrunched up her nose. “Thanks. I think I have a finger free, you can just -”

“I’ve got it. Do you have a car nearby?” He looked around the small lot and across the street, trying to guess which was hers.

She was surprised by his question but pointed to the bright blue car only a few steps away. He started in that direction before she could insist she had it.

“Cute car,” he commented, pausing by the boot. “Keys?”

“Oh!” Her skin pinkened easily. The thought of what she would look like flush with passion crossed his mind before he quickly tucked that idea away.

You’re with Amanda.

“They’re in my hand here somewhere.” The bags were slipping from her hands again. William caught them before they could tumble to the ground, whisking them into his own hands. “Aren’t you a white knight,” she chuckled, lifting her keys. “Keys.”

She opened the boot and started to grab the bags when he shrugged. “I’ve got it.” and carefully placed each bag strategically in the car, keeping in mind the heavy bags to the lighter ones.

She stood watching him, her eyes boring through him, and he hated the fact that the blood rushed to his head. The wrong head. A lot more south.

“Shit,” he murmured under his breath, straightening and hoping to god she wouldn’t notice.

“Thank you. Really. I appreciate the help. That could have been a disaster.” The corners of her eyes crinkled.

“Glad I could help.” He needed to walk far far away from her. And quickly. “Have a good night.”

He was only half turned when she spoke. “I’m Emma, by the way.”

A name. Great. That wasn’t helping his erection.

“We seem to run into each other,” she giggled, knowing how many times he had literally run into her. “But I don’t know your name.”

He inhaled sharply as he looked over at her. Her lips were partly opened as she looked up at him. She was the perfect height. Small, where he could lift her with ease. Push her up against her car and -

“William,” he managed to get out.

“Nice to officially meet you, William.” Her smile was so sweet. So warm. It lit up her entire face and charmed the hell out of him. “Thanks again for your help.”

“Sure. No problem.” He nodded, his tongue feeling twice as big.

“Enjoy your shopping.”

“You too.” It took him a moment to realize what he had said. “I mean, enjoy your night. Right.” He took a step. “Have a good night.”

“You too.”

Ask her out. She’s right there. Do it.

But you belong to amanda.

He couldn’t speak. So he waved. And nearly ran into the doors before he turned around and all but ran into the store. Like an idiot.

Why the hell was he always an idiot around her?

And what the hell was he doing, thinking about asking her out? He was with Amanda. He just, he couldn’t.

“Fucking hell.” He glanced over his shoulder and through the window, watching as Emma got into her car and pulled out of her spot.

And he proceeded to walk into a case of produce.

He really needed a new grocery store.

* * *

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

William startled, jumping in his seat with papers flying across his desk. “Jesus christ, Thomas.”

Thomas wasn’t stopping as he marched across the office, grabbing William by the lapels and pulling him from the chair. The air was knocked out of him as Thomas shoved him against the wall of windows.

“What the fuck. Is wrong. With you,” Thomas growled.

With his equilibrium shook, it took William a moment to process the fury glaring down at him. “Thomas?”

Thomas’ grip tightened on William’s jacket. “You’re supposed to be the good one. The nice one. The one that takes care of everyone.”

William didn’t even know to fight back or not. “Look Thomas, whatever’s going on -”

“Why the hell are you hurting her? Her! Of all people.”

“What are you -”

“Amanda, goddamnit!”

His eyes closed as he let out a breath. “Oh.”

“Oh? Oh? That’s all you have to fucking say?” Thomas was seething. And he had a right to be, William knew.

“I -”

“She thinks she’s done something. Manda thinks she hurt you in some way. Said something wrong.”

William sighed. “That’s not it.”

“No shit.” Thomas shoved him harder against the glass. “You’ve avoided the house. You avoid her. You ‘suggested’ that she spend more time at my office. When you’re in the same room as her you won’t even look at her.”

William cringed. He hadn’t realized how bad it was until Thomas said it outloud.

“What the hell do you have to say for yourself.”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know.” Thomas clenched his jaw. “You don’t fucking know?”

“Thomas…”

“Don’t.” Thomas shook his head. “Just tell me why.”

His eyes closed again. He couldn’t even look his own brother in the eye anymore. “I don’t know how to do this anymore.”

“Do what?” his brother demanded.

“Be with her.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I…shit, Thomas. I love her. More than I was supposed to. More than what’s right. She’s yours and -”

‘You know this is different between us.”

William shook his head. “That’s the thing, big brother. This time it’s not the same. She’s yours. She’ll always be yours deep down. More than she will ever be mine. I knew that. I did. And I wanted this for you, Thomas. You deserve her. You deserve this.”

Thomas’ grip loosened but didn’t drop. “What are you saying, William?”

“I don’t know how to be with her anymore. Knowing that I’ll never have all of her. Knowing that her heart is always going to be yours.”

Finally, Thomas’ hands dropped away as he took a step back. “She loves you.”

William offers a sad smile. “But not the way she loves you. And that’s how it should be. She’s yours, I was just the extra add on.”

“Jesus, William, you know that isn’t true.”

“Isn’t it?” William shrugged. “I knew it. I always have. And I thought I was okay with it. Especially after Jocelyn and Ronnie. I think subconsciously I thought it would be easier that way. I wouldn’t be lied to. Wouldn’t have another disastrous relationship. I loved Amanda and the idea of this all was safe.”

“Fuck.” Thomas ran his hand down his face. “What’s changed? You were fine up to a few weeks ago.”

He definitely didn’t know how to say this part. Pushing off from the window, William turned so he didn’t have to look Thomas in the eye again. “I think I met someone.”

Thomas was silent for a moment. “Met someone?”

“I think. I mean, we haven’t gone out. I felt too…guilty I guess. I’m with Amanda. In a way. Being with anyone else felt dishonest.”

Thomas let out a deep breath as he stepped up beside his brother, both staring out the window. “But you wanted to. Take her out?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

William shoved his hands into his pockets. “It just…happened. I saw her one day. And then another. And then another. I couldn’t get her out of my head and I’ve barely talked to her.”

Thomas looked over at him. “From my experience, that’s usually how it happens.”

He snorted. “You’re the new expert I guess.”

“What’s her name?”

“Does it really matter?”

Thomas turned to him. “Yeah, little brother, it does.”

William looked at him from the corner of his eye. “Emma. Her name is Emma.”

“Pretty name. What are you going to tell Amanda?”

He groaned. “Why do you think I’ve been avoiding her.”

Thomas’ eyes narrowed. “Let’s talk about that. She’s hurting right now because she thinks she’s hurt you.”

“I didn’t mean for that.”

“Great, how are you going to fix it?”

“What do you want me to do, Thomas? How am I supposed to tell her this?”

“It’s better than her just wondering. Thinking she’s done something wrong.”

He was right. William knew that. Didn’t make it any easier.

“She’ll understand.”

“Will she? Will she really understand that I don’t want to be with her. That I have to walk away? That there might be another woman?”

“Maybe not at first. But she will. She wants you to be happy.” Thomas gave him a long look. “And you’re not happy right now, are you?”

“That’s a loaded question.”

“But I’m right.”

He hated to admit it. He was supposed to be happy. And he was. In a way. But not the way he should be.

“Well that look answers my question.” Thomas sighed. “You need to tell her.”

“I don’t want to ruin things.”

“It’s not going to be the same. I won’t lie about it. It’s going to fucking suck around the house. But this can’t keep going on. You’re both miserable.”

“We’ll still both be miserable.”

“Maybe. But at least she’ll know why it’s happening.” Thomas squeezed his shoulder. “Talk to her, little brother. Be honest with her. Be honest with yourself. You obviously like this woman. You can be happy. We don’t need to share. Just because we like it, it doens’t mean it has to be that way.”

“I haven’t exactly had the best success rate.”

A part of WIlliam was jealous that the first woman Thomas was in a relationship with wouldn’t deceive him like his past lovers had.

Thomas shrugged. “Have to start somewhere. And that starts by asking Emma out.”

“Fuck.” William closed his eyes. “I have to tell her.”

“You do. And soon.”

“After the gala.”

“And Emma? When are you going to ask her out?” Thomas prompted, wagging his eyebrows.

“Right after I stop fucking walking into things.”

Thomas paused with a frown. “What?”

“Never mind.”

* * *

Amanda peeked over Thomas’ shoulder as they danced. She searched the faces lined around the dance floor, but frowned when she couldn’t find William. It was his Gala, but she had hardly seen him all night.

Or maybe it was just her.

“I can feel you thinking.” Thomas brought his fingers up to the nape of her neck. “What’s going on in that head of yours, love?”

She sighed as she rested her forehead on his shoulder. “He’s still avoiding me.”

Thomas didn’t bother to ask who. They both knew William was doing everything he could lately never to be alone with her.

“He’s just been going through some stuff,” he assured, massaging her neck. “You know William, he keeps it to himself.”

“Something the two of you have in common,” she tried to tease, pulling back and offering a sad smile. “I miss him.”

“I know, Manda.”

“Could you maybe talk to him?” she asked hopefully. If anyone could get through to William, it was Thomas.

A look passed over his face before it was wiped away. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Amanda nodded as she tucked herself back into his arms, trying to just enjoy being with him. But William’s behaviour nagged at her. Had she done something? Said something that upset him? Was Thomas right, and he was just in his own head?

As the song came to an end, they parted and clapped for the live band. Amanda stole another glance around the ballroom, her eyes brightening when she finally caught sight of William.

“I’ll be right back.” Amanda squeezed Thomas’ arm. “I’ll grab us some drinks.”

Thomas followed her gaze and nodded.

She kept her eyes firmly on William as she moved around the venue, skirting around couples dancing as she hurried across the room. The last thing she needed was to lose him - or for him to lose her.

“Hi.” She finally sidled up to him.

William looked startled to see her. “Amanda.”

“Have you been busy? I feel like I haven’t seen you all night.”

“You know how it is.” He shrugged, running his hand through his hair, almost tilting away from her.

The band started up again in the background. “Dance with me?”

“Oh.” William looked around. “I uh, actually have to do my speech soon. I should get ready.”

Amanda frowned. “I thought that was at the end of the night.”

“I haven’t really practiced it. I should do that now.” He took a quick step back. “Raincheck?”

“Sure. Are you okay?”

“I’m great, doll.” The smile was forced on his lips. “I really should go. I’ll see you later? At home?”

She waited a beat, hoping he would turn back around as he began towards the exit. But he never did. Sighing, she worked her way back to Thomas, trying not to let it show that William’s absence was bothering her. But Thomas knew. He always knew.

“Like I said, love, he’s just going through some stuff.” He tilted her chin up. “It’s not you, I promise.”

“You’re not the one he’s avoiding, though.”

“I know, darling.”

It was as the end-of-the-night speeches were coming to an end that Amanda decided enough was enough. She would corner William if she had to. Things couldn'’t keep on this way. She was hardly at his office anymore. He insisted they weren’t busy, when she knew that was a blatant lie. He just didn’t want her there, for whatever reason.

Something had to of happened. But what? Was he feeling neglected? Was it the fact that he was here alone tonight? But it had never gotten to him before, when they had gone out the three of them. William would join in, share the antics with Thomas. But lately he had been nowhere to be found. Tonight more than ever.

But it was time to get to the bottom of it. The three of them couldn’t keep going on the way they had been.

As William finished thanking the guests and handed off the microphone to the coordinator, Amanda kissed Thomas cheek and promised to meet him at the front. She was off on a mission as she darted towards the side of the stage. William hadn’t seen her, but he was still walking as quickly as he could away from the dance floor. Away from where she and Thomas were.

Not if she had anything to say about it.

“William, wait!” Amanda called, hurrying after him.

She could hear the soft “shit” whisper from him as he came to a stop in a secluded corner. Sighing, William slowly turned around, shoving his hands into his pockets. He wouldn’t look at her though, his head hanging as if ashamed. When was the last time he really looked at her?

“It was a great speech. As always.” She smiled. William had a knack for public speaking, even if he detested it. The CEO look was good on him.

“Thanks, doll.” he shifted uncomfortable.

When he fell silent again, Amanda couldn’t stop the words from blurting out. “Did I hurt you?”

William reared back as if he had been hit. “What?”

“Did I hurt you?” She swallowed the growing lump in her throat.

“Why would you ask me that.”

She wanted to cry. “Because you’ve done everything in your power to avoid me, William.”

“That’s not true.”

A lie.

“Look at me and tell me that.”

He looked up. Looked right in her direction. But not at her.

“You’re avoiding me. You won’t even look at me.”

“I’m not.” he shook his head in denial. “That’s not -”

“You are!” She cried out. “You are, William.”

His eyes finally locked with hers, and she wanted to grab him, to demand why he was looking at her with so much pain. But she was afraid that if she even touched him, he would startle like a lamb and dart off.

“Don’t lie to me, William. Please.” her voice softened. “I know when I’m being avoided.”

William dragged a hand down his face, his shoulders falling in exhaustion. “Amanda -”

“What did I do? Was it something I said? Is it the gala? Because you had to come alone?”

“God, Amanda. No.” he shook his head in earnest. “You haven’t…you haven’t done anything. Okay? I promise. It’s not you.”

“It must be me if you’re avoiding me.” she wrapped her arms around herself. “William please, just tell me what’s going on. I can fix it. I can. Is it…is it the public thing? We can fix that, right? There’s got to be a way.”

“There isn’t. But that’s, that’s not what this is about. Not really.”

“You’re lying to me again.”

“I’m not.”

“You are, William. And that’s what hurts the most.” her bottom lip started to quiver and she could feel her eyes glistening. “Why won’t you just talk to me? Just tell me what I can do.”

William’s expression contorted like he was in pain. Maybe he was. He just wouldn’t tell her.

“You can’t do anything, love. It’s not you.”

“Then what is it! Please, just tell me. Is this…is this not what you want anymore? Am I not enough?”

“You’re killing me, Amanda.”

“Then just be honest with me.” she begged. “Be honest. Please.”

He hesitated, battling with himself. She could see it all cross his face until finally, his expression landed on remorse. Her body shook as he reached out to her.

“I’m so sorry, Amanda.”

“Don’t.” she stepped back, a tear slipping down her cheek. She wiped it away and willed the others not to fall. “Don’t say you’re sorry when you won’t even tell me the truth.”

His eyes closed as he sighed in defeat. “It’s not you Amanda. It’s not.”

“You’re lying. Again.”

“No. I’m not.” his eyes flashed open and he made quick work of the distance between them. His hands lifted and fanned across her face up he was cupping her cheeks. “God, love. You have no idea how much I love you.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“Because I-” he sucked in a breath. “I can’t be with you anymore.”

The pain, the rejection, it was different coming from William than it had from Thomas. It hurt differently, but still hurt nonetheless.

“I am so sorry. So so sorry. You’ll never know how hard this has been for me.” he tried to make her understand. “I didn’t want this. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“W-why?”

“Your heart is never going to be mine. And that’s okay. It shouldn’t be. You gave it to Thomas and I would never want to take that away. God, the two of you are perfect, you know that? You deserve each other. You really do. I’ve never seen either of you happy like this before.”

“But -”

“I feel alone, Amanda.” his thumb brushed away the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. “I don’t remember ever feeling this alone.”

“I’m right here. We’re happy. The three of us. I know it’s not normal but -”

“I want someone to look at me the way you look at Thomas when you wake up. I want them to love me with every part of themselves. And that…that can never be from you.” he choked up. “I-I’m coming to terms with that. Because I love you and I love Thomas. And I want the two of you to be happy and together. God knows I pushed you two together so damn much. But I…I need to feel that way, Amanda. I need to feel that too.”

“I can try. I can learn to -”

He smiled sadly, dipping his forehead to rest on hers. “You can’t. And it’s okay, love. It’s okay.”

“I-I don’t want this.” she shook against him. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t. I’ll always be around, love. I won’t be gone. I’ll just be -”

“You’ll just be my boss. Just be my boyfriend’s brother.” she sniffed. “That’s not what I want. I want you, William. I want what the three of us have.”

“I wanted that to. For a long time. But I…I can’t, anymore, Amanda. And I’m so sorry.”

She pulled away from him. “Is it, is it someone else?”

His expression froze.

Her arms tightened around herself. “There is, isn’t there? There’s someone else.”

William looked away. “I don’t know. Maybe. I just know that I -”

“That you don’t want to be with me.” Amanda took a step back.

“That’s not it.”

“What we are isn’t enough.”

“I just…I need more. What you and Thomas have is special, love. I could never take that away. But I want it. With someone. Can you understand that?”

She couldn’t. Not right then. Not when it felt like her heart was breaking in two. She never thought she would ever find herself in a menage relationship. She never predicted it with the Hiddleston twins at the very least. But the brothers had become such a huge part of her life, losing either one felt like she was losing part of her world.

“I’ll always love you.” he tried to reach for her again, but she reared back.

“I can’t, I can’t do this.” she shook her head. “I need to go.”

If she had stayed, she would have seen the aching on William’s face. But she couldn’t stay. She couldn’t stand there, knowing she wasn’t enough. Knowing there was someone else out there that would take her place in his heart. It was too much.

Twisting around, Amanda nearly stumbled on her heels as she rounded the corner and back out into the ballroom. Thomas was there before she could get very far and she fell into his arms.

“Manda?” he asked in alarm. “What happened? Are you okay?”

She whimpered out a soft “William” and it was all Thomas needed to know. He sighed and tucked her under his chin. His gaze searched for his brother, finding him slinking along the wall looking like a lost little boy. They caught each other’s eyes, William mournfully mouthing ‘sorry’. Thomas hated this. He hated knowing Amanda was in pain. But how could he deny his brother when he was miserable? When deep down, he just wanted to share his life with someone?

Thomas offered a nod in his direction before peppering kisses on Amanda’s forehead. “Let’ go home, darling.”

But home wasn’t going to be the same anymore.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

## Chapter Twenty-Four

William tried his best not to stay at the house beyond the few hours of sleep he needed every once in a while. But more often than not, he stayed at his office, drinking the bottle of booze in his cabinet that got empty far quicker than it had in the months before.

When he was home, Amanda could barely stand to look at him. Thomas was better, but not by much, but William suspected it was out of courtesy of being his brother, though his heart belonged to Amanda.

He debated moving. Getting a flat like his old one, letting Thomas and Amanda have the house. Or firing her, though she hadn’t come to his office for weeks, anyway. Anything to stop the look of pain that was deep in Amanda’s brown eyes whenever their gazes met. Anything to make her see that he had done what he believed to be best for all of them.

A week after he ended things with Amanda, he had seen Emma again, grabbing some wine while he shopped for some microwave meal he could make late at the office. She’d smiled at him, that damned, beautiful smile that made her whole face light up so brightly and made his heart swell. It had taken every ounce of resolve he had to swallow the guilt of the pain he’d caused Amanda and talk with her, about nothing, except for what wine she might try that night.

He wanted her. He wanted her desperately, wanted to wine and dine her, wanted to take her every way he could, wanted to run his fingers through those bloody fiery curls and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

But after the fallout with Amanda, he knew there needed to be a bit of time. For all parties involved. Much as he wanted Emma for himself. He needed to wait.

Or try to.

Tired of bland office coffee, William decided to wake up early and make himself a real breakfast before slipping out to work. The tea alone tasted better than anything he’d eaten in the last two weeks, and his mouth watered and he flipped the sausages in a pan.

The sizzling of the food drowned out the footsteps of someone coming down the stairs, and it wasn’t until Amanda was right next to the bar did William catch sight of her.

“Oh, Amanda,” he said, slightly startled and unable to meet her gaze. “I, um, I didn’t hear you come down.”

William thought she might turn around, go back upstairs to Thomas, but instead, he carefully watched her pull out a bar stool, and take a seat. As if it were any other morning, and he were cooking her breakfast after a long night with her.

He turned the heat down on the stove. “Can I… get you tea? Something to eat?”

Amanda hugged herself, wrapping the cardigan she wore over her pajamas around her tightly, and eyed the food on the stove. She cleared her throat. “Just, just tea, I think.” He saw her swallow. “I don’t feel too good, and the smell of those aren’t helping.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said quickly, moving the meat to a plate, and then into the microwave to keep the smell at bay.

“No, William, you can still eat it’s just -”

“S’fine, Amanda.” He smiled over at her, though it took an effort, and pulled out a mug. “Really.”

She looked a bit relieved, admittedly, and gave him a small smile back. “Thank you.”

For a moment, the only sounds in the kitchen was the spoon mixing the tea, and William ran through a million different scenarios of what to say as he set it on the bar for her.

Amanda looked at it, focusing on the tiny bubbles on the surface, before blurting out, “I wanted to apologize.”

William’s mug paused in mid-air. “Amanda?”

She hugged herself tighter still. “I’m, I’m sorry.” She raised her head, and William could see the conflict that filled her brown eyes. Those deep brown, beautiful eyes. “For how I’ve been treating you.”

He set his mug down and shifted his weight. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to -”

“William.” He couldn’t fight with her when she sounded like that. “I’ve been absolutely horrible. You wanted nothing but what was best for me and I… I was selfish, and wasn’t considering what you wanted. Needed, even. And I shouldn’t be like that to someone I love.”

He sighed, but she pressed on.

“I miss you.” Amanda felt her throat start to close, and the tears in her eyes, for what felt like the millionth time in the past three weeks. “I can live with us not being together because I have before. But William, I miss you so much. In the mornings and, and I miss coming to work and seeing you and, it’s not the same.” A tear fell down her cheek. “It’s not the same.”

He looked down at his tea and tapped his fingers along the bar. “I, I can’t hurt you anymore, Amanda. I was trying to make this easier for you.”

“You’re always thinking about others, William. Not wanting to hurt anyone.” Amanda finally took a sip of her own drink. “But I can hold my own.”

“God, I know you can.”

There was silence again, for just a moment.

“Have you asked her out yet?”

William thought he must have heard her wrong, and his head snapped up and cocked towards her. “What?”

“The grocery girl.” At his puzzled look, she added, “Thomas told me. Thought I should know.”

He sighed again. “Yes Thomas would, wouldn’t he. No, I haven’t yet. I thought…” he shrugged. “I didn’t want to be too soon.”

Amanda smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Always thinking of others.”

He matched her expression. “I suppose so.”

“You should ask her out. Really.” She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “She’d be the luckiest girl in the world.”

He knew the effort it was taking her to say the words, and he didn’t take it lightly. He felt a weight of guilt slowly fall off his shoulders, but still wanted to go to her, comfort her, and take everything back. He knew he couldn’t.

He knew everything was different now.

* * *

He felt like an idiot going to the store three days in a row, wandering the aisles and grabbing nothing while he waited for the possibility to see Emma again.

Was this the best way to go about it? he wondered. It felt vaguely… stalkerish? No, he shook the thought away. He simply always ran into her here, and had no other means of contacting her. Nevermind the fact that nearly all his thoughts were consumed by her. Lots of different thoughts, that mainly focused on her beautiful curls spread over his pillows.

She was there the fourth day, and he second guessed himself when he realized how quickly he immediately ran up to her as she grabbed some risotto off the shelf.

“Hey, William,” she said, slightly surprised with how fast he had found her, and she dropped the risotto into her handbasket.

He so was handsome, Emma thought. Everytime she ran into him - or, more fitting, everytime  _he_  ran  _into_  her - he took her breath away, with his gorgeous blond hair, that hint of stubble on his jawline, the ice blue of his eyes. Her grocery bill had gone up considerably since she realized they shopped at the same place, dropping by almost every day to pick up whatever she could to kill time to see if he arrived.

And that voice! Emma couldn’t help thinking about it at the most inopportune times, the deep, accented tone that surprised her each time she heard it. So different from the midwestern accents she had been surrounded with in the states. William was as if the British Prince Charming of her childhood dreams had come to life.

She managed a smile when he didn’t respond. “Grabbing dinner for tonight?”

William cleared his throat. “Yes. Um, no, actually. Sorry.” He hated that his thoughts weren’t coherent around her. “Just, um, picking up, um…” All the words suddenly left his brain, and he couldn’t tear himself away from her blue eyes. “Chocolate.”

Her smile grew. “We’re with the rice, though.”

He looked around the aisle, noticed exactly what they were standing next to. “Right.”

God, he was cute when he was frazzled. She wondered how he might look with his other emotions that she’d yet to see.

“What’s the chocolate for?” Emma asked, wanting him to stay there, wanting him to speak more than four words at a time.

“Oh, uh, my…. my brother’s girlfriend, wanted me to grab some.” He swallowed, and eyed the contents of her basket. “And you?”

“Trying out a new risotto recipe, actually.” She tucked a curl behind her ear that had fallen in front of her eyes. “I had this amazing dish the other day, with scallops, so I’m going to try and recreate it.”

William’s eyebrows raised. “Do you cook?”

“Constantly,” she practically giggled. “I’m a food writer for a magazine, Root and Bone? So food is kind of my life.”

Jesus Christ, she really was everything he could ever wish for. Everything he wanted.

“That’s amazing,” he said truthfully, putting his hands in his pockets. “I love cooking, too, just, uh, mostly for myself and my brother. And his girlfriend.”

She bit her lip, still smiling, and switched hands holding the basket. “Are you any good?”

He cocked his brow and studied her, seeing the hint of mischief in those blue eyes. “I like to think so.”

His heartbeat picked up and grew louder in his ears as he tried to plan out his next sentence. He wanted more than anything to see her outside the store, talk to her more, learn everything she thought about cooking and life and her dreams. He just had to ask something.

“So, uh,” William started, clearing his throat once more. “Being a food writer, then – is it a London magazine?”

“It is.”

“Great. So, so then you must know the best places for dinner, then.” He’d said “then” too many times, he realized, but at least his charm was slowly forming again.

The apples of Emma’s cheeks turned a red the color of her hair, and her smile spread from ear to ear. “I like to think I do.”

So far, so good.

“Could I take you, to your favorite one, sometime?”

Emma had to keep from jumping with joy right there in the aisle, and her knuckles were white as they clutched the basket, having to channel her new energy somewhere without being seen. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears, and she fought back another giggle. “I’d really like that.”

William couldn’t help sighing with relief, and he felt his shoulders relax as his heart only got louder. “Perfect.”

“Do you - Oh!” Emma quickly reached into her pocket and pulled out a business card. “This is my number, for you, I guess.” He took it from her, his fingers running over hers just the smallest amount. “Do you have any requests? I know way too many places.”

William finally smiled as he slipped her card into his jacket. “You seem to be the expert, Emma, so I’ll leave it up to you.”

She loved how his voice made her name sound. “Okay. Saturday?”

“Why not?”

If she had a pillow with her, she would have screamed into it from excitement, and it also could have hidden the smile she guessed was so big that it may have been embarrassing. “Great.” She swayed on her feet for a moment, neither of them moving. “Would you, um, would you like to help me pick out some scallops?”

William felt a mixture of peace and elation at the prospect of spending more time with her. Officially. On a date. He was going on a date. With Emma.

“I think I’d like that.”

* * *

Amanda couldn’t remember feeling this sick since she’d gotten the flu when she was ten years old, having to stay home from school with her dad for nearly a week.

The nausea wouldn’t leave her alone; she had made Thomas shower twice after the smell of his cigarette smoke made her close to retching on their bed. William kept her sustained on earl grey and toast, but even the blandness of the snack didn’t do much to ease her stomach.

The morning she finally threw up, she was in the shower before work, leading both twins to help her clean up and tuck her back into bed with the waste bin next to her.

Thomas was hesitant to leave her the second day, instead wanting to stay with her in case she got worse. William gave the same offer, but she waved them both off, saying she didn’t want to possibly get them sick. William nearly had to drag Thomas out of the door as they left shortly after.

As soon as the Jaguars had left the driveway, Amanda willed herself into real clothing and grabbed the keys to her own car. She left despite Winston’s insistence for more food in the kitchen, a single mission the only thing in her mind. The confusion in her mind mixed with the sickness in her stomach was a combination unlike any she had ever experienced, but as she put the keys in the ignition of her Volkswagen, the fear for what the next hours of her life held overruled both of them.

* * *

William had just flipped his light off to leave for lunch when his mobile vibrated in his pocket, insistent and angry. He sighed, thinking it was Thomas, but his brow furrowed when Amanda’s name and face filled the screen. He had already planned on picking up some food for her and swinging it by, but maybe she had a special request.

“Hey, doll, how are you feeling?” he asked, pressing the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he shut his office door, locking it.

“William I n-n-need you t-to-to come-come home, p-please god p-p-please, William.”

He sobered instantly at her sobs, eyes widening when he heard the scared, raw pleading in her voice. “Jesus, Amanda, where are you?”

“The-the bathroom, I-I-I was w-worried, and just - William, please,” she trailed off as an attack of sobs overtook her, leaving her unintelligible.

The air left his lungs. “Amanda, are you alone? Is anyone there, did someone -”

“No, no, n-no, I just, W-William come hom-M-me, please!”

He took a shaky breath. “Okay, okay doll, I’m coming right now, okay? I promise, whatever it is, Thomas and I will help you.”

“No!”

Her shriek made him nearly drop the phone, catching him more off guard than the sobs had. “Amanda, what -”

“Don’t call T-Thomas, William, please d-don’t, please.”

William ran a hand through his hair, marching towards the elevators, uncertainty and alarm running their way through his veins. “Alright, alright I won’t, sweetheart. Stay right there, I promise I’m coming.”

Her breath on the other end came out staggering. “I’m s-scared.”

He could obviously tell, though he was still at a loss as to what could have happened. “I know Amanda, I’m coming.” He hung up the phone as the lift doors opened, and he pressed the ground floor button until he was sure it would fall out of the wall.

The phone vibrated again, and he slid to accept the call without a second look. “Yes?”

“Brother, I was going to run home to check on Amanda. Want to come?”

The last thing he had been expecting was Thomas’s voice. “Thomas, I, um -”

“Should we take her lunch? Think she can eat yet?” William heard the sound of a zipper, meaning Thomas was packing his briefcase to leave his office.

“I, um, I actually just texted her and asked.” He swallowed the lie along with a lump in his throat as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Oh? How is she?”

The doors opened and he rushed out as soon as he could fit through. “She said she didn’t feel up to eating, and um, was going to try and nap.”

“Not a bad idea. Why didn’t she text me, though?”

William shook his head as he speed walked. “I dunno, I mean I started the conversation. We should probably just let her sleep, and make her dinner tonight if she thinks she can eat.”

“You’re probably right.” Thomas sighed. “I’m worried about her though.”

“I know.” William’s steps echoed as he made his way to his car. “But she’s strong.”

“That she is. Well, do you want to get lunch, then?”

“Uh, no, no I’m, um,” William stammered as he opened the door of his car. “Since she’s out I’m going to work through lunch.” He sat down at slammed the car door shut.

Thomas paused before he answered. “Alright then, little brother.” The call was disconnected just as William went to start the car. Throwing the phone into the passenger seat, he heard the tires squeal as he raced out of the garage.

* * *

Amanda heard the faint slam of the front door from the upstairs bathroom and she jumped involuntarily before registering it was probably William. Her heard her call her name, and god, his voice sounded so identical to Thomas’s that she gagged, thinking she was going to vomit again.

She tried to stop her tears when she heard his footfalls on the stairs, but her eyes were still blurry when he appeared in Thomas’s bathroom doorway.

“Jesus, Amanda,” he crouched to the tile floor where she knelt by the toilet, noticing the shiver in her shoulders.

“William…” she choked, clapping her hand over her mouth to keep the sobs at bay. “William I’m s-sorry.”

“No, baby, no.” He adjusted his long legs to sit beside her, running his hand along her arm. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m here. I’m always here.” She gave him a small nod. “Tell me what’s wrong, sweetheart. Are you hurt?”

He heard her swallow she has shook her head. “N-no.”

“Amanda,” he cooed, worry painting the lines on his face. “You call me crying, sobbing, from the floor of the bathroom, and tell me not to tell your boyfriend, my own brother.” He exhaled, giving her a pleading look. “Talk to me.”

Lowering her hand, he saw her lip quiver as she fought to find the words she wanted. “A-after you left, I… I ran to Tesco.”

“What, why, baby? We told you to stay and rest -”

“I know, b-but…” she trailed off again, but he didn’t press her. “I needed to know, to see if… I didn’t want to be right, William, I d-didn’t want t-to be!”

At her hysterics, he pulled her to his chest, noticing for the first time how cold she was. “Shh, baby. Tell me what happened. Let me help.”

“I, I b-bought a t-t-test, and, and…” a mangled sound escaped her throat as she buried her face in William’s chest.

“A test, what -”

He stopped mid sentence as he noticed the purple box on the other side of the toilet, and the white stick lying beside it.

William felt his chest constrict, instinctively holding Amanda closer to him. “Oh, Amanda…”

She said nothing as he felt the moisture from her tears soak through his shirt.

“Amanda, baby.” He squeezed his eyes as he forced the next words out. “What does it say?”

A fresh, harder batch of sobs racked through her. “P-p-positive.”

The weight of that one word crashed down on both of them, immobilizing them in their embrace while they both struggled to comprehend the implications of it.

Somehow, William managed to find the next words. “Are you going to tell him?”

She shot out of his arms, staring at him as if he had burned her. “No, god no, I, I can’t. You know I can’t, William, he -”

He, again, stopped her heated outburst. “Baby baby, slow down, slow down.” He reached for her hands, holding them to his chest. “We have to figure this out. Okay? Can you do that with me, Amanda?”

A fresh tear fell down her cheek as she gave a slow nod.

“Okay, first, let’s get you off this floor, alright?” He stood, pulling her up with him. “And get you in something comfy. And I’m going to go make you some tea, some good herbal stuff, alright? It’ll help your stomach too. Then we can talk.”  
  
“Okay. Thank you, William.”

Wordlessly, she followed him back into the bedroom and he sat her on the end of the king bed before he made his way into Thomas’s expansive closet. He opened a cabinet to where Thomas kept his undershirts, pulling out the softest one for Amanda to put on.

“William?” her voice called. “Could, could you… there’s, there’s his grey sweats, in the hamper.”

He knew the pair, the one she never ceased to come downstairs wearing on Sunday mornings, despite being three times too big for her. They had become a sort of security blanket for her, wearing them in bed with William when Thomas left for the weekend. Always keeping a piece of him with her.

He left her to change, and true to his word, brought her a cup of tea. He wrapped a blanket around her before taking her in his arms again, both knowing their previous conversation had to continue. He cleared his throat. “Tell me, Amanda, so we can work this out. What do YOU want?”

Amanda’s voice was close to a whisper. “It, it doesn’t really matter, does it? Thomas, he… he’s never wanted kids. He doesn’t want to be a father.” She touched her hand to her stomach, her eyes glazing over. “He doesn’t want this. He… he won’t want me.”

“Amanda, oh darling you know that’s not true.”

“Yes it is!” she cried, eyes now freshly watering. “I can’t have a baby with Thomas, not now, not…” her voice caught as she pressed on, “not ever.”

“You don’t know that.” William turned them to face each other, though her eyes did not find his. “Thomas never wanted a relationship, one woman for life. And then there was you.”

“A girlfriend is different than, than a baby, William,” she said, as though it were the most obvious fact.

“But he did change. You changed him, Amanda.”

She scoffed, another tear falling. “I can’t do this to him. I can’t have it. He can’t know.”

“Amanda -”

“He can’t!” The volume in her cry startled him, and he leaned back. A tear caught on her lower lip, threatening to fall at a moment’s notice. “He won’t, he won’t love me anymore. He won’t love… this baby.”

Though he knew it was the emotion talking, her statement still hurt William. His twin may not understand emotion all too well, but he knew in his heart that Thomas could love his own child, whether he believed that for himself or not.

“That’s not true, doll.” He spoke softly, wanting to calm her. “It’s not.”

More tears fell. “W-what if it is.”

“Amanda, tell me something.” He grasped her chin to force her eyes to his. “If - and this is a big if - if Thomas did leave you, wanted you out… would you keep this baby?”

Her eyes grew wide just at the very idea, fear and distress clouding her judgment. “I… I think so.”

“Okay, good, baby.” He sighed, searching her face. “I think that says something.”

“But it doesn’t matter, William!”

“It does, it does. Amanda, Thomas loves you. He loves you more than I ever thought him capable. You’ve changed him in ways I, his own twin, never thought he could. You’ve helped him. Made him a better man. And I have no doubt he would make a good father to your child.”

She opened her mouth to speak before they heard the slam of the front door.

“Amanda, you up?”

Both of them stopped breathing at the sound of Thomas’s call.

“He can’t know, William he can’t -”

“Shh, stay here, okay, I’ll talk to him,” William pressed a hand to her cheek and before leaving her on the bed, closing the bedroom behind him as he made his way to the stairs.

Thomas met him halfway down, his eyes growing wide in surprise. “William, I thought -”

“You can’t be here right now, Thomas.”

Thomas cocked his head to side, stopping in his tracks. “What?”

“Just,” He stood on the step above him, grabbing his shoulders. “I need to talk to you.”

Thomas’s brows met in the middle of his face before glancing up the stairs. “Where’s Manda?”

“Thomas, just come with me.”

“No.” He shrugged off his brother’s hands and stepped up to his level. “What’s wrong? Is she alright?”

William sighed, and shook his head. “She, she needs rest.”

“Like hell, what are you keeping from me?”

“Shut up, okay? Listen, I need you to tell me something. Please. Thomas, do you love her?”  
  
“What the fuck are you on about?”  
  
“Do you love her!” He nearly screamed it.  
  
“Of course I bloody love her!” Thomas’s eyes were so wide, completely unsure what to think.

“Then promise me, for the love of god, you will listen to her.”

His lip quivered. “What the fuck is going on?”

He didn’t wait for an answer before he barrelled up the stairs, calling Amanda’s name.

William cursed under his breath before racing after him, but his brother found the knob of his bedroom before he did.

Amanda scrambled to that back of the bed, hugging herself when Thomas laid eyes on her.

“Baby, what the hell is going on?” Thomas asked, noting how red and swollen her eyes were, and the shine from freshly fallen tears on her cheeks. “Are you okay?”

William entered the doorway right after his twin, an apologetic look on his face as he too caught sight of Amanda.

“Thomas I’m so-so sorry, I’m sorry!” Amanda cried, blubbering as she held tighter to herself.

Thomas’s demeanor immediately transformed, his shoulders falling, scared of what he’d done to upset her so. “Hey, my sweet girl it’s alright, what -” He ran a hand through his hair. “What’s happened?”

“I’m sorry, Thomas,” Amanda choked out again, pressing her face into a pillow.

He turned to William, confusion set on his face. “William, what -”

William shook his head as he gripped the doorframe. “It’s not my place, big brother.”

Cautiously, Thomas sighed and approached his bed, gingerly setting himself on the end of it. Seeing her girl cringe as he stepped closer felt like a knife to his chest, unable to understand why she was behaving so oddly around him. “Baby, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

She sniffled before lifting her head up, casting a glance at William, who gave her a nod. Swallowing, she found her voice, though quiet. “The, the sickness. I was just, just… I was scared because, I…” The tears came back. “Because I was also late.”

“Late? Amanda, I’m not sure I understand.”

“The, the new birth control. I-I-I thought it was that, that it, it was throwing me off, but… I guess we d-didn’t w-w-wait long enough, and…” She gasped, hands wringing the fabric of Thomas’s shirt she was wearing. “And so I t-took a test.” She finally brought herself to meet his gaze, pleading with her eyes that the answers might click in his head.

While she spoke, William silently made his way to the bathroom, knowing his brother well enough that nothing but conclusive proof would make Thomas fully comprehend what was happening.

He heard Thomas continue as he picked up the pregnancy test. “Amanda, I don’t -”

William flashed the test in front of Thomas’s face before he could say another word.

His eyes narrowed at the device, flicking between it and Amanda before he took it from his brother with a shaky hand. “What, what is this?”

Amanda answered in a tentative whisper. “The test.”

Thomas shot to his feet when he laid eyes on the one word on the end of the stick that he would never have expected to see.

 _Pregnant_.

Pregnant. Amanda… pregnant. With a baby.

His baby.

He dropped the test as if it were a snake, letting it clatter to the floor by his feet before stumbling back.

Pregnant.

“Thomas I’m so, so, s-sorry, I didn’t want t-to be right!”

As if in slow motion, he found Amanda on the bed, her hands covering her mouth, just as in shock as he was. The terror he felt throughout his body was mirrored in her eyes, this whirlwind turn of events shaking him to his core and blurring his vision.

She… she couldn’t be pregnant. He couldn’t be a father. He couldn’t.

Too many thoughts were running through his head, too many worries, too many nerves. This wasn’t what he was meant for. How could he have done this to Amanda? Forgone all the barriers he had built for years, to protect himself and others from this. What right did he have? To put her through this…

He turned, in a daze, and walked out of the door. He didn’t hear Amanda call after him, or William consoling her, or her pained, anguished cries as he fumbled down the stairs and grabbed his keys, clambering into his Jaguar as he fought back hot tears.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

## Chapter Twenty-Five (Finale)

 

William was furious as he stormed through the doors of his and Thomas’ go-to bar. He knew the moment Thomas took off where he would go to. When things got tough, Thomas turned to his two vices - alcohol and drugs. He just hoped he hadn’t spiralled in the short amount of time since leaving the house.

A quick glance around the bar and he located his twin, sitting at the bar and drowning away the unexpected news. Without a word, William crossed the distance, grabbed Thomas by the arm, dragged him off the stool and shoved him against the bar counter.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Thomas tried to push him away.

“Trying to knock some sense into you, apparently.” William gripped Thomas’ coat lapels. “What the hell are you doing, Thomas?

Thomas tried to brush him off again. “Figuring shit out.”

“By getting drunk?”

“I’m not drunk.”

The alcohol was pouring off of him, however. “No, but you’re nearly there. God, brother, come on.”

“I just need a little time.”

“You’ve had enough time.” William looked over at the empty glasses. “Enough drinks, too.”

“I need a little more.”

“Tough shit, big brother. Time to get your head out of your ass and deal with this.”

Thomas stared at him for a long moment. “I can’t,” his voice cracked.

“You can.”

“No, William, I really can’t.” Thomas turned his head away.

“What are you so afraid of?”

“What-what if I turn out like him?”

William paused before sighing. “You won’t.”

“But how do you know that?”

“Because, Thomas, you know what it’s like to have that as a father? You won’t be anything like that to your own kid.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know YOU, big brother.”

William loosened his hold until his arms dropped to his side. Thomas sighed as he raked a hand through his hair. “I never wanted a kid. I’d fuck them up, William.”

“You won’t.”

“I’m a fucking drug dealer!”

William hissed as heads started to turn towards them. Grabbing his arm, he pulled Thomas out of the bar. “You run a cartel, not quite the same thing.”

Thomas snorted. “My apologies, I secure drugs for higher profile clients. That’s not exactly father material.”

“Our father was a CEO, and he wasn’t exactly father material. A job doesn’t dictate that,” William pointed out

“But the fact that I’m fucked up does.”

“You’re not fucked up.”

Thomas shook his head as he walked a few paces away. “Get your eyes checked, little brother. I can’t quit cocaine after over a decade. I kill people. Torture them. And I don’t even bat an eye at it. I’m. Fucked. Up.”

William fought rolling his eyes. “You have enough common sense to know that has nothing to do with raising a child.”

Thomas was frazzled as he paced back and forth. “Fuck. God. I don’t know what to do. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“Neither does she, Thomas.” William  caught his gaze. “She’s freaking out, just as you are. She’s panicked and she needs you.”

“But I don’t know how to be there. I don’t know how to do any of this.”

“And she does? No one knows. You learn.”

“What if I can’t?” Thomas asked so earnestly. “What if I can’t learn and I just end up hurting her and…and our kid?”

“You’re not someone that just gives up.”

“I can’t.” Thomas shook his head in refusal. “I can’t, William.”

William’s eyes narrowed. “Then maybe you’re not so different from father.”

The change in Thomas was immediate, just as William predicted. “I’m nothing like that scumbag,” his jaw clenched.

“Then prove it.”

They glared at each other, waiting for the other to fold.

“Prove you’re nothing like him. Prove that you’re the caring man that Amanda and I both know that you are. I get you’re scared, big brother. Most people are. This is different. This is new. But you’re not in this alone.”

Thomas stared him in the eye for the longest moment before hanging his head. “Is she okay?”

“She’ll be better once you’re back.”

“I don’t know how I’ll face her.”

“Like a man. Like the brother I know.”

“Fuck.”

“I know.” William walked up to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, you can’t face her smelling like you do. There’s a diner around the corner, you’re getting a coffee and a burger. I’ll sober you up if it kills me.”

“You’d both be better off just letting me get drunk and leaving.”

William looked him directly in the eye. “I let that happen once before and I’m not going to let that happen again. Neither is she. Have a little faith.”

“I don’t deserve her.”

“She loves you, Thomas. Enough that whatever your decision about the baby will be, then it will be hers too.”

“How am I supposed to even make a decision?”

William chucked. “You talk.”

“I’m not exactly a talker.”

“You are with her,” he reminded. “You used to lie awake all night talking. Never with anyone else. Only her. That’s still true. Talk with her. Make a decision together.”

Thomas started to argue and William held up a hand to stop him.

“This isn’t just you. The two of you are a team now. You have to deal with this together.”

The expression on Thomas’ face shifted. “Maybe you should just do this. You want a family. You know you can do it.”

William looked at him in shock. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Thomas.”

“What? Our DNA is the same. No one would question it.”

“Fucking hell,” William muttered under his breath. “I’m going to punch you in the goddamn face if you don’t walk to the car right fucking now.”

“I thought the diner was around the corner.”

“Forget the fucking burger. We’re going home right now. So you can see her, touch her, and remember that she wants you. She’s always wanted  _you_ , Thomas.”

“Is that really the best…”

“One more word and you’ll be going home with a bloody nose.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow and his hands.

“Car. Now.”

The ride home was quiet as William drove. With every glance over, William saw the worry, the fear, the terror.

“It will be okay, big brother,” William said softly. “You will be okay.”

“This wasn’t planned.”  
  
“Hate to break it to you, but a lot of times it isn’t.”

Thomas sighed. “I never…god I never expected this.”

“Neither did she. She was panicked when she called me. She was so afraid.” William caught his eye quickly. “She was afraid to lose you.”

The pain was evident in Thomas’ face. “I didn’t want to hurt her. I just…I just shut down. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t feel. I just had to get out of there.”

“I know. I get it. She will too once you talk to her,” William pulled into the driveway. “She’s in your room. Hasn’t left the bed.”

“Do you want to do this for me?” Thomas asked hopefully.

“Nope,” William chuckled. “I’ll give you some time to talk.”

“What?” His eyes were wide. “You’re not coming in?”

“You’ll be fine, big brother. Just be honest with her. Be with her. That’s all you need to do.”

“If you say so.”

“Go.” William all but shoved him out of the car.

Thomas stood before the house, the sounds of the car backing back out of the driveway behind him. He didn’t have anywhere to run this time. The front door creaked as he opened it. As did every stair as he made his way to the second floor.

Amanda laid in bed, her back to the door, her knees pulled up to her chest. Thomas thought she was asleep at first, but the soft sniffs proved she was awake. He took a step, and then another, but stopped before he could get too deep into the room.

“Amanda,” his voice cracked. “Manda.”

Her entire body tensed as she pulled further into herself.

He had done this. He caused this.

“Manda I…I don’t know what to say.”

Her arms wrapped tighter around herself. “Y-you didn’t have t-to say anything a-at all.”

He winced. She was right. His walking away spoke louder than anything he could have managed.

Another step towards the bed, Thomas paused. “I was scared. I  _am_  scared.”

That caused a reaction. Amanda pushed herself up, twisting her body so her tear stained eyes could glare at him. “You’re scared? How do you think I’ve felt, Thomas?”

He deserved that. “I know. I know, alright? I wasn’t thinking. I just…I just reacted, and it was wrong. I realize that now.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter when you realized it. It was your initial reaction. To leave. To just walk off. You wouldn’t even talk about it. Talk with  _me_.”

“I’ve never been a talker.”

Her voice was tiny when she responded. “You were with me.”

The second one to remind him of that. His eyes closed as he dragged a hand down his face. “I never thought I wanted this. Not just a…god, a baby. I didn’t think I would be with you.” He looked at her. “You came out of nowhere, Manda. I didn’t expect you. I didn’t prepare myself for you. You barreled into my life and then I nearly lost you. I did, for awhile. Because I screwed up. I’m always going to screw up, Amanda.”

Amanda pulled her legs up to her chest. “You always think the worst.”

“Because I  _am_  the worst.” He tried to make her understand. “Look at my job, Amanda. Look at who I am at the end of the day.”

“I do!” she cried out. “I do  _see_  you.”

“Then why are you with me?”

She unfolded off the bed and got to her feet quicker than he was expecting. She put herself right up in front of him, poking him in the chest with her long nail. “I see you, Thomas Matthew Hiddleston. I see your heart. I see how much you care about your brother. That you’d do anything for him. I see how you take care of your employees. How you care for Moira and Izzy. I see how to care for Winston  _when you hate him but he’s mine_. I see,” her voice broke as tears slid from the corners of her eyes.

There was a poke to his chest at every other word, her finger shaking more after each time.

“I see how much you love me. How you care for me. How you touch me. How you look at me. How you hold me all night long. How you put a smile on my face even when you’re stressed. Damn it, Thomas, I see you, why can’t you?”

The defiance in her eyes started to crumble. “Manda,” he rasped out, his hand going to the back of her neck and pulling her to him.

She only pushed against him for a moment before melting into his arms. He could hear the muffled sobs into his chest as his hand ran through her hair. It felt like his heart was too big for his chest. It hurt. _It hurt_.

“Shh,” he tried to calm her. To calm himself.

The shaking in her body slowed eventually, until only a few hiccup sobs could be heard.

“I-I thought if you-if you didn’t want this we could…it’s still early,” she sniffed softly.

Thomas’ eyebrows drew together. “Early?” he took her shoulders, pulling her away enough so he could look down at her. “What do you mean early?”

Her expression twisted, the pain obvious. Her arms wrapped almost protectively around her middle. “T-there’s a clinic.”

His eyes widened. “Fuck, you mean to,” his gaze dropped to her stomach. “To abort -” he couldn’t even finish, his throat thick.

Amanda looked away, arms tightening around herself. “I thought I could. To keep you. To keep this. But I-I don’t think I can. Even if it means leaving.”

He didn’t even hear her. All he could hear was ringing in his ears.

Abort. Abort the baby.

Their baby.

“No.” The word spilled out. “You can’t - we cant- kill our -” he cut himself off when he realized what he said.

Her eyes snapped to his. “I don’t want to. I’ll go. I can do this on my own. Dad did. And I was happy. I can-”

All he could think of was the baby being taken. Aborted. Amanda taking it and leaving. Someone else finding it and hurting what was his.

His.

Fuck. This baby was  _his_.

“We’ll do this together.”

“What?” Her arms dropped away.

His hand had a mind of its own as it moved to her flat stomach. “I-I don’t know what I’m doing. I probably never will. I might not be good at this. Shit, I likely won’t be.”

“Thomas…”

“It might be dangerous. Being who I am. People might want to hurt both of you.” he warns. “I don’t know if being with me is safe.”

Her hand went to his. “Thomas.”

“Are you sure I’m a good idea?” he frowned. “What Groves did to you -”

“Wasn’t your fault,” she whispered. “It wasn’t and you need to let it go.”

“How could I ever? What he did to you -” Thomas shook his head. “I won’t let that happen again.”

“I know.”

“Not to you. Or…or our baby. Never,” he vowed. A promise he wouldn’t break. God help anyone who tried to hurt his family.

His family.

“I-I need you to tell me what you’re saying, Thomas.” Amanda grasped his wrist.

He cupped her cheek, brushing away the last few tears. “I’m going to mess up, Manda.”

“No one’s perfect.”

“My father -”

“Is not you,” she interrupted. “Never has been.”

“Might need you to remind me that sometimes.”

“Always. Just…I want  _you_  Thomas. But I, I want this baby too. I wasn’t expecting to, but I do.”

Amanda held her breath as she waited for him to say something. When his expression twisted, her face fell.

“Does this mean I have to get a ‘safer’ car?”

She stared at him, not sure if she heard him correctly.

“I like the Jag.” he sighed. “Can we still keep the Jag too?”

A sob ripped through her throat as she threw her arms around his neck. “You’re an idiot.”

“I’m going to hear that a lot, aren’t I?”

“I love you.”

His arms were tight around her. “Manda. Mine, always.”

* * *

“What are you doing in my closet?”

“Where’s that suit?”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. “In case you’ve gone mental, you’ve thrown them all on the floor.”

William looked at the disaster and shook his head. “No there was this one…shit…was it pinstripe? No, black and double breasted. Yeah. That one. Where the fuck is that one?”

“There’s three on the floor. Seriously, you’re taking them all to get dry cleaned.”

“No no, it’s not there.” William dragged his hand through his hair. “Maybe it’s too formal. Do you think it would be too formal?”

“For a trip to the mental hospital, yes.” Thomas shook his head, stepping over a pile of shirts. “What’s going on with you?”

William hesitated.

“Out with it little brother.”

Sighing, William leaned against the wall. “I have a date.”

Thomas’ eyebrow shot up. “A date?”

“I sort of asked Emma out.”

“And she said yes to the mental patient?”

“Fuck off.” William groaned. “I’m nervous, alright? I haven’t been on a first date in awhile. And I…shit, Thomas,  _I like her. Really like her_.”

Thomas looked at him for a long moment, not saying a word. William shifted at the silence as he resumed searching.

“You’re thinking too much, little brother.” Thomas spoke softly.

William snorted. “When don’t I?”

Thomas chuckled in return. “You always thought too much for the both of us.”

“Someone had to with your schemes.”

“You came up with your fair share of schemes too.”

“We’re getting off topic.” William sighed.

“If the suit isn’t here it’s likely at the dry cleaners.” Thomas shrugged. “It’s just a suit, William.”

“It needs to be right.” When Thomas raised an eyebrow William let out a grunt in frustration. “It just needs to be, alright?”

“Have you asked, Manda?”

Williams eyes closed, his shoulders slumping. “You know that’s not a good idea.”

“Didn’t she tell you to ask her out already?”

“Her saying that and me doing it are two different things.”

“Yeah I know,” Thomas walked further into the closet, sifting through what remained on the hangers. “But William? If I can face being a…god, a father, you can face a first date.”

“Shit, you’re going to use that card now, aren’t you?”

Thomas threw him a grin. “It’s my duty.”

“Just help me find a suit, asshole.”

* * *

Amanda leaned against the wall just outside of the bedroom, her hand resting on her flat belly. As the twin’s voice wafted out of the closet and into the hallway. Her eyes closed as she rested her head against the wall.

He was nervous. Had she ever heard him this nervous? It hurt, in a way to know he was nervous to go on a date with another woman. But she didn’t have any right to feel that way, especially since she encouraged William to ask this girl out. Especially since she was pregnant with his brother’s child.

She couldn’t be that selfish anymore. William stepping away had nearly torn their little family apart. And now with a baby on the way, she wanted this family as full as possible.

That thought didn’t ease the ache in her heart, however.

“Maybe I should cancel.” William’s voice was muffled.

“You’re not a coward, William. It’s just clothes.”

“Maybe it’s just not right. If I’m thinking this hard.”

“Your problem is that you’re too deep in your head.”

Amanda smiled. William thought too much. He had for as long as she’d known him.

Sighing, she pushed off the wall, her feet taking her down the hallway to his room without hesitation. Her focus was immediately on his closet as she crossed the room, the perfect outfit already in mind. With a quick swish of her wrist, she was pulling pieces off the hanger and setting them on the bed. She admired the outfit for a long moment, picturing how handsome he would be in it.

Hearing the twin’s voices grow louder, Amanda quickly slipped from the room and retreated downstairs. Where she would hide out while William finished getting ready for his date.

* * *

It was official. She had nothing to wear.

Emma groaned as she looked at the mess on her bed. She should be able to find  _something_ in that mess. But nothing felt right for a first date.

“This is stupid.” she grumbled to herself. “It’s just a date. Just a silly little date.”

With the most handsome man she’s ever seen in her life. Why he seemed to be enamoured by her, she didn’t have a clue. But she was caught up in those ice blue eyes and broad shoulders.

_Meow._

“I know I know,” Emma turned as the black cat jumped onto her bed. “He’s just a man.”

_Meow._

“Fine, I’m lying to myself.” another groan. “Should I cancel?”

_Meow._

“You’re right, that would be the cowards way out. I haven’t been on a date in months. It’ll be fine. Completely fine.” she tried to pep talk herself. “If I could find something to wear.”

_Meooooow._

“Well someone’s vocal…” Emma raised an eyebrow. Her eyes widened, however, as she watched her cat maneuver himself on a pool of green fabric, pushing and prodding with his paws until his bed was just so. “Oh Bagheera you’re a genius.” she swept the green wrap dress up underneath the cat before hairs could start migrating.

_Meow._

“Here have these.” she pushed the rest of her clothes in his direction, holding the dress close to her chest.

She really needed to get a hold of herself. It was just some silly little date.

_Meow._

“Shhh, you’re supposed to be on my side.”

* * *

He was twenty minutes early, like an idiot. And he brought flowers. What was he, a teenager? Did anyone bring flowers to their dates anymore? At least he stopped himself from getting the chocolate. But what if Emma liked chocolate more than flowers? Shit, he should have gotten the chocolate too.

“Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” William muttered to himself as he paced in front of the restaurant. She was going to think he had never done this before. Why was he even doing this -

“William?”

That sweet caused immediate reaction in his groin. He stifled a moan as he twisted, finding Emma standing there with her sparkling eyes, her wild curls tamed into smooth waves. He had the sudden urge to his hand hands through her hair, to grasp onto to and pull until she was right where he needed her.

The corners of her eyes crinkled as she let out a little laugh when he didn’t say anything.

“Beautiful. I mean, you’re beautiful.” he stumbled over his words - as usual whenever he was around her.

And she was, with the dark green wrap dress that hugged every curve, the neckline giving him enough of a peak of her cleavage to leave him nearly drooling like a school boy.

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” her own gaze perused him, her cheeks growing a faint pink. “Are those for me?” she nodded at the flowers in his hand.

“Right. Yes.” he nearly forgot he had them. He flushed as he held them out. “I realize they’re a bit of a nuisance while we eat. I can just -”

She took them before he could finish, bringing the fresh bouquet up to her nose. “They’re lovely. I love flowers.”

William sighed in relief. He didn’t fuck that up, that had to be a good sign.

“I don’t remember the last time someone bought me flowers.” she admitted, smiling up at him. “Thank you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” God he hoped there would be other times.

Her smile just grew. “Do you want to go in?”

“Right yes, of course,” he held out his arm. “You really do look beautiful, Emma.”

“My cat picked it out.” Her eyes suddenly widened. “Did I just say that outloud?”

He tried not to grin but failed miserably. “You have a cat?”

“Bagheera.” her cheeks were nearly as red as her hair.

“Like from the Jungle Book?”

“It was my favourite Disney movie.”

“Mine too.”

“Well that’s a relief. If you hated it, I would have to end this date immediately.”

“Well it’s a good thing that won’t have to happen.” he waited until she put her hand in the crook of his arm before leading her toward the restaurant entrance. “I’ve  _very_  relieved.”

He held the door open for her, but before she passed through, she squeezed his arm. “Me too.”

* * *

Thomas’ hands felt clammy as he knocked on the door. Shit, he couldn’t remember the last time he was consistently this nervous. But ever since Amanda told him about the baby, he couldn’t shake this anxiety. And he didn’t like it. Not one bit.

“Oh hi Mr. Hiddleston,” Beth smiled as she opened the door to his mother’s home. “We weren’t expecting you today.”

“I’m sorry to just drop by. How is she today?” He realized now his mistake. He should have called. With his mother’s condition, he never knew what he was walking into. What if she didn’t even recognize him?

Beth’s smile brightened. “She’s having a really good day, Mr. Hiddleston. She was just saying how she’s missed her sons.”

Relief flooded through him. “Thomas, please.”

“Thomas. Please, come on. Helena will be so excited to see you. I’ll let her know you’re here.”

“If it’s alright, I’ll surprise her myself.”

Beth nodded as she stepped aside for him to step through. “She’s just out on the back patio for morning tea. If you need me, I’ll be puttering around in the kitchen.”

“Thank you, Beth.” he offered a smile before walking through the house from memory alone until he reached the back door. Breathing deeply, he slipped through the doorway and onto the back patio. “Hello mum.”

Helena jumped with a start, but as she turned, the brightest smile was on her face. “Well I was wondering when my sons would remember I existed.” she teased.

Thomas couldn’t help the boyish grin that spread across his lips whenever he was around the one woman who had always been on his side. Before Amanda that was. He had been lucky to find another that accepted him for who he was. He could only hope this child - his child - felt the same way.

“William saw you earlier this week for lunch.”

She rolled her eyes. “And when was the last time I saw you? You’re too busy. You both are. You’re going to miss the life going past you. At my age, you realize how precious every little moment is.”

“I’ll come around more. I promise.” he pulled her into his arms.

“I’ll hold you to that, my love. Now, come, I’ll pour you some tea.” she took his arm and led him over to the table. “And you can tell me why you’re here.”

“Can’t I just come to visit you?”

“I know you.” was all she had to say.

That didn’t calm the nerves. Neither did the first cup of tea. The second didn’t do a damn thing either. Thomas wasn’t sure whiskey would have been any help.

“Just tell me, Thomas.” Helena reached for her son’s hand. “Whatever’s in that head of yours. I know you keep everything so closely guarded, but you came here for a reason. Whatever it is, you know I’m always on your side.”

She meant it, and he knew. But this didn’t make it any easier.

“Mum,” he began, tapping his thumb nervously on the teacup. “There’s um, been a lot of changes as of recent.”

“Is everything alright? How’s William?”

“William is fine. Work is fine.”

Helena frowned. “Has Matthew been disturbing things again?”

He flinched at that name “No, he hasn’t been around.”

She nodded.

“I’ve, uh, met someone.”

Her eyes widened, her lips already twitching into a smile. But still, she didn’t say anything, just letting him find his footing to get it out. She was always good at giving him time, have the patience of a saint.

“Her name is Amanda and I…” he was caught on the words. “She’s become very important to me.”

He could see the excitement in her eyes.

“And we…well…” he scratched the back of his neck. “We recently learned about something big. Something that will change our lives.”

Helena squeezed his hand to encourage him.

“Amanda is expecting.” he blurt out. “What I mean is, well, She’s pregnant and I…I’m going to be a father.”

The breath left him the moment the words were out. He stared at her, waiting for her reaction. Surprise was written all over his mother’s face, but other than that, he couldn’t tell what she thought.

Shit.

Maybe he should have waited. Maybe he should have brought Amanda by first. Maybe he should have just had William spill the beans. Maybe -

“Mum?” Thomas stood suddenly as Helena stood, politely pushing her chair under the table and moving into the house.

He stood there in wonder. She didn’t say a word and then she was gone.

“Great job, idiot.” he muttered.

Of course he would manage to fuck this up too.

Thomas just stood there, not sure what to do. Did he follow her? Did he leave? Was this due to her alzheimer’s? One minute she was perfectly fine, but she had switched at a drop of a hat in the past. Had he lost her again so quickly?

Sighing after a few minutes, he pushed his chair in and resigned himself to a failed visit. He would come by again in a few days, see if his mother would even see him.

“Sorry, I couldn’t quite remember where I had put them.”

Thomas looked up as his mother waltzed right back outside, her hands gingerly holding an object. “Mum?”

“I forget things at my age. But I was able to find it.”

“Find it?” He raised an eyebrow. Did she know who she was talking to? And about what?

Helena smiled, with all the love that she had always showered him with as she took his hand and held it with his palm up. “This belonged to you when you were only a baby. Your brother had a matching one. I thought your child might like it as well.”

His eyebrows furrowed as a small, silver rattle was placed in his hand, a ‘TH’ engraved on it.

“I-I can’t take this.”

“Of course you can. It’s yours.” she closed his hand around it. “And it’ll be your baby’s.”

His tongue felt thick in his throat. “I should have told you about Amanda.”

Helena cupped his cheek. “I know you, my son. And I know your love doesn’t come easy. If this woman is special to you, then bring her over for a pot of tea. I’d like to get to know the mother of my grandchild.”

It felt more real, hearing her say it.

“I’m…worried.”

Her head tilted to the side, hand still resting on his cheek. “You are nothing like Matthew, Thomas. You have so much more in your heart to offer. So much more love.”

“I’m not always a good person.”

“Love, Thomas, love is what you need. And I have a feeling you already love this child.”

He couldn’t say it outloud. He could barely say the words to Amanda. But that fierce protectiveness he already felt over his unborn child, that was something, wasn’t it?

He would clutch onto that for the next few months. He couldn’t be like his father. He’d rather walk away before he put Amanda or their child through that.

“You are such a good boy,” Helena patted his cheek softly before stepping away. “Did you want to join me for something to eat?”

“No I, I should head to the office.”

She nodded in understanding. “Don’t make it such a long time before you come to see me again.”

“I won’t.” he vowed.

“I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Soon, I promise.” he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Thank you for understanding.”

“Always, love.”

* * *

“How did your meeting go?” Amanda smiled up at him as Thomas approached his office.

“Better than expected.” he leaned down for a kiss. “Meet me in my office? There’s some…things I want to go over.”

“Sure, just give me five.” worry flickered in her eyes.

Kissing her lips one last time, he passed her desk and into his office. The rattle sat in his suit jacket pocket, almost as if it were on fire. He was more aware of it now that he was so close to Amanda, so close to their child.

“Sorry about that, had to send off an email.” Amanda walked in, iPad in her hand at the ready.

Thomas shook his head, pulling out of his thoughts as he pushed back in his chair and patted his lap. “Come here, sweet girl.”

Her eyebrows furrowed but she set down the tablet on his desk before rounding it to him. “Is everything okay?”

“Don’t worry so much.” he pulled her down onto his lap, careful to be gentle. He would have to remember that now more than ever. His eyes dropped to her flat stomach, amazed that something could be growing inside of her.

“It’s the hormones.” she admitted. “My emotions are all over the place. That’s a valid excuse, for the record.”

Thomas chuckled. “I’ll take that under advisement.”

Her hands came to rest at the base of his neck. “Thomas, talk to me. You were vague when you said where you had to go this morning.”

He sighed. “I went to see my mum.”

Amanda frowned. “Why did you keep that a secret.”

“I…I haven’t told her about you. I was scared what she was going to say. I was scared she wouldn’t even know who I was.”

“Oh Thomas.” her thumb caressed the side of his neck. “How was she?”

“Good. She was really good. Completely lucid.”

Relief was evident on her face. “I’m so happy. Did everything go alright?”

“More than alright.” he pulled her tighter against him. “She wants to meet you.”

“I want that.”

“Maybe for brunch.”

“I’d like that.”

“There was something else.” he pulled his hand away, reaching into his jacket. “Something for you. And the baby.”

Her head tilted to the side in confusion. “What is it? Is everything -”

He pulled the rattle free, holding it tightly in his palm before opening his hand. Amanda’s gasp went straight to his heart.

“That’s so beautiful.” she whispered.

“It was mine.” he flipped it over so she could see the engraved initials. “William and I both had them.”

Her finger glides across the small toy. “It’s special.”

“I’m hoping it will be special for someone else too.” he was hesitant at first, but his hand came to rest on her stomach.

Her eyes widened. “It’s for the baby?”

“For our baby.”

Her eyes glistened. “Oh Thomas. I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Well don’t cry.” he grumbled gruffly.

She laughed, slapping his chest. “Good luck with that, you’re stuck with crying for the next couple of months.”

He sobered. “It feels so far away. But so -”

“Close,” Amanda nodded. “I know. It still doesn’t feel real.” her frowned returned. “Is this…are we okay? I know this wasn’t in the plan. I know this isn’t what you wanted -”

“Manda,” he took her by the back of her neck, pulling her to him. “I want - need - you, more than anything. This was unexpected but…” he looked at the rattle. “I think we can do this. I know you can, but I think I can. At least, I want to be able to.”

“You can. I know you can.”

“You have more faith than I do.”

“That’s okay.” she stole a quick kiss. “But we are going to be okay, right?”

“All three of us.” he nodded, his hand still on her stomach. “We’ll be okay.”

“And William.”

“Yeah I guess him too.”

Amanda giggled. “This is going to be weird. We’re having a baby.”

“You’re telling me.” he snorted. “Another mouth to feed.”

“Says the richest man I’ve ever known.”

“Yeah I guess we’ll be just fine then. All of us. Our family.”

A tear slid down her cheek as Amanda smiled so brightly. “Our family.”


End file.
